Chapter 2- I Choose You
Suggested listening: From Sara Bareilles' The Blessed Unrest, "I Choose You"
"But mom, I want this one!" Charlotte says with conviction.
Brittany kneels down to our daughter and says, "And you picked these four too, honey. You can only have one pumpkin."
Noah swoops in and scoops up his little sister in his arms. "Come on, Charlie. I know you want some of apple cider and doughnuts. Let's catch up to Tristan, Katy, and Mikey," he says, running towards the picnic tables. I can see relief pass over my wife, as she sets down the 5th pumpkin Charlotte had chosen.
It is a beautiful autumn day in New York City. Well, not exactly. All of us (and I do mean all of us) are here at Willow Run in Bergenfield, New Jersey for our annual pumpkin patch expedition. The only one missing is Barby, who just started her freshman year at Stanford at the age of 20. After high school, she wanted to dance and dance she did, in the city and all over the world. Knowing Noah will be joining her at Stanford next fall, on a full athletic scholarship for soccer, helped her decision. Plus, JJ, her high school sweetheart, is already a junior there. She will still be able participate in the pumpkin carving tradition, thanks to Skype. Tristan is five and Charlotte will be turning four in December. Four years since I almost died. Four years since I lost my memory. Four years into my new life.
I look out at the pumpkin patch and all of the people I hold dear on this Earth are within my sight. Brittany gives me a quick peck on the cheek, before reaching down to hold my hand. Quinn is holding Holden and Harper's hands, while Santana is behind them, pulling a Radio Flyer full of pumpkins. Mikey is holding his big sister, Katy's hand, while Mike takes pictures. Tina is setting out the picnic lunch. Mercedes is helping her, as Sam corrals Joey, Macey, and Zoey. Kurt and Blaine are carrying over another picnic table, while Bryn and Burt carry the bench. Marley is holding her daughter, Mia's hand, while Arty is walking along side Arty Evan, as he picks his pumpkin. Of course, my sister, Beth, is here with her husband and 6 month-old baby girl. Crazy to think that Quinn is a grandmother. Mama Shelby is here, too, pouring out the apple cider. I take in the sight of this motley crew, my family, and I sigh. It is a sigh of contentment and wonder. I am so blessed to be here and to have so many people in my life that love me.
I let Brittany lead me to the table, where Tina and Mercedes have laid out a wonderful picnic lunch. We had started this tradition as freshman, newly moved to NYC. It was a way for us to feel connected to our Lima pasts. Every October at McKinley, we would go to Emma's family farm, Pillsbury Farms, and their pumpkin patch. It was the first October that we weren't home and we were all so homesick. Quinn found Willow Run. It was our way to start a new tradition in our new home. The next year, Brittany, Tina, Blaine, Kurt, and Arty joined us. The group got bigger and bigger every year. This year, we were 30 strong. Now, it had evolved to an overnight event that occurred the weekend before Halloween. On Saturday, we dressed up all the kids in their Halloween costumes and took them to Bergenfield's Annual Halloween Parade. Afterwards, we took them to the mall, Garden State Plaza, where they went early trick-or-treating. Bergenfield was a wonderful town, whose main draw was Willow Run. We are here every September for apple picking, October for pumpkin picking, and December for Christmas tree cutting. Today, at the patch, we were picking pumpkins, going through the corn maze, and riding the haunted hay rides. Surprisingly, none of the kids has had a meltdown yet. In fact, (and I swear I am not being bias at all) for the most part, all of our children behave well in public. I guess the fact that the bulk of our younger kids were past the toddler phase and our older kids were in high school gave us a good balance.
My two sons sit next to Brittany, as Charlotte climbs up unto the bench. Looking at her today, you would never know that she was 3 months premature. She is still small for her age, which was probably the only thing that was recognizable. Thankfully, she is remarkably normal. It did take her longer to walk and talk. She didn't say her first word, Mama, or walk until she was 18 months old. Since then, she hit all of the developmental milestones. She is a precocious little girl, who loves pink and tutus. Charlotte is all girl, even more so than Barby. She was in Beginning Ballet at Britt & Mike's studio. She just started piano lessons with Tina. Charlie brought so much love and light into my life. Tristy, my baby boy, was our little sports star. He loved peewee soccer and tee-ball. Obviously, Noah influenced his love of sports, since Tristan wanted to be just like his big brother. I was so happy that my best friends' kids and my kids were best friends too. Katy, Joey, Macey, Zoey, and Arty Evan were in kindergarten. Tristan, Charlotte, Holden, Harper, Mikey, and Mia were in Shelby's preschool. Noah, Byrn, and Burt were in high school. All of our children were growing up so fast.
