Today was my first day where I was allowed to sit outside. After keeping me in bed for three days I finally got restless and wanted out of that room. I needed fresh air, no matter how wide Maria opened the windows. So today, after begging her to let me out Spencer finally agreed with me and carried me outside. Maria wrapped a warm, red rob that had three buttons on my chest and flowed open at my elbows. around my white dressing gown and covered me with a dark green blanket. She set pillows behind my head and put my feet up on a small stool. She left me on the patio with my face up to the sun. It felt like years since I had felt it's kiss.

Lucan laid by my side and watched the other dogs run around the yard. Edward (an Airedale terrier) and Anne (a Sussex Spaniel) were chasing each other, Edward carrying a large stick. Lucan whined unhappily and grunted.

"Well go on then. You don't need to stay here." I said and he looked up at me before dashing out to join in the fun.

"They grow up so fast." Jesse said, sitting in the seat beside me. I smiled and looked back towards the dogs, so that I wouldn't blush or shake profusely. "You enjoy having him don't you?"

"Very much. He's like my…baby." I said blushing. I could feel Jesse watching me as I stared at Lucan. He looked at the dogs and sat back.

"So the McDonald's are having a party I hear." He said and I smiled at him.

"It's going to be quite the celebration."

"The king is planning on attending." He said and I nodded. He watched me, searching for a reaction.

"Jesse?" I asked and he smiled. "Why do you always bring him up?"

"I'm sorry?" He said leaning forward.

"You never have a conversation, with me at least, without mentioning the King once." He looked at me for a moment, blinking in the harsh light and then shrugged and looked towards the dogs.

"I guess it is because he is like a brother to me. He's the only thing that is consistent in my life." He frowned and scratched at his arm. Then he smiled. "Plus, he wants me to keep an eye on you."

"Why is that?" I asked with a pretend smile.

"Because you saved his life. He will always be indebted to you." He said with a smile and I nodded. I put my head back and raised my face to the sun. Somehow I knew it wasn't for that reason. Somehow I knew that there was more to the King than what Jesse thought.

Behind me there was a commotion and the three dogs ran barking into the house. I sat up and let my feet fall to the ground. They were still weak but I was able to walk.

"What is it?" I asked looking at Jesse and he shrugged. I placed my hands on either side of the chair and lifted myself out of it. Jesse held my arms, steadying me and then slipped his arm around my waist. I jumped at his touch and tried to move away but I almost fell. So together we walked into the house to see what was going on.

"You are growing so tall." Maria said and I could almost picture the tears in her eyes, which everyone would mistake for happiness.

"I'm afraid I have not grown since the last time I saw you. But thank you." As we approached the doorway we saw three travelers had arrived. There was a tall man, wearing a long black trench coat and a top hat. When he took his hat off, I knew it was Stewart and I smiled. The man who stood next to him was about a inch taller. He had a head full of jet black hair and dark brown eyes. His skin was darker too, not tanned but not pasty white like mine.

"Susanna!" A high voice shrieked and suddenly two thin arms were around my waist holding me tightly.

"Jane?" I asked pulling the girl off of me. Jesse, without making it obvious, held me up. When I saw her bright green eyes I smiled and hugged her again. "How are you?"

"I'm well, Susanna." She said with a bright smile. "This is my…fiancé James." I smiled with raised eyebrows and she held out her hand to me. A small silver ring, with a rose carved into it, was around her finger. "What are you doing here? Are you working here now?" She asked taking in my dressing gown and robe.

"Susanna! Work here! Nonsense." Maria laughed in a high pitch laugh. She took Jesse's spot and wrapped an arm around me. "She is my husband's niece." I blanked as Jane looked at me. I smiled but didn't realize I was doing it. Why had she said this? Jane knew that I was of no royal blood, so why lie to her. I looked at Jesse but he too looked just as shocked as I.

"Oh…I…well I just assumed since you worked in the palace."

"She wanted to get a taste of life at court from a peasants perspective." Maria said and I cringed. Jane's bright eyes went cold and she raised her nose in the air.

"That explains why you left so abruptly." She said and I felt my mouth go dry.

"My hu-husband died." I said and she acted like she never heard me. Actually it was as if no one heard me for Maria laughed loudly and then ushered us everyone into the parlor.

