I have no excuse for not writing this last night or today. No excuse but laziness and The Sims 3.

Many thanks to BlOo KiSsEs, LinkinPark X, thepeopleofthecrysis, Snookster, grimjaws, fangirl4you, Kerra-Chan, obsessed01616, and one guest named scone (who also gave me my 100th review BY CHEATING *wonk wonk*) for your reviews to the last act!


Sollux wanted desperately to ignore the knock on his door, but that would have been a terrible idea so he got up from his laptop to answer. He hovered by the door and paused; he couldn't help feeling like he was forgetting something. The knocking was persistent, though, so he finally gave up and opened the door.

Aradia bounded in, gave him a hug, and stepped back abruptly, looking him over. "Well, my motto is 'People who wear pants at home can't be trusted.' Glad to see I can trust you."

He looked down. Fuck! He had forgotten to put on pants. "In my defense, I wasn't expecting company," he grumbled, but she just ruffled his hair affectionately.

"It's fine, I'm just messing with you. But we didn't really get to hang out this week, so I figured I'd drop by. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" she added with a grin.

"What could you conceivably be interrupting?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know—you could have some hot girl that I don't know about squirreled away here."

He snorted with laughter. "I think you overestimate what constitutes my charm."

"Not at all!"

"Don't you have your own boyfriend to hang out with?"

She'd been heading to the sofa, but she whirled around. "He's not my boyfriend! Not yet, anyway," she said, blushing. "But we talk a lot... He's on Pesterchum."

"So's FF. She..." His voice trailed off. He wasn't quite sure how to tell her about what happened.

"Yes?" she cajoled. "She what?"

"Well, I talked to her after her swim practice yesterday. She told me she'd figure out what's up with ED, and she did."

Aradia blinked. "What the Hell did I miss?"

"I pranked him yesterday. With EQ's help."

"Okay, and what did you do?" She perched on the arm of the sofa, her eyes never leaving him as he leaned against the wall with a sigh.

"Wrapped his car in plastic and dish soap."

She laughed, doubling over and holding her sides. She managed to choke out, "Oh, my God!... How pissed-off was he?"

"Um. Not at all."

That shut her up. "What do you mean?"

"Like, he just really calmly took all the plastic off and threw it away. And here's the weirdest part. After he cleaned up the mess, he found where I was sitting and came over and leaned in real close and said, 'You can do better than that.' And then he just walked away."

Aradia looked intrigued. She gave him a mischievous smirk. "So how close was he?"

"Like... sit."

She flopped backwards onto the cushion and turned to sit properly. "Okay?"

He leaned in so their faces were inches apart. "This close."

"Oh, wow, that is really close," she laughed.

"Yeah."

Her grin went from mischievous to flat-out evil. "So, was it an instant full boner or were you just half-masting it?"

He opened and closed his mouth several times before he finally found words. "I can't believe you would ask me that."

"You're right, I'm sorry. It was a raging erection, of course."

He smacked his forehead so hard he nearly gave himself a concussion.

"I'm just kidding, Sollux, relax. But you can't honestly tell me you weren't at least a little turned on, right? Like I bet he said it all quietly so you'd pretty much have to lean in closer to hear him, right?"

He hoped he wasn't blushing. "Yeah, pretty much." He shrugged. "It was a little hot, I guess." There was no way he could tell her he'd practically been drooling over Eridan's ass, though. He'd never hear the end of it.

She just laughed like she could tell what he was thinking and hopped off the sofa. "So you talked to Feferi?"

"Yeah. And she said that ED sees me as his rival or some shit like that and he wants me to prank him again."

"I see. He wants you to prove you're worthy to be his nemesis."

Sollux sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

"So do you want to?"

"Want to what?"

"Be his nemesis?"

He shrugged. "Hadn't really thought about it. It's a bit of a strange relationship, but the idea of being able to pull shit on someone who wants me to fuck with him is kind of cool."

"So you're basically okay with him being your hate-boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend with any modifier."

"Not yet. But if he wants you to prank him again, it almost seems like he's hate-courting you."

Sollux closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. I need to put on pants if we're going to continue this conversation—which I hope we won't."

"Like you've never had a boner around me before," she laughed.

"That wasn't my fault!" he called, heading to his bedroom.

Even with his sleeping medication, it had taken him hours to fall asleep the night before. Something had dug into the back of his brain and sunk its claws in, leaving him tossing and turning until almost midnight. He'd given up around eleven and played The Sims 3 until an hour later, when sleep had finally kicked in. His room was still in disarray, but he was able to find a clean pair of pants. After putting them on, he looked around his room and made a mental promise to clean it up later—he just didn't care right now.

He rubbed his left eye, half-convinced he could still feel the contact lens digging into his eyeball, but it was probably just a reaction to not wearing it like he usually did. He couldn't wait to get out of the habit of wearing it—if the glasses Equius and his brother were making for him were made correctly, he could wear them and not have anyone tell that he had mismatched eyes. It would be nice to not have to worry about that every day.

Aradia had turned the TV on when he returned to the living room. He mentally sighed with relief and sat down, grateful for the distraction. At least they wouldn't be returning to their conversation.

"So he wants you to prank him again. Any ideas?"

Fuck. "Not really. I have no idea where the one I had even came from. FF said if she thought of something, she'd let me know, though."

"Can she be trusted?"

