Sorry again about the delay, exams are coming up and I've been so busy. I hope you guys like this chapter! It's my favourite so far.

EDIT: So sorry! I forgot to put a trigger warning on here! I hope I haven't upset anyone. Trigger warning: description of abuse, mentions of mental illness and suicide.

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I awoke in a cold sweat. I could feel my hair sticking to the back of my neck, my face and my arms. My camisole was uncomfortable damp and my hands clammy and the approximate temperature of ice. My face was wet and stiff from what I assumed were tears. I'd had the nightmare again. It always started off as something random, stupid and completely different. And then it shifted. It replayed the horrors that I'd already lived through only, somehow, far worse and far more terrifying. Tonight was different though. The nightmare had changed slightly.

I turned over on to my side and tried to sleep again, though I knew it was hopeless. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and slipped into my thin dressing gown and slippers. Someone in the room gave a faint snore.

I glanced out the window. The black sky was light blue at the horizon. I fathomed it was around four in the morning. Brilliant. Another early start. And on a Saturday too.

I crept down to the common room. The house-elves must've already lit the fire. They usually did so at around this time. Most students, however, didn't know that the fire even went out during the night.

I was about to collapse into one of the overstuffed chairs, with my book to try to get my mind off the nightmare when I started. Frozen in place, I realized someone else was already sitting on the plush carpet by the fireplace. All I could see was the top of his head, leant against the couch.

He must've heard me, because he whipped his head around with an almost frightened look in his eyes. My heart relaxed slightly as I saw whom it was. Sirius.

"Oh, it's just you." He mumbled darkly, and turned back to stare into the flames.

"Um… sorry?" I felt slightly affronted by his put out tone, though my voice came out wavering and unsure rather than strong like I had intended. I was still shaken by the nightmare.

Sirius grunted.

"I'll just… go… then." I bit my lip. He seemed to be in a very offensive mood. And I certainly wasn't going to stick around to be insulted.

"You don't have to." He mumbled again, this time less harshly.

I hovered by the stairs, unsure what to do. On one hand, I certainly didn't want to go back up to my dorm where traces of what plagued me still lingered. But on the other, Sirius clearly didn't want anyone to be with him right now.

"Don't go… I mean, if you don't want to. I mean… sorry." He sighed, sounding like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"It's ok." I replied as I tentatively approached him. He looked at me without really looking and me and patted the floor next to him.

I sat down a bit awkwardly. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. Until he finally spoke.

"You look terrible."

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes.

"Well you do. You're paler than usual, which is quite an achievement and you've got bags the size of England under your eyes, darker than a Death Eater's mark." He grumbled.

"There's no need to be such a dick about it." I said quietly before realizing what I'd said and quickly shut up.

Sirius was silent.

"Oh Merlin, Loz, I'm so sorry." He sighed and ran both hands through his hair. I'd never heard anyone sound so defeated.

"It's—" I started, but was abruptly cut off.

"No it's not ok. You've never said a mean thing to anyone, probably in your life, and I've got no excuse for taking out my issues on you." He mumbled into his hands.

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as saying in my whole life." I smiled humourlessly and shuffled a bit closer to him.

He looked up with a weak smile and squeezed my hand briefly. A weird jolt of what felt like electricity shot through my arm and I pulled my hand away quickly. Sirius mumbled an apology and I felt my face burn with embarrassment. I hadn't meant to do that. It was just so strange. I'd never felt that before. I couldn't decide whether it was nice or not.

"Do you…uh… do you want to talk about it?" I asked, trying to sound casual, though I was dying on the inside.

"Look, don't take offense to this, but I don't talk about it. Ever. I mean, usually when I get like this, I'm alone. I don't even talk about it with Prongs, let alone some chick I've only known for a couple of months." He said shirtily.

I didn't respond. Sirius seemed to realize he'd said something insulting again and buried his face in his hands again.

"Just hit me every time I'm rude, ok" He groaned.

"I get it. It's ok. You don't want to talk about it." I said softly.

