Aggie sat in front of my on the floor playing with the doll Adam had given her for Christmas. It was a doll unlike any other doll she had. It was made of fabric, as opposed to her wooden dolls. It had long black hair like she had and someone had painted small brown freckles on the dolls nose.
As I braided her long thick hair into two braids she copied me and started braiding her own dolls hair. It was March and the air was alive with springtime. Debbie was pregnant again, a month into the pregnancy but she was humming softly and had started knitting again.
At this time of the day lunch had been served and the men were out getting the field ready for the seeds to be planted, while David and Samuel mucked out the stalls in the barn. The house was quiet apart from Debbie's soft humming as she rocked back and forth in the rocking chair, knitting what Aggie guessed was a blanket for the baby. Nathaniel was asleep on a quilt beside the fire and Lucan snored beside him. Coal, the puppy was chewing on a long stick. I had told the children that they could have him if they promised to care for him always. And because his hair was black they called him Coal.
There was a knock on the door and Coal let out a bark that was getting deeper and deeper with each day. Lucan raised his head and gave a low growl. Debbie sighed and went to the door, pushing the jumping puppy out of the way.
"Hello darling. You look wonderful." Mother said as she entered into the house. She kissed Debbie on the cheek and handed her a small pie that she had baked most likely this morning. I stood to kiss her and smiled. After two weeks of marriage she was a new woman. She stood in front of me wearing a dark red dress with a white wool coat and black riding gloves. Her hat was black also with a red feather that matched her dress and her hair was in a low bun with a beautiful red hair net. She looked like royalty.
"Look at you!" I said as I wrapped my arms around her. "You look marvelous." She giggled and stood back.
"You've gotten skinnier." She said poking at my stomach. "You need to eat more."
"Her wedding is stressing her out." Debbie said with a smile.
"I'm not stressing out." I frowned. "I'm just concerned that something will happen."
"How is he going about getting the law changed?" Mother asked as she hung her coat and hat on the wooden peg. Debbie put the kettle on the fire rack and sat back in the rocking chair.
"He…well…it hasn't been successful I'm afraid."
"But he's already told everyone he intends to marry this summer." Debbie said raising eyebrows.
"Yes I heard that rumour as well. It's horrible keeping this secret."
"I know it is, but for my safety please don't speak of it." I begged for the millionth time and mother sighed.
"Of course my dear. I would never dream of it." I sat behind Aggie and continued to braid her hair.
"What dress will you wear Auntie?" Aggie asked me.
"I'm not sure darling. I wanted to wear my mother's dress, but I'm sure it is not going to meet the royal courts standards for a q-queens dress." I choked on the word. Debbie smiled.
"She does that every time."
"Start getting used to it dear. It will be the only thing you are addressed as in the near future."
"I know." I let out a shaky breath and Lucan gave a low, reassuring bark. I smiled and patted his head.
"It'll be interesting to see him in court." Mother chuckled.
"Adam doesn't want me to bring him, but I cant bare to leave him." I said feeling my heartache at the thought of it. "It will be hard enough leaving here."
"Don't think of these things yet Susanna." Debbie said. "Focus on getting married first. Then there's all the planning. And there will be more work for your wedding because it is a royal wedding."
"Can we talk of other things?" I sighed.
"Well… I heard that Dr. Smith married that woman…oh what's her name?" Mother stopped frowning.
"Oh I can't remember. I heard it just the other day."
"A red head…her father is the Lord of Edinburgh."
"Penelope Ward." I said.
"That's it."
"Of course."
"But how did you know that?" Mother asked me.
"I met her back at the castle last year." I sighed. "Seems like ages ago." I patted Aggie's shoulder, letting her know that I was finished. She stood up and twirled in a circle.
"Do you like my hair mother? It's called a French Braid." She boasted and we all smiled.
"Its beautiful dear. But be quiet now, your brother still sleeps." Debbie said patting her bottom playfully.
"I'm going to show Papa." She said and grabbed her small wool coat.
