In which Sollux and Eridan can't stop thinking about each other. This act is pretty much filler, sorry.

Two notes on the last act: Regarding Equius and Nepeta's typing quirks, I did not actually mess them up. just has really shitty formatting and doesn't allow the tags to be displayed as regular text, and unless someone knows of a way to fix that, you'll just have to deal with it (or read this on AO3, which preserves all my original formatting so Equius and Nepeta's quirks are displayed in all their glory). Second, regarding Cronus's rule three: There really will not be any drunken hookups. Drunk people are unable to consent, and consent is sexy (also lack of consent equals rape, and there will be none of that in this fic, considering that is exactly how I was raped, and... just no. Don't have sex with drunk people. This has been a PSA).

Also, I'm so glad you liked Equius's Dos Equis joke. Stay thirsty, my friends.

Many thanks to BlOo KiSsEs, thepeopleofthecrysis, obsessed01616, walomadolo, LinkinPark X, iDreamBig, CarcinoKattastic, Heki564, cherrylipbalm, CatastrophicAquarius, Kerra-Chan, and one guest for your reviews to the last act!


INTERMISSION III

"Jaspers, knock it off," Rose said good-naturedly, gently pushing her cat out of her lap and setting her computer aside. "Go pester Mom or Roxy."

Jaspers meowed in disdain for her suggestion, jumped back up on Rose's bed, and nestled in next to Kanaya, who giggled and began petting him. A moment later, he was purring loudly and seeming to shoot Rose a glare that said, See? Someone likes giving me attention.

"Passive-aggressive cat," Rose muttered. At first, she hadn't really been thrilled with the idea of Kanaya coming to her house, meeting her mother and sister, somehow assimilating into her family. All things considered, Jaspers was the most normal member of the Lalonde household. Rose herself was a distant second, with both Roxy and their mother tied for an even more distant third. But somehow, Kanaya found them all interesting, and didn't seemed very perturbed by Ms. Lalonde's daytime drinking, nor Roxy's naturally-slurred speech (a trait that was only exacerbated by the heavy drinking she did, but after five p.m.). Rose thought it was a wonder Kanaya didn't ask her about her drinking.

Such as it was, it wasn't much. Rose knew rampant alcoholism ran in her family (well, more like went from zero to sixty in under three seconds), but somehow the addictive trait was absent from her personality. She didn't drink often, and when she did, it wasn't a lot—nowhere near what her mother and sister put away, anyway. Rose rather wondered how either she or Roxy managed to develop properly while swimming in an amniotic sac full of gin.

Still, she knew this party suggestion of Eridan and Aradia's would have copious amounts of booze, and she tried not to think of how many people's hair she'd have to hold back while they puked into one of Ampora's designer toilets.

Rose sighed and flopped back against her pillows. The Lalondes weren't exactly broke, but they were certainly nowhere near as rich as the Amporas. She didn't envy him or anything—she had enough money, and jealousy wouldn't make her any wealthier even if she wanted it. She had what she needed: a roof over her head, healthy food for every meal (save whatever she bought at school for lunch), a comfortable bed, a fairly impressive wardrobe, and a rather nice laptop with the speediest internet connection money could buy.

After a few moments, Kanaya looked up, still running her fingers over Jaspers's fur. "Your mother seems..."

"Plastered, I believe is the word you're looking for."

"I meant, aside from the obvious," the other girl said with a small smile. "She actually seems rather pleasant."

Rose stifled her laughter by pressing her pillow over her face. Once she'd regained her composure, she lifted the pillow and ask, "I fail to understand how you came to this conclusion. For the first eighteen years of my life, we were viciously ensnared in a mutual game of mother-daughter one-upmanship."

"How so?"

Rose sighed. "Well, the most vivid example I can remember is back when I was thirteen. We had these letter magnets on the fridge, and I thought it was clever to arrange them to spell out shrew, but we didn't have any Ws, only Vs, so I put two Vs together. I mean, she knew it was intended for her and it was from me—it couldn't have been from Roxy since she can barely spell even when she's sober, and it wouldn't be to her since she'd never been involved in our petty games. So Mom went out and bought a pack of twelve fridge magnets, all Ws, and attached them to the fridge. I took one out and put twelve cents into the plastic wrap, which I had calculated to be the approximate value of the magnet. I found out later its value was closer to twenty cents, but twelve was all I had on me at the time. Then I wrote her a note thanking her for the purchase of the pack of W magnets and attached it with another magnet, but it was close to the bottom of the fridge so the bottom trailed on the floor. When I came back later, there was a pillow underneath the letter, cushioning it from the floor, so I took it and stitched a poem about motherly goodness onto it and replaced it."

By this time, Kanaya was fighting giggles. "You actually did this?"