"I'm just going to help Susanna get dressed, for she had the worst cold just days ago." She excused us and led me down the hall. Jesse smirked at me as I passed by and I gave him a look that begged him to save me. He just stood and watched as I was dragged down the hallway. When Maria gently shut the door I found my voice.

"What the hell was that!" I snapped and she jumped.

"Shh…keep your voice down." She said running to the windows and shutting them.

"Why did you tell her that?" I asked as I watched her flutter around the room.

"I-I didn't like the way she looked at you." She said and I blinked at her.

"What?"

"She looked at you like you were beneath her." I could not see her face as she picked out a dress for me to wear but I knew she was biting her bottom lip, an action she did when she lied.

"Why did you tell her that Maria?" I asked again, this time standing straighter. She turned and faced me, her teeth digging into her bottom lip.

"I had to." She said placing the white dress on the bed.

"Why?" I asked and she went back to the wardrobe to grab stockings and shoes. She looked at me expectantly and when I didn't budge she sighed.

"I can't tell you but I was asked to take you into my family."

"So you are only being nice because someone asked you too?"

"No of course not! Susanna I love you like a sister. But I…I'm only looking out for your best interest." She sighed and brushed a black curl away from my face. "This little false hood will only help you in the future."

"I…I still don't understand."

"You will dear. It will all make sense in the months to come." She smiled and touched my cheek. "You're very pale. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes." I lied. I felt frozen and my hands were clammy, my head felt like it weighed the equivalent to a house, but I would not let her know that.

"Are you angry with me?" She asked looking worried.

"No, I just hate surprises." I said and she smiled.

"Well then you are in for the worst time of your life." She said, giving me a wink and left the room. I stood frozen in my spot wondering what that meant. I was never one who liked surprises because I was always afraid that I would never respond to the situation the right way. Like for instance I would cry if someone jumped out at me, or laugh when someone tried to hurt me. As I undressed all I could imagine was that something bad was coming my way.

After I shut the door I started off down the hall. I pulled the warm blue shawl over my shoulders. I checked my dress before in entered the noisy parlor. It was a light dress, one that didn't require a corset. It had short sleeves and a u-shaped curve to the neck with white flowers stitched onto the fabric. It flowed out around me and it allowed me to not worry about if my bloated stomach made me look pregnant.

I took a deep breath and carefully walked into the room. Everyone was looking at James as he told a story. As he smiled to his audience I realized why Jane had fallen in love with him. He had the brightest eyes I've ever seen and his smile, though anything but perfect, always reached his eyes and was contagious. He stood proud, without the slightest bit of awkwardness and when he looked at her, it was like there was no one else in the world but her. I smiled and leaned against the door, mostly because my legs were shaking, and watched him.

"And then she turned around and smacked me in the face with a iron pan." He said and Jane covered her face to hide her blush. Everyone erupted in laughter.

"What happened next?" Maria asked sitting up straighter.

"Well I don't really remember. All I remember is opening my eyes three hours later and seeing the most beautiful face in the whole world." He said and looked down at Jane. This time she didn't move to hide her blush and they never noticed the awkward silence that filled the room.

"Susanna!" Maria said, jumping from her seat and taking my arm. "How are you feeling?" she whispered and I gave her a look, letting her know I was still annoyed. She smirked at me and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. "James was just telling us how he met Jane." She said and I smiled at Jane. She scowled back and stood up.

"There is nothing more to the story." She said with a shrug and linked her arms through James'.

"Oh, well then…lets eat." Maria said, taking a step back as if she had be struck. Spencer held out his arm to Maria and they led everyone to the dinning room. I waited until Jane passed by before I followed them. A warm hand touched my back and I jumped.

"It seems like she doesn't like you." Jesse whispered in my ear. I smirked and tried to ignore the goose bumps on my neck.

"It would seem that way." I whispered back.

"She was always the annoying one anyway." He said and I bit back a laugh.

The dinning room looked completely different tonight, then it did on the other nights. Tonight the fireplace in the rear wall was lit and white tablecloth covered the table. A tall vase stood in the center of the table and held a bouquet of wild flowers that had been recently picked. Spencer sat at the head of the table with his back to the fire and Maria sat at the other end closest to the door. I sat on her right with Jesse beside me and James, Jane and Stewart sat on the opposite side, Stewart sitting at Spencer's right. Eliza carried in the hot plates of food along with another girl who looked very young and had similar features to Eliza.

