Disclaimer:
Standard Applied
Chapter 15—Rukia—
"Revelations"
Our cheeks were red for two different reasons that night. My cheeks reddened after what had he done to me, that idiot… He should stop doing something idiot like that… like… kissing me. Damn, it was too embarrassing to remember that kiss. His red cheek was not from blushing. I slapped him hard after what had he done and it left a red hand print on his left cheek. But apparently my slap wasn't hard enough to wipe that smug grin off his face. Stupid, oh why he looked that happy?
"Don't look at me like that!"
"Like what?"
"Like that!"
"Like what?"
I growled and he looked amused by my reaction. Idiot. Oh why had I let an idiot like him kiss me? I glared at him but he just grinned at me. How confident. I spat. The look in his stupid face really made me wanted to slap him again—harder this time. But I knew even though I slapped him again it'd do me no good so I tried so hard to control myself and believe me it wasn't easy.
Damn Renji.
The way he looked at me made me self-conscious and I hated it. I knew he realized it how I became uncomfortable under his gaze. I knew he realized that I couldn't at his face right now but he kept gazing at me. I could tell, it entertained him.
I tried to say something. I needed to clear it up. I knew from his look, he had a wrong idea. I knew it, exactly, what he was thinking. I didn't like it.
"Renji idiot! Y-you get it wrong!" I coughed to cover my trembling voice. It wasn't easy to talk like this when I was still slightly embarrassed from the kiss, "You know—you know I love Ichigo…"
He laughed at this statement and gave me a funny look, he looked at me for few seconds before opened his mouth to say, "Ichigo loves Orihime. We know that. We ALL know that."
I didn't bother to debate that, this idiot could be really smart at some times. Better not to debate him. However I needed to make him understand my point, "That's not the problem, idiot! It's about my feeling!" yeah, it's all about my feeling, "I love him!" I hissed, we stood in the corridor not too far from our room. I didn't want to shout, the last thing I wanted was to let everyone heard us. Though it was really hard to control it.
He smirked.
I clenched my fists angrily, "I love Ichigo, and that's final!"
"How do you know?"
"Eh?"
Renji's smug smile faded away as he looked at me seriously, "How do you know that your feeling for him couldn't fade away?" He walked closed to me while I stepped back slowly, still looked into his eyes. I gulped. He wouldn't look away.
"What makes you think it's impossible for you to fall for me?"
What?
I found it was hard to talk or even to think when he kept cornering me to the wall. His tall figure was towering me. I had never felt as intimidated as what I felt now. I couldn't think clearly. He was too close.
"I… I just know it."
I tried to look away but I couldn't.
"You kissed me back, Rukia…"
I tried to be as though as usual. But he knew he had that effect to me. Damn it.
He chuckled.
I gulped.
"You kissed me back."
Before I realized what'd happened, he'd pinned me to the wooden wall. He looked into my eyes with such an expression he'd never worn before. I knew it, he wasn't playing around, he was dead serious. Those eyes made me hard to breathe. He never showed me this side of him before. This wasn't good.
"Renji…"
He was too close, I swore he could hear my heartbeat at this distance. When he was getting even closer than needed I could see every pore on his face, not that they were that visible anyway. I just realized it now, his skin was actually really pretty.
I held my breath.
He wasn't that bad looking actually. That tattoo on his face was somehow looked good on him. Being this close with him made me had to admit that he actually has a pretty face. I didn't knew what brought me but suddenly my eyes were on his lips. His lips… lips…
Damn it was too close!
"Oi, What are you two doing?"
I was startled, I pushed Renji's face away from mine with both of my hand. Renji growled, still didn't want to get away from me. He kept his hands on the wall, trapping me. I cursed under my breath when I saw a bright orange.
Oh shit.
Ichigo stood not too far from us with his hands folded on his chest.
"Damn it, Berry, give us some privacy will ya!" Renji groaned. I was about to slap Renji's face if only I didn't see that smirk on Ichigo's face.
"Privacy?" He chuckled, "Idiot. If you want some privacy then get a room."
"It's not like what you think!" Finally after struggling I could get away from the red head stupid monkey. I knew I didn't have to explain anything to Ichigo. Not that he'd made it clear before we came here that there was nothing between us. That….
…it was over.
How could it be over when it had never started?
I sighed, still desperately found a right excuse—though I knew it didn't matter to him.
"I just… we just…"
"I kissed her."
Ichigo just raised a brow.
I really wanted to smack Renji. I'd kill him. Why would he say that? But what happened next was nothing I'd expected from Ichigo. He smiled. Not a smirk, not a grin. A smile.
Ichigo Kurosaki smiled.
I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't say anything. This was not what I expected, not at all. Renji kissed me and Ichigo smiled at it. He didn't even look surprised. I didn't understand. If someone asked how my feeling was at the moment I would be troubled to answer because I didn't know what to feel. I was just too confused.
I saw Ichigo walked closed to us, hands in his pockets. When he stopped in front of me he was still smiling. I looked into his honey eyes. There were something those eyes trying to say to me but I didn't understand it. Without saying anything, he walked passing me.
I turned around to see both tall men were standing face to face. They looked at each other face. I wait for any of them to say anything. Just anything. But it seemed like they were exchanging word through their eyes. I didn't get it.
Ichigo punched Renji's shoulder playfully as he walked away. I was sure he said something to Renji as he walked but I couldn't hear what he'd said. I could see Renji smile.
What was this actually? I blinked few times to think back what had just happened but still I understood nothing.
I ran after Ichigo.