"Don't forget your mittens." Debbie said as she went to open the door.
"But Momma its warm outside."
"Is there still snow on the ground?" She said without even looking at Aggie's sulking face.
"Yes." She sighed defeated and grabbed her mittens. She quickly pulled them on and threw open the door.
"Whoa there Missy. You almost ran me over." His voice was full of laughter and it made all of us smile.
"Your majesty." Aggie smiled curtsying low and then jumping into his arms.
"You're getting heavier. Still growing?"
"Of course!" Aggie giggled and kissed his cheek before he put her down on the ground. "I'm going to show Papa my hair. Like it?" She turned for him to see and he looked at me with raised eyebrows. I smiled and he said, "Why it is the finest hairstyle in all of England." Aggie blushed and raced off before she could be embarrassed by more flattery.
"Good afternoon ladies." Adam said as he closed the door behind him. "Its such a lovely day out there. I thought I would stop by for a visit."
"You stop by for a visit every day." I said pretending to be studying my dress.
"Well pardon me, but my desire to see you is overwhelming."
"Oh, that is so sweet." Debbie said and I blushed despite the annoyed look I gave him. On the inside I was bursting with happiness that he was here but I didn't want him to know.
"I was wondering if, since it is such a beautiful day. Would you care to accompany me for an afternoon ride."
"It must be nice to be royalty. Having all the free time in the world." I said standing up and taking the screaming kettle off the fire. I placed it on the stone slab on the table and grabbed two mugs for tea. I could feel him watching me with anticipation.
"Go Susanna. Your chores are done." Debbie said smiling at Adam.
"Oh alright then. Lets go." I said winking at Mother as Adam helped me put my coat on. "Will you be staying for dinner?"
"I suppose I could, if you don't mind of course?" Mother said looking at Debbie.
"Not at all."
"Alright then I will see you in about an hour." I kissed their cheeks and left the house, with Lucan right on my heel. The sun was hot and the snow was melting fast. It glittered like a million diamonds and the sound of running water was peaceful.
"We're never truly alone here." Adam said grabbing my arm to help me down the hill.
"What do you mean?" I asked with a smile.
"He never lets you out of his sight." Adam said nodding at Lucan who ran up ahead.
"He's still a puppy. He's not sure what to do with himself yet." I said as he tripped and rolled down the snowy hill, landing in a puddle of mud.
"It will be difficult having him at dinner parties." Adam said and I sighed.
"I will train him. Spencer and Maria invited me to spend a week with them this summer. I'll ask Spencer to help." Adam was silent and I took that as a victory.
Lea neighed loudly as she saw us enter the barn. She nodded her head up and down and it was more than obvious that she wanted to run.
"Where are you two off to?" David asked wiping sweat from his head. Johnny and Samuel stopped and looked at us.
"Just out for a ride." Adam said as he grabbed Lea's saddle.
"Why are we so nosey today?" I asked swatting at my little brother's head. He ducked and laughed.
"Just curious. Do you want me to come with you?" He said to me, but looking at Adam. It was cute at first how protective David had gotten but now it was just annoying.
"I'll be fine David."
After struggling with Lea's saddle Adam and I led our horses out of the barn. He held out his hand to help me but I turned away and mounted Lea without a problem. He watched me with an amused expression and I smiled.
"I've been practicing."
"Now you just have to work on riding side saddle." He said chuckling as he went to his horse.
"It is so uncomfortable riding side saddle. Will people really judge if I ride this way?"
"It is not proper for a lady to ride that way." He laughed. "But I will not judge you. It might give you the chance to actually beat me." He said and then kicked his horse's sides and bolted off.
"Cheat!" I called after him and copied his movements. We raced over the countryside. Past Papa and Jacob who were coaxing the ox and plow through the field. We jumped the small river and raced through the trees. I was vaguely aware of one hitting my face but I felt no pain so continued pushing Lea until she was almost at her breaking point. We came to an enclosed field and decided that it was a good place to stop. We tied the horses to a nearby tree and walked hand in hand around the field.