"It's her sister, Lisa." Maria whispered and I stopped watching the girl and took a sip of wine from my goblet. "So Jane, Susanna says you two were great friends." I choked and Jesse smirked into his own drink.

"We…we never really talked very much, but we got along alright." She said eyeing me suspiciously. Sitting directly across from me it was hard to look at anything but her curious eyes.

"I meant that we got along well, but like Jane said, we never really associated. Jane was closer to another girl at the palace." I said and Maria nodded and picked at her food with her fork. "How is Daisy?" I asked and Maria coughed.

"My my Susanna. You really are something. Getting to know all of the paid staff…simply remarkable." She said with a fake laugh and I stared at her with utter shock. I could feel Jane's heated gaze burning a hole in my cheek.

"I…I…"

"It's alright dear, nothing to be ashamed of." She said patting my hand and looking towards Spencer. There was a flicker of shame in her eyes but she smiled and tried to join in Spencer and Stewart's conversation. I looked towards Jane, but she stared at her plate as if she was unworthy of eating it. I too could not eat the food on my plate and instead moved it around to create the illusion of eaten food.

"Are you alright?" Jesse whispered, his shoulder touching mine as he leaned towards me.

"I…I think I might be sick." I whispered louder than I wanted to. Everyone seemed to hear me and turned to look at me. I stood up and grasped onto the table.

"I just need some fresh air. Jane, will you help me?" I asked, and trying to set of good impression she reluctantly jumped up to help me.

"Here I'll come too." Maria said and I shook my head.

"I'll be alright. I need to save my dignity." I said with a smile. She gave me a worried look and the nodded. Jane wrapped her arm around my waist and we walked out of the dinning room.

Once outside on the back patio she let go of me and walked ahead a few paces. The sun was setting and the air was cool. She pulled her pink shawl tighter onto her shoulders and stared at the matching pink sky.

"I'm sorry Jane." I said leaning against the stonewall. She gave a sarcastic snort and the fabric tightened across her shoulders. "I swear it I am. I don't know why she is treating you that way."

"I don't know why you wanted to work there?" She turned around and spat at me, with tears in her eyes. "If you had the choice then why did you chose it?"

"I didn't. The king requested my assistance." I said and she rolled her eyes. "I was just doing my civic duty."

"The king never requests people Susanna. Especially not anyone who comes from money."

"But I don't-"

"Just…don't lie to me anymore." She said holding up a hand. "Why did you let me believe you were my friend?" She asked pure hurt poring from her body. I blinked at her and tried to remember if I had ever told her that. When we worked together I could barely stand her. Her laugh made me cringe and the way she threw herself at men made my stomach churn. But there was the time when she had bled and I had offered to do her chores for her so she could rest. Or the time where she got sick and I sat by her bed and cooled her skin with a wet rag. Maybe she mistook those actions of kindness for friendship.

"I never…Jane I never meant to hurt you. I was excited to hear that you were coming to visit." I said and she looked at me. I smiled and she sighed. "I feel like I have been away from everyone for so long…I need my family." Like it or not, the people at the castle had started to feel like family and I was just realizing that I missed them a lot. "You, all of you are in a way my family and I would never intentionally hurt you." She studied my face for a moment and then smirked.

"Well you'll never get the chance to get rid of me now." She said and wrapped her arms around me. "Calling me family! How can I ever be mad now?" She chuckled into my hair and I held onto her tightly.

"So you're not mad at me?"

"No." She sighed and wiped the tears from her face. "Besides how can I be made at a bridesmaid?"

"Bridesmaid?" I asked looking at her. "You mean you want me to…?"

"You called me family! How can I not ask you?" She smirked and I laughed.

"I'm going to regret that aren't I?"

"Especially when you will never be able to get rid of me." She laughed and linked her arms through mine as we walked back into the house. Everyone looked at us with worried expressions.

"Fresh air was just the thing!" I said with a smile and Jane smirked as she sat in her seat. "I'm starving."

"Oh, we thought…I can get Eliza to bring your food back." Maria said jumping up.

"No it's ok. I'll just have some tea. It's better for my stomach anyways. Besides there is a wedding coming up that I have to look my best for." I said and Jane grinned at me.

