An hour later Debbie had us in dry clothes peeling potatoes and telling us stories of past Christmases. The kids came into the house with a bundle of noise and demanded that someone help set up the other house because the boys had no idea what they were doing. I looked at Debbie and she shook her head.

"Alright! We're coming!" She snapped and took off her apron and handed it to Adam.

"When that pot starts to bubble take the lid off and lift it to the higher notch on the grate. Aggie and Samuel you help peel the potatoes. Aunt Susanna and I will be back in half an hour." Adam stared at the apron as if it were a monster and looked at me.

"You wear it so you don't get any food on your clothes." I said laughing.

"Oh right. Like this?" He said pretending to be a woman and tie the apron on delicately. I shook my head and put on my soaking wet coat. "So what do I do if something goes wrong?" He asked fluffing out the apron as he sat down.

"Ask Aggie and send Samuel down to get us." Debbie said as if it were no big deal. She kissed Nathaniel's damp curls and blew kisses to the other too before she left the room. I smiled and followed her, shutting the door behind me.

"That's pretty risky leaving him in there." I said as we carefully walked down the hill.

"I know but I need at least one adult to watch them. And plus I wanted to talk to you…alone."

"Ugh, you saw didn't you?"

"Of course I saw. You kept shrieking. It was a miracle that your brother or father didn't see you two." She said as if she were scolding me. But then she looked at me with a sly smile and I shook my head.

"It was nothing."

"My dear I have always told you that he is in love with you."

"No you haven't."

"Well I thought about telling you but I guess I never got around to it." She smiled and opened the door. The men were all yelling at each other about where to put the table. Debbie leaned against the doorway and crossed her arms while I raised my eyebrows and smirked. David noticed us standing there and sighed.

"Thank God you're here. Papa doesn't know what he's doing." David said and dropped his end of the table, which then landed on Bradley's foot and he cursed loudly. I bit back a laugh and Debbie sighed with frustration.

"You give them a simple task and they always find a way to make it impossible." I giggled and they all gave her a sour look. "Well out…get out. We've got 30 minutes before that turkey's ready.

"Great because I promised John that I would stop by with his Christmas gift." David said as he raced past us.

"You really are the best woman out there." Jacob said as he kissed his wife.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" I said pouting and he smirked before he kissed my cheek. Bradley grunted a thanks and papa kissed us both before he disappeared outside. Debbis shut the door and looked around at the fresh hay that lay across the floor in a mess and the long barn table that was placed oddly in the middle of the room.

"Lets start with the table. You grab that side and I'll grab this side." She said and together we started putting the room together. We placed the table properly in the middle of the room with enough mismatched chairs for everyone to sit in. Then we covered it with a white bed cloth and placed four pink candles down the middle with little boughts of holly. Debbie pulled out the Christmas china and each adult got a plate, bowl and cup where as the children got wooden ones.

"So tell me how was it?"

"The kiss?" I asked feeling my face blush.

"No the snow fight. Of course silly girl." She said smiling as she placed a napkin beneath the cutlery.

"It was…" She raised her eyebrows and I sighed. 'It made me realize how much I've missed being kissed." I laughed.

"That good huh?" I smiled and she shook her head. "He looks like he'd be good at it." I laughed and then we fell silent. As I studied one of the children's place settings I remembered what he had said and I sighed.

"He asked me to marry him." I said and she dropping one of the knived on the floor.

"He did what?" She asked and sat down in a chair.

"Asked me to marry him."

"But…how…is that even allowed?"

"I don't know. I guess because he's the king…"

"I could've sworn that they had to marry someone with nobel blood or else forfeit the throne."

"I don't know." I shook my head and sat across from her. "He just asked me."

"Well how about that then. Our Susanna, the Queen of England." She said proudly.

"I said no."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said no."

"Why would you do such a thing? You turned down the King of England? Are you really that stupid?" She stood up and her face went dark red.

"Debbie I can't marry him. It wouldn't be right. I still love Jesse."

"So you're never going to marry then?"

"Many women have done it before."

"Yes and shamed there families in the process. My children look up to you. You have to set good example."

"I never asked to be idolized by your children. But this is my life and I wont marry anyone that I don't want to." I yelled and turned away from her. She was silent for a moment and then she sighed. She knelt in front of me and touched my cheek.

