A/N: Believe it or not I have had this written forever. lol. I just found it on my laptop when I went to continue the story. The reason why it has taken me so long to write this is because I've been off traveling Europe and left my laptop behind. Again sorry for the delayed update. But also I was thinking maybe I should try and publish this book. Obviously I'd have to change the characters names and some characteristics. Plus I'd have to edit it like crazy. If you haven't caught on I hate editing lol. What do you guys think?
I woke to the smell of burning wood. The room was quiet but I could hear at least two people breathing heavily in the room. It was dark outside and the crickets were chirping. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around the dark room. Ceecee slept in the chair closest to me, her body curled up into a tiny ball. Lady Regan slept in the chair closest to the door, with a book in her lap and her mouth hanging open. The only one awake was Lucan. He lay with his head on my stomach and stared at me. When I smiled at him his tail wagged and he inched forward to lick my face. I laughed which caused Ceecee to stir and Lady Regan jumped awake.
"Oh my goodness you gave us a fright!" She said rushing to my side.
"Are you alright?" Ceecee asked as Lady Regan checked my forehead and felt my pulse.
"I feel a little shaky. What happened?" Lady Regan looked at Ceecee and they shared silent words.
"You fainted." Ceecee finally said.
"I don't remember feeling sick." I said trying desperately to remember. All I remember was the colour blue and then…nothing.
"I think you were just overwhelmed." Lady Regan said. "Are you hungry? I'll go ask the kitchen staff to make you something to eat." She said and then disappeared through one of the secret doors.
"I should probably go and let the King know that you are awake." Ceecee said. "He has been knocking on the door almost every hour." I nodded and scratched Lucan's head.
I lay in silence listening to the quiet all around me and before long I was losing my mind. I pushed back the covers and climbed out of the very large and very comfy bed. I threw on the green night coat that had three gold buttons at my chest and opened to reveal my nightgown underneath and quietly crept to the door. Lucan was on my heels as I slipped out of the room and into the hallway. There was no one around so I was safe.
Slowly we walked down the hallway, carefully listening to sounds of someone approaching. The last thing I needed was someone catching me out of bed and spreading rumours about the new queen wandering at night. I followed the hallway, studying the tapestries and noticing that there weren't any doors in my hallway. My suite seemed to be the only one. At the end of the hallway was the grand staircase and there was a maid humming as she scrubbed the bottom steps. I looked around for a distraction and found a small twig that probably been brought in with the plants for the wedding.
"Look Lucan. It's a stick. Do you want it?" I said whispering as I waved the stick in front of his face. His tail wagged and he tried to grab it but I pulled it away. "Fetch." I said and through the stick down the stairs. His reaction was delayed but he eventually chased after the stick, causing the maid to shout and the bucket of water to be knocked over. I quickly raced down to the first landing and then up to the east wing before she noticed. Lucan caught up with me halfway down the hallway and dropped the stick at my feet. I smiled down at him and patted his head.
This hallway was much different than my hallway. There were rooms all along the walls, on both sides. I was instantly worried of being caught. This hallway held a much bigger risk. I was slowly creeping down the hallway, staying close to one wall, the wall that I thought would most likely hold fewer occupants. Just as I passed a door it opened and I fell into the person on the other side.
"Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I sleep…walk…." As I looked down at the hands clutching onto me, my words fell away. I felt my heart quicken and my stomach dropped. I slowly turned to look into his face and felt tears in my eyes. He smiled down at me and that was it.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I felt the familiar feelings I had when Jesse kissed me: my blood boiling, my heart racing, my knees shaking. I heard the door close behind me and he picked me up and laid me on the bed. It happened very quickly, which was not how I wanted our reunion to go, but I was lucky enough to have a reunion. One minute I lay watching him take off his shirt and the next minute I was naked and we were panting heavily. I cried out and he groaned into my neck and then it was all over. I stroked his hair as he lay on top of me breathing heavily. When he lifted his head and smiled I realized what I was actually seeing.
