I don't really know how this happened since my original plan involved me playing The Sims 3 all tonight, but here you go.
Many thanks to Kerra-Chan, obsessed01616, LinkinPark X, fangirl4you, KatzeSchnee, TheShipperOfShips, Heki564, BlOo KiSsEs, dreamingfishy, and two guests named RandomAnonymous and Scone for your reviews to last act, and especially to those of you who gave me prank ideas! They were all wonderful but most of them wouldn't really work...they don't know where the other lives so they can't exactly sneak into each other's apartments, Eridan has a Mac (less susceptible to viruses), etc. Don't worry, though, I'll think of something! (If all else fails, I can revert to my second thought for Act 14!)
Feferi towel-dried her hair as best she could after she got out of the school showers. She had rather enjoyed practice today, more so than usual, possibly because Assistant Coach Diamonds was running practice. He was less of an asshole than Coach Slick and generally let them get away with more fooling around. It was that way every Friday, though—Coach Slick would hand over control of the practice to Diamonds and sit in his back office and sleep, and Diamonds would run practice for an hour and a half and then let them do what they wanted for the last half-hour. It was a pretty sweet deal, but they were a good team, so they could afford to slack a little.
She draped her towel around her neck, shouldered her backpack, and started toward the main campus parking lot, where Eridan had parked, when she paused. Someone was leaning against the wall about thirty feet away, his head down. Someone who looked suspiciously like...
"Sollux?" she called, and the boy looked up. Definitely him. Apparently he'd been waiting for her, too, because he made a beeline right for her.
"Hey, FF."
"What's going on? It's Eridan, isn't it?" she asked.
His whole face twisted in uncertainty for a moment. "Kinda. I pranked him today. Wrapped his car in plastic wrap and covered it in dish soap."
She closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to them underneath her glasses. "Oh, my cod," she murmured, "I'm never gonna hear the end of this. Okay, and?"
He sighed. "And he told me I could do better than that."
She opened her eyes, curiosity evident on her face. "What else did he say?"
Sollux shook his head. "That's it. I watched him take all the wrapping off his car, all calm and cool, and he just threw away all the trash, then he came inside and told me I could do better than that and walked away."
"Huh. That's... weird."
"So... what should I do?"
"You have the Pesterchum app, right?"
"Yeah..." The question in his voice was obvious.
"Alright, whale, add me. I'm 'cuttlefishCuller.' I'll glub to Eridan about it—discreetly," she added with a laugh at his suddenly-panicked face. "I won't let him know you're wondering. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure." He was already on his phone. "I'm 'twinArmageddons.' So, you know, you don't see some random person messaging you and freak out."
She grinned. "Okay. And... y'know, just in case you may need it later, Eridan's handle is 'caligulasAquarium.'"
He looked up as she shrugged.
"You never know. Pesterchum could be a halfway decent prank outlet," she said innocently. "Not that I'm condoning this absurd prank war or anything, but I guess if you have to..."
Sollux smiled. "Thanks. I'll get him good next time."
"I have no doubt in my mind about that."
He waved as he walked away, and she continued on her trek to Eridan's car. When she caught sight of it, she peered at it to see if there was any evidence of Sollux's prank, but apparently Eridan really had cleaned it all up. His car looked the same as it had this morning, and Eridan was calmly sitting in the grass in front of it, pounding down a venti-sized something from Starbucks, and playing a game on his phone. "Hey, Eridan!" she said brightly, as though she hadn't just spoken to the guy who was his mortal enemy five minutes before.
He gave her a suspicious look and she almost smacked herself. This morning, she'd been ice-cold, barely saying a word to him in the car. He'd know something was up. "Hey," he said slowly, standing up and pocketing his phone. "Ready to go?"
"Yep. More than ready! I wanna go sea my mom!"
He rolled his eyes. "That was a 'sea' with an 'a' in it, wasn't it?"
She gave him an exaggerated shrug. "Nautical puns. You knew what you were getting into."
Eridan snorted with laughter, unlocking the doors. "I really didn't, though."
She tossed her backpack and towel in the trunk of his car and went back around to the front. Eridan was already buckled in, so as soon as she buckled her seatbelt, he pulled out of the parking lot. For about ten minutes, they didn't exchange a word.
