Sorry in advance that 65% of this chapter is chat logs. Also, I started this on Friday but I had duty on Saturday and my date on Sunday (IT WENT REALLY WELL AND WE'RE GOING ON ANOTHER DATE OMG), so this was the first time I really had to finish and post this.
Many thanks to YaoiOverlord, BlOo KiSsEs, Kerra-Chan, LinkinPark X, RandomAnonymous, CatastrophicAquarius, Heki564, kab, and iDreamBig for your reviews to the last act.
Also, I will never stop with the Welcome to Night Vale references.
– –caligulasAquarium began pestering apocalypseArisen– –
CA: so i talked to my parents an theyre fine wwith us havvin a party at their place this wweekend
AA: g00d i will relay this inf0rmati0n t0 the gr0up. stand by
– –apocalypseArisen ceased pestering caligulasAquarium– –
– –apocalypseArisen has invited caligulasAquarium to join the thread vriskansAnonymous– –
– –caligulasAquarium has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –ectoBiologist has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –carcinoGeneticist has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –grimAuxiliatrix has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –cuttlefishCuller has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –turntechGodhead has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –twinArmageddons has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –tentacleTherapist has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –centaursTesticle has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –arsenicCatnip has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –adiosToreador has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
– –terminallyCapricious has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
AA: did i miss any0ne
CG: UH YEAH YOU DID. WHERE THE FUCK IS TEREZI?
AA: my mistake
– –gallowsCalibrator has joined the group vriskansAnonymous– –
GC: H3Y, K4RK4T, WH4TS 4 GUY L1K3 YOU DO1NG 1N 4 PL4C3 L1K3 TH1S?
CG: PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
TG: no wait
TG: dont control yourself
CG: DON'T GIVE HER IDEAS.
TG: this is going to be great
GC: 1 L1K3 D4V3'S 1D34.
TA: can you not. were 2uppo2ed two be dii2cu22iing 2omethiing
TA: im a22umiing
AA: quite right. eridan just t0ld me that he received the g0-ahead fr0m his parents t0 have a party at their h0use
CA: yeah on friday night an my brothers 23 so he can buy booze just lemme knoww wwhat you wwant
CC: We just need anot)(er diver
CC: I mean driver, sorry
CC: PUNS! 38D
CC: We need anot)(er driver because Eridan and I can only fit four ot)(er people eac)( in our cars and t)(ere's fourteen people coming. Equius, Gamzee, you )(ave ve)(icles, correct?
CT: D - Yes.
TC: YeAh BuT i DoN't ReAlLy FeEl LiKe GoInG. i GoT sOmE hElLs Of MoThErFuCkInG sTuDyInG tO dO.
CG: WHEN THE FUCK DO YOU ACTUALLY STUDY?
TC: I'm In ThE lIbRaRy AlMoSt EvErY nIgHt. JuSt AsK sOlLuX. hE's SeEn Me In ThErE pLeNtY oF tImEs, MoThErFuCkEr.
TA: ii can confiirm that not that ii know iif he2 actually studyiing but ii do 2ee hiim there
AA: 0kay well if gamzee and tavr0s arent c0ming then that brings 0ur t0tal d0wn t0 twelve but we still need s0me0ne else t0 drive if eridan and feferi can 0nly take ten pe0ple between them
AT: wAIT,,,
AT: wHO SAID i'M NOT GOING?
AA: i
AA: are y0u?
AT: wELL YEAH, i WANT TO GO,
AT: dID YOU ASSUME THAT,
AT: jUST BECAUSE gAMZ WASN'T GOING,
AT: tHAT i WOULDN'T WANT TO GO?
GC: (d4mn, c4ll3d out!)
AT: i DON'T NEED HIM TO HOLD MY HAND ALL THE TIME,
AT: oR SOMETHING,
TC: :o)
AC: :33 *ac appurroves of this*
CT: D - I am willing to volunteer my car as transportation. And I do not often partake of soporific f100ids, but when I do
AC: :33 *ac winces at impending joke*
CT: D - I prefer Dos Equis.
TG: stay thirsty, my friends
AC: :33 *ac paws at dave and growls, "Don't encourage him!"*
TG: ill drink basically anything but i like jaeger. i can give you a twenty for a handle tomorrow
CA: davve wwants jaeger, eq wwants dos equis, wwhat about the rest a you
CA: fef i already knoww wwhat you wwant
CA: oh just so you knoww my parents made me promise that thered be no drinkin an drivvin so once you start drinkin youre stuck
GA: I Will Drink Anything If It Has Vodka In It.
EB: i don't drink much so i'll be happy with beer or whatever
TT: Wine. My only stipulation is that it's red wine. Aside from that, my apathy knows no limits.
