Chapter 8 -The Way You Make Me Feel

Suggested listening: From Michael Jackson Number Ones, The Way You Make Me Feel

We are spending New Year's Eve at Santana and Quinn's home. All of us are there, kids included. We didn't want any couple to take responsibility for all our children, so here we are. Most of the kids are asleep anyway. It was 11:45 pm and the only kids awake were the oldest: Barby, Noah, JJ, and Bryn. They were in the family room, playing a board game, while us adults were in the living room, sipping champagne, and catching up. The last time most of us were together was the brunch before Rachel delivered. It was great to see the gang all here, for a happy occasion, including Shelby, Beth, and Emma. It was a wonderful McKinley reunion.

It was about six weeks since Rachel had delivered Charlotte. She was still in the hospital but getting bigger everyday. Before she could come home, she needed to be 6 lbs. and take all of her feeding by mouth. She was getting there, tolerating Rachel's breast milk. We were hoping that she would make it home soon.

Things between Rachel and I got worse before they got better. I didn't think that adjusting to each other would be easy. I had to learn to let go of the old us and to stop comparing that Rachel to this Rachel. She got a crash course in being a mom and a wife in one fell swoop. Right now, we were in the middle between the two extremes. Rachel never hated me. It was more like a scale on how frustrated she was with herself. I remained steady, in my love and support for her. After Santana talked to both of us, we opened the lines of communication. We promised to be transparent with our thoughts and feelings, even that meant hurting each other. We were not going to hold back. I voiced my fears of her never being able to be in love with me. She told me that she was scared of losing me. These conversations were never easy, but they were necessary. We established boundaries, more for me, as I was finding it more and more difficult to not be physically affectionate. She knew how much I missed her. I think that she was expecting that tonight would be the night, but I knew she was not ready for that. I think that she didn't want to disappoint me, but I was anything but that. I was so proud of her. It hasn't been easy- to come to this life, our crazy, hectic life. There were kid's lunches, soccer games, dance rehearsals, Mommy & me classes, bedtime stories, carpools, and science projects. Just handling our kids lives' alone was a lot. To add our relationship on top of that was overwhelming to say the least. Yet, Rachel was doing the best she could to seamlessly slip into the fold of the Pierceberry family. I wonder, if I were in her shoes, how I would handle everything. I am amazed by my wife. Sometimes, I would even forget about Rachel's memory loss, but she never did.

I could tell that things surrounding Quinn were getting easier. She could even be alone with Quinn now. I was starting to feel her love for me. I let her initiate any physical contact between us and she doing that more and more: holding hands, hugs, and stolen kisses. It was why I knew she was building up to tonight and her expectations. I wasn't going to lie. I wanted my wife so very much but only if she was ready.

"A penny for your thoughts, Britts?" Tina asks, as she refills my champagne flute.

I smile at her and shake myself out of my head. "With this MIT brain? I think my thoughts are worth at least a dollar, Tina."

We both laugh and sit down on the window seat. Looking out the window, we see flurries dust the city we love so much. I cannot believe it has been 25 years since we all moved to New York City, my 3 best friends and I. We are all married with kids. We all have successful jobs and live in beautiful homes. The 18 year version of myself, could never have imagined this. After graduating high school, we all had big city dreams. We made them all come true.

"It's so beautiful, isn't it? I love this kind of snow that brushes the whole city in white. Where has this year gone, T?" I ask my best friend, touching her shoulder.

"I feel like the older we get, B, the faster time flies by. How have you been? How are things with Rachel?"

I sigh, "Things are getting better. A lot better, actually. It was a little rough in the beginning but we are getting closer and closer everyday. I can see her getting over Quinn or at least start to. We are being more open and honest with each other."

"Those are all good things, aren't they, Britt?" she asks me.

"Yeah. Yeah, they are. I wish I could help her more, especially when she gets flustered or frustrated with herself. She has adjusted to motherhood great. Adjusting to us has been a much slower process but it is getting better. I mean, she being more affectionate towards me, which I am so happy for. I just miss her, ya know, Tina," I tell her.

"Well, Britt, keep being patient with her. She will come around. She will get over Quinn. Rachel will be in love with you before you know it," Tina says, as she hugs me.

"Hey, hey. Is everything okay?" Quinn asks as she passes the fruit and cheese platter to us, before taking a seat next to me.

"Britt was just telling me about her and Rach. How things are getting better," Tina offers and I nod.

"Well, that is excellent news, Britts! I told you she would come round. How are things getting better?" Quinn asks me.

"She is initiating more physical contact between us. Rachel feels comfortable to hold my hand in public."

"Rachel is able to be alone with me now. I know it probably still hurts her to be around me. The babies had a play date this past week and Rachel did great. It was a big improvement over the last time we were alone," Quinn says.

