As Eren ran after her he thought about everything that could've gone better and how wrong everything turned out. She ran from him. He knew it wasn't him she was running from, no, he knew her by now. She was running from herself, her feelings. Mikasa didn't want to face the possibility of love working for her, and Eren knew that. He only had a few months, and he had already fucked up on day number one. He had to fix this, but how? Mikasa had initiated that, should he have accepted it? Shown her? He wasn't sure, but he had to do something. Maybe he'd play it by ear; why did he suck at this emotion thing so much.
As Mikasa ran far, all she could think of was how stupid she was. Eren wouldn't want to be her friend, not after that. She ruined it, botched their connection, their bond. It made her want to scream in frustration, why did it have to be this way? Why did she have to fall for him. She knew she was capable of love, but she told herself no, because she couldn't possibly be loved back. Don't hurt yourself! She'd always say, and don't fall in love because all that ends in is a broken heart. She wanted to scream and cry, how could she have let herself fall so hard. She fell real hard too, she was ready to kiss him on a whim! She had to stop this, erase her feelings, no love! She had to get away, maybe she'd cut Eren off, maybe she'd kill herself sooner rather than later, she had to think of something. She couldn't face him, she couldn't face her friends, she couldn't live one more day with her father, and she couldn't think about how disappointed her mother would be. Maybe she should, as she contemplated her next course of action, she had been so lost in thought she didn't realize the truck barrelling towards her.
She stood in silence, it felt like everything was in slow motion. There's no way that massive truck noticed her, not at the speed it was going. She should've been more careful, this road is 55 MPH, but then again, maybe the death would be so quick she'd be grateful it happened. As she stood staring not knowing how to react or what to do she felt something envelop around her waist.
"Mikasa!" Eren screamed diving for her and rolling both of them out of the way as the horn honked and blared.
Eren was hyperventilating and had a tight grasp on her. He'd never felt more scared in his life. Not for him, but for her. She could've died! He wasn't mad, but she had to watch where she was going, that made his heart do summersaults at the thought of watching her insides go everywhere. As Mikasa lifted herself up, she looked to Eren who gave her the most terrified look she'd ever seen. Before she could say anything though, he began to yell.
"God dammit. Mikasa! You can do that kind of shit! I don't care how lost in thought you were, pay attention!" He began as they both faced each other, panting.
"I know, I'm sorry, you almost-"
"NOT ME! YOU!" he grabbed her arms tightly and began to yell a spew of fearful words.
"You could've died! Then what!? I would've watched someone I care about get killed! I can't attend another funeral, Mikasa! Don't be so fast to throw your life away, you live and fight! What were you thinking!? What could possibly be worse than getting hit by a truck!?" He screamed tears pricking the corners of his eyes.
"I'm sorry..." he said, now holding onto her and crying into her shoulder.
As he did so, Mikasa felt bad she wanted to help him, but she knew she had to detatch herself. She couldn't fall for him more. She gave a soft "I'm sorry," before pushing him away, leaving Eren more than confused. She then began to yell.
"I-I CAN'T--I-" She tried to explain before Eren spat back with the same energy.
They were both clearly upset, and it all came out like the force of a battering ram as they tried to find common ground.
"WHAT!? YOU COULDN'T WHAT!? KISS ME!? I DON'T CARE, IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD'VE! I'D RATHER THAT THAN YOU DEAD!"
"I CAN'T--Y-YOU'RE MY FRIEND! I CAN'T DO THAT TO YOU, YOU HAVE A SOULMATE OUT THERE WAITING FOR YOU, AND YOU DESERVE THEM AND TH-THE WORLD! YOU C-CAN'T BOTHER WITH ME AND MY STUPI-ID EMOTIONS FALLING FOR SOMEONE WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN L-LOVE ME BACK!" She spat back as Eren, let out something he really shouldn't have.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, MIKASA!? I LOVE YOU, I REFUSE TO WATCH YOU DIE AND WITHER AWAY LIKE MY DAD DID! I CAN'T FUCKING LOSE YOU TOO! GOD DAMMIT, SASHA SHOULD'VE TOLD ME YOU WERE MY SOULMATE FROM THE START, WE COULD'VE HANDLED THIS SO MUCH BETTER!" He shouted before covering his mouth and going completely quiet.