"It was during summer vacation. I had a lot of free time on my hands."

"It doesn't sound so bad. It actually seems like an intriguing method of familial bonding."

Rose just laughed and shook her head. "I don't know—maybe. That could have been what began the whole thing, but I never really thought about it. It just seemed like a fact of life for the longest time. Roxy never had to put up with it, but..." She shrugged. "I certainly don't hate my mother or anything."

"Does she... know about me?" Kanaya asked, staring down at the bedspread determinedly and continuing to stroke Jaspers's fur while the cat in question nearly purred his head off.

Rose immediately understood what she was asking. "As a rule, I don't tell her about most of the people in my life. Even when she is around to tell."

"I see."

"Why? Would you like me to tell her?"

Kanaya chewed on her lip for a moment. "I suppose I would just like to know what kind of relationship we have." She peeked up at Rose from under her bangs, wondering how the other girl would respond. It wasn't too long ago that Rose had told her she was straight, but last weekend (and, indeed, the last few days), she'd acted anything but. It certainly didn't feel like she saw this as just a fling, but maybe she was completely misreading the situation.

"I like you a lot. I hope you know that by now."

"I thought so."

"And I'm not fully ready right now to call us girlfriends, but I can acknowledge right now that I'm not straight and probably sometime soon I'll want to consider you my girlfriend."

The way Kanaya's smile lit up her face made Rose that much more certain that she did like her—a whole heck of a lot.

END INTERMISSION III.


ACT 31

– –cuttlefishCuller began pestering caligulasAquarium– –

CC: So. )(ow are you, fis)(?

CA: just fine

CC: Are you sure? Karkat's comment reelly seemed to bot)(er you.

CA: yeah im fine

CC: Okay, good.

CA: do i come off as some kind a asshole or somefin

CC: W)(at do you mean?

CA: like

CA: i dont knoww

CA: kar acted like a jackass out a nowwhere

CA: an sol practically bit my head off ovver a stupid question

CA: i used to think maybe people just didnt get me but noww im thinkin

CA: maybe i just havve a abrasivve personality or somefin

CA: you think maybe i really wwas rude to sol that day he doused me wwiith soda

CA: *wwith

CC: I've told you before. Yes, w)(at you said to )(im was really rude. Sometimes, being your best friend is )(ard work.

CC: Frankly, it can get ex)(austing sometimes.

CC: But I know you. You say t)(ings wit)(out t)(inking, not out of any kind of malicious intent.

CC: I don't t)(ink you're a rude person, but you do come off t)(at way sometimes. Understand?

CA: yeah i do thanks

CC: But I also t)(oug)(t your offer was a nice one. Karkat is probably just )(aving a bad day.

CA: i hope thats his excuse

CA: or that he at least apologizes or somefin cause that shit really did offend me

CC: I sea. Did you ever apologize to Sol for w)(at you said to )(im?

CA: no but he dumped his soda on me remember?

CA: that made us evven

CA: an then i pranked him wwiith the honey

CA: *wwith FUCK

CA: an then he wwrapped my car in plastic so wwere evven again

CA: i think he might a started another prank on me but i havvent seen any sign a it in the last feww days

CC: But you told )(im to try again, didn't you?

CA: yeah i did

CC: Look, I t)(ink maybe if you tell )(im you're sorry, you just mig)(t gain a friend.

CA: i

CA: maybe

CA: its complicated

CC: W)(at is?

CA: just

CA: evverythiing

CA: FUCK *evverything

CA: actually you know what just fuck evverything

CA: i already told cro wwhat to get us an he says hell havve it all by the time wwe leavve on friday so thats what counts right noww

CA: im goin to bed

CC: Take it easy, Eridan. It's not t)(at big of a deal.

CA: im not evven sure he wwants to go okay

CC: W)(o? W)(at? Are you glubbing about Cronus?

CA: no sorry i wwas glubbin about sol

CA: like im not evven convvinced he really wwants to come to this party

CC: I t)(oug)(t you said you were going to bed.

CA: i am

CA: sorry

CA: i just got distracted thats all

CA: gniight

CA: *gnight

CA: you knoww wwhat fuck absolutely evverything

CC: )(e)(e)(e take it easy, Eridan! Don't stress! Everyone )(as days filled wit)( typos!

CA: wwhatevver

– –caligulasAquarium has ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller– –

Eridan glared at his computer screen for a few moments, silently seething with rage. It was bad enough he was actually starting to give a shit about Sol's feelings—now he'd subconsciously started to adopt his stupid typing quirk. People were going to start thinking he was an even bigger asshat than they probably thought he was right now. That was the last thing he needed.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose before simply taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. His entire room faded to a hazy blur around him and he wondered again if he should invest in contact lenses. But no, his whole face looked strange without his glasses, and anyway, he might get lazy and just leave in his contacts at night. He had been told that was bad, but Cronus went through periods where he would wear the same pair of contacts nonstop for three or four months.

