Disc: Standard Applied.
Chapter 20 -Rukia-
"Complicated"
(Warning: I type this on my blackberry's word to go, so if the format turns out to be hard to read, I apologize, will repair it when I have my PC."
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There were many kinds of love in this world. They were all same yet different. For example what I felt for Ichigo and what Orihime felt for Ichigo, that was love but it was not same. I realized it just now.
I adored Ichigo, I loved him. I almost believed that I could and would never love someone else like this but him. Only him. I knew, what I felt for him was not a merely crush. It was something deeper. I was falling in love with him. I knew he loved me too.
But what he felt maybe not what I felt.
To think about my feeling, I always had this weird feeling, whenever Ichigo said that he loved me or treated me nice, I felt like that was not him. When the first time he said he loved me and he was ready to hurt Orihime's feeling, that was not like him. One other reason I hesitated that time was because I didn't know who was that man in front of me. He wasn't Ichigo I know.
When I saw him with Orihime, the way he talked to her, the way he looked at her, I knew it. It was just like how he treated me but it was different. When he was with her, he did it naturally. He was being himself.
Later I knew, when he told me he loved me, when he offered me his hand, even when I kissed him, there had been always another person in his heart and mind. That wasn't me.
That was her.
It was always her.
Ichigo wasn't bright when it came to heart matter. Took long time for him to realize something so maybe he hadn't realized it but I knew, deep inside I always knew, that the one he trully loved was Orihime.
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"Hime..."
Ichigo looked at the girl with determined look on her face. She was getting ready to leave the inn, putting all of her personal belongings into her bag. She had said she would help Ulquiorra and no one would stop her from doing so. We were all ready. I had my backpack on the floor near my foot and leaned on the paper rice door with folded arms.
Tatsuki didn't say anything, she sat on the floor next to my backpack while Renji sat across the room with his bags next to him. His eyes were on the strawberry for few second before he turned to see me and smiled.
That stupid baboon.
"Don't you understand how dangerous it could be?" Ichigo sounded desperate, "If you want we can call the police."
Orihime zipped up her bag, "Ichigo, if we call the police, they would arrest Ulquiorra-kun. We have no proof..."
"But it is dangerous!"
Orihime nodded, "Yes, it is. That's why we need to save him."
Ichigo let out a tired sigh. I knew he didn't want to go but I knew he also couldn't let Orihime do it by herself.
I sighed, "Do you have any idea where he went?"
Renji shrugged, "I am not sure but I do have some crazy idea about where he is."
"Cool!" Orihime smiled as she stood up, "Let's go!"
Tatsuki hadn't said anything but she nodded and stood up. Renji smirked and stood up. He walked to the door, shoving his hands in his pants' pockets.
"I'll get the car," he said as he passed me, "someone should tell the Okami-san that we're checking out."
"I'll do that!" Tatsuki beat me before I could say anything. She followed the red head man walking out the door leaving me and the couple alone in the room.
"Hime..." Ichigo sighed, his eyes never left her. Maybe he didn't even realize that I was there with them, "If something happened to you..."
Orihime shook her head, "I will be okay... I can protect my self." She looked at him and smile, "I believed in you, you'll never let something happened to me."
Ichigo didn't say anything but Orihime smiled at him.
I saw some red tint on his face when finally he opened his mouth, "I'll protect you."
"I know. I believe in you."
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Another kind of love I saw came from the auburn haired lady, Orihime Inoue.
Orihime wasn't the easiest book to read. She smiled and smiled and we'd never understand what was in her head actually. She'd smile when she was happy and she'd smile when she was sad. She didn't like to depend on anyone, not even to the man she loved. A man who loved her.
Orihime was beautiful. Even I knew it. Almost all the guys I knew had some crush on her. She was really popular back then in school. She was still popular in university but of course no guy was stupid enough to make a move on the deathberry's girlfriend.
Orihime loved Ichigo, even blind people could see it, or rather feel it. The way she looked at Ichigo was the way a woman looked at the man he loved. I knew she loved him so much, because I felt the same about the same man.
Well, it wasn't really the same.
What I felt for Ichigo, maybe wasn't like what she felt. I didn't realize it until later when I learnt that she had known about me and Ichigo, yet she refused to give up.
At first, I thought it was really selfish. She couldn't accept the fact that he didn't love her anymore. She wouldn't let him go. I thought she was selfish because she pretended not to see that Ichigo didn't love her anymore. Ichigo couldn't leave her because she wouldn't let him go, at that time I felt that it was so unfair.
Later I realized, she didn't do that only because she was selfish, I knew it now. Deep in her heart she believed that no matter what Ichigo said to her, he loved her. Orihime loved Ichigo, I was blinded before but now I could see it clearly, her feeling for Ichigo was really deep.
