I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!
Chapter 38
(Bella)
I felt like I was walking on egg shells once everyone got up. I knew I should have checked in yesterday, but I was an adult. I just needed some time to think. Breaking up with Edward wasn't even a thought, I just needed time to reflect on what all had gone on in the last few months.
The power had finally come back on just as I was upstairs rocking Jaycie before her nap. A soft knock on the door startled me. "Come in," I called quietly.
Esme stuck her head in. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," I said softly. I glanced down at Jaycie, her eyes were fluttering closed.
Esme came in and sat down on the twin bed watching us for a bit. "Did you need something?" I asked her. I didn't mean for it to come out so snappy, but they had all been staring at me all day.
"I was just coming to check on you. I didn't mean to bother you," She said starting to get up.
I sighed inwardly. "Give me just a minute, please."
She nodded, but didn't say anything. It was very awkward in the room and I hated knowing that I was the cause of it. I kissed Jaycie on the head and took her over to Esme letting her kiss her. "I love you," Esme whispered. Tears burned in my eyes, but I pushed them back and I laid Jaycie in her crib.
I grabbed the baby monitor and motioned for Esme to join me. We headed to Matt's play room since he wasn't there and sat down on the couch. I hated how awkward it was. Esme and I had always really gotten along.
"Bella," She started.
"Please don't lecture me Esme, I know what I did and I'm sorry. I've talked it out with Edward and we are okay, yet, I know you all are watching me like a hawk."
"We were worried Bella, you just took off."
"I needed some thinking time, I wasn't intending on being gone all day long, but we were and I realized my phone was dead."
"It wasn't just Edward who was worried Bella, we all were, even me."
Tears filled my eyes. "I know everyone is really pissed at me right now, including you, but I just needed to sort things out in my head. Esme, my life has changed so much in the last year that I just needed time to catch my breath."
"Why didn't you just call someone to talk to about how you were feeling?" She asked.
"Because, it didn't even make sense to me," I admitted.
"Can I be honest?" She asked.
"Go ahead."
"I thought we'd lost you. When Edward called saying you weren't at your dad's house and Jaycie was gone to, a part of me thought it got to be too much and that you had just taken off."
"I'm glad you think so much of me," I said shaking my head.
"Please don't take it that way Bella," Esme said. "When we first met you, you and Edward both said you were going to take it slow. That was just a couple months ago and now you are talking about marriage, there are two kids involved who love you both. I know you guy didn't mean to take things so fast, but when kids are involved it happens. I've been worried for a while and wasn't sure how to bring it up and then you just took off."
The tears that I had been fighting to keep back, began to spill over my cheeks. "I got scared. Sometimes I get scared that I'm going to get a call about Edward being in an accident. I'm so scared I'm going to lose them."
"Bella, does Edward know how you feel?" Esme asked.
"Yes," I cried. "We've talked about it."
"Do you think he feels the same way about you?" She asked.
"I don't know, maybe."
"He does Bella, and yesterday I could see in his eyes that his worst dream had come true. I honestly don't know what would happen if he lost you, he barely survived losing Lauren."
I looked down at the floor. "I'm overwhelmed."
Esme wrapped her arms around me pulling me to her. "I know it's a lot, but let us in. When you are scared or feeling overwhelmed call me, I'd love to talk to you. Bella, I love you like my daughter and I know this is all scary, but you aren't alone."
"I am so scared that someday I'm going to get that phone call saying everyone is gone and I'm alone."
"Oh Bella, I know it's scary and I know that life can change in a blink of an eye, but sweetheart just try and have some faith that everything will be okay."
"I really didn't mean to scare everyone," I said softly.
"I know that Bella," Esme said holding me. "We all just love you and don't want to lose you."
"Is everything okay?" Edward asked peeking his head into the game room.
"Yes," Esme said. "We were just talking."
He came in and sat down in the chair. "I got a call yesterday about the house, seems they accepted our offer and we just need to go and sign papers."
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"Yep," He said.
"When do we sign papers?" I asked.
"Monday at 4:30," He said. "I mean, if this is all too much right now, we could try to back out."
"No Edward, I want the house. I want us to be a family," I said.
"Bella, are you sure? You seemed really freaked out yesterday over everything."
I glanced at Esme. "Tell him Bella."
"I'm just so scared that I'm going to get a phone call that you've been in an accident or that something bad has happened to you or Matt."
"Bella," He said reaching for my hand. "Don't waste your life being scared. I know it's hard, but please try not to always thing the worst is going to happen."
"I'm trying Edward, I really am," I cried.
"I know angel, I know it's not easy."
"Yes, I want the house, I want us to adopt the kids and I want us to get married and have more kids, I don't want to live in fear forever."