The grinning young couple left late that evening, after too many glasses of whiskey and too many stories of the castle and Spencer's youth. Jesse's bed was made up on the parlor sofa and Maria and Spencer kissed me goodnight at my bedroom door. But as I lay tossing and turning in bed, my growling stomach would not let me sleep. Finally I pushed back the covers disturbing the sleeping giant at the foot of my bed and lit a candle beside my bed. Lucan didn't even stir when I opened the door and left the room, which I silently thanked god for. I tiptoed very quietly down the hallway, pausing outside Maria and Spencer's room before continuing to the kitchen.

The kitchen was dark but the coal in the fire were warm and the large iron pot that sat above those coals still held the soup served at dinner time. I grabbed a wooden bowl and spoon and dipped it into the soup, which was almost cold. I grabbed two pieces of bread and sat at the wooden table in the middle of the room. It was used for cutting vegetables and it was wear the staff ate their dinner and where I would eat my midnight snacks.

This wasn't the first time I had snuck out of my room to eat something. The first time had been the night before I got sick, when I had skipped dinner after eating too many sweets throughout the day. The second time was the night after I woke up from my sickness. I was so hungry that I finished off the leftovers from dinner and if we had more staff someone would have been punished. Tonight I sat quietly eating my soup and listening to the soft sounds of Eliza's snoring on the other side of the curtain that hung beside the stove.

When I was done I placed the dirty bowl in the sink and grabbed another two pieces of bread before I closed the door behind me. With one piece in my mouth, the other in my right hand and the candle in my left, I struggled to close the door. When I did it without a sound I felt proud and turned and ran smack into a hard chest. I jumped back and hit the door so loud I thought all of England would wake up.

"Shh…" Jesse hissed and we froze. For two minutes we barely breathed and the bread in my mouth was going soggy. Finally he let out a breath and I relaxed.

"You shouldn't sneak up on a girl like that!" I hissed. "I would've screamed if…"

"If you hadn't had a huge chunk of bread in your mouth?" He teased and I scowled at him.

"I was hungry."

"I gathered that." He said looking at the other piece in my hand. "So you're the thief?"

"Thief?" I said looking shocked. "I am hardly a thief. I have never stolen anything in my life." When he raised his eyebrow at me I stopped and smiled. "Alright you caught me! So what next? Are you going to hand me over to the king so my hands will be cut off, just because a starving girl wanted some bread?"
"People have lost their hands for less than that." He said with a sad expression. Then he smiled. "You should've eaten your food."

"I wasn't feeling well." I said trying to move past him but he stood in front of me.

"You seem to be fine now."

"Yes well…" Trying to get back to my room distracted me from what I was saying and he wouldn't move out of the way. "Are you going to stand here the whole night?" I asked frustrated.

"Come outside with me."

"Are you kidding it's freezing and dark." I said.

"Well we can't talk here." He said looking at Maria's door, which was slightly to our left. I looked down the hallway and noticed the dark hole my open door made.

"Don't get any ideas…" I said, raising my eyebrows at him and walking to my room. I noticed that he hesitated before he followed me. Lucan looked up with sleepy eyes as we entered the room but then put his head back down as if it was nothing out of the normal for a man to enter a woman's room. I thought it was unusual for Maria and Spencer to share a room, but to have Jesse in my room made my skin tingle. "They can't hear us in here."

"This is nice." He said and I shook my head as I closed the door and lit another candle. "Soft. He said as he sat on the bed. He felt the sheets and the stretched back and laid down on the bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked, realizing that I was in nothing but my white night gown and he was in a white shirt and black tights.

"Getting comfortable."

"Don't." He smirked at me but never budged.

"Come, sit." He said patting the bed beside him. I looked at the mark that he made on the sheet and froze. "Come on Susanna. I'm not going to bite you."

"It's not biting that I'm afraid of." I spoke without realizing that I had. He looked at me for a moment and then smiled.

"I promise I wont touch you, unless you want me to." He said and I shook my head. It was enough for me to move forward.

"That wont happen." I lied, because already I wanted him to kiss me. I took a deep breath and climbed onto the bed beside him. I laid down, but had to bend my knees because Lucan was in the way. I nudged him three times before he groaned and got off the bed. We watched silently as he staged towards the door and slumped down against it. "Good luck getting out." I said and he smiled.