"Yeah, she told me, Q. Rachel said that it didn't hurt as much to be near you. She enjoyed spending the morning with you and the twins," I respond.

I hear the music getting louder and assume that we are rapidly approaching midnight. Our significant others materialize and pull us off the window seat. Rachel wraps her arms around me and all I can think of is how much I love her.

"What are you thinking right now, my buttercup?" I ask her.

"I am thinking about how lucky and blessed I am. The past couple of months have been so difficult but they have also shown me how loved I am. I am in awe of you, my wife. I love you, Britt, so very much. I know that this has been hard on you. Thank you for believing in me and in us," Rachel tells me before catching my lips in a kiss.

"Hey, hey, it's not midnight yet, Mama!" Noah teases us. We have joined the kids in front of the TV, waiting for the ball drop in Times Square. After a few moments, we begin the count down from 10 all the way down to 1. It is a new year. I look at Rachel lovingly as I cup her cheek. She looks back at me with love. We meet in the middle and our lips touch ever so gently. It is the most wonderful kiss we have shared since all of this happened. It is tender and sweet, slow, and spellbinding. I felt like we were alone in the room and all that mattered was this. She deepened the kiss and I moaned into her mouth. God, how I missed this. We kiss until we need air and I pull her into me. "Happy New Year, baby!" I whisper in her ear, "I love you so much, Rachie." She responds with, "I love you too, Britt-britt." Soon, we are engulfed by our children and our friends. Greetings and salutations linger in the air and hugs are exchanged. It is times like these that I recognize how loved I am.

It is well past midnight, as Rachel carries Tristy and I lead our children next door, to our home. After settling the kids in bed, we fall into ours. I lie on my back as Rachel takes my hand.

"Brittany, I hope this new year brings us joy, laughter, and love. I hope that this year is better than the last. I hope that our children thrive and that we grow closer."

"Rachel, that is all I could hope for," I respond.

We turn to face each other and gaze in each other's eyes- blue meeting brown. I tuck a hair behind Rachel's ear as I say, "I love you so much, babe. I love you to the moon and back."

I can see her beam, as she looks up to me. I cup her cheek and close the distance between us. It felt so good to have her near me. When I kiss my wife, I can feel the energy exchange flow freely. I can feel our lips, minds, and bodies melding together. Rachel tangles her hand in my hair as I reach behind her neck to deepen the kiss. We spend countless moments kissing and touching, until our need for oxygen overtakes us.

"I want to," is all Rachel says. I know what she means. I don't want to push her into anything she isn't ready for.

"We really don't have to, honey. All of this, right now, is amazing," I say as I capture her lips in another kiss.

"But I really want to, Britt. I want you so much," she answers back.

"Rachel, I want you to be sure. We can stop at any-"

She cuts me off with a kiss. A kiss that has more passion behind it. A kiss that tells me she wants me and she wants this. I kiss her back with reckless abandon. I feel time stand still and all we have is this moment. We continue to kiss, exploring each other as I feel connected to my wife. I allow her to dictate our movements, reciprocating each kiss and touch. She moves down to my neck and I can feel her nip and suck at my pulse point. I moan loudly, as she licks behind my ear, which is one of my more sensitive spots. I know that Rachel is just learning my body, but I remember all of her spots. She pulls back and we join our lips again. I can feel her smile into the kiss and I know that this is alright. Rach swipes her tongue across my bottom lip and I grant her access, letting our tongues dance. I hear her moan, as I kiss her deeply.

She starts to move her hands to the small of my back, slipping her hands underneath my shirt. In turn, I place my hands behind her neck, feeling her move even closer to me. We begin to move together, as if we are dancing to some song that we both hear. It is wonderful. We sit up and she removes my cardigan, kissing a path from my neck to my shoulders. I pull up the hem of her dress, wrapping my hands along her sides. Rachel pulls her dress over her head and she sits before me, clad in a sexy black teddy.

"Hmm, so you had a plan to seduce me, huh, baby?" I say to her.

"What is that Girl Scout motto? Always be prepared? Yeah, Britt. This is me being prepared," she says with a laugh, as she begins to unbutton my cardigan. With each button, more and more of my skin is exposed. I can feel my heat and desire rising underneath her touch. I push the straps of her teddy to the side so I can kiss her shoulders. She removes my shirt and takes a moment to look at me, in my lacy red bra. She takes her hands to cup my bosom then dances her fingers on my heaving breasts. Her touch is setting me on fire.

"Oh, Rach, what you do to me; the way you make me feel," I tell her, as I kiss her over and over again. She repositions herself, so that we are kneeling, with our knees pressed against our centers. Feeling the friction this causes, we both moan. I am so turned on already. The slow build-up is making me wet with want for my wife.

