Hey, look, I actually posted a new act today (not bad, considering I hobbled around the San Diego Zoo for about six hours this afternoon)! Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression-this act does not contain smut. That probably won't be for a few more acts.
I just drank mead for the first time last night. It's basically white wine, but sweeter, and the stuff I have comes in 750-mL bottles. So just pretend I knew what I was talking about, okay?
Many thanks to Rand0mAn0nym0u2, Wolfen Artist of Hetalia, Youmakemesmile, obsessed01616, CatastrophicAquarius, theindigoprince, SmileyFacesSmile, thepeopleofthecrysis, DarkBlueMahogany, LinkinPark X (NO I AM NOT PLEASE CONTINUE), and Bitblondetoday for your reviews to the last act! You all are lovely people, and thanks to everyone who took the time to read "Mistakes of My Blood" and leave a comment (SmileyFacesSmile and Bitblondetoday)!
Just a heads-up that this chapter also focuses a bit on Kanaya and her Vriska-rooted depression.
Everyone kept the same transportation configurations that they'd had on the way up to Eridan's place. After the remainder of the booze (all of the PBR had been consumed, along with the entirety of Rose's bottle of wine, most of Kanaya's vodka, a good portion of Aradia and Tavros's tequila, every bottle of Equius's Dos Equis and Sollux's mead, a little less than half of Feferi's whiskey, and about three shots of Dave's Jagermeister) had been put in the back of Eridan's BMW, everyone else loaded up the cars and set out. The mood was considerably lighter on the way back home since, surprisingly, everyone had had a good time. Eridan hadn't exactly expected the party weekend to be a failure, but he'd expected considerably more drama.
Admittedly, Sol running out on Friday night (Saturday morning? Whatever it was) had been fairly dramatic, but they'd managed to keep it contained. As far as he knew, only the two of them, Cronus, Meenah, Fef, and Aradia knew. All in all, with fifteen people involved, the fact that only five were aware of what had transpired was pretty impressive.
Still, he was pleased overall with how everything had turned out. He was still a bit confused about where exactly things stood between him and Sol, but that wasn't Sol's fault—it was his own. He knew Sol liked him and he knew he liked Sol, and he also knew he was definitely hesitant to apply the term "boyfriends" to their relationship (they hadn't been on any actual dates; they weren't even close to dating. All they'd done was make out a few times and established that, yes, Eridan actually did like kissing Sol and definitely wouldn't be averse to making out with him again, and when he was kissing Sol, he knew without a sliver of a doubt that he wanted it to go further. He wasn't sure how much further—there was some unfathomable dark end game he couldn't quite see but he'd know it when it happened—but he knew that just kissing Sol like this and being constantly interrupted by other people was horribly unsatisfying. He could also tell that no matter how many bruises Sol left on his skin, how much he seemed to be letting himself go, he was always really holding himself back, waiting for Eridan to tell him to stop.
The crazy thing was, when Sol's lips were on him, he didn't want him to stop. Eridan had a partially scientific (but mostly sexual) interest in seeing where things would go. He had no qualms about slamming the brakes on things if he didn't like the way they were heading (three months dating Vriska and three subsequent years alone had cured him of that), but he wasn't entirely convinced that he wouldn't like where things were heading. Strangely, after he'd broken that one barrier with Sol, it seemed like what followed wouldn't be half bad. He didn't know exactly what it had been to make him refuse to even entertain the notion of his possibility of his own bisexuality, but it was gone now, and... well, he definitely liked Sol. It really seemed like there was something between them, something he wanted to explore, and he was pretty sure Sol felt the same.
It was all so confusing, though, and it was giving him a headache. At this point, he was just grateful that Sol was willing to not force the issue, because he was right—it was going to take him some time to really accept it. Still, he couldn't help but wonder what had caused Sol's unexpected coolness in not forcing him into anything—or, really, who had caused it. Even if Sol didn't say it, Eridan could tell that someone had hurt him before, too.
Sollux had decided that Nepeta was unusually freaky.
Somehow, the catlike girl had figured out that something had gone down between him and Eridan. He didn't know how she knew, but she did, because the moment they settled into the back of Equius's truck (Nepeta again insisted that Aradia sit up front, and this time, Aradia didn't argue at all; Sollux saw her and Equius holding hands on the middle seat), she whipped off her blue cat hat and grinned at him.
"What?" he asked, feeling like a cornered mouse.
"What did you do with him?" she demanded eagerly, leaning forward.
Aradia whipped around in her seat. "Who did what with who now?"
Sollux groaned. "Um. So ED and I talked a bit."
"Where? I didn't see you guys for like twenty minutes," Aradia observed.
"Um. His room."
Aradia and Nepeta's eyes both went wide and even Equius seemed to be peering at him in the rearview mirror. Nepeta nearly flat-out pounced on him. "What did you guys do?" she asked, shoving her face right into his.
"Nepeta," Equius started warningly, but she cut him off.
"Shoosh! Tell me," she demanded of Sollux.
"We just talked! Mostly," he couldn't resist adding, a small smile playing across his face.
"Mostly? Mostly?!" Nepeta squeaked.
"I may have... macked on him a bit."
He was pretty sure Nepeta's eyes were about to boggle out of her head. "What—?!" She couldn't get out any more than that since Equius reached into the back seat, lifted her off Sollux by her jacket, and twisted around just far enough to deposit her on the actual seat. Miraculously, the Suburban never swerved for a second.
"Um. Sollux. Is there something you want to tell us?" Aradia asked, sounding calm and cool but looking like she was trying not to freak out.
"It—it was fine," Sollux said. "We just talked about, like, boundaries and stuff and we're basically on the same page with that. So that's cool."
"Good, very good. Talking is good. Boundaries are good."