If Ichigo loved me, if he really loved me, why didn't he leave Orihime? I thought it was because she couldn't live without him but now I knew, it was because he couldn't live without her.
He said he loved me but the way he acted wasn't like he really loved me. And actually I knew it, I turned him down because I knew it. He loved Orihime and only her.
Orihime was a lovable girl. I loved her, we loved her. If you know her personally, it was impossible to not love her. Ichigo had loved her for so long, even before I met them. Ever since I knew them, he had been in love with her. The one whom I fell in love with was the Ichigo who loves Orihime. I learned it recently when I saw him waiting for the girl to open her eyes...
Orihime, thought maybe she didn't realize it, knew that Ichigo still had this feeling for her, that was the reason why she didn't let him go. And he didn't leave her because deep inside he never really wanted to go. I was so stupid because I didn't realize it sooner.
Ichigo I loved was a man who would do everything for the woman he loved. Ichigo had always been protective toward his friends but he did more for the girl he loved. He tried to stop his feeling, to leave her, to love another girl, in order to protect the girl he loved.
He was really stupid but I fell in love with that stupid man.
But, no matter how deep my feeling was for him, I could never compare it to Orihime's feeling for him. Now I already accepted it, I didn't love Ichigo like how she loved him. I loved Ichigo who loved her. Maybe, I'd mistaken my own feeling.
It wasn't easy but Orihime and Ichigo had taught me something about love.
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Renji's car was a SUV, big enough for five of us. Tatsuki insisted that she sat alone on the back seat together with some of our belongings. I understood though, right now she just wanted to be alone.
There was no music, no one speaking, nothing. I sat on the navigator seat nervously. I stole a glance at everybody every now and then and their serious look made me feel even more nervous.
Orihime saw me looking at her and she smiled. She said nothing but her eyes were telling me not to worry because she knew it'd be okay and I felt better.
"So," I spoke for the first time after so long, my throat was dry and sore, "Do you have any idea where is he?"
Renji sighed, his eyes were focused on the road, "Well, I wasn't sure but..."
"But?"
He shrugged, "I know where he lives. Maybe we'll find something there."
"I hope we still have time," Orihime muttered, "I had a feeling that Ulquiorra is heading back to Karakura..."
Renji nodded, "Yeah, if Aizen were really back, he'd be in Karakura."
Ichigo groaned, "If he's taking a train then we still have time."
I agreed, "Yeah, we'll make it!" I said it louder than I should only to make sure that Tatsuki could hear me and feel better.
Renji shook his head, "Actually I am not sure about it since he got my bike."
"What?" I cried, "Didn't you come with him with this car?"
He shook his head, "Actually no, I came earlier than him. He said he needs to take care of something before he came."
I slapped my forehead, "Smooth, Abarai!"
Ichigo snorted, "He'd planned it since the beginning."
"Now, he's riding a bike!" I shot Renji with my angry glare, "he might be at Aizen's already!"
Renji gritted his teeth, "How could he get outta the jail? I thought he had do stay in for 5 years! It hasn't even 4 years! What's wrong with the law?"
I looked at Tatsuki who was actually majoring Criminal Law. She let out a heavy sigh and shook her head.
"If he behaved well in there, then it's possible for him to get out sooner," I heard she growled, "however, 5 years sentence was still too light for him actually."
Renji growled, "I hate Japanese law system."
I heard a cough come from Orihime, I turned to look at her and winced when I realized she looked kind of pale. Ichigo patted her shoulder and looked worried.
"You okay?"
"Gosh, I am just coughing!" Orihime laughed, "Don't worry, all will be fine. I can't wait!"
Ichigo sighed. He pulled her head so it rested on his shoulder. I looked away from them. My eyes met Renji's for a second before he back to focus on the road.
A second was enough for his eyes to tell me not to worry. I know what Renji wanted to tell me. It was weird, since when me and Renji had this kind of bond? It was like he could read what I had in mind and speak to me trough his eyes. It was... Stupid.
"We," Renji started, for once in his life he actually sounded smart and wise, "have many things to solve. First this. Then after this, we needed to have a long nice talk."
"What are you talking about?" I snorted though I actually really knew what it was about.
"You and Ichigo," he said again without looking at me, "and Orihime-chan. Also you, Tatsuki. Need to explain things properly."
I frowned.
"Things like the incident three years ago happened because we don't open up to each other," Renji actually made a sense, it kind of freaked me out, "now, it's not too late to be more open to each other, what do you think?"
"I don't mind at all," said the auburn haired girl on the passenger seat, "I do have many things to say."