To my surprise, Renji didn't stop me. I ran after Ichigo who'd turned at a corner. I need and explanation. I didn't understand. What he had said last night, and tonight, I didn't get it. I just didn't understand.
Why?
His reaction?
Was he really serious with what he said last night? Was his action just now a proof of what he'd said last night?
"Ichigo!"
Finally I managed to catch up with him.
"Yeah?"
He kept walking.
"I'm sorry."
"For?"
I swallowed, "I let Renji kiss me."
He sighed but didn't stop, "It wasn't your fault and I am not angry, Rukia…"
"B… But…"
Finally he stopped. I heard he sighed once again before he turned to face me, "Renji loves you, Rukia…"
I couldn't say anything.
"And I never realized it until now." He scowled, "He has always loved you."
I clenched my jaw, didn't know what to say. I didn't get it. Not at all.
"What did you say to me?" I demanded.
He smiled. The same smile like earlier.
"Rukia…"
I knew he wouldn't answer my question.
"Ichigo!"
He shook his head, "You might hate me after this, Rukia…"
"Why?"
"I've done a mistake."
I frowned, "I didn't understand…." My voice faltered, "I… you said you loved me."
He sighed.
"Tell me, Ichigo… Do you love me?"
He didn't say anything.
I gritted my teeth, "It hurts me, don't you know it?"
He looked into my eyes, "I know." I didn't want to see regret in his eyes but I couldn't look away, "I was confused… It was complicated…" he closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate before then opened it slowly, "It was all my fault."
It wasn't easy to control my emotion. I swore it wasn't easy. I was ready to cry. Not now, I kept telling myself, Not in front of him… I didn't want to look pathetic in front of him. But I tried too hard.
I didn't like it. The way he looked at me. There was that thing in his eyes. He told me something with his eyes and I was frustrated because I didn't understand it. Or maybe I pretended like I didn't understand it. I am a great pretender.
I didn't want to admit it because it hurt. A lot.
"I love Orihime."
Why did he think that was the right thing to say at this moment? When I was trying so hard not to cry, why did he say it now? When I was trying so hard to fool myself, to think the other way around…
This wasn't fair.
Not at all.
"You said you don't love her," My voice was stern, it was too much for me. Even I could feel hurt too, you know, "You said you love me."
"I was afraid, Rukia…" finally he admitted it, "I was afraid, I love her too much and it hurts. It hurts to see her hurt because of me. I only put her in danger. I only hurt her with my feeling. I am not good for her…" he meant it. Every word he said, I just knew it, he meant it, "I thought, if only I loved someone like you… You are strong, you can protect yourself. I…" he spat, "There's a monster inside me."
A monster…
I knew it.
"I need to stop loving her. If I love you, maybe if I tell myself to love you, I'll stop loving her. If I love you, maybe he'll stop loving me…" it hurt. It hurt me to hear those words, but I knew it hurt him too. I couldn't say anything, "I have to stop loving her. Because every time I'm with her, it's really hard to control this monster… This monster, the other side of me, it wants Orihime. I cannot let it hurt her."
Ichigo closed his eyes when he opened his eyes there was a gleam in his eyes.
"I couldn't protect her from Aizen. At least I have to protect her from myself. That's why I told myself that I don't love her, I shouldn't love her. I knew you have a feeling for me, that's why… I thought it'll work…"
I had to say something.
"But I was wrong."
This is too much.
There was a part of me that regretted why I asked him the question but some other part felt… relief?
"In the end I only hurt everyone."
Again, Ichigo gave me that look.
"I hurt her, I hurt Renji… I hurt you."
I closed my eyes. I tried to fight back the tears. The tears won, I lost. I cried.
I should have known.
No, I'd known.
"It's not all your fault, Ichigo…"
Finally I found back my voice.
"That day you told me you love me, I know that you were lying." I didn't bother to wipe my tears, "The reasons why I rejected you wasn't because I felt sorry for Orihime. I…" I swallowed, "I didn't care about her feeling. I rejected you because I was—just like you—scared. I knew you were lying. I knew you didn't know about your own feeling. I knew you were confused."
He didn't say anything.
I couldn't read his expression.
Is he angry?
I had no choice so I continued, "I… I know you were confused, that was shy later I thought, I could make you really love me… I thought, I could steal you, your feeling, from her. I used you…"
Those words taste bitter on my tongue. I couldn't even mention her name.
"It's okay Rukia… I understand."
I shook my head, "No, Ichigo… you didn't understand…"
He didn't say anything anymore, only looked into my eyes still with the same look he gave me earlier. Finally, I understand what he was trying to say:
"I'm sorry…"
Chapter 15—Rukia—"Revelation" : end
Author's Note:
Hey, I hope you like this chapter. I have done my best to write this part that's why I hope at least you try to enjoy this chapter.
For this chapter, originally I have two other title I want to use, "Truth" or "Confession" but I think I might save those tittle for further chapter so… I chose this title.
Honestly, since I write this story from many POVs, I find out that it is really hard for me to write from Rukia's POV, I don't know but though I don't hate her, I just couldn't understand her. It's funny because my friends kept saying that my character is very much Rukia-ish. My friends said I look and act like Rukia which actually disappoint me because I never really like her character… And by the way me and my brother, iLoveFlamarrrsss will have a cosplay photoshoot next month, sadly it will be IchiRuki photoshoot since we have no Orihime… We have Ishida, Chad, and Tatsuki but no Orihime. I will be Rukia and my brother will be Ichigo :) I will upload the photos on my facebook as usual. ^^ (ps. Thanks for you who added my facebook)
