A/N: So I have had the worst writers block ever! Which is why it took so long for this update. I am very sorry. I have also noticed some inconsistencies and will try my hardest to clear them up.
"You're leaving?" I said for the third time. He held my hands tightly and looked at me with a sad expression.
"Yes."
"But why? Why do you have to fight?"
"It's complicated." He sighed. "It's actually a great honour." He spoke with a smile but I knew it was a mask of the sadness below.
"An honour? How can fighting a stupid war be an honour?" I spat and he shook his head.
"I'm fighting as the king."
"As the king?" I blinked at him trying to understand and he sighed.
"The king injured his leg yesterday while we were hunting." Jesse said with a shrug. "His leg is in a brace and riding into battle would not only endanger his life but also the lives of the soldiers around him." He fell quiet and I waited for it. "Besides he is my best friend, the only one that I have had since childhood. I would give my life for him."
"Well isn't that convenient." I said jumping to my feet and pacing a few steps in front of me. "He uses your friendship to ensure his safety. You are left cleaning up the mess he has made while he gets to sit around and watch! What a coward!" Jesse grabbed my arm and held tightly.
"You mustn't say such things." He whispered looking around in the trees.
"Well he is! And I'll be happy to tell him so!"
"It is your passion that I love but telling him this would only make him angry and he doesn't think rationally when he gets angry. I can't lose you." Jesse said pulling me closer to him. I looked into his sad blue eyes and melted.
"What are you going to do?" I asked with a sigh and he smiled.
"I'll only be gone for three months and then I'll be back." He looked at our feet for a second, blushing slightly.
"Until you get sent off again to fight for the king because he'll have injured his ass by sitting on it too much." He smirked and kissed my hand.
"Well when I return home I was hoping that we could marry." I smiled at his nervousness and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
"I would love to marry you." I said with a smile and he kissed me. His lips pressed gently against mine this time, as if he were trying to savour the moment. When he broke the kiss I took a deep breath and held onto him tightly, for fear of my knees giving out.
"How much time do you have?" I whispered.
"I must leave by day break tomorrow to reach the shores by nightfall." He whispered back.
"Well then…" I took a step back and ran my hands down the dress, which I now realized was covered in blood and other repulsing liquids. "You must come in for dinner. Mother will make a grand feast." I said holding his hand tightly as we walked back to the house.
"I was hoping…" his voice was quiet but when I turned back to him he smiled at me. It was a smile that made my body instantly radiate with heat and that made my knees shake. It was a smile with a million possibilities but only one meaning. It was dangerous. I took a deep breath and shook my head.
"I can't. I am still a widow. I need to maintain a respectable reputation."
"Everyone knows how much we love each other and how we are going to marry soon." He said kissing my neck. "Why wait?"
"Excuse me sir, but I am not that type of lady." I said half playing and half serious. "What if, God forbid, something happens and I end up pregnant and you…well…if I end up alone?" I said putting my hands on my hips. He studied my face for a second and sighed.
"You're right." He said and gave me a wink. "But prepare yourself miss, because it will be a night you shall never forget." He said with a wink and I felt goose bumps break out under my blushing skin.
I remember watching Jesse ride off the next morning with a slow pace. I could tell that he didn't want to leave and that at the sight of my tears his eyes had watered also. But he left me with the memory of his kiss and the dreadful feeling that I would never see him again. I slid the dress on, sighing at the baggy sleeves and the waist that was now too loose. I stared at myself in the mirror and sighed. Pale, tired and old. That was what I saw when I looked at myself these days. Gone were the days where I thought that any man would want me, would love me. As I brushed my hair over my shoulder there was a knock on the bedroom door.
"Come in." I said and a boy entered the room.
"Good morning Ms." He said bowing appropriately.
"Good morning." I said turning back to my sad reflection.
"His majesty has requested your presence at the vacation house." He said nodding again.
"Oh he did, did he?" I said looking back out the window scowling. I remembered my first time to the vacation house. I was so young and naïve. I was blown away by the glory of the place, by the richness of the grass and the sparkle of the ocean. I was a fool.
Jesse had bee gone for a month. I knew because each night I would mark a little charcoal line on the side of Aggie's bed. 32 days he had been in battle for and I had received one letter. One letter that had three words: I love you. It had brought me to tears and I cried for a solid day.