"I haven't even asked you why you're up at 4 in the morning." He said even more softly.

"Look, don't take offense to this, but I don't talk about it." I said with a slight grin.

He laughed. He actually laughed out loud.

"Ok, I deserved that. I'll make a deal with you. You spill the beans and so will I."

The grin dropped off my face. I'd never shared what happened with anyone. It had been very hushed up at the Ministry. Jasper, Sofie and I didn't want to even think about it, let alone discuss it. Most people only knew what they could piece together from a very vague Prophet article and rumours. I looked down at my still shaking hands. Maybe it was time. Maybe, after more than a year, I was ready to talk about it.

"Ok. You first" I breathed, shocking myself.

"Let's take a walk through the grounds and talk." Sirius said, gently pulling me to my feet.

"Sirius, it's snowing." I protested, gesturing to the thin robe I was wearing.

He smiled, tapped my shoulder with his wand and muttered califfebate under his breath.

"That should do it. It won't be very strong, but it should hold up until dawn at least." He muttered the spell again, tapping his own shoulder.

"What did it do?" I didn't feel any different.

"I'm surprised you don't already know. I thought you were the spells genius?"

"I don't know all the spells." I muttered gruffly.

He smiled and pulled me into the corridor. This time, I made an effort not to snatch my hand away. Instead of feeling the instant drop of temperature leaving the toasty common room should've brought, I felt just as warm as I had a moment ago. Califfebate. I'd have to remember that.

We meandered through the corridors until we came to the secret passageway we'd taken months ago to release the unicorn. Silently, we stole through it all the way to the forest. I was amazed at how well Sirius' spell was holding up. And it wasn't just the spell. I felt a warmth deep inside me that I doubted had anything to do with magic and everything to do with Sirius' hand in mine. I tried to push these thoughts away. They were ridiculous fancies brought on by exhaustion.

Sirius helped me up through the exit and we walked through the forest towards the lake, still without uttering a word.

The forest was beautiful at this time of day. The trees and creatures that lived in it were all waking up, making chattering, humming, buzzing, chirping noises that filled the air. We could just discern the foliage by the light of the moon. I saw what must've been a pixie skitter away on our approach and a family of snow hares snuffling around for mice. Icicles seemed to dazzle almost magically, clinging to braches and the snow was pure white and glistening. It was absolutely breathtaking.

"You have no idea the kind of abuse I suffered at home." Sirius said, making me jump out of my skin. We'd been silent for so long I'd nearly forgotten why we'd come out here in the first place.

"It was worse than you could ever have imagined." He continued without acknowledging my start.

"It wasn't all physical either. That part I could almost handle. Not that it was pleasant, but I much preferred it to the mental and emotional stuff. Sometimes I'd lose my head so much, I'd begin to forget who I was and what the point of living even was. You can't imagine what it's like to have your whole family despise you. People who are supposed to love you unconditionally rejecting you over and over again."

I didn't know how to respond. He was right. I had no idea what that was like.

"Since I can remember, I've been letting my parents down. At first, when I was a kid, it was small stuff. Like playing with the muggle kids on our street. Or accidentally setting the family tapestry on fire. Or refusing to learn the violin and hiding away in my room during functions. They'd punish me for that. But the really mental stuff came later. When I got sorted into Gryffindor, Dad used to Cruciatus Curse on me for the first time."

I let out a gasp without meaning to. I couldn't imagine anyone so cruel as to use an unforgivable on an 11 year old. Well actually… I could.

"Sorry, am I dumping too much on you?" He suddenly said, tearing his silver eyes away from the lake to look at me.

"No, please, keep going." I said, biting my lip. He nodded and we kept walking.

"Ok. Well, it got worse from there. I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say discerning which knives were blunt enough to need sharpening by seeing which ones cut me less cleanly became almost a relief." He said darkly.

I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, but furiously blinked them back. I knew he needed to get this all out and seeing me blubbing like a kid wasn't going to make it any easier.