"We're alone now." I said noticing that Lucan had either not followed us or hadn't caught up yet. He turned to me and smiled.
"I would kiss you but there is too much to talk about." He said smiling.
"What is it?" I asked and he led me to a log.
"Your brother's troop…they somehow managed to regain control." Adam said beaming with happiness. Bradley had left a week after Christmas, along with 15 hundred other young men. A month ago they had broken into the prisoner camps and released the captured soldiers. And now they were regain control, beating the French.
"The surrender is coming I can feel it." Adam said his eyes glazing with success.
"Well, that's good I guess." I sighed.
"You guess? That gives us something else to celebrate this year." His smile was so wide that I couldn't help but smile back.
"Well unless you get the law changed it will be the only thing we celebrate this year." I said trying not to ruin his mood but realizing that it had been the only thing on my mind since the New Year began. His smile dropped and he looked into the forest.
"It isn't going to happen."
"What isn't going to happen?" My stomach sank.
"The law changing."
"But it has to, how else are we to marry?" I asked and he looked at me with a sad expression.
"What?" I had a bad feeling and it was radiating like fire throughout my body.
"If we…pretend that you are of noble blood…"
"You want me to pretend to be something I'm not?" I asked.
"It's the only way." I pulled my hand from his and stood up.
"What you ask of me is too much." I said scowling at him. "You are asking me to give up everything. Forget who I am, who I was raised to be just so I can marry you. It's not worth it." As the words left my lips his face hardened.
"I see." He stood up and scowled at me. "Its alright for me to go out of my way to change a law that has been around since Christ walked the earth but God forbid if Susanna has to do anything that she doesn't want to." I stood in front of him shocked.
"That's not fair."
"No what isn't fair is that I love you and you love me, but you are too stubborn to do things another way."
"You're asking me to give up my life, my family! How could anyone agree to that?" Tears filled my eyes and I started to shake. "If I asked you to give up your crown would you do that for me?" He stared at me with a cold expression.
"That is completely different." He whispered.
"No if any thing it is the exact same. You are asking me to give up the one thing that is most important to me for a lifetime of being watched and judged. I'm sorry but that is not worth it." His head lifted and he looked down at me.
"If that's how you see it then, fine." He marched to his horse and climbed on.
"Where are you going?" I asked fighting the tears.
"Well as you said, it's not worth it. You wont change for love so why should I?" He turned his large black stallion and gently kicked its sides.
"Adam wait!" I called but he disappeared into the trees without a glance back.
The tears came in a matter of seconds. I went to untie Lea's bridle and collapsed to the ground in tears. How could he ask that of me? How could he expect me to give up my family for him? But then again how could I expect him to give up everything that he was? He was the king of England where as I was just a commoner with a small unknown family. It would be easier to hide my past than to hide his. I felt nauseous at the thought and more tears filled my eyes.
"Susanna you must not do this." His voice was soft but it was as clear as day. He head snapped up and he stood in the trees in front of me.
"Andrew?"
"Don't give up who you are, or you will lose it forever." He said. His face was the same but his eyes were lighter, more blue as if he were blind. I shook my head at him and sat up.
"How…when…why are you here?"
"Don't do it Susanna. Don't lose who you are." He said walking backwards as the sound of hooves filled the field. I sat frozen on the ground even as Adam knelt in front of me.
"I am truly sorry." He said and it wasn't until he touched my hands that I realized he was there. I blinked at his face and burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly.
"I can't lose who I am." I sobbed Andrew's words onto his shoulder.
"I'm not asking you to lose it. I just need you to hide it. All I want is you. I love your family also. It would hurt me to never see them again." He wiped the tears from my face and smiled.
"What will we do?"
"Two weddings." He said with a smile.
"Two weddings? How on earth…?"
"A small wedding here and a big one in the castle."
"But everyone will know…"
"Not if I disguise myself."
