Some feels ahead, though maybe not quite as much as previous chapters! We will find out soon what happened to Sulu, I promise.
Inspired partly by Charlie Bartlett, which all of you should watch because Anton Yelchin is AMAZING in that film. Also, it has Robert Downey Jr. and Kat Dennings in. So now all I can see whenever I watch that movie is Chekov running around and flirting with Darcy Lewis and getting told off by Iron Man. It is literally the strangest thing.
Thank you once again to everyone who reviewed, and as always, continual apologies for the intense feels :(
Really though if Starfleet had better security...
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or anything affiliated with it.
{September 2264}
Chekov dreams in the weeks after the attack on the Federation fleet. Snatches of memory flash by him – a laugh, a smile, a simple word of praise delivered in a serious Vulcan manner. He sees things that he wishes he didn't remember with such vividness, like the way the third light in his room on the Enterprise always flickered for the first five minutes, or the way his fingers felt so… right moving across the smooth, silver plated console.
Sometimes he sees things that he knows he wasn't there for. One night, he wakes, screaming for Bones and Kirk and Spock and Uhura as everything lights up in a brilliant ball of orange, and it takes him a while before he is able to calm himself down. He dreams of Kirk's last words on the bridge before his death – they change every night and Chekov always wakes with a jerk, wishing that he knew what the actual words were. Bones is always screaming "no", the last word Chekov ever heard from him. And Spock and Uhura – he doesn't know where they were in their last moments, but he always sees Uhura curled up in Spock's arms, facing their death squarely in the face. Spock would be protecting Uhura, of course, but she would take it head-on just like he would. Strong to the very last.
He dreams of Sulu, of course, dreams of his friend desperately ordering evasive maneuvers, possibly shoving the pilot aside and doing it himself. There's a night when he imagines Sulu turning to him with all the sorrow ever experienced drowning in his eyes and saying softly, "Sorry." I never meant to leave you. It always ends like this – Sulu making a promise Chekov knows he can't keep before everything cuts to black, words lingering like an audio track on repeat.
The ghosts do not come back in these days; they stay away even though Chekov turns, half-expecting Bones or Kirk to be standing there, watching him protectively with words of reproach on their lips. Uhura does not sit by his bedside when he wakes screaming for her comforting touch. Spock's tone does not recite odds and numbers for Chekov, and Chekov comes to realize that he misses it, that it did offer him some comfort in the crushing silence.
Finally, one day, he finds it in himself to pull up the videos on Sulu's screen. It happens so suddenly; he wakes up in the dead of night just knowing that he wants to, that he needs to, that there's something in there he should see. The first video he selects is from Uhura, laughing at something off screen before realizing that somebody is filming her. "Oh, God. Why didn't you tell me?" she says, and somebody laughs. Chekov recognizes that laugh, and feels his heart clench because Sulu's behind the camera.
"Anyway," Uhura says, lights glowing bright in her eyes, "happy birthday, Pavel! I can't believe you're already twenty-two; you're an adult, my God. Where has all the time gone?"
Sulu quips something about her sounding old, and Uhura throws her head back and laughs, hair swinging around her shoulders. "Yeah, sure, I guess I could be considered old. Whatever. Happy birthday, Pavel. You keep on smiling."
The next video is Spock, who looks characteristically uncomfortable with a camera in his face. "You wish me to do what?" he asks. "Film a video? I do not see the logic behind this act – I will wish Mr. Chekov myself when I see him on shift-"
"Oh, for God's sakes," Bones says in an irritated voice off camera, "Mr. Sulu just explained the whole thing to you, Spock. It's a present."
"I do not understand. Is this a human tradition?"
"He's screwing with you, Bones, don't rise to the occasion," Kirk says from off-camera as well. Spock merely quirks a quick smile.
Sulu is laughing, but he manages to keep things under control. "So any words for Mr. Chekov, Commander?"
"Indeed." Spock looks right into the camera. "I wish you a very happy birth-day, Mr. Chekov. You have come far for an average human being and ought to be highly commended for your work."
"That it?" Sulu asks.
"Do you wish me to say more?"
Evidently not, because the video cuts to Bones and Kirk, the former looking rather ticked-off at Kirk's arm slung around his neck. "Chekov!" Kirk hollers. "Happy birthday, kid! I can't believe you're freaking twenty-two, remember when he was seventeen, Bonesy?"
"I still think a kid had no business being on the Enterprise," Bones grumbles. Still, his face softens when he looks at the camera. "Glad you were, though. Happy birthday, kiddo. Can't wait to see what kind of man you're gonna become."
"Hopefully much more fun than Bones," Kirk says cheerfully.
"And hopefully smarter than Jim – though I think you've already got that down," Bones snarks.
"What's that supposed to mean, Bones?" Jim's voice fades into the background noise as he and Bones begin to launch into another one of their arguments and the camera spins to Scotty and Keenser.
"Aye, is it my turn?" Scotty hiccups. "Damn it, stage fright. Keenser, you take over-"
But Keenser, easily panicked by the camera, scuttles across the room.
"Damn it," Scotty coughs. "Sorry. Give me a few minutes."
"I told you not to down the whole bottle in one go," Sulu's voice says from behind the camera.
"Yeah, but it's a party!" Scotty coughs one last time before straightening up. "Ahem. Hmm. Erm. What's this for again?"
"Birthday wishes for Chekov," Sulu says, tone amused.
"Ah. Yes. Right. Well." Scotty clears his throat. "Happy birthday, lad. You're not a bad hand to have down in engineering, ya know, you should come down sometime and don a red shirt. Although you really have to stop telling Cupcake what to do, he doesn't really like being told-"
Sulu coughs meaningfully.
"Ah, right," Scotty corrects himself. "Happy birthday, lad. It's been fun working with you. I still think your transporter theory is wrong!"
The final video is of Sulu sitting in his room, fiddling with the camera. "Happy birthday, Pavel," he says, smiling as he sits back on his heels. "You won't get this for a while because God knows what Kirk has us doing after your birthday celebration – something about the Dolal system – but when you do, I hope you remember how much we like you." He winks. "I know you hate being the youngest, but I think Uhura needs someone to mother. Don't quit anytime soon, I don't think I'm used to working with another navigator just quite yet. So…happy birthday, and I'll see you later." Sulu reaches over and the screen goes black.
It's then that Chekov feels something wet drip onto his open palms, and he feels with some surprise the moisture slipping down his cheek. He angrily paws it away before standing up and shutting off the screen, pacing to the window where he watches the rain drip onto the quiet San Francisco street.
A sudden impulse hits him, and he acts immediately. Throwing open his window, he sticks his head out and screams: "HELLO!"
It echoes off the brownstone buildings, ricochets across windows and doors. Chekov imagines it hitting the ground and shooting up into the stars, where his family is, and maybe Sulu will hear it, wherever the hell he is, and he'd know that Chekov wasn't giving up hope, not this time -
As lights begin to turn on all down the street, Chekov slides his window closed and collapses on his bed. He realizes he's laughing, but he's crying, too, and that's how he falls asleep, caught in the border between letting go and grief.
Much love,
ohlookrandom