In the month that he had been gone things had changed. Debbie was happier, moving around at a fast pace and acting like the baby had never existed. Reverend Thomas had proposed marriage to mother and she was over the moon, disgusting everyone with her happiness. Nathaniel had started walking all on his own and said the words "Mum, Papa and No". James and Jane had gotten married quietly in a small little church and danced under the night sky in a large field. The puppy, which turned out to be a boy was getting fatter every day. He was starting to move around more and explore his surroundings with Elly not to far behind him, while Lucan lay around watching them. As for the house…well we just left it and decided that when we were ready we would attempt to rebuild a home there. With mother moving in with the Reverend and I marrying Jesse it seemed silly to rebuild the house.
It was the hottest day of July and the kids had been laying around the house complaining of the heat and bothering their mother to the point where she was shouting at them. I had told them to chase me to the river and they all did. Nathaniel I carried in my arms for his chubby little legs would make it difficult for him to run down the hill without tumbling.
At the edge of the river we stood on the bank in a line. We stared at the cool water that reached my navel and on the count of three we jumped in. I held Nathaniel to my chest and knelt in the water startling him with the cold water.
He cried at first but Aggie and Samuel knew their brother well and managed to get him laughing within minutes. I placed Nathaniel on the other side of the riverbank where the water just covered the tops of my feet. He sat and splashed merrily as Samuel clung to my back. Aggie pretended she was a fish and with a little persuasion showed Samuel how to float on his back. For half an hour Aggie and I showed Samuel how to kick his legs and copy Lucan as he swam in circles around us, moving his hands back and forth and kicking his legs. He learned quickly, but got tired easily and when needed a break he rested on his back and let the river sway him back and forth as he floated.
"Auntie do you believe that mermaids are real?" Aggie asked me as she lay on her back and kicked her legs so that she floated in circles.
"Mermaids?" I said looking at her and showing Nathaniel how to splash in the water.
"Mother told me that there are mermaids that live in the ocean." Aggie said standing up and bobbing up and down as the tips of her toes collided with the sandy river bottom. I shook my head. Mother would think of some mystical creature. Since she had become so happy she was full of creatures and tales of adventure that she needed to share with the children. Leaving Debbie and I getting up in the middle of the night to screaming child with a nightmare of centaurs and dragons.
"I…I don't know what she means by mermaid." I said watching Samuel struggle up onto the riverbank.
"You know, the lady with the tail like a fish?" He said jumping off a rock as he imagined a lady with a tail might. I laughed and the two of them joined me.
"Mother said that they are supposed to be the most beautiful women in all the land." Aggie said pushing her soaked black hair out of her face.
"And they lure men in with their beautiful eyes." Samuel said squinting at me, attempting to make his brown eyes beautiful. I bit back a laugh and watched him swim towards me, rather sloppily.
"And then once the seamen fall for it, bend down and try to kiss the mermaids." Aggie said dreamily.
"And then the mermaid…snatches their bodies and drags them off to sea, where they are never heard from again." Samuel said splashing loudly and startling Nathaniel. He pouted but no tears fell from his face.
"I hear that there are men mermaids too." A voice said from behind us. We all jumped and turned to look at the tall figure coming through the bushes.
"Alexander!" I said my whole body filled with joy. Lucan jumped out of the water and raced towards him, spraying Alexander with water as he shook his fur dry. Without even thinking I wrapped my arms around him and when I stepped back his nice riding clothes were soaked. I covered my mouth as he chuckled.
"I'm so sorry! I was just so happy…I didn't think."
"It's quite alright." He said waving me off. He knelt down beside the soaked chubby baby and patted his damp blonde curls.
"Are the male mermaids called mermaids too?" Aggie asked moving towards Alexander. He smiled down at her and I noticed that he looked older. His face was no longer that childish face. It had been almost 5 months since I had last seen him and he was already turning into a man.
"Their called mermen. They can lure then men too." He said smiling brightly and I smacked him.
"Enough with the mermaids. Why don't you take Nathaniel up to the house for his nap and then we will have some lunch?" I looked at them willing them to object.
"Can we come back after we eat?" Samuel asked diving under the water again.
"Yes. But hurry now before he gets cranky." They scrambled out of the river and little Aggie, who was almost the size of Samuel, picked up the baby and the three of them trudged up the hill to the house. I turned to Alexander and raised an eyebrow.
"You're looking marvelous today." He said looking at my sopping brown dress. "Dressed to suit a king."
"Har har." I said. "How are you?"
"Wonderful. I have met the most wonderful man." He said linking my arm with his as I rolled my eyes. "Well he is more of a boy than a man really."
"A boy?"
"14 to be exact."
"Ugh. He's practically a baby."
"Only three years younger than ourselves." He defended and then gave me a smile. "He is very naïve and fresh." He said and I shivered.
"Can we discuss something other than what might actually get you killed one day?"