He yawned, replaced his glasses, and eyed his bed longingly, but he had to shower first and get all the product out of his hair. For once, all he wanted to do was climb into bed, but he shuddered internally at the thought and reluctantly extracted himself from his chair and set about gathering all his shower essentials.

After easily the shortest shower he'd taken in months, he gratefully snuggled under his covers, cast one look at his bubbling, humming fish tank, and closed his eyes.


Hours later, Sollux was still wide-awake, staring at the ceiling when he wasn't on his side or his stomach. He was reluctant to take another sleeping pill at this point—if it hit him, it would strike hard and he might not wake up until ten the next morning, well past the time he could make it to his first class of the day. Then again, he might avoid running into Eridan completely, and that prospect was enough to make him consider it for a moment. But he couldn't, and he knew it. He had his own personal reputation to maintain—he might have skipped classes, but he never skipped a full day of school, and if he got up too late for his first class, the temptation to miss all of them would be too great.

He rolled onto his left side and stared at the wall. He gave it a few minutes before rolling to his other side. Nope. He couldn't get comfortable, and he couldn't figure out why. Normally two pills was enough to put him out like a match, but tonight...

I could call AA, he thought to himself, but frowned at his phone when he saw what time it was. She was probably fast asleep by now, and he didn't want to bother her. She had enough on her plate without his problems, and he certainly hadn't appreciated being woken up in the middle of the night by Karkat—had that only been two weeks ago? It seemed like a lifetime, those last few minutes before the first time he saw Eridan Ampora.

He gave up and climbed out of bed. It was no use. He did know why he couldn't sleep. His brain was racing a hundred miles an hour, and for whatever reason, he couldn't get Eridan out of his head. Even the first time he'd seen him, he couldn't help appreciating the sharp angles of his face, the subtle regality of his bearing, how deep his gaze had cut into him. He really did remind Sollux of a prince, and he felt even more lame for thinking it. He'd been attracted to Eridan from the moment he saw him, but his personality the next time they'd met had quickly fucked that all up. But that icy, douchey mask of hipster detachment had slipped somehow, allowing Sollux to glimpse what was underneath, and he hated himself for realizing again just how attracted to Eridan he was. The stupid, irrational part of him wanted to hug Eridan to his chest and sleep next to him—not even necessarily have sex with him, just fall asleep with both of them in the same bed—but he knew it was stupid. Before he'd made that comment at Rubio's, Sollux thought there might have been a chance, but after, well... Eridan was never going to return his feelings, and he'd just have to accept that and try to forget about it.

Hell, he'd already tried, but his mind kept wheeling back to that hipster douche with a vengeance. He went to the window and rested his forehead against it with a thunk. In the glass, he could see his mismatched eyes reflected back at him, and he glared at them, remembering that stunned look on Eridan's face when he'd first seen them. Eridan probably thought he was a freak—he had a lisp and two different-colored eyes and he was prone to mood swings (although he tried his hardest to keep those in check). No wonder the guy was happy keeping him at arm's length.

But at the same time, he'd seemed genuinely happy to have Sollux's company when Vriska had harassed him and left. He seemed to appreciate whatever kind of comfort he could give him.

Sollux sighed. Give it up. If he even likes you at all, it's just as a friend. This is what you get for having a crush on a straight guy. Nothing but trouble. He turned back to his bed, rubbed his temples, and crawled back under his covers. This time, he resolved to keep his eyes firmly closed until he fell asleep.

Even then, it was almost another hour before sleep stole over him.


Yeah, they are both idiots.

I'm planning a new HS fic after this one is over that takes place pre-Hivebent and it has all the pre-Scratch and post-Scratch trolls and junk and I had to make up like twenty new eight-character titles (example: there's two Helmsmen now - Mituna, called Redshine, and Sollux, called Blueglow - and they are collectively The Ψiioniix; Eridan's title before assuming the role of Orphaner Dualscar is The Eleventh; Karkat is still The Sufferer/The Signless but Kankri is in it as well as The Singular/The Adjacent; Gamzee is known as The Young Highblood (and derogatorily as The Soporite) because his sister Kurlas, a genderbent Kurloz, is The Grand Highblood; Meulin has been genderbent to Meulon, The Follower; Porrim Maryam is featured as Kanaya's sister and is known as The Inspired/The Witnesse; Feferi is The Princess, and later The Compasse - a contraction of Her Illustrious Compassion - and yeah I'm just really excited okay).

SO COOL. I may finish up my snippet of the new fic and post it this weekend.