"Me too," Renji nodded, "Now that we have talk to do, we need to make sure we find Ulquiorra quick so we can invite him to the talk."
I heard Ichigo muttered "It's stupid" under his breathe. But somehow, I didn't think what Renji said was stupid. We did need to talk.
I looked at Renji's face. He didn't look at me but I bet he knew I was watching him because he had the smug grin plastered on his, well, not so bad looking face.
I knew it wasn't the right time to think about it right now since we had something more serious to do but I couldn't help but to remember about our kiss, Renji and me, earlier that night. I never thought that his lips were soft.
I never thought that he loved me.
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When I said I never thought that he love me, I lied. Because far before he said it, I actually had this feeling that Renji loved me, more than a friend but I tried to deny it because no, I could never return his feeling, I love Ichigo only.
Renji was my best friend. When I said bestfriend, it meant, we were calling each other names and kick each other ass. He never kicked me actually, I kicked him, sometime I kicked his pineaple head and maybe that was the reason why he was really stupid.
Renji came to my house very often, not to see me but to see my big brother. I didn't knew what were those two men doing actually but though they were not all friendly with each other, I thought it was clear that Renji respected my brother.
Renji had had girlfriends, just like me. We were going out with some people during school and broke up after the second or third date. I hadn't suspected why he did that at that time, I thought he was just a stupid monkey brained red head but now after his confession. I had an idea of why he did all of those stupid acts. Well, it was just like me.
We loved someone who didn't, couldn't and wouldn't love us.
Renji wasn't a bad person. True, he wasn't really smart but I knew he was actually a nice person. He cared about his friends and he was actually kind of funny...
Not that I found that was attractive.
When he said he loves me, I actually wanted to ask him, why he liked me. Because really, I couldn't see why anyone would love me when there was a girl as beautiful as Inoue around me.
I might sound jealous right now but no, I just wanted to know because Renji was actually kind of popular amongst girls. Why me?
Maybe after we found Ulquiorra and Aizen, I'd ask him about it.
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It was tiring. We didn't sleep at all, we couldn't. Three hours felt like days. I cursed in my mind because we couldn't go faster. I didn't knew where we were heading to but I hoped Renji really knew where we were going because I had no idea at all about where Ulquiorra was going to.
On the back seat I heard nothing from Tatsuki but I knew she was as wide awake as me. She must have been really worried. Afterall, she knew how dangerous Aizen was and she loved Ulquiorra...
I still couldn't believe it.
Tatsuki? The strongest girl in town and that emo guy?
"Tatsuki-chan," I heard Orihime voice, soft and a little tired, "you okay?"
"I'm fine, Orihime, don't worry." Tatsuki did sound find but Tatsuki wasn't a woman who'd let people see her weakness, "I'm just a little restless."
"You should sleep," Renji said, "15 minutes, or even 10 minutes just to refresh your mind."
Tatsuki sighed, "I'm fine, Abarai."
"We still have one hours to go," Renji said again, "we might need your strength and if you're restless it might be dangerous, not only for you but us all."
I raised my eyebrow. Hearing Renji said something like this...
"I think you sound so wise just now, Renji-kun."
"Thank's Hime-chan..." Renji grinned, "me also about to sleep for few minute now."
"Focus on the road! No sleeping!" Ichigo growled, "Idiot!"
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Amongst us all, Tatsuki was the one who'd known Ichigo the longest. Practically, she had known him forever. Sometime they'd act more like siblings than just friends.
Tatsuki had known Orihime for a long time too and somehow acting not only as her bestfriend, but also her mother.
Since I met her I had always known, Tatsuki was one of those awesome people who would do anything for people she loved.
Hard to believe it though that she loved Ulquiorra Schifer.
I had always known, Ulquiorra had some sort of feeling for Orihime and I believe Tatsuki was sharp enough to realize it. It must haven't been easy for her. A man she loved was loving her bestfriend and hurt her at the same time.
Me, Ichigo, Orihime, Tatsuki, Ulquiorra and Renji...
How more complicated would it be?
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Author's Note:
Update from me yay! So I planned to finish Even Now this year. I started this in the early 2010 and I wish I could finish it before 2012.
Thanks for readers and reviewers.
And oh, this fanfic is translated into Spanish too by Aiko-chan, and I am glad that the story got positive responses from Spanish reader. Because my English isn't good I am afraid Aiko-chan would find it difficult to translate it but I am happy because she did a great job so far.
Ah for you who reads My Girl and my other stories, I really need a beta, for this fanfic too... If anyone interested, send me pm and tell me which story are you going to beta. (Except for 'Love Story', I've a beta for that one.)
So, I gotta go now :3
If you want to chat feel free to mention me in twitter :3
Have a nice day!
Recchinon.