"Oh that reminds me." He said stopping at the bottom of the hill. "I have this for you." He reached into his damp jacket and pulled out a role of parchment with the royal seal on it.
"What is it?" I asked running my fingers over the familiar wax marking.
"A letter, from the king." He said smiling slightly. He was still weary about the king, this was evident by the way he studied the paper. "Well open it." He said and I jumped. My fingers slid along the soft fabric of the paper and I broke the seal. Alexander turned away and looked towards the house.
"He's invited me-"
"To the vacation house. Yes I know. He told everyone pretty much that he expected you to visit him while he was resting there. He said you promised him months ago." Alexander didn't look at me but I knew he was annoyed.
"It's not that bad Alex." I said rolling the parchment up and lifting my soaked dress as we climbed the hill.
"The man is in love with you Susanna. How much worse can it get?"
"He's not in love with me. He knows that I am going to marry Jesse." I said matter-of-factly.
"Jesse?"
"Yes, Jesse De Silva." I said looking back at Alex's puzzled face. "The king's right hand man."
"I know who he is Susanna. I just…it just doesn't make sense." He said looking forward but not actually seeing anything.
"What doesn't?"
"The way the king has been acting. He's so excited about you coming to visit him." He said turning to me. "It's the reason that made me believe that he wants you for himself."
"I have heard this before," I said with a smile. "But the king has made no advancement to indicate this to me. Unless I am completely blind to advancements, which I'm pretty certain I am not." I said ignoring the butterflies starting in my stomach.
"Well then, you have nothing to worry about." He said smiling at me. "Either way you have nothing to worry about because I will be escorting you there tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" I asked stopping in my tracks.
"Yes tomorrow. Didn't you read the note?" He asked with an amused expression.
"Why does he always give me commands on such short notice. What am I going to tell my family?" I said looking at the houses. "I have nothing to wear either."
"Don't worry." Alex said with a smile. "I have a dress for you. He heard about the fire and said that there is a seamstress making new gowns for you." He looked at me, his smile gone and I stared back at him. "Are you sure he hasn't made any advancements?"
"He wouldn't…" I said biting my lip. "He's best friends with Jesse. He wouldn't do that to him."
"He's the king. He can do what he wants and no one can stop him." Alex said and turned back to the house. "Come let's tell your family that tomorrow we leave for Scotland."
"Scotland?" I said feeling excitement grow in me at the thought of a new place, a new country to explore.
The trip to Eilean Donan castle was a long one. It took an entire day of travel. Alexander and I rose early before the sun and he offered me the delicately wrapped package with yet another dress in it. This dress was an exact replica of the dress that the King had given me for my birthday. It felt the same, looked the same and made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. After we dressed we packed the carriage with the little luggage that I had. Lucan came with me but Elly stayed back with the puppy. Alexander rode with me in the carriage while a man drove it and we chatted about everything that had changed in the last 6 months. We crossed the border just before lunchtime and stopped for an hour to give the horses a break. As we passed through the green countryside I felt a sense of peace. As I watched the sparkling water in the lochs I sat back and rested my head. The sun was setting we reached the castle. I looked out the window and noticed that it was on an island with a large bridge connecting the two pieces of land.
"It's beautiful." I said pressing my face against the glass.
"It was built in the 13th century as a means of defense against the Danes. The island sits in Loch Duich, which meets Loch Long and Loch Alsh, and is connected to the mainland as you see by a footbridge." Alex said leaning close to me so he could see the castle too. It was a small castle compared to Windsor castle but it was much prettier with the glittering golden water surrounding it.
As we pulled up to the castle a trumpet was sounded and people stood out front. I blinked at Alexander and he gave me a sheepish look before he sat back in his seat.
"There are rules Susanna." He whispered.
"Rules? What rules?"
"Don't leave the carriage until I open the door for you. Curtsy when you see the king and don't look him in the eye. Everyone will be watching you." He said and the carriage came to a stop. I looked at the 30 or so faces staring back at me. I saw Adam standing on the front steps looking at me with a bright smile. He was wearing a kilt with a white tunic tucked into the waist. I smirked at his white legs that were brighter than his white socks and looked away.
"He's honouring the Scots, or so he says." Alex said noticing my smirk. "I think he just wanted you to laugh."
"Oh stop being so bitter." Alex gave me a look and then hopped out of the carriage. I sat and quickly slipped on the satin gloves that were given to me. Finally Alex opened the door and offered me his hand.
I grabbed onto it nervously, lifted my dress to step down and blinked into the bright setting sun. Alex led me to the King, where I curtsied and he bowed slightly. I smiled slightly and looked around at all the servants who were gathered around the entrance. They studied me curiously.