Mikasa's eyes widened in shock. Did she hear that right? She was his soulmate? He said that, and she heard right. She did, and she didn't know how to feel. Now she was more confused as she stood up. Eren, staying still surprised he'd even let that slip.
"What...?" She said as she stared at him eyes as wide as saucers.
"I--Listen, I-"
"NO! I--IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! I CAN'T HAVE A SOULMATE-THAT'S-AHHHH! I BURDENED YOU ALL THIS TIME, AND YOU ONLY STUCK AROUND BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED SOME STUPID LEGEND THAT MAY NOT EVEN EXIST! LOVE ISN'T REAL! IT'S-It's," she threw her head into her hands and wailed a loud sob as Eren sat listening in shock at her words.
He had to challenge her though, the cat was out of the bag, so he would fight her on it. Standing he rolled up his jacket sleaves and showed her the same cuts she had inflicted on herself only days prior.
"Oh yeah? What's this then, Mikasa?" He challenged as she stared in shock at the identical cuts on his arms.
"It was you..." she whispered remembering her conversation with Sasha.
"TELL ME, GOD DAMMIT!" Eren shouted, stomping, as Mikasa jumped a bit at his tone of voice.
"IF THIS ISN'T REAL THEN WHAT IS!? I DIDN'T DO THIS SHIT TO MYSELF!" He then grabbed her face and brought their heads together still yelling.
"IF LOVE'S NOT REAL MIKASA, THEN WHY DID YOU TRY TO KISS ME, HUH!? IF LOVE'S NOT REAL, THEN WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO KISS YOU, HOLD YOU, AND PROTECT YOU!? IF LOVE'S NOT REAL, WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SCARED TO LOSE YOU!?" He finished as Mikasa pulled away and cried, standing a distance away from him.
"BECAUSE, YOU DON'T WANT MY DEATH ON YOUR CONSCIENCE! LOVE OR NOT, IT'S NOT REAL! GROW UP LOOK AROUND YOU! MY DAD DESPISES ME FOR TAKING MY MOTHER FROM HIM! IF HE REALLY LOVED HER, HE WOULD'VE NEVER DONE THAT TO ME!" She screamed running away again.
Eren wasn't going to let her get away though, no, he was going to chase after her. After all this time, he had been searching and waiting, she always chased his tail when he was upset, now it was his turn to do the same. He had to show her, he really loved her, otherwise the whole plan is botched and their lives are fucked. Charging after her, he thought about what his mom said, what Armin said, Sasha, Levi, Petra, hell even Mina. He had to save her, if not from falling then from death. He couldn't let the Mikasa he'd come to love so much die out like this, so he ran, and ran, and when he thought he lost her, he knew where she was going. She'd only taken him a handfull of times, but he memorized it, because it was her special place.
Catching up finally, he ran to her in that vast stretch of wood as he chased her around the tiny pond, and finally caught her. Grabbing her arm gently, yet firmly, she began to try to wiggle free.
"Let go, Eren! It's over! Leave, and never think about me again! It's better for someone like you to have a love you're worthy of!" She cried as Eren finally pulled her to him and kissed her.
It wasn't gentle either, it was passionate and hard. He kissed her like she was going to disappear, and Mikasa tried to fight him, but when she felt the energy and emotion of the kiss, she couldn't help but slowly reciprocate it. Pulling away for air, the green eyed boy pulled her into a tight embrace and rested his head against hers. He was crying, just as hard as she was, and that's when Mikasa realized that these emotions didn't just spring out of nowhere, they'd bloomed over the time they spent together. His just as much as hers. She didn't want to give in, she wanted to run, to die, to stop trying to have a happy ending when she didn't deserve one, but he was so warm, that she couldn't help but melt into him. It wasn't until Eren called her out that she'd realized how much she had run from herself.
"Admit it, Mikasa! You claim this isn't good for me, how about you!? Huh!? What about you!? You sit and cut yourself everyday, believing you are an unlovable monster, but admit it! It's not that you don't believe you deserve it or can't have it, it's because you're scared that when you do, you're heart will be broken all over again, because no matter which way you dice it, your father was your first heart break!" He finished, crying as Mikasa sank to her knees and sobbed into the floor wacking it.