"Can you stop?"
"Yes, stopping is good. I'll stop now. Good." Aradia grinned at him.
"And then you macked on him?" Nepeta asked eagerly.
"A little bit. Um, it was no big deal." That was a straight-up lie and he had a feeling Nepeta saw right through it. He was just grateful that no one had caught sight of the new hickey he'd left on Eridan, although he'd purposely left it where a shirt could easily hide it. He'd forgotten to ask about his opinion on hickey placement, although it was pretty obvious that Eridan wasn't opposed to receiving them. Still, that was probably something important that should have come up by now but halfway through what were intended to be serious conversations, they both ended up getting distracted.
They should have probably had a talk about that, too.
But they'd talked enough for Sollux to see that Eridan really wasn't freaking out about this as much as Sollux had expected him to be. He actually seemed to be dealing with it pretty well, all things considered. It was reassuring—the imminent concern that Eridan was about to do a majestic pirouette off the handle was gone for the moment. Sollux still wasn't convinced that things would have a fairy-tale ending (in fact, he was sure that with their volatile personalities, there was a distinct possibility that everything would blow up in their faces), but he hoped that, if things between them fizzled out and Eridan realized he didn't like Sollux as much as he thought he did, they could at least stay friends. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if they kept talking, if Eridan didn't shun him like...
Sollux mentally shook himself. That had been two years ago. It was time to let it go. They'd moved on, after all—as much as was possible, anyway. Honestly, he hadn't thought about it much, but with Eridan dragging up such a similar situation, it was all coming back to him. He hated being the one bi-curious guys messed with to determine if they actually liked guys or not, but somehow, this was the second time he'd ended up doing it, and now, all he could do was hope this didn't end as badly as last time.
"So. Vriska tomorrow," Rose said softly, cradling Kanaya in her arms in the back seat of Eridan's car. "You going to be ready for her?"
Kanaya contemplated the question before nodding. "I believe this weekend has been emotionally fortifying, for all of us. It was a very good idea, Eridan."
Eridan looked at her in the rearview mirror. "Thanks. It didn't end up as fail-tastic as I thought it would," he joked.
"You anticipated the failure of your own soiree?" Kanaya asked incredulously.
"Well... not the failure, exactly. Just... a lot more negative shit goin' down. People freakin' out an' cryin' or throwin' hissy fits or passin' out drunk, I guess. I'm actually really surprised none a' that happened." Except what happened with Sollux, but again, that could have been handled a lot worse.
"Yes, I expected far more inebriated shenanigans," Rose admitted. She gently combed her fingers through Kanaya's hair, and the shorter girl's eyes languidly drifted closed as she snuggled into Rose's chest.
She enjoyed this, being held by someone who wouldn't just abandon her in two weeks for someone just as emotionally vulnerable as herself. Vriska had made her forget what a good relationship was supposed to be like, but somehow, Rose was able to help her forget about Vriska. Looking back now, it didn't seem so bad. First and foremost, Rose had been able to help her realize that what Vriska had done to her hadn't been her fault. Kanaya had known that Vriska was emotionally manipulative, but it had taken Rose to help her truly understand it. There was a difference between knowing and understanding, and that difference had Kanaya feeling happier than she'd been in months.
Even better, the weekend had driven home for her that she actually had friends. Aradia had been her friend for awhile, but now she'd bonded with Terezi and Sollux and even found new friends in Karkat and John and Nepeta and Tavros. She saw now how wide her support network really was, and it made it easier for her to breathe.
One little fact that she'd kept to herself, kept even from Aradia, was how out-of-control she felt whenever Vriska bounced away from her and on to John or, previously, Tavros. Sometimes, she'd felt so alone, so out of control of her own life, that she'd contemplated suicide. She never mentioned it to anyone, knowing that breathing a word of it would land her in a psychiatrist's office or a hospital, and she hadn't wanted that to happen since she always felt afraid of taking that final step; she knew she wouldn't do it, but she'd thought about that, and she'd kept that shoved down because she didn't want anyone to know just how badly Vriska hurt her, just how fucked-up it was that the girl had her nearly suicidal and she still took her back when Vriska got tired of John.
Maybe one day, she'd tell Aradia or someone else how terrified she'd been that one day, she wouldn't be afraid of dying anymore, that the fear of dying would finally be outweighed by the fear of hurting, that she'd snap and want more than anything for Vriska to truly understand just how much she hurt people. That day wasn't today, though. It was still too new, this feeling that she was getting better, and even though she promised herself that she'd never let Vriska back in again and this time she meant it, she still needed to accept that it was truly over.
But that's what she had friends for. Aradia would help her. Rose would help her. Sollux would help her. She was too smart to think that she'd never be that depressed again, but she hoped that, at least next time, she'd be strong enough to say something more than, "I'm hurt and you know why so I won't talk about it."
Rose continued stroking her hair and Kanaya smiled sleepily to herself. Now that she thought about it, she'd never felt this comfortable with Vriska. Aside from the very first time they'd started dating, she didn't feel like she could truly let her guard down around her. Rose understood her just as intrinsically as Vriska did, but Rose never used it to hurt her—only to help her.
Kanaya was grateful for that. She grabbed Rose's free hand and squeezed it, and she heard the blonde giggle softly before continuing to talk to Eridan, but Kanaya was far too entranced to bother trying to hear what they were saying, and as she drifted off to the steady rocking of the car and Rose's ceaseless fingers threading through her hair, she hoped that she could at least look forward to feeling this happy in ten years.
Time for sleep. If I don't drive to Long Beach or Santa Cruz in the wee hours of the morning, there will almost definitely be another act posted tomorrow (today? It's after midnight now) especially since I have duty on Tuesday. *wwehhhhhhh!*