"Some of the things they would say to me cut worse than the knives though. Like it messed me up on the inside. Some summers I'd end up feeling so worthless and basically any bad adjective you can think of I'd come so close to just ending it and killing myself. And the dread of going home at the end of the year… well that was enough to tip me over the edge sometimes. I would turn on everyone and take out all my aggression on my friends. I've said horrible, really awful things to Prongs and Moony and especially Wormtail in the past. Really horrible. It's a wonder they still want to be friends with me…

"That stuff… well it doesn't go away. Even when you get away. It sticks with you. It's been almost half a year since I ran. I ran because I had to. I actually thought they were going to kill me. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life." He shuddered, remembering. He was biting his lip so hard that it had started to bleed.

"Prongs' Dad took me to some Healer specializing in mental health after I nearly blew their house up at the beginning of the summer. It was like being a kid again. I was unable to control my magic. I got into one of my moods, only worse than usual and all my rage and despair just burst out of me. They told me I had a severe case of depression and that I could take potions to make it go away alongside counselling. But I didn't want to do that. I wanted to remember, not forget.

"Anyway… it still happens sometimes. The magic has gotten easier to control when I get like that, but it still kills me on the inside. It's so hard to push it aside sometimes. Prongs always tells me to talk about it. About what happened and what I've been through. But I just… can't. Not with him. Not with someone who's never known a day of suffering in his life. He just wouldn't understand…"

He stopped talking and sighed shakily, like he was trying not to cry. I was crying. Softly, hoping he wouldn't notice. We'd walked around half the lake in the time it took for him to tell the whole story.

"Oh, Loz, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." He sniffed, turning to face me.

"Oh Merlin, no. Don't apologize." My voice broke and I covered my face with my hands.

I suddenly felt him pull me against his chest and wrap his arms around me. I instantly relaxed into him and held him as tightly as I could, trying to comfort him. He buried his face in my hair and I could feel something damp on my scalp.

As my tears subsided I grew steadily more furious. An anger I had never felt before. Ever. It grew like a flame licking at my insides. I could hardly breathe I was so furious. How evil, sick and twisted did someone have to be to torture an innocent child for YEARS. I wanted to scream with rage. I was shaking so much; Sirius gently pushed me away from his chest. He held me at an arms length and looked at me with concern.

"Loren? Are you ok?" He asked, worriedly.

"NO. I am NOT ok. I am FURIOUS." I said through clenched teeth. I ripped myself away from him and stalked forwards towards the edge of the lake.

"How could anyone treat another person that way? How COULD they? What the FUCK." I screamed towards the lake. I heard my voice reverberate back.

"Loren, calm down. It's ok." Sirius pleaded.

"No. It isn't. It's so not ok. It's the complete opposite of ok. I mean, I knew you had it rough. I used to check up on you at the beginning of every year, hoping it would be better. But I hadn't even fathomed how despicable what you had to go through really was." I said with quiet rage.

"You checked up on me?" He asked.

"Uh…Yeah." My face flushed and I looked steadfastly forwards.

"Thank you." He said softly, walking up behind me and taking my hand again.

We were silent for a moment. I watched the sky grow pinker on the eastern horizon. It was nearly dawn. Sirius' spell was wearing off slightly, but the cold wasn't unbearable.

"Your turn." Sirius whispered to me.

I took a breath, still reeling from what he'd told me. I understood what he meant by not wanting to tell James. James was so… bright and unmarred by the world. Nothing had ever gone wrong in his life. I hadn't wanted to tell any of my old friends my story for just that reason. Hell, I didn't even want to tell Sirius. But a deal's a deal. I nibbled my lip and began the long, awful story.

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Please leave me a review! I really appreciate them. Thanks so much to everyone who has already! Especially thanks to miZaru667 who's reviewed every chapter so far!

Brooklyns Finest Hufflepuff: Thanks for the review! To answer your question, Loren wasn't in Ravenclaw, but her brother was and she became friends with all his friends so hung out more with the Ravenclaw's than any of the Gryffindors.