"You're alive." I said and then I started sobbing. He quickly climbed off of me, picked me up and cuddled me like a baby. He wrapped his body tightly around me and kissed my head. All I could say was, "You're alive," over and over again.
"Shh Susanna it's ok." He whispered into my hair. He held me tightly and stroked my hair, kissing my head occasionally, until eventually I stopped.
"Oh Jesse you have no idea how much I have missed you!" I said looking up into his face. He smiled sadly and kissed me.
"I'm home now. Things can go back to the way they were." He kissed me again and I smiled.
"But I thought you were dead. Adam said…" then I remembered Adam and I jumped up. "I shouldn't have come here."
"Why? Do you not love me anymore?" He looked as if I had stabbed him with a million swords.
"Of course I love you! I never stopped loving you and I never will." I slipped my nightgown over my body and wrapped my arms around my waist. "But I'm marrying Adam in less than 12 hours."
"You don't have to go through with it. We were supposed to get married Susanna. Not you and Adam. You can't just throw a love like ours away."
"I thought you were dead. I had no other choice." He started to speak and then stopped.
"You had no other choice?" he blinked. "Or you have no other choice?" I studied his angry face and sighed. I sat on the bed beside him and grabbed his hands. "No." Was all he said and it was barely a whisper.
"We had got the letter that said you had gone missing and were presumed dead. It was a hard time for both of us." I took a deep breath as he snatched his hands away and strode to the window. "You know this wouldn't have happened if you…"
"Were alive?" He snapped. "Susanna I am alive. How long did you mourn for before you started planning your new wedding? A week? A day? You probably jumped right into bed with him as soon as you knew your future was lost." In the silence you could hear my heart shatter into a million pieces. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't breathe. I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath.
"That is completely unfair. Not a day has gone by where I have not thought of you. Even on my wedding day I cried because I was marrying the wrong man. But what was I supposed to do? Wait for a dead man?" He scowled and went to speak, but I raised my hand and he stopped. I stood up and put on my house robe. "I'm sorry that I married Adam and I'm sorry I didn't know you were alive. I'm sorry I didn't wait for you. I'm sorry that I broke your heart. But you broke mine the day you left. I thought you were dead so I moved on." I marched to the door and opened it.
"Susanna, don't go. We can run away." He said stepping towards me.
"I'm married to Adam, Jesse. I made a promise to this man and God and I am going to keep it. I understand if I never see you again, but I want you to know that no matter what I will always love you." With that I left the room, shutting off the sound of Jesse's sobs.
"Ah Your Highness. So lovely to see you again." Lady Diana said as she, Lady Molly and Lady Margret entered my suite. I was sitting in the sitting area by the window, pretending to read a book, but my mind never left Jesse.
"Hello." I smiled and they all smiled back.
"Quite the scare you gave everyone yesterday." Lady Molly said placing a long white box on the table.
"Yes well…"
"Lady Susanna was exhausted from our travels." Lady Regan said sitting by the window that faced the river. There was a cool breeze coming in the window and she was starting to doze off.
"Naturally." Lady Margret said with a gentle smile. She had gotten bigger in the weeks that passed and she looked tired and uncomfortable. "We wont take up too much of your time. We just wanted you to know that everything is in order and this wedding shall go without a hitch."
"Perfect." I said giving them my most charming smile.
"Also we have brought your dress." Lady Molly said smiling proudly at Diana. I looked at the box and smiled.
"Is that my dress?" But the way I said it came out in a snappier tone and Lady Molly frowned as Lady Diana jumped.
"Heaven's no your grace. That is your veil." She clapped her hands and the doors opened. "This is your dress."
Two young stewards pushed a manikin into the room. It was breath taking. The firs thing that caught my eye was the jewels sown into the gown. The gown was a soft yellow with a tight bodice and a full skirt with pointed edges caused from the underwire. The sleeves were long, puffy at the shoulders but tight at the elbows and were golden yellow. There was gold velvet sown into the trim of the dress and small diamonds were embroidered throughout the dress to make it sparkle. I gently reached out and touched the fabric. It was silk.