"You're going to lie to the priest?" I said shocked.
"No Susanna." He sighed. "Disguise myself to the public. No one knows my full name. Do you?"
"I… Adam McTavish, King of England, Duke of Gla-"
"No that is my title, not my name." He smiled. "My name is Henry Adam Michael McTavish, second of name." As it sunk in a laugh erupted from my throat and I flung myself at him. I held onto him tightly as I kissed him. This would work.
"We will tell people that I own a large piece of land in Cumberland, which is where you met me when visiting Spencer and Maria. Plus my mother was born there." He paused thinking of his mother and smile. "We'll marry twice in one week, to lessen the chance of rumour and still gives reasonable time for a child to be conceived without the look of scandal." I blushed slightly and smiled at our interlocked hands.
"Two weddings. We are going to be very busy people." I said and he smiled and kissed me.
"It will all be worth it in the end."
Telling my family was a completely different story. A loud uproar came from everyone but Sam, Nathaniel and Revered Thomas. I sat patiently waiting out each one of their protests. David even came so close as to insulting Adam, but Papa grabbed him by his collar and through him out the door, for his own good.
"This is outrageous. You must be able to change it somehow." Jacob said.
"I have gone over every piece of parchment possible and there is no way. The only way it could be changed would be for a council meeting where we both offer up our explanations and pretty much beg for it to be changed. But this risks scandal. And if they were deny us then we would never be able to marry, and frankly…it's not worth risking." Adam said looking at me.
"You can't lie in front of God!" Mother screeched.
"It's not lying Mother." I said.
"It's true Nora. If anything it is making it more legitimate."
"How can you say that? They are going behind everyone's back, sneaking around, keeping secrets."
"For goodness sake Nora it's a wedding. They love each other and want to marry, who are we to tell them no. They aren't doing anything wrong, apart from breaking the law that nobility can not marry commoners but if you want my opinion the "pure blood line" is a stupid concept which causes many men to think bedding sisters is normal." Thomas said as he took a sip of brandy. Adam chuckled and Mother blushed with embarrassment.
"Do you love her?" Papa asked, stepping in front of Adam staring directly into his eyes. Adam stepped back slightly intimidated and then sighed.
"I have never felt this way about anyone before."
"That is not what I asked." Papa said.
"Of course I love her. She is all I think about, all I dream about. Marrying your daughter would complete my life." Papa stared at Adam for a moment, letting his answer sink in then he nodded and stood in front of me.
"Do you love him?" He asked me. His eyes were sad and held so many unasked questions behind them. I wondered if when he looked into my eyes did he see my mother? Did he worry that she would not approve of this?
I thought of answers like: More than anyone ever could, but that might be offensive. Then there was: More than anything in the world, but then I remembered Jesse and he might still be out there somewhere. My answer was: "Yes."
He studied me for a second and then sighed. "Well then there is the answer. Two weddings at the end of August and no one in this room is to speak of it unless it is discussed first. Our job is to make this as easy and safe for Susanna as possible."
"We will plan the little wedding if you plan the big one." Debbie said to Adam.
"Of course. I have people already making the wedding preparations." He smiled at me. "Unfortunately they pick all of the decorations and food but you get to pick your dress."
"She'll be too busy here to worry about all that stuff anyways." Debbie said wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "So much to do and so little time." She smiled.
"That brings me to the next topic of conversation." Adam said and everyone went silent.
"I've got a bad feeling about this." Thomas said to Lucan who sat with his head on Thomas's lap.
"There are certain…lessons that Susanna needs to learn." He said bravely looking at everyone.
"Lessons?" Jacob spat.
"What kind of lessons?" Mother's face was pale and I smiled at the inappropriate things that were clearly going through her mind.
"Certain etiquettes that are expected of noble women but not…"
"Town folk like us." Jacob snarled. "This is fucking ridiculous. He's asking you to change who you are completely and you are ok with this?"
