A/N: Sorry this took so long everyone. With all the drama going on I haven't felt the mood to write, but as I said last time hopefully things will change. This chapter took me longer, because even though it's crucial to the story it was still a filler with not too much drama and a lot of emotions. I promise to try updating more and thanks for sticking with me.
I left Ceecee and Lady Regan at Maria's house to avoid questions from the guests. As the carriage pulled up to the small farmhouse I sighed and felt a pain in my chest. The sun was just starting to set and the light made the house look like it was glowing. This would be the last night I would sleep here. This would be the last day I spent with my family. This would be the last time I was Susanna Simon or even Susanna Fitzpatrick. After tomorrow Susanna Simon would only exist in people's memory. It was like I was dying. I couldn't help the tears the poured from my eyes.
"She's here!" Aggie cried from the hill and I quickly wiped my face and opened the carriage door. I smiled brightly as she raced into my arms and wrapped herself tightly around me. "Come on. We've so much to show you." She said pulling on my hand and dragging me into the house.
"Thank goodness you're here." Mother Fitzpatrick said, but only half of what she said registered in my head. The whole house was filled with flowers, cakes, boxes and more. I blinked at the bustle of energy going on in the house and words escaped me.
"Susanna?" A face appeared in front of me blinking at me with bright blue eyes. Her face was slightly swollen and her eyes were tired but she was glowing.
"Debbie!" I exhaled and hugged onto her tightly. I let the tears pour from my eyes and the rest of the house fell silent as they watched me sob into my sister's shoulder.
"Oh Susanna. It's alright." She said patting my back and stroking my hair. "You'll be fine." I could hear her whisper something to someone behind me and when I let go everyone was gone but Mother and Debbie.
"Here have a seat and we'll get you some tea."
"I can't leave!" I sobbed once the hot tea was placed in my hands. Debbie and Mother exchanged a smile and mother patted my shoulder.
"It's scary Susanna, and even scarier for you because you have a completely different life to go and live but you will adjust." Mother said gently touching my cheek.
"I'll miss everything. I'll miss Aggie growing up and the boys working in the fields. I'll miss you're baby being born and all the other children you'll have-"
"I don't think I can take much more of this." Debbie said rubbing her sore back and struggled to sit down in the rocking chair by the fire. Fresh tears formed in my eyes and I started sobbing again.
"Oh Susanna. Come now." Mother said with slight annoyance. "Here drink this." She said handing me a different glass. Without even thinking I took a gulp and felt the whiskey burn my throat and warm my stomach. I sighed a deep sigh and shook my head.
"I'm going to be very home sick."
"You'll be too busy to even notice." Mother said. "Now stop thinking about it and lets finish these decorations. We've only got 18 hours before the wedding."
"Don't say that or she'll cry again." Debbie teased.
"Are many expected to attend?" I asked as I picked up a napkin and copied the script that mother had used to stitch my initials and Adam's initials into.
"Only close family and friends." Debbie said.
"About 20 people. We're going to have the celebration in the barn, like you had for…well when you married Andrew." She touched her chest and fell silent. I felt guilty. Never once had I thought about how this whole thing was affecting anyone else but me.
"I still love him." I said touching mother's hand.
"I know. I just wish he were here." She sniffled. "I've lost him and now I'm losing you. I don't know what to do with myself."
"Oh mother!" I started sobbing and wrapped my arms around her.
"My goodness all this crying is going to make us really behind for the wedding tomorrow." Debbie said with frustration. She got up off the rocking chair handed me a pair of scissors and a small group of field flowers. "Here cut these while you cry." She smiled but I knew she was sad too. So without mentioning it anymore we settled down to work and laughed the night away with tales of mother's and Debbie's weddings.
The next morning I woke slowly. Since Bradley went off to fight and Jacob now had his own house I had the room all to myself. I laid in my childhood bed for an extra ten minutes before I pushed back the covers and went to the window. I opened the shutters and closed my eyes as the warm sun lit up my face. It was a beautiful day and everyone seemed cheerful down below. Papa and Jacob were putting the wagon together while David and Simon were mucking the stalls and laying down new hay.
