"Mother! Mother! Father said that we can ride our horses all the way there!" Addie screamed excitedly from the saddle of her white stallion.

"What a wonderful idea, but it's awfully cold and I'd hate to see you miss out on the festival because you're sick." I said sweetly. The children all exchanged looks and sighed.

"I'm not worried about getting sick mother." Said Albert my 14 year old. He was tall and strong. His hair was short and his eyes were bold and daring. He had been the most courageous and the most stupid of my children. He broke his arm multiple times climbing trees and buildings. He was forever worrying me. So his statement didn't surprise me.

"But Al, I don't want to get sick. And you asked me to finish telling you that story." Addie said climbing off her horse. Addie was the sensible one. At 14 she was small and petit with long curly red hair and dark brown eyes that sparkled with happiness. Adam had made it clear that he wanted her to know that she was not of royal blood. But it never changed anything. Addie was always one of my children and she loved the boys just as much as they loved her. She was Albert's other half. She could calm him in any rage and make him laugh when in his saddest moods. The bond they shared was like no other.

Albert sighed and shook his head. "Fine." He grumbled. "But how is it going to look when the future king rides into town in his mother's carriage?" He snorted and I smirked.

"Don't worry darling. You can ride in your own carriage." I said and he beamed up at me. "I was going to wait for your birthday but..." He yipped and jumped in the air. "Come on Addie, Anthony!" He called to his siblings.

Anthony hadn't even gotten on his horse. He was my smart one and at 12 he knew me better than anyone. He was tall like his brother with the same blue eyes but his eyes were kinder, gentler like his father. He never caused me any worry but he caused Adam a great deal. For Anthony had no ambition to train for the games like Albert did. He would rather brush down a horse before ride one. He was always reading and seemed to take quite the interest in the stars. He grabbed my hand as he raced after his brother. I felt a tug on my dress and looked down.

"May I go too Momma?" he said looking up at me with pale green eyes and red curly hair. I touched his cheek and bent down to his level.

"Arthur you know you are my most precious." I said and he frowned. He had heard this line before. "You came to me at a time when I never thought it would have been possible." I said and thought back 6 years ago.

"Mother! MOTHER!" Addie screamed as she raced through the vacation house.

"What?" I said appearing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"It's Al. He's broken his arm again."

"For Christ's sake! God give me patience." I said as I grumbled out of the house. "What did he do this time?"

"He tried jumping from a tree into the pond." She said and when I looked at her she just shrugged.

"Why does he always have to be such an idiot?" I said and her little face smiled before she raced off to get the doctor.

I heard Albert before I could see him. His little 8 year old sobs were louder than any babe's cry. He was laying on the bank clutching his arm tightly to his chest and a man was leaning over top of him.

"Oh Albert what am I going to do with you?" I asked and gently tapped the man away. When he stood up I blinked. "Tad?"

He smiled at me with that same mischevious smile and it had been like no time had passed. The only difference was he had grown a mustache and had little wrinkles at his eyes.

"Your Majesty." He said kissing my hand.

"It's been a long time." I said thinking back to the last time I saw him. Adam had started a 6 year long war with the Spanish and Tad had gone off to fight, along with three quarters of the men in England, my husband included. When the threat of Spanish invasion reached the castle I packed the children up and went to safest place I knew, the vacation house.

"A very long time." He said smiling at me. "I can't believe how much they have grown." He said looking down at Albert and over at Anthony who sat beside his brother with worried expression.

"Oh Anthony don't worry darling. He'll be fine." I said touching his face. "Now let me see." I said touching Albert's good arm. He winced and turned away. "Albert I can't fix it if you don't let me see."

"I want the doctor. Get the doctor." He ordered. I sat back shocked and stared at my son. He had never spoken to me this way before. Luckily the doctor appeared or I would've struck him for such cheek.

The doctor fussed only a little and then asked Tad to carry him up to his bed. I followed as the dutiful mother behind my son and left my other children at the lake. Marcia appeared in the doorway of the kitchen and sighed.

"What has he done now?" She asked. With the shortage of men the women had to do more work to help out with their families. This left us with a shortage in staff and since we moved to the vacation house last year Marcia had become the cook.