"You know Bella, the thought of something happening to you scares me too, but I really try not to focus on that and try to focus on our lives together."
"See Bella, you aren't alone," Esme said rubbing my back.
"Are we really getting the house?" I asked smiling.
"It's looking like it," Edward said smiling.
"Wow. That is so cool!" Esme exclaimed. "Do I get to help decorate?"
"Sure," I said smiling.
Esme rubbed my back and smiled at me. "I really do love you Bella, a lot like one of my own."
"I love you too Esme."
"So I talked to Matt and he's wondering when we are going to get a Christmas Tree?" Edward asked.
"We have one upstairs," Esme said smiling.
"No mom, he wants a real one. Lauren always insisted on us having real tree."
"I say, we go tomorrow if the roads aren't too bad," I said.
"I am so excited for Christmas this year," Esme said. "It's time to celebrate a new beginning. Jaycie's first Christmas, your first Christmas as a family and Matt's first Christmas as a big brother."
"Did you do Santa as a kid?" Edward asked me.
"Sure did, it lasted until I was 10 and caught dad putting presents under the tree," I laughed.
"Good, then we need to take the kids to see Santa," Edward said smiling.
"Can we do that tomorrow while we are hunting for Christmas Trees?" I asked.
"Sounds like a plan."
Edward's phone rang. "Hello," He answered. "Hi Matt, what's going on?" There was a pause. "We're planning on going to get a tree tomorrow."
"Do you have a Christmas Tradition?" Esme asked me.
"We eat dinner on Christmas Eve and usually open presents early afternoon, now that I'm older and they think I can wait longer."
Esme laughed. "I used to try to get the kids to wait until supper dishes were done, but Carlisle said it was child neglect."
"I can't imagine any of them waiting that long," I laughed.
"What do you want for Christmas?" Esme asked.
I shook my head. "I have everything I could ever ask for."
"Well," Edward sighed. "Matt is spending another night with Alice and Jasper, they are playing games and promised him a movie night."
"That sounds fun," I said.
"We could have a movie night here," Esme said.
Edward winked at me. "Sounds like a good idea."
"We could take the pack in play in our room and let Jaycie sleep in there so you wouldn't have to run upstairs if she needed you."
"You don't have to do that," I said.
"Bella, she's our granddaughter and we love her. Carlisle and I don't mind at all getting up in the night to care for her once in a while."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Edward, is she always this stubborn?" Esme asked.
"Yes mom," He said smiling at me.
Esme turned to me. "Well Bella, stop it!"
"Yes ma'am," I laughed.
We went back downstairs and everyone turned to look at us. "Is everything okay?" Sue asked.
"I'm going to get the baby monitor, I'll be back," Edward whispered kissing my cheek.
"I'm really sorry that I worried all of you yesterday. I was really overwhelmed by a lot of different things and took off instead of turning to you guys. So, next time when I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed or whatever, I will talk about it and not run off."
Carlisle got up and walked over to me. "Bella, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was out of line, I was just extremely worried about you and Jaycie."
"I forgive you," I said fighting the urge to cry.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. "Believe it or not, I already think of you as my daughter."
Dad hugged me next. "I know what it's like to lose someone Bella and yesterday, I didn't think you were going to come back."
Then it hit me, I was turning into my mom. When things got hard, I ran. I wondered how many times she'd run and come back before she just didn't anymore.
"I'm sorry daddy," I cried into his shoulder.
Rose looked over and smiled at me. "You are going to be okay Bella."
"Thank you," I said.
Dad and Sue left after supper. Dad and Sue hugged me tightly. "We're always here, please don't forget that."
"I won't, thank you guys."
Emmett and Rose decided to stay one more night so we could all watch a movie together. Emmett sat down on the floor with Jaycie and we all watched as she tried to crawl to him. "Come on sweet thing, come get me," Emmett said encouraging her to crawl to him.
"She wants to, look at her," Rose said smiling.
"Come down here Rose," Emmett said.
Rose sat down on the floor next to Emmett. "Come to Aunt Rose," She said.
Jaycie grinned reaching her arm towards Rose as she babbled to her. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I sighed leaning against him.
"Come on Jayc, you can do it," Rose said.
Jaycie rocked on her hands and knees for a minute then began moving backwards. "She's really doing it," I cried.
"She sure is, she's not a tiny baby anymore," Edward said smiling as she crawled into his leg and looked up smiling at him. He reached down and picked her up. "You're so big now," He said kissing her cheek.
He put her back down so her back facing Rose and Emmett. "Go get them," Edward said.
Jaycie giggled as she crawled backwards bumping into Emmett. "Hey stinker," He said picking her up and blowing on her stomach.
Rose took her from Emmett held her so that she was standing up in her lap. "You are about the cutest niece anyone could have," Rose said kissing her cheek. Jaycie yawned and snuggled against Rose. "I love you sweetheart."