The quiet apparently grew too tense for Eridan to stand after that because he asked, "Anything excitin' happen today?"
She chewed on her lip. "Not reelly. Swim practice was pretty good, I guess. What about you?"
Eridan sneaked a quick glance at her. "Sol pranked me."
"Really?" She hoped she sounded sufficiently surprised and not like she hadn't already heard this before. "What did he do?"
"Wrapped the car in Glad Wrap and Palmolive. Left me a nasty little note on the windshield. Nothin' too terrible. I was a li'l disappointed, to be honest."
"Disappointed?"
"I expected more... more from him."
"More more?" she asked, realizing she sounded like a broken record or a parrot.
"A li'l more style, I guess. More originality. The execution was flawless, but the overall prank was mediocre."
"So what happened?"
He shifted in his seat, whether out of physical or mental discomfort she couldn't say. "I told him to try again. I know he's smarter than all that. He's up to the challenge."
Feferi sat back, eyeballing him and trying to figure out what he hoped to accomplish with this. Sometimes he could be a little screwy.
"What?"
"Just trying to get a feel for what exactly is going on with you two."
He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Whale... you claim to hate the guy, but—"
"I don't seem to recall me sayin' I hate him, Fef."
"You act like it. You were all pissed-off on Monday until Wednesday. Sure seems like you don't actually like him."
"Not likin' someone ain't the same as hatin' someone."
"Fair point. Let me clarify. It seems like you two aren't about to be fronds in the near future—or at all—but you're cool with him playing pranks on you to the point where you're grading his performance. Doesn't that seem a little weird?"
"I'm not gonna have a shitty nemesis, Fef."
"Nemesis? Are you serious? You're doing this to have a freaking enemy?!"
They were at a red light, so he was able to take his hands off the wheel to give her an exaggerated shrug. "Yeah, so?"
"Whatever." Mostly to gauge his reaction, she added, "I don't know—if I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a crush on the guy."
A muscle in Eridan's jaw twitched. "I'm straight," he grumbled. "I don't have a fuckin' crush on Sollux Captor. Besides, even if I was gay, I think I'd have better taste than him."
"He seems to be a decent enough rival," she said innocently.
"Yeah, well, I don't wanna fuck my rival," he spat.
Feferi fell asleep twenty minutes later, but drifted awake every now and again, just long enough to send a Pesterchum message to twinArmageddons.
CC: )(ey Sollux! W)(at's up?
TA: nothiing much headiing home for the weekend. you?
CC: Same )(ere! Do you go )(ome every weekend?
TA: ii go home every day
TA: waiit you mean back two my parent2' hou2e?
TA: ?
TA: 2tiill there?
CC: SORRY! I K-E-EP FALLING ASL-E-EP!
CC: Yea)(, not w)(erever you live w)(ile you're at sc)(ool! Unless t)(at IS w)(ere you live!
CC: W)(ic)( I'm assuming it's not
TA: yeah no ii generally 2tay at my apartment ii go home 2ometiime2 but mo2tly ii avoiid iit
CC: W)(y?
TA: …
TA: long 2tory ii don't liike talkiing about iit
CC: Fair enoug)(. W)(ale, I talked to Eridan and )(e said a lot of stupid stuff t)(at I didn't really understand but
TA: liike what
CC: Like I guess )(e sees you as )(is rival or some carp like t)(at.
TA: the dude clearly ha2 ii22ue2
TA: …
TA: fall a2leep agaiin?
CC: SORRY SORRY SORRY! Swim practice kicked my gills today!
CC: 38D but I won't deny )(e )(as issues!
CC: But )(e is also my best frond and it's my job to keep )(im out of trouble!
TA: what el2e diid he 2ay
TA: anythiing
TA: liike what the fuck diid he mean by 'you can do better than that' cuz that'2 what'2 really throwiing me off
CC: W)(ale, based on t)(e t)(ings )(e's told me, )(e expects you to try again!
CC: I guess )(e's giving you a c)(ance to play a better prank on )(im
CC: I don't get it but w)(atever!
TA: huh weiird. got any iidea2 cuz ii'm ba2iically fre2h out
CC: Not off t)(e top of my )(ead but if I t)(ink of somet)(ing, I'll let you know!