"Well?" Lady Margret coaxed.
"It's wonderful." I said, my eyes never left it.
"We decided on yellow because having a white wedding gown may offend some of the elders." Lady Molly said fixing the long golden velvet train.
"Why would they be offended?" Ceecee asked.
"Because white is the colour of purity and it isn't right to show off ones virginity, especially to the whole country." Lady Diana said with her nose in the air. Ceecee made a face and then rolled her eyes, which caused me to smile.
"Also we chose yellow because it matches your colours." Margret said. "And see the jewels. They're sown into little flowers." She said pointing out one section. I nodded and could not speak.
"You're veil is 6 ft long." Lady Molly said. "It will reach just above your feet and fits perfectly with the train." She opened the box and lifted the headpiece. It was a golden emerald encrusted tiara with soft shimmering golden lace attached to it. I touched it gently and felt the material on my hands.
"Here are your shoes Your Grace." Lady Diana said holding out another box. Inside were a pair of golden shoes with silk ribbons and small wooden heels. They too had diamond flowers sown onto the silk and they sparkled in the sun.
"It seems the Princess is speechless." Lady Regan said touching my shoulder gently. I smiled and looked at the three women.
"You have done a wonderful job. These are marvelous." I looked to the dress again. "I shall feel like a true princess when I wear this dress." I heard Ceecee's quick inhale and blanked. Lady Regan laughed.
"You are a princess your Grace." She said eyeing me carefully.
"Of course, but sometimes I feel like it is all a dream. That one day I shall awaken to realize I am a peasant with 6 screaming children and a fat husband." I said and the ladies laughed. Lady Regan nodded at my quick save and turned to the women.
"Well we must get her highness ready. We are already late." She said shooing the women out of the room. Margaret grabbed my hands and smiled.
"I am truly excited for us to become sisters. I always longed for a sister." She said and then kissed my hand before waddling off after the others. When the doors were closed I exhaled and flopped onto the window seat.
"That thing looks like it weighs more than Lucan." I said eyeing it cautiously.
"But it is beautiful." Ceecee said touching the velvet trim.
"I wish I could wear my mother's dress. It suits me more." I said and Lady Regan scowled.
"Susanna stop it. Sit up and remember what you are about to do. This isn't about you anymore. This is about what you are going to do for this country. Now lets put this dress on you so we can get this day over with." I smiled and realized that both my friends were equally exhausted with all these wedding plans as I was.
It took three hours to get the dress on. First I had to put on my petticoats and stockings. Then I had the corset tied onto me by Lady Regan. As she pulled on the ropes she gasped.
"What? Did something tear?" I asked looking over my shoulder at her.
"No the dress is fine. I was just…looking at your mark." She said touching the small brown spot on my shoulder.
"I've had it since I was a baby." I said with a shrug. "My mother had the same one and my older brother has it too." I felt her touch the mark that looked similar to a winged bird and then she inhaled deeply. "Is something wrong with it?"
"No not at all." She paused. "It's beautiful." This made Ceecee and I laugh and Lady Regan snap out of whatever was going on with her. She started pulling on the strings again, only this time she was more vigorous. It got to the point where it was too tight and it had to be loosened and tied again. After the corset came the underwire, which I had to squeezed my hips through because my shoulders were too wide. I was sure to have bruises after that. Then came the dress. Ceecee and Lady Regan had to stand on chairs to lift the dress over my head. By the time I was dressed I was starving and sweating.
"I'm going to die from the heat." I said fanning myself as I sat in front of my vanity. Ceecee brushed my hair gently and Lady Regan placed the small diamond flowers that were going to go in my hair, on the table for my inspection. I nodded approval and Lady Regan rushed off to get me food and water.