I went to make her a quick bottle and handed it to Rose. "I missed out on so much when Matt was little. I guess that's why I want to do everything for her."
"I wish we would have moved back when Lauren first got sick, I think it would have been easier on all of us including Matt, but I thought we were doing the right thing," Edward said.
"You did do the right thing, it was the right thing at the time," Carlisle told him. "You found her all of the right doctors and did everything right for her. Edward, don't look back at that time with regrets, Lauren was able to go peacefully, knowing that her son was going to be well cared for."
I squeezed Edward's hand letting him know that I was there. "You are a great dad Edward, to both of these kids."
"Thank you," He said.
I sat there for a few minutes watching Rose rock Jaycie to sleep. "Do you think I'm going to be like my mom?" I asked to know one specific.
"What do you mean?" Esme asked me.
"When I was six months old, my mom left. The daycare called my dad saying that I hadn't been picked up and they were closing. She just took off and left me."
"Bella, your mom was sick, she had to have been," Esme said sadly.
"Did you ever see her again?" Carlisle asked.
"She came to see me once when I was like 15 or 16. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her and she left."
"Bella, you are a wonderful mom. That little girl is happy and healthy, she is perfect. You do have the tendency to pull away when things get stressful, but you come back," Carlisle said. "I also want you to know that if you want me to find you someone to talk to, I can do that."
"Thanks," I said softly.
"And I meant what I said last night, I'm here if you ever want to talk," Rose said. "If you feel like you are pulling away, call me, we can talk."
"I'd like that," I said.
I picked up Jaycie and carried her into Carlisle and Esme's room. I hadn't been in there before and was shocked by the amount of photo albums and pictures around the room. Family was everything to them, it was evident by their walls. I kissed Jaycie's head. "I love you baby girl."
I put her in her bed and tucked her in, then just stood there watching her sleep.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked wrapping his arms around my waist.
I leaned back against him. "I'm okay," I said softly.
"I've got you Bella, please know that. I'm right here and I'm not letting go of you. You won't ever be like your mother, I won't let you."
"It scares me Edward, I do pull away when things are hard or I get scared."
"I'm sure your dad has handcuffs I could borrow when I sense something is off with you. I can just handcuff you to the bed and show you that I'm there for you."
"Are you aware that we are in your parent's bedroom at this precise moment?"
"Yep," He said turning and walking out of the room.
Edward pulled me down next to him covering us with a blanket. "What are we watching tonight?" I asked.
"Hunger Games," Emmett said. "Have you seen it?"
"No, I missed that one," I said.
Carlisle turned off the lights and joined Esme back on the loveseat, while Emmett curled up on the floor with Rose. "Alright, Edward, hands where we can see them. I'd hate to tell your dad about the dent in the wall," Emmett said.
"What?" Esme asked.
I took the pillow off the end of the couch and threw it at Emmett, missing him and hitting Rose. "Sorry," I gasped laughing.
"I'll forgive you this time since I knew it was headed for him," She laughed.
"Edward, what happened to the wall?" Esme asked.
"I think Bella was making him feel better, or he was making her feel better. Either way, the bed was hitting the wall, hard."
"Jesus Emmett, shut up!" I exclaimed hiding under the blanket.
"Emmett, knock it off, or you're grounded!" Carlisle exclaimed.
"I'm an adult!" He said.
"You're in my house!" Carlisle gasped.
"Bella, come out from under the blanket," Esme giggled.
"Yeah Bella, stop hiding," Emmett laughed.
"Rose, I love you, but your husband is dead," I said.
"Sorry Bella, I thought I trained him better."
Edward's hand moved around under my shirt and into the waist band of my sweatpants. I turned a bit giving him better access. He leaned down. "Be quiet." To anyone else it would have looked like a kiss.
Carlisle started the movie as Edward moved his hand further down. I glanced around the room and realized no one was watching us. Rose and Emmett were too caught up in the movie, while Esme and Carlisle were caught up in soft kisses and whispers.
I gripped Edward's forearm as he circled my clit. He lowered his mouth and kissed my neck softly. "I mean it, be quiet." He picked up speed, dipping a finger in me then pulling it out and swirling it around my clit. I pulled the blanket up closer to my neck gripping his arm harder as I felt body heading to release. I closed my eyes allowing my release to take over. Edward removed his fingers and held me tightly. "I love you," He whispered.
"I love you too."
AN- THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! I APPRECIATE THEM SO MUCH! I AM TRYING TO GET BACK ON AN UPDATING SCHEDULE AGAIN, BUT THINGS ARE REALLY CRAZY RIGHT NOW. I WILL DO THE BEST I CAN.