"It is your life Susanna and no one can tell you how to live it." She smiled sadly at me. "But your holding onto a ghost dear. Here is a real live man who can love you and give you the world and your waiting for a ghost." I was shocked. I had never thought of it that way before.

"But what if he isn't dead?" I asked, tears filling my eyes.

"Susanna…he is. And you have to realize that before you're life slips away and your only chance at happiness disappears."

"I've already done that." I said letting the tears fall.

"Yes you have already done that. Don't do it again." She kissed my cheek gently and gave me a tight hug. "If you really don't love him then don't do it. But don't say no because you're still waiting for Jesse. He's not coming back for you. At least not yet and pray to God that it wont be for a while." She smiled sadly and wiped my tears. She left me sitting with a dirty napkin and a million different thoughts.

The room was full of noise as we sat down for dinner. It was warm and cozy with glittering candles, a crackling fire and the table full of food. The kids licked their lips anxiously. After going most of the day with minimal food they were starving. Aggie sat beside me and Samuel was on the other side of Adam. She barely spoke a word while Samuel went on and on to Adam about his snowman that he built.

"Oh Samuel, please stop talking about the snowman." Debbie sighed as she put the last bit of sauce on the turkey.

"Yes Samuel, His Grace doesn't need to be bothered with your chatter." Jacob said rubbing Samuel's curls. He blushed slightly and shrunk down. My heart dropped for the little boy. He was so excited about his snowman and his parents were ruining it.

"I don't mind." Adam spoke up before I could. "Maybe after dinner you can show me this snowman?" The look on Samuel's face was enough of a Christmas present anyone could ask for. He practically was beaming with joy.

"It's really good. I can show you how to make one like it. I am the snowman expert."

"Yea right." Aggie mumbled and rolled her eyes.

"I am." Samuel argued back. "I know more than you do."

"Do not! I'm older."

"So I'm a boy and boys know more!" With that the men snorted and Debbie scowled.

"Men wouldn't survive without us women there." She said with a nod and I smiled.

"Oh is that so?" Jacob asked with an amused smirk.

"Men don't know the first thing about child bearing, or rearing a child for that matter. And when was the last time you cooked a turkey like this?" She gracefully placed the turkey on the table and everyone's mouth instantly watered. She sat across the table from me beside Bradley and placed Nathaniel on her lap.

"Lets say Grace." She said holding her hands out to Papa and Brad. I smiled at Aggie and grabbed onto her hand and Adam's. He tensed for a moment but when the prayer started he relaxed and even said some of the words.

"Amen." Everyone said in unison and the sound of plates being passed filled the room.

"Your Grace would you like to carve the turkey?" Papa asked holding out the knives to Adam. He looked at me and then at the rest of my family and smiled.

"That is a honour meant for the man of the house."

"It would be our honour for you to cut our turkey." Papa gushed and I shook my head. All this attention was going to make Adam's ego enormous. He smiled at my father and gently took the knives.

"I have to admit," he said pausing before he made the first cut. "I have never done this before."

"Well this is the year for taking chances and trying new things." Debbie said eyeing me with a slight smile. Adam never missed at thing and he looked at me curiously.

"Here I'll show you." I sighed and placed my hands on his. I gently stabbed the turkey and started sliding the knife through the tender flesh. "See it's easy." I smiled and he smiled back. Then I realized everyone was watching and took my hands off as if his hands were burning coals. I sat back down and tried to hide my blush by scooping peas onto Aggie's plate.

The dinner was delicious. There was broccoli, cauliflower, peas and carrots. There was scalped potatoes and mashed potatoes. There was stuffing and cranberry sauce to sit prettily beside the large slices of turkey. Everyone's plates were soon full and mouths were being stuffed with food. The conversations switched as fast as the turkey was eaten. It went from the snow, to the spring harvest to having children and watching them grow. Then it went to playing in the snow and children's dreams. When the turkey was gone everyone was quieter. The good food and wine had quieted the adults and the excitement of Christmas had worn out the children. Aggie's head was in my lap and her feet spread out on the bench. As I stroked her hair she snored softly. Samuel was resting his head on his hands and playing with the apples, from his apple pie, to try to stay awake.