As Ceecee decorated my hair I felt the fabric of my dress and thought of all the blessings I had been given. I went from a life of poverty to a life of riches within 5 years. My family was happy and would be financially stable from now on. No more cold, hungry winters and long hot summers. The children could get an education and work in places other than the fields. My life was perfect, yet I could not shake the sadness that sat in my heart.
"Ready?" Ceecee asked as she placed the veil over my face. We had been picked up in a large, gold carriage with a red roof and glass windows. The guards blocked the peasants from coming within the castle walls, but the cheers and cries still met my ears and made me smile. The ride to Westminster Abbey had been a long one. People lined the streets and through flowers and other tokens onto the road. Women were crying and men were waving their hats in the air.
"We must do something in return for all their love." I said as I stared out the windows. My hands, which wore gold silk gloves were squeezed together tightly and my heart was racing.
"Lets plan one thing at a time." Lady Regan said shaking her head with amusement. As we pulled up to the abbey I felt nauseous. Ceecee gave my hand a gentle squeeze as the door to the carriage opened and the noise from the crowd filled the air again. "They love you Susanna. Let's give them something to be proud of." Lady Regan said as she stepped out of the carriage and offered me her hands.
It was a graceful struggle to get out of the carriage but when I did I took a deep breath and looked over the crowd close by. I lifted my hand and smiled brightly, though they couldn't see that, and gave them a graceful wave. They loved it. They cheered louder and called out to me blessings from God. It dawned on me that this was a show, a scripted play that Sir William Shakespeare could have written and I was watching from the stands.
The music started as 6 little girls, ranging from 4 to 10 lined up in front of me. I had no idea who they were but they were distant relatives of Adam, so naturally they were in the wedding party. They all wore soft yellow dresses and each carried a basket of tulip leaves, which they would drop on the aisle as I walked by.
As I had requested the Abbey was filled with chairs and I could see that on this hot day the guests were appreciative. The ladies fanned their faces vigorously and then men dabbed at their faces with their handkerchiefs.
Lady Regan nodded to the head girl to start the procession and my heart skipped. She handed me my flowers, gave me a bright smile and nodded at me. Words could not be spoken with too many listeners around but they were also not needed for I knew what she was telling me: head up, elbows in and look confident.
I felt Ceecee fix my train and I started to walk down the aisle. I noticed a lot of faces that I did not know. But as I got closer I smiled as I spotted Maria and Spencer, both looking charming in royal blue. And beside them sat Debbie and Jacob. Debbie was wearing a soft green satin dress I had custom made for her and Jacob was wearing a tunic that matched Debbie's dress. They both smiled at me proudly, causing tears to form in my eyes. Then I became aware that Papa was missing and I almost stopped walking. I would've stopped if it hadn't been for Ceecee's cough from behind me. I snapped back into Princess mode and decided I would worry about it later.
The whole time walking up the aisle Adam never turned to look at me. But when I walked up the steps and stood beside him he turned and gave me the grandest smile I have ever seen on his face. It made me blush, but luckily it was hidden beneath my veil.
"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to celebrate the holy matrimony of his Grace, King Adam and Lady Susanna." Father Dominic shouted. He smiled at us and turned to the guests. "Who gives this woman away?" I looked around for Papa but Spencer rose.
"I do." He said smiling brightly at me and then sitting back down.
The readings and the mass passed by in a slow blur. It was hot, humid and becoming harder to breathe. Plus one of the guests had started snoring in the background and I had to bit my lip to stop my nervous laughter.
"Now for the vows and the rings." Adam grabbed my right hand and held it tightly. "Do you, Henry Adam Michael McTavish, second of his name, take this woman to be your wife?"
"I do." Adam smiled.
"Do you promise to love and cherish her for the rest of her days, in good times and bad, though rich or poor, through sickness or health?"
"I do."
"And do you Susanna Maria Simon take this man to be your husband?"
"I do." The words peeped out of my mouth and Fr. Dominic looked at me. I cleared my throat and said it louder. "I DO." The guests laughed and I blushed again.
