Súlìmë, that was the month they have decided on. Almost five months from now, it would be early spring then and the harsh winter will have past. The wedding will take place in Edoras, which was about two weeks of travel. Mother and I have begun to mend our relationship; we cannot quarrel when planning a wedding. I haven't given much input on matters allowing her and the queen of the Mark to do what they wish. Every time she came to my room with ideas or discussions over tea Haldir would stand so still sometimes he didn't even appear as if he were breathing. He almost blended in with the surroundings.

Elfwine is due to leave this morning to travel back home before the harsh winter, our time together has seemed to fly by. After I recovered from whatever illness I had, I discover more of our shared interests, passions, and perspectives that create a deep sense of connection between us. Our conversations flow effortlessly, as if we've have known each other for years, he feels like an old friend, though I don't know if I can love him the way he says he loves me. He's been more open with his flirtations, it flusters me.

Yesterday we took a stroll through the city; he insisted I wear his green coat for warmth. As we walked side by side down the levels, I caught glimpses of admiration in the prince's eyes, his gaze occasionally flickering to my wrapped form. Haldir flanked my other side, for some reason refusing to walk behind or in front of us, many of the pathways we trodded down were quite tight for so many bodies, causing me to be squished in-between them. Elfwine has also gotten more comfortable with touching me, often finding any excuse he could to hold my hand, though we haven't kissed yet. As we descended upon a staircase I stumbled slightly, without hesitation his hand flew into mine steadying me, then once I got my footing he didn't release his hold. Elfwine's hand is strong yet tender, and I didn't shy away this time, most times I did.

All other instances I would stutter out something quickly or yank myself back, but not this time, I was to wed him I need to learn to love him, he's honorable and noble and he says he loves me. Our hands swung gently in the breeze as we walked, I could see his wide smile out of the corner of my eye. It didn't feel electric or how I'd imagine it to feel, it felt like pure nerves, like one wrong move and my stomach would empty onto the stone. One wrong move and my mother would not regard me again, or one wrong move and I would make Rohan declare war. It was also a nervousness from a member of the opposite sex touching me and holding such a deep regard for me.

"You have a radiant presence that brightens even the busiest of streets," he says, his voice was warm and genuine. I didn't wear a disguise this time as we walked the streets; no I wore a beautiful lilac embroidered gown. I got quite a few looks in the street, many bowed as we passed by. Haldir kept his hand resting on his hilt the entire walk thus far, anyone whose eyes seemed to linger he felt was a threat. My cheeks flush with a soft blush, and a smile graces my lips in response to his kind words. "I wish you could stay for winter, the snow makes the stone shine with almost magic." I replied trying to ignore his compliment and his hand in mine. Was this nervous bubbling love?

He laughed in reply, telling me how beautiful the plains were in winter, a blanket of ice and snow that stretched into the horizon. Haldir spoke then for the first time our entire stroll; minus his mutterings to himself he thought I did not hear about the coat smelling like horse. He spoke of home, the Golden Wood, where the trees used to hold onto their leaves long after winter has past, clinging onto their branches until new ones formed to take their place. It sounded beautiful, I loved when he spoke of his home, winter there wasn't as cold as it is here either. It's different now than it was before, he told me the Lady of the Galadhrim has sailed west and now Celeborn reigns alone, he's weary now and much of the magic of the Woods are gone but I would still love to visit.

I let go of Elfwine's hand then so I could fully face Haldir, he smiled widely and his voice grew in volume. His smile took my breath away, it flipped my stomach. But it was nothing compared to his smirks. The busy street seemed to fade into the background as he spoke, it was rare when he would open up about his past and I desperately wanted to hear more. Then the moment was over, and there was a thick tension between them both, I understand Haldir's dislike for Elfwine, his duty is to protect me so of course he is to see all as a threat.

But Elfwine's dislike for Haldir is curious to me, he hasn't spoken of it before, only a few brief occasions hinting at it when he would want to sneak away just us, but I didn't want to. I shook my head, of course Elfwine is upset, he's leaving tomorrow. He's leaving and what little time we have together I am focused on my guard who I can talk to everyday.