As I was watching my family work there was a knock at the door. Debbie's head appeared and she smiled.
"I have something for you." She said and opened the door with a huge tray of food. It looked delicious. I smiled slightly and touched my stomach.
"I'm afraid that I am too nervous to eat." I said sadly. She looked at the tray and frowned.
"I told you." Mother appeared holding a long box. "I said to her, she's not going to eat all that food. She'll be a nervous wreck." Debbie rolled her eyes and sat with the tray on her lap.
"I'll eat some of it Debbie." I said sitting beside her and picking up a piece of bacon. Debbie smiled and she too ate some of the food.
"I'll let you finish eating before we put the dress on."
"My mother's dress?" I asked looking at the box.
"Yes. We had to make a few adjustments since you stopped eating but it is pretty much the same dress." Debbie said. I jumped off the bed and grabbed the box, opening it very slowly. I gently pulled out the white dress that I had seen so many times. One time, when I was younger, instead of cleaning the rooms I went through my mother's trunk and found the dress. I tried it on and started dancing around the room. Momma caught me and was furious, but she later promised that one day the dress would be mine. And now the day had arrived. I looked at Debbie and mother with anticipation and they both laughed.
"Or we can dress you now and then carefully eat after." Debbie said and I clapped my hands.
An hour later I was done getting ready. My hair was down with a crown of flowers placed on my head and a long white veil on top of it. My dress was beautiful. It was white, with long sleeves and a neckline that hugged my neck. It had lace sown on top of the sleeves and neck and at the bottom of the dress. It hugged my waist and flowed to the ground with delicate wave. I stared at myself in the mirror and sighed as Debbie and mother started crying again. I was about to start crying myself when we heard someone riding up the drive. We all rushed to the window to see some man in black race to the front door.
Papa stopped him and they shared silent words before they shook hands and papa pointed to the house. He looked at the door and then up at the window and I jumped.
"He's here." I said sitting on the floor just beneath the window.
"He can't be here." Debbie said gathering the half eaten food.
"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."
"We'll go send him away." Debbie said and the two of them left the room. My heart was racing as I tried to hear what was going on downstairs. I couldn't stand it. I got up and silently went down the stairs and hid in the hallway to listen.
"I just have to talk to her." Adam said. "We parted on bad terms."
"I'm sorry but it is bad luck." Mother said stubbornly. I could picture her standing with her arms folded and her face stern. I smiled.
"I just…I need to make sure that she still wants to marry me."
"Why wouldn't she?" Debbie said.
"What did you do?" Jacob's voice came from somewhere close.
"We had an argument and I don't know if she wants to marry me anymore."
"Well I'll go ask her but you still cant see her." Jacob said. Then he appeared in the doorway and jumped when he saw me sitting on the stairs.
"Holy Shit." He said and I covered my mouth to stop the laughter.
'What is it?" Debbie asked.
"Just a rat." He said smiling at me. "I'm going to toss it outside." He held his arm out and I linked my arm through his. And we quietly walked out the back door. We sat on the log where Jacob had comforted me and Momma had told me about Aggie coming. We were silent for a while, just soaking up the sun and listening to the sounds around us.
"Did he hurt you?" Jacob finally asked.
"No he just made me angry." I shrugged. "So I told him he'd have to wait and see if I'd meet him at the altar or not." Jacob was silent for a second and then laughed.
"I can remember Momma telling me a story like that. She was stubborn like you are." He smiled. "You actually look a lot more like her now."
"You think so?" I said touching the St Agnes medallion that still hung around my neck.
"She would be very proud of you. She always was." Then his face went sullen. "But she would not want you to marry if you didn't love or if the marriage would make you give up your life."
"I'm not giving up my life Jacob, I'm just changing it." I sighed. "I didn't want to leave you guys behind, but I do love Adam and I made a promise that I intend to keep." He studied my face for a second and then sighed.
"I'm going to miss you." His words were barely louder than a whisper but I still heard them. My eyes instantly filled up with tears. He wrapped his arms around me and we held onto each other tightly.
"You will have to tell her." I said. He nodded knowing that I meant Aggie. "Don't wait until it's too late. But don't tell her before she's ready."