"I'm not changing who I am!" I shouted. "I'm just trying to be the best wife I can be. If that means I need lessons then I need lessons."
"I've arranged for lessons to held at Maria McDonald's house in Cumberland and since that is where we are telling people I am from it would seem logical for Susanna to visit future family and get to know the area."
"But how will we plan a wedding if she isn't here?" Mother asked.
"We'll have enough time before she leaves." Debbie said and then her face dropped. "Won't we?"
"I'm afraid with all the different lessons we would have to begin them as soon as possible."
"When?" Jacob asked through gritted teeth.
"I've arranged a carriage to pick Susanna up a week Tuesday." Adam said. I was proud of him for keeping his head up, but I knew he was extremely uncomfortable and wishing he was anywhere but here.
"A week!" Mother screeched again and they all burst out in uproar, all but Papa. I watched him for a second and then went to kneel in front of him. He sat in his chair and studied my face. He touched my cheek and sighed. Everyone went quiet and watched carefully.
"Is this truly what you want my daughter?"
"I've made a promise and I intend to keep it." I said answering his question and knowing that he read the words between the lines. He sighed and nodded.
"Your mother would be so proud of you." He said kissing my cheek, trying to hid the shine of tears. "Well no need getting yourselves upset anymore. It is all settled. Debbie and Nora, it is your job to plan this wedding. Adam will handle all the arrangements and the rest of you just keep your mouths shut. This is what Susanna wants, this is what will make her happy, and this is what we are doing. If you have any concerns you can come to me. But for now I am off to bed." He said standing gracefully and leaving as if he were the King of England. Everyone bid him goodnight and waited silently for his bedroom door to close. When the wood block was set down to lock the door the erupted again in furious whispers.
"How are we supposed to plan a wedding without the bride?" Debbie said.
"How will that look when we're making the wedding arrangements and the bride is not around?"
"Just tell people I told you that it is what I wanted." I said as I cleared the dinner dishes and began to wash them in the basin.
"But what will we tell the children? They will be so confused." Debbie said taking he clean dishes and drying them with her apron.
"Well they can only come to one wedding then." I said with a sad sigh.
"You're not going to invite them to the other wedding?" Jacob snapped. "I suppose your not going to invite us either. We're just your poor old family."
"Don't be an idiot Jacob." I snapped.
"Of course you are invited." Adam said.
"David is perfectly capable of staying home with the children for two days. We can get Gina to help out. I'm sure she won't mind."
"I am not letting that whore around my children."
"Jacob." Debbie snapped as I dropped a plate.
"She is not a whore Jacob. She was an impatient girl whose head was filled with songs of knights and love. She pays for that mistake everyday she looks into her son's eyes and knows that his life could have been so different if it wasn't for one incident. I'm sure you know how that feels when you look at your daughter." I said my eyes locked onto his and my face never giving away the sadness and pain that it held. He scowled at me and turned away. Mother and Adam both gave us the same curious expression but no one asked the question.
"I suppose it would be nice to get away for a few days." Debbie said resting her hand on her puffy stomach. "Of course I'll be big with child then."
"We'll get you the finest dress." I said clutching her hands. "Everyone will be having babies just to be like you." I said smiling.
"That's quite the dream but I rather like it." Debbie chuckled and kissed my cheek. "As long as you are happy than I am happy."
"Thank you." I said. Although I had a sister, she would never compare the sister who stood in front of me.
"Well the women have spoken, nothing left for us men to do but follow I guess." Jacob sighed and Debbie walked to him and wrapped her arms around his thin waist.
"It's for your sister." She said. "And it could be like a honeymoon." He looked down at her and couldn't resist the smile on her face. He kissed her and sighed.
"Alright. But if you hurt her, you'll have me to deal with."
"And me." Thomas said stumbling up beside him.
"Me too." David said sticking his head in the door. Lucan barked as he rubbed up against me, sitting directly between Adam and I. Adam looked at me and smiled.
"What have I gotten myself into?"