He was right. She had wanted it, she had wanted to be loved all her life, she wished someone would truly love her the way Levi loved Petra and the way her father loved her mother before he went psycho. When did she let it get twisted? Oh that's right...It's because it felt unattainable and real...it felt like another heartbreak...She answered internally as she began to weep softly into herself. She wrapped her arms around herself as if giving a hug, and screamed as Eren kneeled down and watched as she released her emotions fully. Bringing her into another embrace, this one gentle, he rocked her slowly as he kissed her forehead, promising it would all be okay. It wasn't until she calmed down to soft tears that Eren heard her final plea.
"I just want to be loved unconditionally..." she sobbed into his chest as Eren combed his fingers through her hair soothingly.
He chuckled sadly then, "well you're in luck...Because I love you, and I'm not just sayin that because your my soulmate, I mean it. Your dad's a fucking prick, if I lost you, something I don't want to fathom, but if I did, and all I had left was a miniature version of you? You can bet your life I would've been treating them like gold. My mother never hurt me when my father died, she loved me all the same. You father's a bad person, and it'll end soon, you just need to give me some time." He promised as Mikasa pulled away looking at him now.
"What do you mean?"
Armin's words from their conversation rang through his mind. She's scared, she needs assurance. So he'd promise her, he'll end it.
"I can't tell you, but you won't be suffering forever," he cupped her face again and planted another soft kiss to her lips which she accepted fully now, with no resistance.
"Promise me, you'll trust me, Mikasa. I need you to have faith in me and in us. Please, hang on, don't go, I'd lose myself if you did that, please just have some hope, can you do that?" He asked as she sighed.
"I love you too, you know." She whispered against his chest, as he laughed holding her to him.
"I thought that was implied." He said as they continued to lay with the other in comfortable silence.
Hours had passed, and all they'd done was lay with each other against a tree, watching the pond move and the sky slowly turn into dusk. Eren had gotten so cozy, he hadn't realized Mikasa had fallen asleep on him till he went to ask her when she was supposed to be home. Looking down at her serene appearance, the brunet boy felt lucky. Lucky that it didn't go south, and despite all factors going against them, they still managed, and in the end, she still wanted him. He was content with her answer, she hadn't said yes to the promise, however, she answered quite close to one. He'd hoped he didn't read that wrong, and he hoped he wouldn't be attending another funeral, God, he hoped he wouldn't. As he watched the small rise and fall of her chest, and the way she nuzzled into him, shivering a bit, he'd realized she was cold. Grasping her gently, he lifted her up bridal style and began to carry her back home. As much as he didn't want to, he had to, for her sake, and so she wouldn't catch a cold.
Unfortunately, as he walked he didn't realize her starting to stir. Damn, he woke her, he felt bad, but perhaps now was better than later.
As she opened her eyes Eren smiled at her softly. Something she wasn't expecting to see, but one that was welcome. It was warm, he was warm. This was his love for her. She sighed for a moment and hid her face in the crook of his neck, thinking about what she would do. There was a comfortable silence as Eren let her think while he carried her back to that damned house...That cold, horrible...
"I don't want to go back..." she said quietly, choking on the lump in her throat in fear.
Eren's jaw clenched as he squeezed her to him tighter. He didn't want to take her back there just as much as she didn't want to return. He knew they needed evidence so Levi could successfully gain custody over her, and he knew her damned father was so scared of Levi that he wouldn't try anything that extreme for a while. Yet, he desperately wanted to take her with him, so she wouldn't have to bear anymore witness to that. He promised to protect her, and now he's letting her go somewhere, where she will most definitely be harmed. He heaved a heavy sigh as he spoke to her with the same fear lacing his voice.
"I know...I'm sorry, I have to-..." He paused looking up and finally stopping at the sight.
Mikasa looked up at him confused, until she decided to follow his line of sight. He seemed horrified to say the least. When she saw it, she grasped her now boyfriend so tightly, Eren thought she could just about draw blood. She now regretted falling asleep, or even going out all together. Just ahead, her father's car was parked in the driveway.
Ayo guys, working on the next chap right now, so hopefully I'll have that out soon. The story is literally almost over, so I'm excited to finish it and move on to different ideas I had. Not going to lie, the manga ending had hurt me so bad that I can't think about them without crying so next to me being busy is my coping with what happened and not being able to write about them as a result. I feel confident I can finish sooner rather than later at the rate it's going. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!