"Who knows." I said with a sigh.

"I dared him. It's all my fault." Anthony said with tears in his eyes. "I've killed my brother." I stopped and laughed.

"What?"

"I've killed him." His sad little face broke my heart.

"He sounds alright to me." Marcia said as Albert's cries faded with his distance.

"I killed him. He said so." Anthony sobbed. I shook my head and pulled him close, holding him tightly. I waited till he stopped sobbing so much and then kissed his head.

"Now would you mind explaining how this happened?"

"Well Al was bragging like usual and he was saying that he bet he could jump from the tree into the water." Anthony wiped his running nose on his white sleeve and I cringed but chose to ignore it. "Then I told him that it was impossible. He was too far away and even if he did make it to the water it wouldn't be deep enough."

"Right." I exchanged proud glances with Marcia and turned back to Anthony.

"Well then he said, Dare me. So I dared him and when he hit the bank, like I said he would, he told me I had killed him and that the devil was coming for me."

"He told you that?" I said shocked at my eldest son. Anthony nodded his head and more tears filled his eyes. "He's going to be fine." I assured him.

"He's always falling out of trees. I bet it was quite funny to see." Marcia said and Anthony smiled. I shook my head but couldn't help the smile that spread on my face.

"Marcia, I heard you were cooking honey buns." Anthony's head shot up and he looked from my face to hers.

"I was."

"Do you think maybe there's one left for Anthony?" He begged her with his little eyes and she smiled.

"There might be. Come on." She said and he hopped up and held her hand tightly as they walked back into the kitchen.

I knocked on Albert's door and noticed that it was quiet. When I went in Tad was standing at the back wall and Addie was sitting dutifully by Albert's side. The doctor wrapped a white cloth around Albert's wrist and Albert laying sleeping in the bed.

"Just a sprain then?" I said touching the doctor's shoulder. He smiled at me and nodded.

"I've given him some sleep wine to calm him." He said passing the roll of cloth to me.

"Thank you." I said passing him a satchel of coin and then continued tending to my sons wound.

"He's a bit over dramatic." Addie admitted with a blush to Tad.

"He's the future king." Tad said with a smile. "He's allowed to be."

"No son of mine is going to act that way." I said my anger growing. "And the way he's been talking to people. I will not stand for it. Future King or not."

"It's because he's been hanging out with the stable boys." Addie confessed.

"The stable boys?" I asked.

"Yes. The older ones. Peter something and Joe."

"Peter Smiter." Tad said. "He likes to tell everyone that their going to hell. His father's a preacher."

"That's him. They've been telling him all sorts of stuff."

"What kind of things?" I said watching her face go red.

"I-Well-"

"Addie?" She looked at me and blushed.

"They've been telling him that he should be more braver and that he can't fight in the war because he's too small. They're always teasing him about his age."

"What else?" I said knowing she was keeping something from me.

"They, well, they have been teaching him about girls."

"Teaching him about girls?" I asked appalled and Tad laughed. "I don't think this is funny!"

"It is a little." He said and Addie smiled.

"They haven't been teaching you anything have they?" I asked narrowing my eyes at her. She jumped and shook her head.

"I'm much too smart to keep them in my company momma." She said sitting straighter and remembering she was a lady. "I always play with Anthony when Albert wants to be around them."

"Good girl. That makes you smarter than this silly child." I sighed and studied my sons face. "Go on. Marcia's making honey buns." I said as I tied the last bit of cloth around Albert's wrist. Addie jumped up and raced out of the room.

"They're quite the group of children." Tad whispered as I kissed Albert's face and we left the room.

"Each one is different I'll give you that." I said with a sigh.

"All of them have qualities of you." He said touching my cheek.

"And he has qualities of you." I said nodding to the closed door. Tad laughed and shook his head.

"I never cried that much as a child."

"Maybe but you were probably just as mischevious and probably wore out your mother's patience just like he did." He laughed and grabbed my hand.

"I've missed you." He said and I smiled but did not return the compliment. When he had left it had been hard adjusting to not having that extra comfort but I did it. I was determined to not have another baby and I would stick to that. So I changed the subject.