"I wasn't planning on leaving." He said and then chuckled at my face. "Relax Susanna. I do have some self control."

"It's hard for me." I said, feeling like I needed to defend myself. "I've only had one man love me before. It's unsettling when another man love me as well."

"I'm sure that more than one man has loved you." He said staring at the roof with a smile.

"You never denied it." I said and he looked at me confused.
"Denied what?"

"That you love me." I smirked triumphantly. "I said it's hard when another man loves me and you never denied that you loved me."

"What? How would I know you were talking about me?"

"Because you said you had self control. Honestly Jesse an ass could understand…actually maybe not." I said and grinned at my whit. He smirked at me and then lunged for me, catching me at my ribs and tickling me.

"Stop! Stop!" I said between gasps of laughter.

"You deserve it!" He chuckled.

"You…Promised." I said and rolled off the bed. I knelt beside the bed and breathed heavily. He smirked at me.

"You think you are so smart."

"I am smart." I said and he laughed and that's when I became aware that his face was inches from mine and it was like I could think of nothing else. I stared at his lips that shone in the light and it felt like I was being drawn towards them. I moved closer to him to the point where our foreheads touched and I could feel his breath on my lips.

"Kiss me." I whispered and he smirked.

"I promised." He said and somewhere in my mind I groaned but my reaction was to touch my lips to his. They were soft and warm as I remembered. As like in my memory my whole body was instantly on fire. The kiss was soft, slow and gentle. But then something sparked and I climbed up onto the bed and climbed onto his lap. I ran my fingers through his hair and felt the warmth of his hands on my back, my sides my cheeks. As his lips traveled to my neck my body convulsed and I vaguely remembered what making love to Andrew had felt like. His hands touched the bare skin on my thighs and I shivered. I pulled his lips back to mine pushed myself closer to him. I could feel his hard groin against me as I moved and I smirked against his lips. As his hands touched my bottom I froze. His lips moved against mine as if nothing had happened, but I couldn't return the kiss. I pulled back and he let go of me.

"What?" He asked, his lips red and swollen.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"We're not married." I said, coming up with the only good enough reason to stop.

"We could be."

"We are…what?" I asked climbing off of his lap and kneeling on the bed beside him.

"We could get married Susanna."

"We…I'm a widow." I said looking around the room for some sense.

"Your young. People expect you to marry again."

"I can't…"

"But you can. You must know that I love you." He said and touched my face gently.

"You love me?"

"Like you said, I never denied it." He smiled slightly and gently kissed my lips.

"I…But…you love me?" I smiled this time and he shook his head.

"Out of all that that is all you can say?" He smiled and kissed me again. I knelt up, pushing my body against him and wrapped my arms around his strong shoulders.

"So will you marry me?" He asked, breaking the kiss.

"I...Of course I will." I said smiling at him and kissing him again.

We did not make love that night, but laid in each other's arms instead. His hand stroked my back as I rested my head on his chest as we talked for hours about our future. We fell asleep just as the sun was rising and Lucan's bark woke us a few hours later. Jesse kissed my head and I smiled up at him. Lucan barked and wagged his tail staring at the door. Then we heard it. A knock. It was soft, but we heard it. Jesse froze and I sat up.

"Coming." I said and looked around the room frantically. If it was Maria, she would come in and hiding Jesse would be a problem. I looked at the window, which shone brightly against the sun.

"Ok." He whispered and opened the window. He kissed me deeply before he climbed out.

"When will we tell everyone?"

"Soon…I have to ask your father first." He said and I rolled my eyes. I watched him dash into the trees and quickly shut the window. I grabbed the red robe and brushed my hair back before I opened the door. Maria stood on the other side and gave me a bright smile.

"You wouldn't happen to know where Jesse is would you?" She asked looking into the room. I blushed at the messy sheets and coughed.

"No, I just woke up. Why would I know where he was—is?" I said and she smirked at me.

"Just wondering." She touched my face, her eyes lingering on my lips. "Did you sleep all right last night? You look tired." She winked and walked away, leaving me with a huge grin on my face. The one thing that I had dreamed about since I was twelve was coming true. Nothing in the world could make me fell anything but happy for the rest of my life.