Disclaimer: Standard applied

Summary: Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. AU.

Note:

Past/Thought

Present

-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-

Dedicated for "A",

if only you know Ichigo in this story has been inspired by you.

UNBETA'D

Chapter 12 —Ichigo—

"Eyes"

She hadn't opened her eyes yet. I knew that she was okay and that she was just sleeping right now but I could not lie to myself. I worried about her so much. How if she would never open her eyes anymore? I knew I shouldn't think something scary like that but I couldn't help it. It had been hours and I desperately wanted to see her eyes.

It was not the first time I was thinking like this. She had been really weak since the first time I met her. A little stress could be really bad for her. There were moments back then in high school when I almost got a terrible heart attack when she fainted during the class or gym. I would never get used with my girlfriend fainted in front of me.

I sighed.

I squeezed her hand gently, I hadn't let go off it at all. I didn't understand why but by touching her small hand and feeling her skin on mine, I felt much better. It could assure me that she would not go leaving me. I just realized how deep is my feeling for her and I was not ready to lose her now. I would never be.

I scowled deeply as I watched her pretty face. She hadn't opened her eyes at all. I knew I might be overreacted but I wouldn't feel relieved until I could look into those grey orbs once more.

"I love your eyes."

We both were lying on the grass that covered by pink petals under the cherry blossom tree that day. That was our first hanami as a lover. She laid on her side next to me who face her with a deep scowl on my face. I was nervous, she was so close to me. I could feel her warm breath on my face that somehow smell like a freshmint of toothpaste. And when suddenly she told me that she loved my eyes I did not know how to react.

"Eh... why?"

She smiled. Ah, she was too beautiful...

"Because it reminds me of honey..." she licked her lips as she mention 'honey'.

"Ah," I lost my words.

She did this again to me, a simple statement from her could make me losing my ability to talk. I knew I should say something back. Something to make her happy. I knew she said that without hoping me to say it back, but I felt like I need to tell her. I needed to tell her that I feel the same way about her.

I love her eyes too.

"I love your eyes too."

She chuckle, "Hehe, Thank you, Ichigo-kun..."

I swallowed, "Because... Your eyes are..."

Beautiful.

But I could not say it, it was too cheesy.

So instead i said, "I love your eyes because... I love it."

And she laughed.

I smiled at the memory. I never told her. I never told anyone, in fact I just realized it few moment ago, I loved her eyes not only because they were beautiful and grey. I loved her eyes, because when they looked into mine I would know that she was mine. That she was alive.

I had almost been losing her for so many times.

I thought by stopping loving her, the pain would go away. That if I stopped loving her, it would not felt hurt if I had to lose her. Ever since she knew me, only bad things happened to her. If only I did not love her. If only I loved someone stronger...

Stupid.

I knew.

My theory about love was too stupid but I had been thinking so much since what had done by Aizen. If only I did not love her, Aizen would not use her as a bait to get me. If only she did not mean a thing for me, she would not get hurt.

So I told my self that it was the best for us if I stopped loving her at all.

It would be much easier if I loved someone like Rukia.

How I wrong about that.

She was standing there in front of me. I was supposed to take her home after our date that day. The weather were quite cold for an autumn day. She stood there, the girl who I had known more than half of my life. When she looked into my eyes, somehow I had a feeling that she had known about what I was going to tell her. I had a feeling that she knew that soon I would break her heart into pieces.

Somehow, I felt so stupid.

Does it really worth it?

To break her heart... I could not even think about this. I did not want to break her heart but I was too selfish. All the theory I had made up, for a second seemed so stupid. But I could not step back. I have been deciding. I knew it would break her heart but I had to do it.

I opened my mouth slowly.

I hated to admit it but I was trembling.

"I…"

She still looked into my eyes.

"Have someone else on my mind…"

I said it.

Just like that and I knew I had broken her heart right at that time. I knew she might hate me after this. I even hated my self for this. As soon as I said those words, somehow I wished I could take it back. The way she looked at me, those eyes telling me that she had been ready for this and that, somehow, hurt more than seeing her tears.

"We can't be together anymore…"

I said that in a whisper. Honestly, I said that more to myself than to her.

She did not say anything.

She did not cry.

I didn't know what I had expected for her reaction after I said that. I did not like her tears, but at this moment, tears were much better than this silence. She still looked into my eyes. Those eyes, no hatred there as what I had been expecting. There was nothing there. I couldn't see anything.

"No…"

She whispered.

I narrowed my eyes, tried to find something in her eyes.

Something like anger.

Something like hatred.

I found nothing.

"…Orihime?"

Then, she said something that change everything.

"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"

I closed my eyes and pressed my free hand onto my face. I knew she was serious when she said that she'd better off dead if I left her. Right that second, I started to realize no matter how hard I tried to stop loving her, it wouldn't change the fact I would broken if she really had to die.

I opened my eyes to watch her face again.

I knew this was weird but I was kind of thankful for what had she done that day.

If only she did not say that.

If only she did not do that.

If only she just accepted it and let me go.

I would really lose her.

And I could not imagine how my life would be without her.

Maybe, deep inside myself, when I said those words to her I expected her to do that. To say those things that would make me stay.

I smiled bitterly. I was really an idiot.

"You know, Ichigo, you're such a lucky bastard,"

It was Rukia who said that. I was walking her home that night. I looked into her violet eyes. Rukia was a beautiful girl, I had to admit it. She maybe all too violent for a girl, but she was strong. She would not get hurt easily. If only I was loving someone more like herself.

"…having such a lovely girlfriend like Orihime…"

I let out a sigh, I did not really want to talk about it right now.

But she was right about it.

"I know…"

"She is beautiful and really kind."

She was right again.

"I know."

"She loves you."

Everybody knew it.

"I know."

"I love you too."

I knew it. In fact, that was the reason why I had decided to stop loving Orihime and tried to love her. Because I knew she had a feeling for me. I knew it was really cruel. But I was a selfish bastard who cared about his own feeling only.

"I know."

And we stopped walking. It happened too fast. Before I realized what happened, I could feel Rukia's lips on mine.

I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. That was wrong. I shouldn't let her kissed me.

That kiss did not mean anything to me, I even forgot about it as soon as I heard something about Orihime. I knew there was nothing special about that kiss, but I couldn't help but to feel bad.

I frowned.

I didn't know why I did it, but suddenly I already lowered my body to her. I still held her hand with one hand but when slowly I kissed her lip gently. It was just a simple kiss that only happened less than three seconds. But I could feel something clenching on my stomach.

She still had that effect to me.

No, she always had that effect.

When I pulled away slowly, a pair of eyes slowly opened and the beautiful grey orbs looked into mines.

-chapter 12—Ichigo— "Eyes" : end-

Author's Note:

Again thanks for review, havent replied all but later when I got some time I will try to reply you all ^^.

XO.

Recchinon