"What am I going to do about these stable boys?"

"They're bored. They seem to need more work." Tad said dropping my hand as a maid appeared in the hallway. "I'll see that they keep busy."

"And I guess I'll distract Albert some more. So he wont bother them."

"How about riding lessons?"

"Riding lessons? Aren't they still too young?"

"Anthony maybe but the other two are at the right age. I could teach them every day for an hour or two."

"Anthony will have to be apart of it." I sighed.

"Well I think we have a mare somewhere. What do you say? It allows you to be worry free for an hour each day."

"And what does it give you?"

"Just the opportunity to serve my future king is enough." He said with a bow and I crossed my arms. "Plus I'd like to get to know my children a little better." I jumped and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the empty study and shutting the door.

"You can't say things like that!" I hissed. "If the wrong person were to hear our children would be dead."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He said moving closer to me and not showing any sign of remorse.

"What?" I asked as he smiled at me.

"I've just missed you so much." He said placing his hands against the door, pinning me there. "And we make such beautiful children. How about another?" I laughed at his cheek and shook my head.

"It is not likely that I will find my husband in the next month to pretend he is the father. Also it is not likely that I will share his bed ever again."

"So share mine. It is ever so empty." He said kissing my neck.

"I can't."

"But you can. We managed to play this game before without having children." He said his lips tracing my neck and up to my lips.

"Give me a gaurenteed way to prevent children and I'll be yours. But until then…" I kissed him deeply, wrapping my arms around his neck and just soaking in the passion. I broke the kiss and smiled. "We must just be friends." I said ducking under his arm and opening the door.

"You're a horrible tease." He whispered after me and I laughed as I left the room.

As the summer months faded into fall the children became excellent riders. At first it was quite amusing watching them learn and watching Tad try to be patient. But eventually they got the hang of it and were addicted to riding. Albert daydreamed through his lessons and Addie was always coming up with new stories about horses, or Princes and their mighty steeds.

I had dismissed all of my ladies but Regan and Helen. They were the only ones I wanted and needed and since the men in my life were too busy fighting a war I took the opportunity to claim my life back. And with the shortage in staff I wouldn't have been able to pay them anyways. So Regan became the housekeeper and Helen was her assistant.

When Regan saw Tad she warned me and lectured me up and down the walls every day for three weeks. It wasn't until I shouted at her that she stopped. She was getting older, with more wrinkles and grey in her hair. She wouldn't be able to nag me forever, which is precisely what I said. She was hurt and upset for two days before I apologized and since then its been a quiet relationship with barely any conversation.

I should have taken her nagging more seriously.

One night I was sitting at my writing desk writing a letter to Aggie. It was her 16th birthday soon and she was so excited. I suspected there was a boy in her life, which was causing such emotions, but as her aunt I didn't enquire or assume anything. She would tell me when she was ready.

As I sat writing out my response to her letter I heard a tap on the window. I looked out into the blackness of the night and saw nothing, Until rock came up and hit me in the forhead. I cursed and clutched my head, which was now bleeding.

"Oh shit! Susanna I'm sorry." A voice whispered from below.

"Who is it?" I asked, wiping the blood away.

"Its Tad."

"What are you doing? Just come up here!" I said and went to close the window.

"No wait!" He called to me. "I have someone I want you to meet."

"You want me to meet someone? In the middle of the night?"

"It's only just past eight." He said with a laugh and I grumbled.

"Fine. I'll be five minutes." I said and shut the window. I washed the cut on my forehead, not very big but it wouldn't stop bleeding. So I dressed it with some herbs and a tiny bit of cloth and then wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and headed out to meet Tad's stranger. He met be by the kitchen door and kissed my wound lightly.

"I'm sorry." He said and I shook my head yet smiled.

"You've got good aim." I smirked and he laughed as he led me to his hut. I paused at the door and he gave me a confused look. "I've already met that person." I said looking at his crotch. It took him a second before he burst out laughing. He shook his head and grabbed my hand.

"Come on." He opened the door and it was dimly lit. I hesitated before entereing for it smelt like mushrooms and spices.