"Susanna, it's so good to see you." He said stepping towards me and gently grabbed my hand. He kissed it lightly and I became aware that Alex had backed away and was now standing by the carriage. He looked at Lucan who stood by my side and smiled slightly. "I see you have brought your…dog." I nodded and smiled at Lucan as I patted his head.
"I do hope that is alright? He doesn't like leaving my side." The king studied Lucan who stared back at him and nodded. "Please, let me show you around." He said, ignoring the dog and offering me his arm. I took it hesitantly and looked at Alex, who shrugged and turned back to the man driving the carriage.
As the king led us into the open doors of the castle the servants dispersed all whispering furiously and traveling closely in pairs. I became aware of his limp and smirked.
"Maybe it is I should be offering you my arm." I teased.
"A silly accident that doesn't seem to want to heal right." Adam said with a sad smile. "I was hoping that it would be better within the month but the doctor insists I stay off it and wear the stupid iron brace."
"Which you are doing neither of." I teased again.
"Well I had to greet my guest and show them around." He said smiling at me and looking around the great hall that we entered. There was a great winding staircase off to the side and three couches that were positioned in front of the fire.
The room was dark but had rich red rugs on the floors and rows of antlers mounted on the walls. I stopped and smelled a bouquet of flowers beside one table and smile.
"It's very nice." I said looking around.
"Lord Errol and his wife take care of the place while I am in England." Adam said studying a large buck that stared back from the wall.
"Where is Lord Errol now?"
"While I am here he goes to Edinburgh where he stays with his wife's cousin." He smiled at me. "Let me show you the rest if the castle." He held out his hand to me and I smiled slightly before grabbing onto it.
He took me through the entire house. He showed me the dinning hall, which was the same size as the great hall, with a large solid oak table and 10 chairs on each side. There was a fireplace to the right of the room and the door to the stood on the right side of the room. The kitchen was rather small for a castle. It was a room with an iron stove and a small wooden table with a washbasin on it and that was all. There was a thin wooden door that led out to the servant's quarters. He showed me the six bedrooms upstairs and the one bathing room that held a small porcelain tub and a dark wood table that held smelling salts and soft white towels. My room was located at the end of the hall.
It was a large room with a large bed in the middle of the room that was covered with dark green sheets and stuffed with goose feathers. The room had a dark wardrobe and a large mirror that stood beside it. But the best part of the room was the large window that took up majority of the far wall. It over looked the three lochs where servants were washing clothes, fishing for dinner or cooling off in the cold water. There were dark green drapes that had golden string stitched into it to make it glitter and a soft window seat, made of white silk with dark green pillows was placed in front of it. Lucan jumped up onto the bed and twirled in three circles before he lay down. He watched us with tired eyes.
"Its wonderful." I said feeling the silk seat. "Thank you for inviting me." I smiled and he nodded as he studied a painting of the flowers on the wall.
"I heard about that horrible fire at your house." Adam said studying the dog. A flash of that night came back to me and I closed my eyes.
"Yes it was horrible."
"Are you going to fix up the house?" Adam asked.
"In time I imagine we will but at the present no." I said with a sad smile and he nodded.
"I took the liberty of getting new dresses for you. I hope you do not mind." He looked worried and I smiled.
"I wish you hadn't spent all that money on me."
"It was nothing." He said and took my hands as he led me to the wardrobe. "I actually enjoyed helping with the designs."
"You designed them?" I said shocked and amused at the same time.
"Partly." He said with a smirk. "I chose the colour and the fabrics, the seamstresses did the rest. Go ahead, look."
I hesitated as I placed my hands on the golden handles. I slowly opened the doors and blinked at the variety of colours that stared back at me. There was all the colours of the rainbow in every different kind of fabric. There was lace and satin, silk and cotton. There were bows and beads, sparkles and golden threads. I gently reached out to a soft pink dress and ran the soft fabric between my hands.
"They're beautiful." I said with utter shock.
"They're all yours." He said quietly and I shook my head.
"I can't accept them. It…it doesn't seem right."
"It's a gift to one of my dearest friends." He said with a laugh. "I'll let you get introduced while I see what is being made for dinner." He said leaving me to my rows of dresses. I took them out one by one and studied them, wondering what I had done to deserve gifts such as these. I held up a dress to my body and twirled around the room. Lucan gave an exasperated snort and I turned to him.
"Don't you like them?" I asked him and he blinked at me. "It's just a gift from a friend nothing more." I said to he dog and he turned his head away from me as if the sight of me annoyed him. I gently patted his head and he licked my fingers. As much as I told myself it wasn't real, I couldn't help the feeling that all this was bigger than it seemed.