"I'll go and put these ones up to bed." Debbie said as she wrapped sleeping Nathaniel in her winter shawl.

"Just put them on my bed dear." Papa said shocking everyone.

"It's alright. I'm sure they'll be fine in the house-"

"Debra it's quite alright for them to sleep in my room." Papa smiled and nodded for her to do as he suggested. She looked at Jacob and he shrugged, before jumping up to help her.

Aggie went around sleepily kissing everyone. She even kissed Adam's cheek without even thinking about it. He smiled with a shocked expression as she moved onto the next person and smiled down at me.

"I didn't think she liked me." He said quietly.

"She's just very shy." We sat and watched Jacob pick up Aggie and carry her from the room as Samuel dragged his feet behind them. The room went quiet after and everyone sat rubbing swollen stomachs and listened to the fire crackle.

"So Adam, tell us of the war." Papa said.

"Papa it's Christmas. No one wants to talk about the war." I spoke in a sterner tone than I meant to, but I couldn't hide my embarassement.

"Susanna." Adam said gently touching my hand under the table. "Well to be honest it isn't going very well. The men are tired and want to come home. They are not sure what they're fighting for and to be honest I don't blame them. Without the King there what is the point in fighting." He sighed slightly and looked at the table.

"But how do you motivate them to win?" David asked.

"Well we need more men. New recruits that will pump the tired ones with cheer and energy. Maybe even give those tired recruits a break so they can visit family." Adam said. "My only problem then is finding new recruits."

"I'll go." Bradley spoke up for the first time that night. His grey eyes stared down at his plate and his dark eyebrows were frowning. He quickly looked up and met my gaze and his eyes showed a brief sadness before he looked away. When the words registered in my mind, my heart sank and everything else went blank. I tuned out everyone talking around me and everything that was going on. All I could think about was Jesse telling me he was leaving and how he never came back.

"You cant!" I said coming back to reality. Everyone went silent and watched me with a curious glance.

"Pardon dear?" Papa asked.

"You cant go!" I said looking only at my brother.

"Why not? Bradley snapped.

"Because you-what you just leave and fight in this war? Forgetting entirely about your family?"

"My family? Susanna this family has survived very well without me before, I'm sure they will do just fine."

"But what if something happens to you?" I said feeling tears fill my eyes.

"What do you care?" He snapped.

"I care about my brother. You're heading off to fight in a stupid war that has no purpose!" I shouted. Bradley stared at me with cold eyes and Papa took a deep breath.

"Susanna!" Papa scolded. "Sorry Your Grace. Women don't understand how a war works."

"It's probably because we are too smart for war. A woman wouldn't kill thousands of innocent men because they were wronged." A single tear fell from my eye and burned my cheek with its betrayal.

"No they would just torture those who wronged them for the rest of their lives." Papa laughed and the men laughed too. David gave me a small smile and I shook my head furiously.

"I already lost too much with this war I'm not going to loose anymore." I snapped and another tear fell.

"Susanna, compose yourself." Papa hissed at me. I looked at him and scowled.

"My brother has just told everyone that he has a death wish and you want me to compose myself!" By this point Debbie and Jacob had returned. They looked at us with hesitation.

"What's happened?" Debbie asked.

"You tell them Brad? For I cannot bear to say the words." I said and without waiting to see if he would tell them I raced through the door and into the snow. I ran through the snow into the barn and through myself into the soft, fresh hay in Lea's stall. She was lying on the ground and she nuzzled me slightly when I rested my head on her stomach. Her strong heart beat seemed to soak up my tears and after a few minutes of sobbing my tears were gone and I was sniffling as I listened to the sound of her heart.

"Susanna?" his voice made the tears appear in my eyes again but this time I forced them to stop. I wiped my face and pulled the hay from my hair.

Brad appeared at the stall door and looked down at me with a sad expression. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I sniffled and fixed the skirt of my dress.

"He sure is in love with you." He said as he sat on the ground beside me.

"What?" I asked wiping my nose with my hankerchief.

"Adam. He almost raced right after you. But Debbie stopped him; told him to give you a minute."

"We're just friends." I said and even I noticed that it sounded like a lie. He raised his eyebrows and smiled at me. I smiled back and nudged him with my elbow. Then for the first time ever I rested my head on his shoulder and we just sat and listened to the sleeping horse snore.