"Any other requests on how to raise my children?" he smirked and I shook my head.
"Only that you write to me often about them."
"I promise." He kissed my head and then held out his hands for me. "Come now. It's time for you to get married."
The chapel was bright and full of people. The back doors were forced open because of the heat and the amount of people. I looked over at Papa who sat beside me in the carriage and he smiled.
"There are so many people here."
"There are so many people who love you." He said and kissed my hand. Then the sound of a small piano started playing and everyone turned to watch as I opened the carriage door. Papa held tightly to my hand as he helped my out of the carriage and towards the door to the chapel. He stopped at the doors and kissed my cheek before he covered my face with the veil.
As we slowly walked down the aisle I smiled at all the people around us but I never registered a face. I felt my hands sweat and my heart race. I looked up at the altar and Adam stood beaming at me. I almost burst out laughing when I looked down and saw his kilt, the same one he had worn when we had stayed in Edinburgh. He had grown out a small blonde beard but I still knew it was him. We smiled at each other and I couldn't look anywhere else.
The ceremony passed in a blur. Papa kissed my cheek and gave me away, Reverend Thomas blessed us and our wedding bands and then gave Adam permission to kiss his bride. When he lifted my veil and kissed me I was shocked. It finally registered that I had just married this man, this man who ruled my country, who was one of my best friends and not the man who a year ago I had thought I'd be standing here with. When his lips left mine there were tears in my eyes but I smiled. He held out his arm and I linked mine through and together we strolled down the aisle as a new married couple.
"I still can't believe you got married TWICE before I did." Gina said appearing in front of me. I beamed at her and wrapped my arms tightly around her.
"I can't believe you came."
"This is the biggest event that is happening this year. How could I pass it up?" She kissed my cheek and then turned to Adam, whom everyone was calling Henry. "I don't know how you managed to steal her heart but you better not break it, or you'll have the whole town breaking you." She threatened him with a smile.
"I promise I will do no such thing." He said and then kissed her cheek lightly.
"I like this one Susie." She said giving me a wink and then walking away allowing other guests to greet us.
"Susie huh?" Adam whispered in my ear.
"She always called me that as a child."
"I like it." He said kissing my cheek and boldly touching my behind. I swatted his hand away as Jacob and Debbie stopped in front of us.
"What a beautiful ceremony." She said, her eyes red from crying and her face puffy with her pregnancy. I smiled and kissed her cheek.
"It wouldn't have been without you." I said.
"You really did do a fantastic job." Adam said and Debbie blushed.
"How are you two holding up?" Jacob asked looking at the long line behind them. I smiled and Adam sighed.
"If I get threatened one more time I'm going to leave." He said and Jacob laughed.
"It's a ritual in this town. When a woman marries the man always gets a warning on what will happen to him if she ever gets hurt."
"I don't remember them doing that to you." I said and Jacob shrugged.
"It's because they all threatened me." Debbie said with an eye roll and we laughed.
"Good luck." Jacob said to Adam and I couldn't help but smile.
"Auntie is it true that you are moving away again!" Aggie said pulling on my dress, reminding me that they were there. I bent down and wrapped my arms around her and the boys.
"I am moving away, but a letter will always reach me."
"But I don't know how to write." Samuel said and I laughed and kissed his head.
"Well your papa knows how to write so he can teach you."
"But we'll miss you." Aggie said tears in her eyes.
"I know but maybe one day you will come and visit me and you can play with Lucan."
"And we'll have kids then so you can play with them too." Adam said bending down beside me. I could feel my face heat up but I smiled anyways. Aggie wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed.
"Will they be boys?" She asked.
"Two boys and three girls." He said confidently.
"Good. I could use some girls to play with." Aggie said kissing his cheek and bouncing off after her parents.
"Five children? What are you thinking?"
"That I want as many children with you as possible. I was thinking more like ten but I don't want you to be fat." He teased and I smacked his stomach just as old family friends appeared before us.
"And so it starts." The husband said. We laughed and I pushed aside the feeling of worry that was growing in my stomach.
The celebration ended well past midnight and almost everyone was drunk. There were men sleeping in the hayloft and children sleeping under tables. The band had stopped playing because their drunken fingers could no longer hold a tune and the women were all yawning on the benches barely speaking a word because all the words had been used.