I turned back to Elfwine extending my hand to him as we walked. It was a bold move, I never initiated affection like this before, he took notice and broke out into a grin as his hand encased mine. The rest of the day flew by, we spent all of our time together, at dinner we ate privately, well as privately as you could get with a guard with you. Dinner was awkward, without my family there to make conversation it was oddly silent. Elfwine sat across from me, and Haldir sat at the head of the table in-between us. It started out well enough with polite conversation, then I excused myself to the bathroom. When I had returned Haldir was red in the face and seemed to be seething with rage. I didn't know Elves could become red or blush, Legolas never flushed before. Tension tightened his muscles, causing his grip on his own hands to tighten and his knuckles to whiten.

"Is everything ok?" I asked tentatively as I took my seat across from Elfwine, he smiled brightly at me. "I was just telling your guard how beautiful you looked today," I blushed looking at my plate.

The rest of the meal was tense; I stayed my gaze on my plate I could feel them both staring at each other with intensity without needing to look up. Why would Haldir be upset if Elfwine called me beautiful? Shouldn't he be glad my betrothed finds me desirable? When a servant came to refill our wine, Haldir whispered something in their direction and a glass of water took my wine's place. When I looked up to meet his gaze, his eyes were narrowed almost in challenge as if he wanted me to provoke him. I am an adult, I am the princess of the United Kingdom, princess of Gondor, yet he thinks he can control me? He thinks he is higher than me and can cut off my wine after one single glass? I smirked at him, no Haldir you will not control me. But I did not wish to be sick for days or an awful hangover so as I smirked and narrowed my eyes back at him lifting the glass of water to my lips. Focus on the war Lurin, he may win this battle but focus on the war.

Elfwine walked be back to my room after dinner, as I turned to bid him farewell he stooped low and knelt to kiss my hand. I let out an audible gasp at the contact and had to fight the urge to pull away, even with the last month having Haldir and the last two weeks having Elfwine any contact with the opposing sex made me nervous. But for some reason I didn't have the same nervousness with Haldir, he felt like home. It's almost laughable how easily Elfwine could make me blush.

As he rose to a stand his lips were upturned into a boyish grin, "dream well Princess," He bowed low to me, as he retreated I couldn't help but notice Haldir who stood to my left. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, his line of sight never left the retreating prince. It wasn't until Elfwine had turned down another corridor that he seemed to visibly relax some, though his jaw was still tight.

"Goodnight mellon nin,"[My friend] I said to him, causing him to turn his gaze to me. His narrowed eyes softened, though he didn't smile or show any other sign of hearing me speak. I wanted to invite him into my room, when I was ill he spent the entire time at my bedside, and though it made me feel guilty I miss it. And wouldn't he rather be in there than out in the hall? But I couldn't bring myself to ask, what would he say? Would he smart off about the coat again, or perhaps he would make a comment about my responsibilities. I almost want to fall ill again, fall ill so he'll be there with me.

When the morning came I sleepily walked Elfwine to the gates with Haldir, my family stood there waiting for us as we approached. For some reason the separation made me teary eyed, I don't know what about it was the tipping point for me. The way he looked at me, the way my mother shone with pride, or perhaps the way my brother and him seemed to bond, maybe it was that now he's leaving it's only that much closer to this being reality and me leaving home.

As I walked beside his horse I couldn't hold my tears back, I was so confused, so conflicted. He immediately dismounted, and pulled me into an embrace, whispering how we would not be parted for long into my ear. His words did nothing to comfort me. I don't know if I can learn to love him the way he loves me. I calmed myself as best as I could pushing him away, we continued the rest of the journey to the gates with his arm draped over me and his other holding the reins. I furiously wiped my face when I saw my family in view.

My father stepped first to Elfwine for his goodbye, offering him an embrace, then my mother who gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, my brother clasped his arm and they exchanged words like old friends. Then he turned to me again, I saw my mother out of the corner of my eye, her hand rested against her breast as she let out a gentle sigh. My father too was smiling at me. My breath quickened, I felt the tears welling again, this was too much this was all too much. Elfwine gave me a sympathetic look and instead of pulling me into an embrace of bowing to kiss my hand he did something I don't think even my mother expected.