"I think so. I mean, she didn't really want ED to prank me in the first place. I think she's counting on me thrashing his immature ass."

"Well, then, we have to think of a really good prank. We may not be able to do it on Monday, though."

"When were you thinking?"

"Late this week or early next week, probably. But first we actually have to think of something."

"Yeah, good luck with that."


Eridan woke up to a sharp rapping on his door. He mumbled something incoherently from under his blanket.

"Want me to let you sleep?" his father called from the other side.

Eridan rolled over and fumbled for his phone. Eight o'clock, right on time. "No. Be down in a bit."

"Alright. I'm making French toast for breakfast if you're interested."

"Yeah. Sounds good."

He heard his father's footsteps retreating down the hallway and then down the stairs, and for a minute, he wondered why he felt so strange. There was a lingering sense of internalized disgust that he couldn't quite place until he remembered what he'd done the night before.

He let out a groan and buried his face in the pillow. Fuck. He wished he could scrub that particular memory from his mind.

Feeling more in need of a shower than he had moments ago, he threw off his blankets, rolled out of bed, put on his glasses, and stripped his sheets. At Cronus's apartment, he had to do his own laundry, but at home, his parents had a maid service that did all their laundry and most of their cleaning. The only staff his dad refused to get was a cook; he did all the cooking himself. Much like Feferi's mother, it was one of his talents.

He tossed his sheets into the laundry basket and went to the bathroom to shower. After a more abbreviated shower than he would have liked, he got dressed and headed downstairs.

Cinnamon seemed to fill the kitchen, but it was a welcome scent. It smelled like home. Not like Cronus's apartment with the stench of marijuana and cigarettes sunk into every surface. Home smelled clean, safe. He felt himself smiling slightly as he sat down across from his mother.

After a moment, she peered over the top of her newspaper, glasses flashing in the overhead light. "Which one of our sons is this?" she asked Mr. Ampora, but her tone was teasing and Eridan knew she was smiling.

"Offspring Unit 2.0," his father answered, flipping over three slices of French toast at once.

"The only one who ever comes to see you," Eridan joked.

"Oh, that one. Well, Offspring Unit 2.0, how is 1.0?"

That was always the first question she directed at him. They always asked about Cronus, as if inquiring after him would negate his absence. "He's fine. Same as usual."

"Still has a job?"

"As far as I know."

"Is he seeing anyone?"

"Not as far as I know."

"Has he contracted any life-threatening illnesses?"

"I don't think so."

"Gotten anyone pregnant?"

"Fuck, I hope not."

She swatted at him with her newspaper; he'd forgotten she had a thing about swearing. "Any other assorted financial, emotional, or physical issues not listed here that we might need to be aware of?"

"He's fine," Eridan repeated.

"Hear that?" she asked his dad. "Cronus is fine."

None of his answers had changed in the year and a half he'd been living with Cronus. Everything had stayed the same except for how long it had been since Cronus had been home. It was almost sad—he didn't even think they'd spoken since he left home. Eridan supposed he'd be in therapy for it later, but right now, it was just funny. Besides, he'd be able to afford the counseling in ten or fifteen years. "I'm tryin' to get him to eat better instead a' gettin' takeout every night. An' I'm tryin' to get him to quit smokin', but that's just 'cause I can't stand the smell," he added with a shrug.

"Well, hopefully he listens." His mother set down her newspaper and lifted a mug of coffee to her lips. She took a sip and said, "There's more in the coffeepot if you want some. You look like you need it."

He let out another yawn in spite of himself and nodded. "Yeah, definitely." He got up from the table and rummaged for a mug until his dad said slyly, "Since you're up, why don't you set the table?"

He nearly thunked his head on the counter. Smooth, Mom. Very smooth. The impulse to let out the worst obscenity he could think of was almost overwhelming, but all that he said was, "Curses!" Then he sucked in a deep breath, brought down a mug and three plates, and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Yeah, give me a second." He took a long drink from his mug, heedless of the heat, and set it back down on the counter before picking up the plates and setting the table. He went back for the silverware and another drink after that, and followed that with grabbing the butter and syrup. Once the table was all set, he sat back down, mug in hand.

"How's school going?" his mother asked when he was seated again.

"Fine. Just got an A last week on a Bio project I had." Which got him thinking about Karkat, which led right to Sollux. He wanted to hop off this train of thought as soon as possible.

"That's great! What about your photography class?"

"Aced everythin' so far. It's cake."

"Good. And Feferi's doing okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine."

Eridan's dad cut in, sliding two pieces of French toast on each plate before setting the pan down on a cool burner. "Isn't it going to be a little cold for the beach today?"

Eridan shrugged. "I probably won't be swimmin', but Fef could go out there in December and not care. I'll bring an extra hoodie for her, but I won't count on her wearin' it." He took a bite of the French toast and grinned. "This is the most amazin' thing I've eaten in two weeks. Apart from the lasagna last night," he added.

"Thanks, kiddo," his dad said. He reached out and affectionately ruffled Eridan's hair.

Eridan brushed his hair behind his ears and continued eating.


I expected him to be at the beach at this point, but then his mom started asking questions...

So if this is 35 chapters, we've already reached the halfway point. But I have a feeling this is going to drag out longer than 35. It could be as many as 50 chapters. WE WILL SEE, NOW WON'T WE?!