"I think it's time we left." Adam said and I nodded as I hid a yawn behind my hand.
"I just have to say goodbye to my family." I looked around the barn for my family and then realized that the only person left was David. Papa had gone to be early because of his sore back and Debbie and Jacob had taken the kids up to the house about an hour after. David sat resting his head on Johnny's shoulder and was dozing off. I kissed his head and his eyes opened.
"We're going to go now." I said quietly brushing his red curls back as if he were a child.
"Ok." He said standing up and Johnny stood as well. "I love you." He said and wrapped his arms around me. I was taken back by his sudden affection. David and I had always been close, but I was always the one who reassured him that he was loved not the other way around.
"I love you too." I said and kissed his cheek. "Take care of everyone."
"I will."
"And I'll take care of him." Johnny said catching David as he staggered. I smirked and kissed Johnny's cheek.
"Thank you." I said felt Adam's hand on my back. He gently led me out of the barn where a black carriage waited for us.
"Where are we going?" I said as I waved to our remaining guests as the carriage drove away.
"It's a surprise." He said and looked out the window into total darkness. His leg bounced in anticipation and I smirked.
"Is it far?"
"You'll see." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I reached over and grabbed his hand. He kissed it and then looked back out the window. I studied his face and wondered what could possibly make him this excited. It wasn't until we pulled up to the house that I realized what was making him anxious.
We pulled up to a small house with a gravel drive and large oak doors that opened into the house. The front of the house was lit by lanterns, which allowed me to see most details. The walls were white stone with a red roof and large glass windows sat on both sides of door. There was a small barn off to the side where horses were stored but there wouldn't be enough room for plows or cows. There was a garden in the front with two red rose bushes. Adam jumped out of the carriage and opened the door for me. He held out his hand to me and I slowly reached out and grabbed his hand.
I stepped down onto the familiar grass and stared at the new house where my old house used to stand. I felt tears in my eyes and pain in my chest.
"What do you think?" he whispered.
" I…It's…Why?" I say without moving any closer.
"Why what?"
"Why did you choose this spot?" The memories of Andrew flood my mind: when we held hands and walked through the forest, when we planted the small tree growing to the side of the new house, when I got that letter and he held me so tightly as if I would disappear. The tears poured from my eyes and I started sobbing.
"Susanna I'm sorry." Adam's arm instantly wrapped around me and held onto me tightly. "I just thought this would be a good way to start fresh but still have a piece of the old times." I listened to his words and I stopped sobbing but the tears still fell. "We can go if you want? I'll sell the place and we'll never speak of this again?"
"No." I looked up at the house and wiped my face. "It's a new start, a new house and new me. A queen doesn't cry about silly things like this." I said and looked up at him. He stared down at me shocked and then touched my cheek.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know." I looked at the house and sighed. "It really is beautiful."
"Wait till you see the inside." He said with a smile and picked me up and carried me over the threshold, as every good husband should.
When you walked into the house you entered a hallway. The hallway went the length of the house with three doors and one archway. The archway was closest to us and inside was the sitting room with a nice large fire. There were brand new rocking chairs and even a love seat in front of the large window. The door closest was the door to the kitchen. It had a small round table with four chairs and tall counter tops. There were cabinets on the ceiling, which contained glass plates and ceramic cups. The doors closest to the end were bedrooms, one bigger than the other. Both had equally sized beds but the larger room had more decoration: flowers, pillows, and paintings.
"You have really outdone yourself sir." I said smiling at him as I united the strings to my wedding dress, slipped it off and flopped down onto the soft bed. I laid back and closed my eyes feeling the alcohol make my head spin.
"I wanted to give you the best."
"Well it isn't the best but it's pretty darn close." I said propping myself up on my elbows and smiling at him.