"Rach. Hey, Rachel," Santana says, waving a hand in front of my face. "What are you thinking about?"
I smile at her, as I notice her handing me a cup of apple cider.
"Oh, San, just how fast our children are growing up. I mean, Barby is at Stanford. By next year, Noah will join her and Tristy will be starting kindergarten at Lycee Francais. It is really true what they say; time does fly by. I mean, look at Charlotte. She already taking piano lessons from Tina! She goes to ballet class with Britt! I cannot believe it is almost four years ago..."
"...that you almost died having her? Yeah, I know, Rach. Time has a funny way of sneaking up on us. I had a panic attack on the twins' first day of pre-school. I couldn't believe that my babies were at the age for school. I guess we will always picture them as our babies, no matter how old they get. Isn't that right, Britt?"
"Sure is, San. I mean we have a kid in college. If I close my eyes, I can still see a 3 year-old Barby, standing next to me in her pink tutu and ballet shoes in my dance studio. I can see a 6 year-old Noah scoring a winning goal for his peewee soccer team. I can remember a 2 year-old Tristan laughing as I blew bubbles in his face. I can still picture Charlotte in that Giraffe isolette, fighting for her life. We are the ones who hold all these memories, babe. Yes, it is true that are babies are all growing up too fast. But hey, we are growing up too," Britty tells me with a wink of her eye.
"More like growing older and greyer, Britt," Quinn interjects.
We all laugh at Quinn's statement of truth.
"What? I am not being facetious! We aren't getting any younger, ladies. San, before we know it, Holden and Harper will be in high school, going on first dates."
"Awww, hellz nah. My babies aren't dating until they are 25, at minimum," Santana replies with a smirk.
"Katy isn't allow to date until she is 30, according to Mike," Tina jokingly adds.
I laugh at the banter between my friends, my sisters really. Being an only child growing up was lonely and isolating at times. Now, I had all these wonderful women in my life.
"Did you guys get Mr. Schue invitation in the mail?" Mercedes asks.
"Of course we did, my dear. So, what songs should we perform this year?" Kurt answers.
Every December, the Glee club performs as Christmas concert. It is our unofficial reunion. We all go back to Lima for the holidays, especially since all our parents are elderly. Nowadays, it is easier for us to fly to Ohio than for them to come out here. We always perform a couple of songs at the concert.
"Can't we just do the same set as last year? They were showstoppers. Plus, I don't think I'll have that much time to rehearse, thanks to Wicked," I say.
"Yeah, I don't think I'll be free to rehearse either. I am notoriously busy right up to us flying out. We try to deliver as many babies as we can before the holidays," Santana adds.
"So, we'll sing Jingle Bell Rock, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, and O Holy Night?" Blaine asks.
"Ohhh, can't we add We Need A Little Christmas? It's my favorite!" Arty says.
"We should one new song to the repertoire. We need to keep it fresh," Sam agrees.
"As long as Britt and I can choreograph. That would be a fun number to do," Mike says.
"Puck and I could play the ax on Jingle Bell Rock," Sam tells us excitedly.
"I hate to say it, but I think we will show up New Directions again." I admit.
"We are the Original New Directions. The only ones to have won a National Championship. We have a reputation to uphold. Plus, Mr. Schue always lets us perform during their encore, so I blame him," Tina says.
"Well, we all do Seasons of Love together at the end, so those kids do get to sing an encore song," Marley replies.
"Exactly. So, we all win," my wife says with a big smile.
We are brought out of the conversation by the sound of someone crying. Santana doesn't even need to look to know it is her daughter crying. Quinn gets up and they walk over to Harper. After a few moments, Santana walks back and get her purse.
"I swear, she is such a klutz. No big deal, just a skinned knee. She needs more dance class, Britt, to help with her coordination," she jokes, before heading back to her.
I look over and see Noah and Burt throwing around a football. Bryn is kicking around a soccer ball with all the younger kids. This is all I could ever ask for. This time with my friends at our yearly ritual. I look over at Brittany, as she picks up a sleepy Charlotte in her arms. She looks back at me with so much love. She doesn't know what I have planned for our 20th wedding anniversary. With Tina's help, I am planning to renew our wedding vows the day after Christmas at our church in Lima. My dads have coordinated with Brittany's mom most of the big things, like the place where we will be holding the reception. Tina is assisting me with all the other details. It is like I am planning our 1st wedding. Since I don't remember it, I guess I really am. My memory never came back, which still makes me sad. Now, I try not to dwell on it, because I can't change it. I focus on living in the now and creating new memories.