"Susanna this is Mattie." He said turning to the person sitting at the table. She was a woman about my age with curly brown hair and tanned skin. She wore necklaces upon necklaces and every finger had a ring on it. She wore loose robes on her tiny frame and wore a feather in her hair.

"She's a witch! You're introducing me to a witch?" I hissed and turned towards the door.

"Just listen to her." Tad said catching my arms.

"I heard you need a solution to a problem." She said with a foreign tongue.

"What problem?" I said looking from her to Tad.

"Our problem." He said with a smile.

"Oh for heaven's sake. It's not our problem its your problem. I can manage quite fine without-" His hand covered my mouth and he laughed.

"You see she's too wound up."

"I can see." Mattie nodded and studied me. "Have you had children before?" I nodded unable to speak. "How many?"

"Two." Tad answered.

"No three. I lost one." I said remember the little baby I buried. Mattie inhaled and stepped towards me.

"Not lost, just missing." She said touching my stomach.

"Is that not the same thing?" Tad asked looking at me but she hissed at him and closed her eyes as she felt my stomach.

"Do you plan on having more children?"

"Absolutely not." I said.

"Excellent. Because this vile contains a liquid that will kill all chances of you having a baby."

"It will?" I looked at the small brown bottle and felt my heart drop. Did I really want to do this.

"How can you be sure that it works?" Tad asked mistaking the worry on my face. Mattie gave him a look that made us both regret that statement.

"I have been doing this for many years! I know what I am doing!" She hissed. "Now you take this every time seed in spilt inside you. You might be sore after the first couple times and have lots of bleeding but eventually you will not notice."

"It kills all chance." I said taking the vile.

"All chance." She studied my face. "Are you sure you don't want to have more children?" I thought about this for a second. I sighed and nodded my head.

"Yes I'm sure." I said. Tad exchanged words and currency with Mattie while I sat at the table and studied the poison that would take all babies away.

Christmas time appeared faster than anyone could gather. With the war there weren't very many joyful people. A week before Christmas I awoke from a bad dream. Tad sat up from beside me and held me tightly.

"What is it?" He asked stroking my hair.

"It's almost Christmas."

"It is."

"And there are no decorations or presents." I said with tears in my eyes. "What kind of mother am I?"

"Its war times Susanna. No ones worried about decorations or presents."

"I have three little people who will argue something different." I said and Tad smiled.

"Well lets do Christmas the way we had celebrated Christmas as children." He said knowing that I grew up in a poor family like he did. "It might make you feel better." And he was probably right. Since I had started drinking the potion I had a sad feeling in my belly, empty womb syndrome Marcia called it. I didn't regret my decision. I had to protect my family. I just regretted that it had to be this way. Tad's idea inspired me and gave me something to look forward to.

That day I woke the kids early and we went out and started making our own decorations. Painted pine cones, bows, ribbons, stars, anything we could think of. The next day we went out and hung all our decorations on the large tree in the garden. Then we built a snow family on the bank to wave to the invisible sailors as they sailed by. We went riding into the forests and took a trip into town for the winter festival. I bought each child a pair of new mittens and a toy, while Marcia made them each a special treat for Christmas day.

On Christmas Eve I tucked the last child in and as I was about to kiss his head Tad appeared in the doorway. He smiled but he was fidgeting and he looked nervous.

"I need to have a word with you." He said smiling at Anthony.

"What's wrong?" He asked sitting up slightly.

"Nothing. I think I saw Saint Nicholas." Tad smile and I frowned.

"Now he'll never sleep." I grumbled as I smiled at Anthony's bright face and closed the door.

"What is it?" I hissed and he pulled me down the hallway to the east corridor. There he blew out his candle and opened the window. I shuddered at the cold wind and hissed at him. "Are you mad? We'll get a chill."

"Just look!" He said pointing out to water. I could see nothing for the clouds were covering the moon and everything was a dark black. But I could hear creaking on the wind and a shout. I froze as a ship appeared on the river. It was a large ship with tall masts and flags flapping widly in the wind.

"Oh no." I gasped and felt me knees go week.