"Do you promise to love and cherish him for the rest of his days, in good times and bad, though rich or poor, in sickness or health?"
"I do." I smiled up at him and he smiled back as we exchanged the golden rings. My hands shook as I slipped the ring onto his finger. It was customary for men to wear rings, but I had asked him to wear it as a sign of pure love for me, should his eye ever stray he would be reminded that he was mine. He laughed when I said this knowing that my heart would never truly be his but agreed to it anyway.
"You may kiss your bride." Fr. Dominic said and Adam smiled. He grabbed the front of the veil tossed it over my head, which caused some chuckles in from the guests. He gently touched my face with his hands and chastely placed a kiss on my lips as we had rehearsed the week before. The guests erupted in applause and laughter as we smiled up at each other.
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to, their royal highnesses King Adam and Princess Susanna." The crowd erupted inside and out as we turned to face our people. I looked out over the faces smiling happily and waved to my family. That's when I saw him. He stood in the shade of the pillars, leaning against the wall with a scowl on his face and hurt in his blue eyes. My smile never faltered but pain filled my chest. I couldn't look away as I felt Adam start to lead me down the steps. I almost tripped on my dress, which caused me to look away, and when I looked back he was gone.
"That wasn't too bad." Adam said as the carriage, now with the top missing so all could view us, took off from the Abbey. We smiled and waved at the people on the streets, giving extra special waves to the children and young people.
"It could have been worse." I said with a smile.
"You scared me yesterday Susanna." He said turning to me, keeping the smile on his face but the worry was clear in his eyes.
"I'm fine. It was just from traveling. I was tired and overwhelmed."
"You should have taken a break on the journey, stretched your legs."
"Because that would've been safe." I teased and touched his arm. "You worry too much."
"Because I now I have something to worry about." He said smiling at me and gave me a quick kiss.
"Are you going to be this sweet all the time because I might punch you!" I said with a smile.
"Well as long as it makes you smile and allows me into your bed at night I shall keep being as sweet as I can." I laughed at this and felt my cheeks blush.
"I don't really have a choice on that matter anymore." I said and his smile fell.
"I will never force you to do anything you don't want to do. You know that right?" His eyes were dark and his face serious. I looked out at the people who had noticed this too and watched the rumours spread through the crowd.
"Of course darling." I said leaning over to kiss him and the crowd erupted again. He smiled at me and we rode the rest of the way in silence.
We were introduced with loud trumpets and the banging of a staff on the floor. Our guests had stood to greet us and clapped as we walked into the dinning hall. Spencer and Maria stood at the seats beside us but Debbie and Jacob were seated closer to the end of the table. I so desperately wanted to speak with them but I knew I could not go over and speak with them just yet, for it was obvious that they came from small money.
People shook our hands and kissed my cheek and wished us all the happiness in the world. As we took our seats Margret smiled broadly from beside Paul, who sat next to Adam. She leaned over her swollen belly and arrogant husband and smiled. "Your wedding was even better than ours." She said.
"I'm sure yours was just as lovely." I said and Paul gave me an eerie smile.
"You've groomed her well cousin." He said with a sneer.
"I will make you leave if you say one more comment like that to me again." Adam spoke with a smile but his words her direct and stern. Paul smiled at me again and then sat back in his chair, scowling at his glass of wine.
The food was served and a fool performed in the middle of the room, first with a love song depicting our lives then with juggling and re-enactment of how Adam had run around for the past week getting ready for the wedding. The guests laughed so hard that some even cried. After that a group of children came in and sang a song written to celebrate our marriage. I looked over at Debbie and she smiling at the old couple beside her. Jacob caught my eye and raised his glass with a small smile. He was uncomfortable, that was plain, but for my sake he was trying to hide it.