"You are so hot. I want you so much," she responds, unhooking my bra. I pull her teddy up over her head, leaving both of us exposed from the waist up. She places a hand against my left breast, feeling the flesh in the palm of her hand. Soon, she is holding both of them, kneading and kissing the underside. I tangle my hands in her long, dark hair, pushing her into me. She smiles up at me, with lust in her eyes. I pull her back up in a searing kiss, running my hands up and down her sides. Rachel pushes me down onto the bed and unbuttons my skinny jeans, pulling them off, along with my thong. I am fully exposed and she takes a moment to look up and down my body. I've managed to maintain a great physique, even after motherhood and giving birth to two children. I credit that to good genes and dance.

"Brittany, you are so beautiful," she says, with awesome wonder, as she places her hand on the jut of my hip bones.

She traces her fingers up and down my thighs, edging closer and closer to where I need her most. I thrust my hips up and she smiles down at me, slipping her hand between my folds. I have forgotten how good this feels. We hadn't made love in over two months, which is the longest we have ever gone. I can tell she is tense and unsure of herself.

"Baby, that feels so good. More," I encourage her, as she moves her fingers across my slit.

I writhe below her, knowing that my release is coming sooner that usual. Rachel begins to get the hang of it and I can feel her growing confidence with each touch. It is when she dips a lone finger inside of me that I nearly lose it. She gently and slowly moves inside of me before withdrawing out almost completely, then diving in again. She begins a steady rhythm that my body moves in time to. I can feel my walls closing in when she adds a second finger. Feeling her inside of me is a feeling I cannot explain. When she caresses my full bud, I give into my climax, feeling the waves quake out. Rachel lingers, coaxing out every last tremble, before collapsing on top of me. We lie still like that for awhile, her head laid upon my breast, our legs tangled together.

I kiss the top of her head saying, "That was amazing, Rach. Happy New Year to me!"

She laughs, looking up at me. "Britt, I love you, you know that right? I hope that let you feel my love for you."

"I know, baby, I know," I respond. "I love you, too."

Charlotte doesn't make it home until St. Patrick's Day, which is when she should have been born. She was 6 lbs 3 oz, still small, but a fiesty firecracker. The nurses dubbed her "Baby Diva," because of her antics. She was looking more and more like Tristan everyday. Charlie's hair was growing back, after her first haircut by the NICU nurses. It was the same color as Rachel's and Tristy's and she had eyes like mine. She was beautiful. Lisa and Santana were there for Charlotte's discharge. We were all waiting for this day and now, it had finally arrived. Rachel got teary-eyed, saying good-bye to Charlie's primary nurses, as they took pictures, giving us small gifts for our baby girl. We never had a baby shower, since Charlotte was born so early. Both Rachel and I decided not to have one anymore and to not have a big party for Charlotte until her baptism in June, when she would be 6 months old. By then, she will be bigger and her immune system will be stronger. Santana picks up Charlotte and gently puts her in the infant carrier we brought.

"Now, Charlie, I know that you have been spoiled rotten here. I expect the same thing will continue as you go home. You are our miracle baby, little girl," she says, securely buckling her in place.

"Britt, Rach, you are already scheduled for your 1st appointment in our Neonatal Outpatient Clinic. Don't hesitate to call me, ok? Otherwise, I will see you in 3 days," Lisa says.

Santana hands our daughter to Rachel and walks along side her and I join them on the other side. It has been a long 3 months, but finally we are taking out daughter home. I am reminded of the last time I brought the car around was when Rachel was discharged. So much had happened since then. We were in a good place, my wife and I. She was getting over Quinn and doing great, being a mom to Barby, Noah, Tristan, and Charlotte. We were falling into a routine in our lives, which revolved around our children. In a couple of weeks, Rachel would get back to work on Funny Girl, with Beth. It seemed like Rachel's wish for the new year was coming to fruition.

As we crossed the threshold of our home, a waft of Irish Soda Bread reached my nose. Obviously, it could only mean that Tina was here. Sure enough, she comes out of our kitchen, with Katy by her side, in adorable matching aprons. Before we know it, Barby, Noah, and Tristy greet us in the foyer, excited to welcome Charlotte home.

"I hope you don't mind," Tina says, "I thought, everyone needs Irish soda bread on St. Patrick's Day!"

I smile at the thoughtfulness of my best friend, as we go inside our home. I set the carrier down on the kitchen table, all of us looking at Charlie. How she managed to stay asleep with all the commotion, I'll never know. I guess she is used to a lot of noise, after being in the NICU for 3 months. Rachel kisses my cheek, as she goes to the nursery to pump. Tina and Katy go back to baking. Barby and Noah return to their rooms to finish their homework. I stare at my baby girl, in awe. She was finally home.