"I cant see the flags but to be safe I ordered all the lights out and told everyone to come indoors. They've been instructed to make as little sound as possible."

"If we can see them then they can surely see this house." I said tears filling my eyes.

"Yes I thought of that but if all the lights are out then they might just pass on by."

"If all the lights were out then maybe." I said and pointed to the bright window and the burning fire in the kitchen.

"Fuck! I forgot about the kitchen." He said and started off down the hallway. "Watch the boat. If they make any sign to come ashore gather the children and hide in the cellar." I nodded and turned back to the window. I couldn't take my eyes off of the shadow in the water. I watched for 20 minutes before I felt two warm hands on my arms. I jumped and Tad held me tightly. "Anything?"

"Nothing. They seem to just be sitting there."

"Oh for fuck sakes Susanna. They've already come ashore. Look there's the boat." He pointed a little father down the bank and sure enough there was a little boat floating in the water. My heart sank and my mind went blank.

"How long has that been there for?"

"I don't know you were supposed to be watching. Come on we must hide the children. Get everyone to safety."

"But it's Christmas eve."

"That wont stop the Spanish." He said dashing into Albert's room and waking him. I stood outside the door and watched as he gently awoke his son. Then he spotted me and hissed. He touched my face gently and bent his forehead to mine. "I need you to focus." He said. "We have to protect them."

"Protect them. Right."

"Bring them to the cellar and I'll come and get you when it's safe." Just then there was a loud bang and a woman screamed with terror. My brain kicked into action and I flew into Addie's room. I woke all the children raced with Anthony in my arms down the back staircase closest to the kitchen. We had to go through the kitchen to get to the cellar. But to get passed the kitchen we had to cross the open back door. There were men laughing outside and I could hear their drunken curses plain as day. A few stumbled into the house and walked right by us without even noticing. When I thought the it was safe I told Addie and Albert to go together. It took them a second but they raced as fast as they could through the kitchen, never letting go of each other. When the cellar door closed I sighed for a second and then holding tightly to Anthony I dashed across the open door.

"HOLD IT!" Someone said grabbing the back of my dress. My heart dropped and I let go of Anthony. He stared at me with terrified eyes.

"Run baby!" I screamed and he took off into the kitchen.

"Why'd you do that?" The man stuttered. He staggered back and forth as he held onto me. I chose not to answer. "My you're pretty. I've missed you Susie." Susie. SUSIE! And then it hit me.

"YOU IDIOT!" I said punching him in the stomach! "You are a complete and total idiot!" I said hitting him again.

"Ouch Susie. Cut it out." Adam said flinching away from my rage.

"Do you know how terrified we were?" I said panting as I pushed him down into the snow.

"What a man can't come home and see his family for Christmas?" He said hiccupping.

"You couldn't write and tell us first? You had to scare us all to our wits end! It's always has to be a dramatic entrance for the FUCKING KING OF ENGLAND!"

"Now now Susie. Be fair. It's been many years since we've spoken can't we get a long? It is Christmas after all." He smiled up at me through a thick dirty beard and I shook my head.

"Get inside and take a bath. You are not going to see those children till Christmas morn and you better have sobered up by then." I said turning away from him. Tad was standing behind me and I sighed. He didn't dare touch me but I knew he wanted to. "Help him. Get Helen to run a bath and fetch him clean clothes."

"What about the children?" He said.

"I'll settle them." I said and left him to deal with my husband. I closed the kitchen door and knocked the secret knock on the cellar door. I heard whispers from underneath and then the floor opened and three little faces stared at me.

"You started a fire?" I asked looking at the burning candle.

"Anthony's idea, but I did it because he's too little." Albert said.

"It's alright. It's just your father playing a mean Christmas joke."

"Father's here?" Anthony asked excitedly and I smiled as I helped them out of the cellar.

"He is but he's taking a bath and getting some sleep. You can see him in the morning."

"That means he's drunk." Albert said to Addie. Albert remembered what Adam was like when he was drunk. He would barge into the nursery and demand Albert swear his loyalty to his country. By the age of four Albert had the King's vows memorized. He hated his father when he was drunk and it was as clear as day.