He lifted my face with his thumb, and crashed his lips into mine.

My first kiss. My eyes widened in shock and I gasped. It's a gentle and tender touch, a brush of warmth against my own. The sensation lingers, imprinting itself upon my senses. I heard the unmistakable sound of a sword being unsheathed as his lips pulled away from mine. There was a gruff voice behind me speaking quickly but my pulse drummed in my ears too loudly for me to decipher it. His eyes left mine and looked behind me, I couldn't tell the emotion behind his gaze they flashed in something, maybe challenge, anger, or pride I'm not sure, then his eyes were quickly back on mine again and filled with the same softness they held before. My body shook with tremors, I tried to calm my panic and turned my face out of his hold, whatever he said as he mounted his horse was lost to me.

The walk back to the palace was silent with Haldir, he seemed in an awful mood, my sniffling and emotive state seemed to trigger him. Every time I lifted a hand to wipe a tear he would whip his head to face me, his eyebrows were low and eyes dark, his nostrils flared as he seethed. I thought he would be relieved to be rid of Elfwine, he didn't like him at all it seemed, but every step closer to the palace he seemed to grow more and more irritated, until finally he blew up.

"You should bathe, you smell of horse." His voice was cold, he waved a hand in my direction, my mouth fell agape how could he be so callous?

I was using all of my crumbling resolve to keep from sobbing within the middle of the street and he wants to comment on my stench? "Then I will fit in well with the Rohirrim!" I bit back at him, I refused to look in his direction I didn't want him to see the tears that now unabashedly coated my cheeks.

He muttered something under his breath and something in me snapped. How could he choose to hurt me when I'm at my weakest? He is supposed to protect me! I turned my gaze back to him biting the inside of my cheek. His eyes were narrowed as they met mine, "I wish I never met you Haldir," His shoulders slumped, and he took a small step back almost as if I had physically hurt him. I take a step forward shoving at his chest, "Go away! Go back to Valinor!" He stood frozen in place, his body rigid and unmoving. His chest rises and falls in shallow breaths, every muscle in his body seems tense, as if bracing against my feeble shoves.

We did not speak to each other the rest of the journey; I went out of my way to walk quickly, trying to further distance myself from him. I tried my best to ignore him, he made one attempt to speak I don't know if it was an apology or another rude comment because I cut him off before he could finish his thought. I marched straight to my room slamming the door in his face. Inside the room, I sank to the floor, my sobs echoing in the empty space. I didn't mean what I had said, Haldir was perhaps my dearest friend, I don't want him to leave. I don't know how long I sat against the door sobbing before he knocked; it was more than an hour though. My throat felt dry and sore, my face felt puffy. I rose to my feet shakily as I opened the door, without saying a word; he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. His head hung low, and his hands trembled slightly, I threw my arms around him.

"I'm sorry Haldir please don't leave," I croaked against his chest. His body tensed, as soon as I went to pull away feeling stupid for hugging him his arms encased my petite frame, holding me against him. I felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat, and again I felt the same feeling I felt before when we touched, it was like the warmth of the sun but instead of just my skin my whole body felt engulfed in the warmth. As my sobs reverberate against his chest, he remains still, absorbing my pain with every beat of his heart.

"Don't leave me Haldir; don't go back to Valinor please." He said nothing as large hands gently stroked my back. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths, I could feel his racing heart underneath my cheek. I turned my head to the side to look up at him, my chin now rested against his sternum; I could feel the tightness of his muscles underneath his clothing. His grip tightens ever so slightly as I turn my face. As I look up at him his face was shadowed, his hair fell like a halo of soft straw tickling my face.

In that moment, our eyes lock, creating a profound connection that transcends words. I reached a hand up almost subconsciously; I desperately wanted to touch his hair to brush it out of his face to feel it between my fingers. My hand was mid-air inches from his face and his entire body tensed, his jaw clenched and his eyes widened. I pulled away stopping myself, why would that thought cross my mind? Why did I feel such a connection with him? I cleared my throat backing out of his hold.