Tina sidles up to me and says, "Hey Rach. We are still on for Tuesday, right? We have an appointment at Monique Lhuillier for your final fitting. Santana, Quinn, and Mercedes are meeting us their to pick up their bridesmaid dresses."
"I am worried about Britt's dress. Do you really think she'll like it?" I ask her.
"I do, Rach. It is her style and don't worry about the fit. You know your wife. She is standard size 4. She has been for years. She will love it, I promise."
"I'll love what, Tina?" Brittany asks, as she comes up from behind and wraps her arms around me.
"Uh, you'll absolutely love the Christmas present Rachel got for you," Tina says, thinking quickly on her feet.
"You got my present already, sweetie. Ah, man. I better step up my game then!" she says, as she gives me a squeeze. I throw Tina grateful look, knowing that Britt didn't overhear our plans. I feel a tugging on my jeans.
"Mama, can I have more apple cider? I'm thirsty." Tristan asks. He is all sweaty with ruddy cheeks from running around.
"Of course, my son. Come on, let's ask grandma for some." I say, taking Tristy hand, walking towards my mom.
She pours him a cup as I sit down next to her.
"I skyped with Barby yesterday. She is really loving Stanford, isn't she. She looks all settled in with JJ. Did she decide what she is majoring in?" Shelby asks me.
"Hmm, yeah, I think she is really excited to be living with JJ. After being apart for these past 2 years, she is trying make up for lost time. As for her major, she wants to do pre-med, majoring in biology, with a double minor in French and dance. Yeah, she'll be at Stanford for awhile. Her advisor said it will probably take her 5 1/2 years to complete such an ambitious course of study. I think she is going to go to school all thru the summers so she can complete it in 5 years. That way, her and Noah would graduate the same year. Noah already knows that he wants to major in Engineering Physics."
"Wow, well, I am very proud of my grandchildren," she says as she tousles Tristan hair, then pats him on the bum, as he runs back towards Noah.
"Tristy, aren't you forgetting something?" I ask him. He stops running and thinks for a second before yelling back, "Thanks grandma for the drink! I love you!"
We both laugh at his reply. Tristan has always been like that, always open with his affection. He was always giving extra hugs and kisses, saying that he loves you. It was one his best qualities. I turn back to my mom and think how great it is to have her in my life. I think that the our relationship only got stronger after Charlotte was born. I leaned on her more, as I was struggling to figure out my new life. Professionally, she was a colleague, a fellow Tony winner. Personally, she was my mother and my best friend. My hospital scare and subsequent recovery gave her a chance to mother me. Since I had only found her as 16 year-old, she missed that portion of my life. She was able to care for me as a daughter and I was able to see her as more than Shelby, my birth mother. She became my mom. I catch her off guard with a big hug.
"What was that for, honey?" she asks me as she returns my embrace.
"Just because, mom. Just because."
After we all went thru the corn maze and the hay ride, it was time to head back home. Since we were all so busy, the next time we would see each other would be Thanksgiving. Before I knew it, my surprise wedding would be here. There was still so much to do.
I was right, 2 months flew by so fast, especially with our busy schedules. After Halloween, Brittany got busy planning and choreographing the annual Holiday Recital with Mike. I was in rehearsal for Wikked. Barby flew home for Thanksgiving and met us in Lima for Christmas. Noah finished out his high school soccer career as MVP of team. He formally announced his intent to attend Stanford for soccer next fall. Tristan was the leading goal scorer, completing his 1st season in peewee soccer. Charlotte was occupied with pre-K, ballet, and piano lessons. Amongst all of this, I would sneak away with Tina to finalize the details for the wedding. There were a couple of close calls but I was sure that Britt had no idea that tomorrow, we would be getting married again.
Everyone was in town for the holidays anyway, so it was the perfect time to do it. I was at my dads' house with the boys. I asked Britts' mom to call her with an excuse of taking her out for tea with Barby and Charlotte. She had just left. When she would arrive, her mom would hand her a card that finally told her what was going to happen today. She didn't know that waiting for here there would be Santana and Mercedes, with her wedding dress, ready to do her hair and make-up. My dads', Noah, and Tristan were in the next room, putting on their tuxes. Quinn and Tina were here helping me get ready.
Tina says, with excitement, "I told Barby to videotape Britt as soon as her mom hands her the envelope. It should be awesome!"
"I am so happy for you, Rach. I know how much this day means to you. You are finally getting married to Brittany, again. You look gorgeous," Quinn says, as she stands behind me, looking at my reflection in the mirror, wiping a stray tear from her eye.
I look at myself and have to agree. I have never felt more beautiful in my life.