Three months goes by wikked fast when you have an infant, a freshman, a senior, and an amazing wife. Charlotte was 6 months old and gaining weigh, almost eight lbs! Two weeks after Charlotte came home, I went on the California spring break trip with Barby, Noah, and Santana. We took tours of USC and Stanford. I think that made it even harder on Barby to decide. Noah loved Stanford and I think he is hoping to go there for college and play soccer. We were gone for a whole week, leaving Rachel at home with Tristan and Charlotte. She managed quite well without us home, but I think she needed a vacation after we returned.

Today was Charlotte's baptism. My mom, sister, and Rachel's dads flew in to be here. Tristy was wearing to most adorable suit, that matched his big brother. High school graduate Barby was going to make her big announcement at the reception. We kept the celebration small, but when you include all of our Glee friends, it turns into quite a crowd. Charlotte Tina Pierceberry was an official member of the Catholic faith. Tina and Mike were her godparents. Lisa and her primary nurses were there, so happy to be a part of this special day. Sam closed his restaurant during Sunday brunch- one of the perks of owning the place. The baby of the hour was sound asleep in her infant carrier. I swear, she sleeps better with more noise than less! She did really well through the whole event. She didn't even cry, as the water was poured on her head. We all felt to lucky and blessed to have this day; a day that seemed impossible 6 months ago. I looked over at my wife, chatting animately with Quinn and Santana. We were in a great place. I know she is over Quinn and in love with me.

Last week, we had our first date night. It was our first night out alone since everything happened. For Rachel, it was our first date ever. Rachel, being Rachel, formally asked me out on a date and she took care of all the details. She even went outside the house and rang the doorbell to "pick me up" for the date. Rachel held a bouquet of daisies for me, which I handed off the Barby, and our night began. It was perfect. We had dinner at our favorite neighborhood restaurant, where we shared a salad, spaghetti, and a bottle of wine. That alone would have been enough for me, but then she pulled out tickets for the ballet. It had been years since I performance from the New York City Ballet. Rachel got us orchestra seats and we held hands the whole time. When the cab stopped in front of our home, she insisted to open the car door for me. It was the best night we had had together. It wasn't that she was the old Rachel again. It was that this was the new Rachel, who had fallen in love with me. She told me that, right before we shared a good-bye kiss at our doorstep.

"Rachel, thank you for tonight. It was perfect, really," I tell her.

She gives me a wide grin and I can tell she is so happy at herself for planning the date.

"Anything for my amazing wife. I want to tell you something, Britt. You know that I love you. Well, I... I have fallen in love with you. You are the one that I want for the rest of my life. I feel so blessed to be your wife," she says, with tears in her eyes.

Tears are already streaming down my face. Those words are that I have been longing to hear. I was so scared that I would never hear them again. Knowing that she was completely over Quinn and in love with me made me so happy. I captured her lips in a kiss, sealing our love.

I pulled her inside our home and showed her my love the best way I know how, by making love to her.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" Rachel asks me.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, just remembering something, " I reply with a lazy smile.

"It must be something good, for you to smile like that..." she says.

"It is, Rach. I'm thinking about this, " I say, before kissing her passionately. "Just something for you to think about."

I leave her breathless, as I see my sister walking towards me with Noah.

Apparently, Charlotte had woken up because Tina was holding her, being a proud godmother. She was pregnant and her and Mike were over the moon. Katy was very excited to have a little brother or sister. Marley had given birth to a healthy, baby girl, who was 3 months old. The gang was all here, our family who supported us through all of Charlie's trials and tribulations.

Barby got up and I knew she was going to announce her decision. She tapped her fork against her water glass to quiet the crowd. Soon, she had everyone's attention.

"Hey everyone! I know that this is Charlotte's day but I wanted to make an announcement. As you all know, I have trying to decide what I will be doing this fall. I want to thank all of you for your support, especially my Ninang San for taking me to California for spring break. I was accepted at all the schools I applied to: USC, Stanford, Columbia, Yale, and Juilliard After discussing all my options with my moms, I have decided to defer enrollment to Stanford for a year. In this year, I will go to auditions. I am going to my first one on Monday. So, yeah, that's it. Thanks again," Barby says.

Rachel and I go up to our daughter. We are so proud of her. Noah was happy too, because he knew that if she did go to Stanford and he got in, they would be there together. He came up behind us for a big group hug. Tristy ran up to my leg join the hug.

My baby girl has graduated from high school. My son in thriving at Lycee Francais. Tristy was a fun-loving boy. Charlotte was here and healthy. And, I have my beautiful wife by my side. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.