TA: cool thank2
TA: hey by the way
CC: Y-ES? 38D
TA: what'2 up wiith the parenthe2e2 tho2e are really triippiing me up
CC: O)( w)(ale t)(ey look like t)(e Pisces symbol!
CC: W)(ic)( is relevant because I am a Pisces!
CC: T)(at's )(ow Eridan picked )(is )(andle, too!
TA: he'2 a pii2ce2 two
CC: O)( no sorry )(e's an Aquarius. )(ence t)(e "aquarium" part of )(is )(andle.
TA: what about the caliigula thiing
CC: )(e never really explained t)(at to me
CC: W)(at about YOUR little quirk? Doubling your Is and replacing your Ss wit)( 2s?
TA: and ii replace every 'to' or 'too' wiith 'two' but yeah. ii never really thought about iit iit ju2t 2eemed two feel riight. whiich ii2 kiinda weiird now that ii thiink about iit 2iince ii'm a gemiinii a2 iit happen2
CC: )(e)(e)(e)(e w)(ale it can be a bit )(ard to read too so don't knock my quirk!
TA: yeah ii get that a lot KK complaiin2 about iit all the tiime
CC: KK?
TA: karkat vanta2 2ometiime2 ii forget not everyone know2 who ii know
CC: Vantas?
CC: Does )(e )(ave a younger brother named Kankri, about 18?
TA: yeah
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB )(-E'S ON T)(-E SWIM T-EAM WIT)( M-E! T)(AT IS SO COOL!
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB!
TA: the la2t tiime ii 2aw hiim he wa2 liike 16 he'2 a 2quiirelly liittle guy
CC: Yep, I guess )(e's a little odd!
CC: But )(e's pretty nice, too!
TA: alriight 2o
TA: devii2e another prank two pull on ampora
TA: thii2 ii2 my goal for the weekend
CC: Good luck!
After Feferi shook herself awake for the final time, they pulled into her driveway and got out. She yawned, stretched, and went to the back seat to get her overnight bag out of Eridan's car as he did the same. It was only after she'd slung her back over her shoulder that she realized that the driveway was devoid of cars aside from her mother's, Eridan's, and her own.
"Meenah's not home," she observed, and Eridan cast his gaze to the street to confirm that it was the case.
"She's always home," he objected, as if her absence was a personal affront.
"She's probably out getting something for my mom." She led the way to the front door and knocked, sparing a second to glance out to where the sun was starting to disappear over the dense copse of trees that surrounded her house on three sides. Actually, house was a bit of an understatement. It was more of a mansion, something that most of her childhood friends found a bit intimidating (and then, later, the perfect party house, despite the fact that she'd only held one wild high school party here). Eridan was the only exception, though, since his parents were almost as wealthy as her mother.
"Feferi!" her mother said cheerfully, opening the door and wrapping her younger daughter in a warm embrace. "I missed you last weekend! And Eridan, I missed you too!" she added, stepping outside to hug him as well. "Did you have a good drive?"
"Long an' borin'," he joked. "Fef was no company—she kept falling asleep."
"I have no idea how, since you kept starting and stopping so fast it gave me whiplash," she shot back.
"Come on in, guys. Are you hungry? I can make some pizza! I still have that soy cheese from the last time you were home."
Feferi pulled a face. "Ew, Mom, that stuff's like two months old! You need to get rid of it!"
"Oh, I'm sure we can find something else for you."
Eridan followed them into the house for a moment. "I'm just gonna use the shower real quick—we're fixin' my hair tonight an' I need to get the gel out."
"Alright!" Ms. Peixes said, giving him a wave. "I'm sure we'll still be deciding what to have by the time you finish."
Eridan chuckled to himself. He had no doubt that she was right.
ARGH PESTERLOGS. FUCK.
I'm living in a universe that needs a Pesterchum app. The messenger is great but I NEED A MOBILE APP. (For anyone who cares, my Pesterchum handle is eccentricAuthorator.)
*EDIT* OMFG I THINK I FELL ASLEEP I FUCKED UP SOLLUX'S QUIRK SO BAD I AM A FUCKING MORON *bashes face in*