"Come now. Let's not spoil Christmas. We'll have some warm milk and get you can sleep in my bed." They stared at me with an open mouths and I smiled. "What I used to sleep with my Momma when I was scared." I said and started heating the milk. If only my momma could see me now.

Christmas day passed with an anxious blurr. The children woke late, due to lack of sleep the during the night. Regan gathered the house guests and we all exchanged presents in the hall where we had decorated a pine tree and hung ribbons around the room for dinner. Marcia and Helen were in the kitchen all day preparing for the feast. Regan was ordering the little number of servants around the house cleaning and getting ready for dinner. It was just before supper when Adam appeared.

The children were all sitting in parlor playing with their new toys. Albert had gotten two soldiers and Addie had gotten a doll. Anthony, since learning how to ride had grown a new fondness for horses, so I got him a horse and rider which he loved.

I was sitting with my knitting watching Tad joke around with some of the workers. He was wearing the green scarf I had knitted him and for the first time I realized that I might actually love him. I was thinking this when there was a knock at the open door.

"FATHER!" Anthony cried and jumped up. He raced into Adam's arms and Adam beamed with delight. Albert raced to his father but Addie hung back. She knew that he was not her father and she knew to wait for him to address her, just like I did.

"How are my boys? Look at you two. You've gotten bigger! How old are you now?" He asked and smiled at the boys as they told him their ages. They had been two years younger when we left.

"And look at you. So beautiful!" He said to Addie, kissing her head. She curtsied and blushed, but never said a word. "And my beautiful wife. I've missed you." He said and reached out to touch my cheek but I turned away.

"We've been quite busy here. They've been having riding lessons and learning to muck stalls."

"What about their spelling and reading?"

"Of course. But they've always done that. Riding is something new." I said looking at him. He nodded and smiled.

"So which one is the best rider? Albert I bet?" Albert smiled and then saw his brother's face and said "Actually Anthony is the better rider. He loves horses."

"Does he?" Anthony beamed. "I learned how to brush them and how to hold tight with your knees. I'll show you Father."

"Silly Father already knows how to ride." Albert hissed and Anthony blushed.

"So what are you good at Albert?" Adam asked clinging to his oldest, begging him to give him something to be proud of. Albert was smarter than he looked and he could read his father very well. He looked at me and then gave him and sly smile and said, "Well father. I'm good at falling out of trees."

Dinner passed by with sullen laughter. The children sat at the far end of the table, at Adam's command and the sailors sat between us. Servants were not permitted at the table, which left me to talk to no one but my husband and he was ignoring me. He drowned himself in ale and wine and sat sullen, disappointed by his children, disappointed by his marriage, disappointed by the way the war was turning out.

The longer the dinner went the louder the sailors got, the more drunk my husband got and the angrier my children became. I stood up and the room fell silent.

"I think it's time for bed children." I said as Albert shot a spoon full of pie at Addie's dress. They looked at me with worried eyes and I raised my eyebrows. "Say goodnight."

"Goodnight father." They all said, bowing to him. He smiled and raised his cup at them. I went to tuck them in and he grabbed my hand.

"Where are you going?" He grumbled.

"To put the children to bed." I smiled at the sailors watching us.

"You are the Queen. You don't tend to children." He snapped.

"We are not at the castle!" I snapped louder and then I became aware of the silence. "Things are run differently here." I pulled my hand away, picked up my skirt and quickly ushered the children out of the room.

When the children were settled, which took me longer than usual; I decided to retire to my room. I sighed as I shut the door and sat on the bed. I didn't see him and I didn't hear him but the room had a sour smell to it that should've told me he was there.

All of a sudden I was sitting on my bed and the next thing I knew I was pinned to the floor and my dress was being ripped off. I couldn't see and I couldn't move, he was like a dead weight on my back. But when he turned me over my tears were of anger not hurt or fear.

"Get off of me." I shouted.

"You are my wife! You will obey me!" He said as he bit my bare nipple hard. I cursed and spit on him. He looked shocked for a second and then he smiled. He wiped away the spit from his cheek and then punched me across the face. The world went fuzzy and the fight left me.

I lay there, beaten and bruised as he entered me, like a good wife should.