Within the hour, Tina and Quinn have their bridesmaid dresses on, my dads' and boys are in their tuxes, and I am in my wedding dress. Mike has already taken pictures of us getting ready and he is heading over to Britt to take pictures. The limo arrived to take us to the church. Looking down the aisle, I am reminded of the Sundays spent here with my dads, attending services with Brittany, Santana, Quinn, and Tina. I remember being here last night for Midnight Mass. Today, I am marrying the love of my life, my Brittany, and I couldn't be more in love with her.
Brad, the piano accompanist from our Glee days plays Canon in D as Mercedes & Sam, Tina & Mike, Santana & Quinn, Barby & Noah, and Beth walk down the aisle. Tristan is the ring bearer and Charlotte is the flower girl. My dads will walk me down the aisle first. I want to see Brittany's face as she walks down the aisle. As I hear the wedding march begin, I take a deep breath. My daddy looks at me and says, "It's time, Rachel. Time to marry Brittany." My dad loops his arm around mine and we all begin to walk. I have too many emotions, but the most dominate one was excitement. I couldn't wait to see Brittany. I stand at the foot of the altar with Father Dominic, flanked by my sons and groomsmen to my left, bridesmaids and best friends to my right. I look at my mom and she already has tears in her eyes. I look down the aisle and I see her. Brittany takes my breath away. As she walks down the aisle with her mom, I can already see that she is crying. I attempt to hold back the tears but find it impossible as she steps closer and closer to me. Her mom lifts her vail up, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and joins my dads in their pew. I finally see my bride and am in awe of her. I touch her cheek, as she jokes, "Thank God for waterproof mascara." I smile lovingly at her and clasps her hand as Father Dominic begins the service. After the beginning formalities, he turns to me as says, "Now Brittany, I know this is all a surprise to you so you don't have to say your own vows, but Rachel has prepared hers for you. So, if you will, Rachel."
I clear my throat, look deep in her blue eyes and say, "Brittany, do you remember that day I came home from the hospital? You found me in our family room with Tristan, looking up at our wedding portrait. I was crying because I couldn't remember that day. A day that was so important in our lives because it was day I became your wife. I vowed to myself that one day, I would be here, at this church and at this altar, professing my love to you. Today, I crying for a completely different reason. These are tears of joy, my love, because today, I am renewing my vows to you. I know that in the beginning it was difficult for you, me being in love with Quinn and all. Yet, through it all, you never wavered in your faith in me and your love for me. I want you to know that I choose you today and every day. You are the best thing in my life, besides our beautiful children. I love you with all that I am, Britt, and I vow to make sure you feel that love every single day, for the rest of our lives. You have given me the best gift a wife could ever ask for, our 4 children, Barbra, Noah, Tristan, and Charlotte. Over 20 years, we have built this amazing life together. I look with hope and excitement at our future yet to be. If our past four years are any indication, I know that our best years are ahead of us and not behind us. I choose you, Brittany Susan Pierce, and I love you to the moon and back," I say, squeezing her hands.
She looks back at me in wonder. I know she wants to say her vows.
"Rachel, my buttercup, this, all of this is so you. It is one of the many things I love about you. Just when I think I finally have you figured out, you find some way to surprise me. And our life together has been a series of surprises, right from the start. After Quinn broke up with you and I moved in with you, I never expected to fall in love with you. I could never have imagined you would love me back. From then to now, twenty five years have gone by, each one more wonderful than the last. But four years ago, when we were given the blessing of Charlotte, I was given an another gift. You gave me the gift of you. When you were so lost and broken, I didn't know what I could do to help you. All I could give you was my unconditional love and support. I believed in us and in our love. I knew that, somehow, you would find your way back to me. These past four years have been trying and thrilling. It is you, Rachel, my true North and my soulmate that has sustained me. I can never say it enough. I love you, I love you, I love so much, Rachel Barbra Berry. All I am and all I will be, all I ever have is yours. I choose you and I vow my undying love to you the rest of my life."
Father Dominic asks for the rings and Tristan steps up with the pillow holding the symbols of our love. As he hands us our rings he states, "Rachel as chosen matching Tiffany Grace bands, because it is because by the grace of God that you are together."
I place the band on her left ring finger, saying, "Britty, I love you and I vow to love you forever.
She places my band, saying, "Rachie, I love you and I vow to love you forever."
"I now pronounce you wife and wife, again! You can-"
I kiss my wife with passion and love. I kiss her with all that I am. She knows that I choose her every single day for the rest of my life. Brittany is all I could ever want or need. I love her. It is the one thing I know for sure in this uncertain world. I love my wife.