"Oh really?" He smirked and then jumped on top of me and started tickling me. I grabbed his hands to make him stop and he ended up gaining control of my hands and raising them above my head. He started to kiss me, my lips my neck my chest and with one hand holding my hands, he untied my underwear and gently slipped it off. He kissed every inch of my body before he started taking his clothes off and I thought I was going to burst. His kiss sent shivers down my spine and made my knees shake. He moved me up higher onto the bed so my head rested on the pillows and went back to kissing me again, all in one smooth motion. His hands cupped my breast and squeezed as his lips teased my neck. I grabbed onto his hair and he groaned slightly as I pulled to hard. Then he was inside me and we were moving in the same motion, as a fish swims with the flow of the river. It wasn't like the first time with Andrew. It wasn't clumsy or awkward. It was passionate and intense and when it was over I held onto him for minutes not wanting the feeling to ever go away.
We had sex two more times that night and the next morning Adam was exhausted. I woke with my head on his chest and my hair covering his face. I chuckled slightly and slowly climbed out of the bed. I looked around for some clothes but realized I hadn't brought any. So I grabbed the small blanket, normally used for laps of old men and women, that was folded on a chair and wrapped it around myself. I quietly opened the door and walked to the kitchen. The icebox was stocked with food. I grabbed some food and started making him breakfast. Just as I was finishing making breakfast he strolled in rubbing his eyes with nothing but his kilt on.
"It smells delicious in here." He said wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. "Taste's delicious too." He said and I laughed.
"Stop it, you'll make me burn the eggs." He kissed me again and then sat at the table, which I had set two places and had put the coffee on the table already. I hummed as I filled both plates with bacon, eggs, sausages, and blood pudding and potatoe scones. I carried both plates to the table and set one down in front of him. Then I became aware that he was watching me. I smiled at him.
"What?"
"I'm just wondering what I did to be so lucky."
"Eat." I said rolling my eyes and trying not to let it show how much that compliment made me happy. We chatted through the meal about the wedding and the wedding still to come. He coached me on what to do and what to say. We talked about our family and the family that we would one day have. Then we washed the dishes and went back to bed. Just after noon the carriage showed up and Adam kissed me goodbye as he went back to prepare everyone for the wedding. Leaving me in this new house all alone.
But the week wasn't too bad. Debbie came over for dinner and brought Lucan and my clothes with her. We discussed the new house, which she loved and the love making between Adam and I. She laughed as I blushed but I told her most of the details that she wanted to hear. She stayed the night, after I insisted and then walked home the next morning.
Ceecee and Lady Regan showed up about midweek and they brought all the clothes I would need to wear. Lady Regan said most of my stuff was already at the palace but we needed to put on a show for the doubters. Friday morning, after hours of hairdressing and changing outfits, we locked the doors to the cabin and we off to the palace.
People must have heard about my arrival because they lined the streets of the town all the way to the castle waving and smiling and shouting blessings at me. I was taken back by all the support I was getting and wanted to lean out the window and wave to everybody, but Lady Regan made me shut the blinds. "One wrong move and they wont be throwing flowers." I glanced nervously at Ceecee who sat across from me and gently patted Lucan's head, which rested on my lap.
Getting into the castle was a blur. We were met by the entire staff and some of the early guests. I spotted Maria at the top of the steps and smiled as I climbed out of the carriage. People all around me started to smile too and gave me words of greeting.
Lady Regan and Ceecee had done a fine job of making me look like a princess. Lady Regan had chosen a soft pink dress, an English style, with square shoulders and tight wasted with the kirtle showing. But there were small pink beads sown into the shape of flowers along the breast of the dress.
Ceecee had braided my hair in one of the most complex braids I had ever seen. She placed a golden hat on my head that had a large white feather and pink jewels sown into the hat and draped the braid over my shoulder. She added charcoal to line my eyes and died my lips a darker shade of pink.
Therefore as I smiled and nodded to the people around me, held my head high, kept my hands at my stomach and strolled up the steps I could feel everyone's gaze of approval. I smiled directly at Maria and Spencer but didn't stop because I knew it would be frowned upon to show favorites. I desperately wanted to reach out and hold her hand so she could guide me.
As I walked in through the huge doors of the castle and saw many more people surrounding the hallway, my gaze met a pair of bright blue eyes. They sparkled in the light and shone when happy. They reminded me of the ocean and of the summer sky at the same time. My heart started to race and my body shook. He was here. He was alive. And then I fainted.