AA: tequila. i als0 d0nt have a preference
AT: i'LL GO HALFSIES WITH YOUR TEQUILA,
AT: iF YOU DON'T MIND, THAT IS,,,
AA: thats fine with me
CA: kar, ter, nep, sol, wwhat do you guys wwant
CG: I DON'T DRINK. BAD JUJU.
GC: DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO S33 TH3 BL1ND G1RL F4LL OV3R DRUNK? 1TLL B3 3MB4RR4SSING FOR 3V3RYON3.
AC: :33 *ac pawnders for a moment and says, "I will purrobably bring my own from home, if that's okay?" and nudges Eridan expectantly.*
CA: uh
CA: sure
CA: okay
CA: sol wwhat about you
TA: mead
CA: an wwhere the fuck am i supposed to get mead?
CA: 11th century scandinavvia?
TA: they 2ell iit at regular liiquor 2tore2 a22wagon do your re2earch
GC: 1 LOV3 TH3 SOUND OF H4T3FL1RT1NG 1N TH3 3V3N1NG
– –twinArmageddons has left the group vriskansAnonymous– –
CA: wwell then
CA: uh
CA: wwell i got evveryones orders so ill go ahead an talk to my brother about gettin it. i can spot you until the wweekend if anyones strapped for cash
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, ERIDAN, WE GET IT, YOU'RE RICH.
– –caligulasAquarium has left the group vriskansAnonymous – –
AA: that may have been a tad uncalled-f0r, karkat. but i believe we were all finished here unless s0me0ne has s0mething t0 add?
GA: I Think We're All Taken Care Of.
AA: g0ing 0nce
AA: g0ing twice
AA: beans and rice
AA: fuck it
– –apocalypseArisen has closed the group vriskansAnonymous – –
Sollux wanted to punch his computer screen in the face. Better yet, he wanted to punch Eridan in the face. He didn't know how he could hate and crush on someone so intensely at the same time, but he managed it. Maybe it was because he liked Eridan so much that the guy drove him crazy. That, and he was an aggravating little fuck.
And then with Terezi's comment on top of everything, he hadn't been able to stand that group for another minute.
– –apocalypseArisen began pestering twinArmageddons– –
AA: are y0u d0ing 0kay
AA: i mean terezis c0mment was unnecessary but
AA: karkat said s0mething 0bn0xi0us t0 eridan after y0u left
TA: good he2 a douchey liittle twat
AA: n0w im c0nfused
AA: i th0ught y0u had a massive crush 0n the guy
TA: ii do
TA: iit2 ju2t
TA: compliicated
AA: explain?
TA: he2 iinfuriiatiing and aggravatiing and he driive2 me completely nut2 2ometiime2 and ii know hell never return my feeliing2 2o that ju2t make2 iit wor2e becau2e 2omehow ii do liike hiim a lot
TA: ii hate hiim and ii liike hiim and two be hone2t iit 2uck2
TA: wwhat diid kk 2ay
AA: um
TA: *what
TA: fuck
TA: fuck my entiire liife
TA: fuck liiterally everythiing
TA: ju2t
TA: FUCK
AA: 0kay
TA: what diid kk 2ay two hiim
AA: well
TA: you knowwhat
TA: *know what
AA: what
TA: ii liiterally DO NOT CARE anymore
TA: ii 2hould ju2t be focu2iing on not thiinkiing about hiim anymore
TA: 2o maybe ii can put thii2 2tupiid cru2h behiind me
TA: 2tartiing now
AA: i see
TA: but liike ii dont want two come off a2 rude or 2omethiing do you thiink ii 2hould stiill go twwo ed2 party
TA: *TWO WHAT THE FUCK
AA: l00k maybe i sh0uld let y0u g0. y0u seem t0 be busy
TA: bu2y? wiith what?
AA: expl0ring. i hear egypt is nice this time 0f year
TA: egypt?
AA: well yes im assuming thats where y0ure at since y0u seem t0 be getting s0 well acquainted with a particular egyptian river
TA: what
TA: OH HA-HA-HA, VERY FUCKIING FUNNY
AA: y0ur excessive caps c0ncern me
AA: the last time y0u displayed this trait y0u were 0n a very seri0us manic high
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld see ab0ut getting y0ur d0sage adjusted
AA: as 0ne friend t0 an0ther
TA: um
TA: about that
TA: iim actually off my med2
AA: i
AA: f0r h0w l0ng?
TA: 2iince the 2ummer
AA: why didnt y0u tell me?
TA: ii
TA: ii wanted two 2ee iif ii could hack iit wiithout people knowiing
TA: liike when you go on mood alteriing med2 people treat you diifferent
TA: and iit2 the 2ame when you go off them
TA: ii ju2t diidnt want anyone two treat me diifferently than they do now
AA: i understand s0llux i really d0 but
AA: c0me 0n, its me
AA: y0u really th0ught i w0uld treat y0u differently?