"I need to do this." He whispered and that was enough for the tears to pour down my face again.

"But what about Gina? What about Henry?" I whispered their names and felt him tense.

"What about them?" He said coldly.

"He's supposed to grow up and never know? To grow up and never know your father is cruel punishment even for a bastard."

"What am I supposed to do Susanna?" he snapped. "I'm not allowed near her. Her father says so. Our father says so. She even said so." He shook his head. "She doesn't want me around him."

"She loves you. I know she does. She always has." I said gently touching his arm.

"I have to do this. I have to be someone other than the man who fathered Gina's bastard. I want to be proud to be me." He said sadly. I sighed and realized I had been defeated.

"Alright, but if David follows you I'll kill you myself. I cant have two brothers fighting in this ridiculous war." I said and he smiled at me.

"You know this has been the best Christmas I have had in a while." He said with a smile.

"Are you mental?" I teased.

"Seriously. I never knew that you cared so much about your poor old brother." He smirked. "It's really sweet of you sis."

"I take it back. Go to war and see if I care." I said smiling at him. He gently kissed my forehead and smiled

"I'm going to come home. I promise."

"You better." He kissed my head again and then stood up.

"Well I guess its time for some more alcohol." He said wiping off his pants. "Are you coming inside? It's freezing out here."

"In a minute. I want to make sure Lea has her new Christmas blanket." I said grabbing the red and green wool blanket I had stiched together for her. Brad rolled his eyes and chuckled as he left the stall. When I heard the barn door close I sighed and grabbed the brush.

"Oh Lea. You don't know how lucky you are to not have to worry about war and brothers." I said as I ran the brush through her mane. She neighed happily and stared at me with bright blue eyes. I gently touched the soft fresh skin that had healed over her wound and sighed. She neighed and nudged my arm staring at me with concern. "I know you're right. It'll be fine." I sighed and brushed through her hair.

"You do know that she can't talk right?" Adam said from behind me causing me to jump.

"You scared me." I said clutching my chest.

"My apologies." He smiled and looked around the stall. "May I come in?"

"Yes Sire you may." I said curtsiying to the best of my ability, whilst sitting on the floor. I continued to brush the horse's mane and she watched Adam with a careful stare.

"She is a beauty." He said patting her nose and slipping her a sugar cube. "She suits you." He said and I could feel his eyes on me. My heart began to race and I realized for the first time that Adam and I could never be just friends. He had a purpose in my life and friendship was not the answer.

"She's getting better. I still don't like riding her for very long but her leg is definitely stronger." I tried to ignore the other thoughts in my head. But when I looked at him it was all I could think about.

"Her mane is so shiny. Do you brush it often?" He asked and I tuned it out.

"I-I-Is it not forbidden for a King to marry a commoner?" I asked without making eye contact. He was quiet for a moment, as if he were frozen in place.

"It…Well yes but there are ways around it." He said quietly. I stroked the horse's white hair and thought about the summer. It was full of hope and happiness at the idea of marriage. Why couldn't my life be that way again? Yes I wasn't marrying the man of my dreams but I could love this man too, could I not?

"Susanna, I-"

"I'll marry you." I said without looking at him.

"Pardon?"

"I'll marry you." I looked at him this time and his brown eyes studied my green eyes carefully. When he saw that I was seriously he grinned.

"I promise I will not disappoint you." He said and I laughed.

"Isn't that something I'm supposed to say to you?"

"You could never disappoint me." He laughed and grabbed my hands and kissed them. "But what made you agree to this?"

"Questioning me already?" I teased. "I just want to be happy." I said with a smile. "I don't want to be sad anymore and I feel like my family is sad because I am sad. Bradley said something that made so much sense to me. I want to be proud to be me. If I were to marry you, give you beautiful children and live a happy life beside one of my dearest friends I would be proud of that."

"Not to mention you would be the queen of England." He said giving me that sly smile.

"Yes well, that's the part I'm not looking forward to." I said and he laughed.

"You'll be great at it. I can tell." He smiled at me and leaned closer to me. He hesitated before closing the distance between our lips. His lips were gentle and sweet. As if he were nervous and excited all at once. But this kiss was not like the other kisses we had shared. This kiss held a promise, a promise of a new beginning and a happier life.