After dinner was served everyone was moved into the ballroom and my ladies-in-waiting whisked me away up to my suite to change into my second dress. This dress had been made by the best local dressmaker, as a wedding present. It was a burnt orange colour with golden trim. The bodice was tight where the front was decorated with golden velvet trim and small gold beads to make it glitter. The same design was at the bottom of the sleeves as well. The sleeves were tight except for the shoulders, which were slightly puffy. The neckline was modest and the collar was made of white lace and rose to just below my ears. My veil was removed and a golden tiara was placed on my head. It was heavy and tight on my head but looked lovely in the light. With the red emerald and the small diamonds it suited the dress perfectly.
Ceecee took out the diamond flowers and let my hair down to a lower bun. She curled a couple of pieces and placed a red hair covering over it. It had red emeralds in the net and matched the tiara perfectly. She pinched my cheeks, put charcoal on my eyes and died my lips again before I was ready. It took an hour for everything to be complete.
I met Adam in the hallway and he was wearing a dark red tunic with a golden sash. He smiled and kissed my hand, in respect for the others around us.
"You look beautiful." He said.
"Thank you sir." I said nodding my head. He snapped his fingers and a boy rushed forward with a small box.
"Here. This is one of the wedding presents I have for you." He smiled excitedly as he opened the box. Inside was a shimmering golden necklace with a pearl that hung off the middle. It had small red rubies in it.
"It's lovely." I smiled as Ceecee fastened the necklace around my neck. It weighed a ton and now not only was my head aching but my neck would surly be raw by the end of the night.
"Yes you look radiant." His voice came from the end of the hallway but he stood in the darkness. I felt my heart race and I watched as he sauntered out from the shadows.
"Jesse?" Adam asked, but it sounded more like he was greeting him.
"Your Highness." He bowed to his friend. "Your Grace." He said and bowed to me. "How nice of you to invite me to your wedding."
"Leave us." Adam said to the servants around us. Ceecee and Lady Regan hesitated before I nodded to them. Ceecee squeezed my hand and they slowly walked down the hallway.
"This is just precious." Jesse snarled. "My best friend marrying the girl I love. How wonderful."
"We thought you were dead." I said surprised at my anger.
"Did you?" He looked at me. "Both of you?" He turned to Adam and I felt his body tense beside me.
"Of course we did!" Adam snapped. "Do you think I would do this to you intentionally? We have been friends since boyhood."
"And you've always tried to outdo me." He snarled.
"Jesse stop it. You sound like a child." I snapped. "This isn't the way anyone planned it but this is the way it turned out. I love you, you know that. But I have chosen a different path, like you did when you went to war."
"Susanna, how many times-"
"No Jesse. You had a choice. You made it. I understand this being difficult for you, as it is difficult for me. But if you cannot stop ruining this day I will have to ask you to leave." He looked at me startled for a second. I imagine he was expecting me to cry and I was surprised with myself that I wasn't.
"You actually sound like a queen." He said shocked.
"I may not be one now but within the month I will be. And I will not be made a fool in front of my countrymen." I turned and walked away. That's when the tears started. I could hear words being said from behind me but nothing registered. All I could hear was the beating of my heart and see the look of shock on his face. I was becoming the queen and losing myself in the process.
"My lady are you alright?" one of the servants asked and Ceecee grabbed my hands.
"It was horrible." I sobbed and she hugged me.
"Susanna." Lady Regan spoke softly and touched my shoulder. "I know you are hurting but you must stop crying. It will look badly if you are crying on your wedding day." I looked at her and allowed her to wipe my tears away with her handkerchief. As the tears dried up Adam caught up to us and sighed.
"I'm sorry darling. I had no idea he was here." He said touching my arm gently. I nodded and said nothing else. I put a smile on my face, made small talk with the right people and danced the dances I was supposed to.
When the last drink was served and the end of the party was announced Adam gave a small speech and whisked me away up the stairs. Ceecee undressed me and left my in my nightgown, giving me a cheeky smile. I climbed onto Adams bed and lay on the pillows. As he was undressing in his dressing room I thought of Jesse and how I had probably lost him forever. As Adam came out of the dressing room and smiled, I politely smiled back. But the excitement I had at having this man as my husband had vanished.