TA: hell my own brother diid
TA: kk wa2 my be2t friiend when ii went on them iin the fiir2t place and he acted 2o weiird around me for a long tiime after
TA: liike ii was doped up or would 2nap at any 2econd
TA: he 2tiill acted liike my friiend but everythiing changed
TA: ii diidnt want that two happen wiith u2
AA: i think i see y0ur p0int
AA: just kn0w that i w0uldnt treat y0u any differently. y0ure my best friend and n0 matter what happens, n0thing will change that
TA: thank2
TA: ii wonder iif ed realiize2 how jacked up hii2 2uppo2ed riival ii2
AA: i th0ught y0u were trying n0t t0 think ab0ut him anym0re
TA: FUCK
TA: look ii 2hould probably ju2t go two 2leep iit2 gonna be a long week
AA: call me if y0u need t0 vent 0r anything. im here f0r y0u. i kn0w its t0ugh but i l0ve y0u and i want t0 help y0u any way i can
TA: thank2
TA: and ii love you two okay?
AA: g00d night s0llux
TA: niight aa
– –twinArmageddons ceased pestering apocalypseArisen– –
What a fucking douche-wagon, Eridan thought angrily, glaring at the chat log from the group. He didn't know what Karkat's fucking problem was, but he would have probably punched him in the face if the kid had been there. He white-knuckled the armrests of his computer chair, gulping down deep breaths to calm himself down before getting up and heading out to where Cronus was sitting in the living room, his feet kicked up on the coffee table and a lit joint smoking between his first two fingers.
"Hey, bro," he said, kicking at Cronus's feet, "I need a favor."
"What kinda favor are we talkin'?" Cronus drawled.
"Mom an' Dad said I could throw a party at their place Friday an' we—"
"Wait, wait, wait, hold up," his brother said, holding up his free hand. "I already dig where this is goin'. You need me to buy booze."
"Basically, yeah."
"No fuckin' way."
Eridan was floored for a second. He'd never actually expected that Cronus would say no. "But—why?"
"'Cause you're not a' legal age yet, that's why. An' lemme guess—none a' your friends are, either."
"Eq will be legal... in like December," he added quietly. "But Mom an' Dad already said alcohol was fine! We just aren't allowed to drink an' drive, which, hello, I already figured!"
"That's fine an' fuckin' dandy but they probably assumed at least one a' your friends would be legal an' providin' the alcohol. I sure as shit ain't doin' it."
Eridan eyed his brother, trying to figure out how best to attack this problem. Bribery, his usual tactic, wouldn't work this time—his brother was just as well-off as him, and neither of them were hurting for cash. As far as he knew, Cronus had everything materially he wanted—he hadn't seen his brother drooling over some new gadget or something. There had to be something he had that Cronus wanted, though. And then an idea came to him. "Look, if you don't, I'll have to cancel the party an' then I'll be home all weekend."
Cronus narrowed his eyes slightly and tilted his head to the side. "Where are you goin' with this?"
"Well," he said with exaggerated nonchalance, "I figure if you have a girlfriend, you probably wanna spend the weekend with her without your lame little brother hangin' around an' listening."
The elder Ampora leaned his head back and stared at Eridan for a few moments before smirking. "I guess we are related." The fact that the two of them had nearly identical faces apparently wasn't enough proof for Cronus, but this was. "Alright, little man. I'll buy your booze. But I got a few conditions a' my own."
Eridan's head fell back and he groaned to the ceiling. "What now?"
Cronus held up one finger. "First, no one fucks in my bed. Absolutely no one. That is strictly my domain." He put up a second finger. "Second, no one fucks in Mom an' Dad's room."
"They told me to lock their room an' the study anyway."
"Good. Third, no drunken hookups at all. That's just askin' for trouble, an' you don't want that. Plus, it'll get me in trouble, too, an' I definitely don't want that."
"Got it. Anythin' else?"
"Yeah, actually."
Eridan groaned again.
"Fourth, if any bad shit does happen at this party an' alcohol is involved, I will deny supplyin' it."
"Fine."
"An' fifth, I'm assumin' this doll you like is gonna be there."
Eridan nodded, wondering why his mind jumped to Sol before remembering Fef.
"If you finish this weekend without tellin' her you like her, I will kick your ass."
He ground his teeth and nodded once, a curt shake of his head. "Fine. Done."
Cronus's smirk widened. "Alright, little monster. Just give me cash an' a list an' I'll have it all for you by the time you leave on Friday."
Eridan fished a hundred and fifty dollars out of his wallet and went back to his room to make a list. The booze would be procured, and one way or the other, by Monday morning, Fef would know he liked her.
Sollux's spelling errors (and accidentally using Eridan's quirk) were totally intentional. He's very flustered.
If I fucked up anyone's quirk, please let me know so I can correct it!
Another Intermission before Act 31, so yay!
