Disclaimer: I do not own any characters mentioned in the story and the rights of Ratchet & Clank are certainly not mine. Insomniac Games is the owner of the franchise, always has and (hopefully) always will be.


~ Part I: Illumination ~

Chapter 1: Some Things Never Change

"Greetings everyone. I am Kip Darling" a male voice was broadcast through the radio.

"And I'm… well, you already know who I am" a woman spoke cheerfully.

"Pepper Fairbanks, ladies and gentlemen". A catchy music played on the background, indicating the beginning of the news broadcast. Once it was over, Pepper was the first to speak.

"Intergalactic hero known as Ratchet, cuter than ever, caused damage to several shops during a fight with a civilian in Meridian City. What exactly happened, Kip? Isn't Ratchet supposed to protect the civilians?"

"Ratchet was waiting in line to acquire the latest holo-gaming system, VG-Myriad, with another notable hero, Clank" Kip informed his colleague and the listeners.

"Do those two use the same bathroom at the same time?" a third person commented with deliberately evinced indignation in his voice. Both Kip and Pepper ignored the question, thinking no one would care to hear further discussion on the comment.

Pepper went on. "When Clank moved away, a civilian named Dort Ockenton stepped into the queue taking Ratchet's place. Arguing ensued and then a hoverbike race between Ratchet and Mr. Ockenton took place, the purpose of which was to "prove who's skilled enough to actually own a VG-Myriad" according to Ockenton's words."

"Wow. I'm impressed, Pepper. This did sound professional!" Kip noticed. He shortly went on with the news report. "The hoverbike race caused severe damage to shops, as Pepper mentioned earlier. Mr. Ockenton claimed that it was Ratchet's driving that caused all the damage adding that "it's obvious he (Ratchet) beat me (Ockenton) by pure luck, but his messy driving truly show who should own a VG-Myriad". Witnesses confirmed that Ratchet was the cause of most damage."

"He's under arrest at the moment and will remain so for three days. That is unless he's bailed out of course. I suppose even heroes become wacky, don't they?" Pepper asked with a tone that showed she was rather entertained.

"Well I suppose they do, Pepper. From time to time" Kip said in a serious manner, trying to counter Pepper's unprofessional observation. "We will return to our regular program right after our commercial break."

TTTTTT ~~~ TTTTTT

The cell was probably the most irksome place Ratchet had ever been to. It felt like he was trapped in a realm of contradiction, the chattering of organics and robots and the light of Polaris' radiant sun in perfect disparity with the stodgy room. The austere design of the walls wasn't promising a pleasant stay and Ratchet could swear the dull room and the bars had a cynical mood and were bent on reminding him that consequences of reckless decisions didn't come in the form of prejudice. The fact that he had saved entire galaxies multiple times didn't mean the Universe would be kinder to him when it came to mishaps.

The cell was empty save the damaged bed that was equipped with a torn mattress, a needless addition for it didn't seem to offer much convenience. The floor was metallic, in a harmonious coexistence with the steely walls. The light was of average intensity and Ratchet would like it to be brighter. The endurance match between him and the confining room went on and the more it continued, the more the cell's scornful attitude affected Ratchet's nerves. He ended up hating the walls, the ceiling, the bars, the lack of activity. He had been through much worse and three days weren't many. However, this wasn't too comforting a thought to put an end to his restiveness. If there was one efficient way of torturing the Lombax, it was keeping him restrained and unable to rush out and seize the day… or cause a total mess depending on his mood and the circumstances.

Ratchet was keeping himself occupied by leaning against a wall with hands folded and his foot constantly tapping the floor. The waning effect expected to be brought by the one and a half hours he had been held under custody never arrived. The intensity that guided his movements was timeless, untouched by the lack of energy every other individual would be chained with if they were in the same position. Sparks ignited by vigilance danced in his emerald eyes, his slightly lowered eyebrows making them reflect his wish to escape like mirrors.

The guard had been deprived of his patience during the years of watching prisoners and ensuring they remained into the pitiless clutch of the cynical cell. And even though the guard's forbearance was undergoing a major crisis, the detainees were never willing to commit themselves to silence. The young Lombax was certainly not an exception. The sound produced by Ratchet's boot everytime it came in contact with the floor was nightmarish. A perpetual notification that he was working. Tormenting suddenly seemed like a more fitting word. He mentally told himself the sound would stop, convincing himself that the waning effect time always brought within its passing would eventually come, even if it was to arrive belated. Another word popped in his mind; unbearable. It described the ordeal he was getting through perfectly. His expectations proved to be nothing more than false hope. The lack of patience engendered by years of work drove him to the need to protest, an urge irresistible.

"Will you quit it, boy? What's the deal, you're battery-powered or something?" the guard complained.

The sound of clacking stopped though the imaginary continuation of it lingered in the guard's ears for a little longer. Then silence. He inwardly thanked the Zoni for having it stop, an act unintentionally revealed through his wide smile.

Ratchet was no longer leaning on the wall. It looked like he was processing the guard's demand but in reality, he was failing tremendously to keep his composure away from indignation's reach. He hastily walked near the bars and kicked them with much force, his boot creating a merciless clang as soon as it came in contact with the bars and reverberating to dominate the entire room, not submitting to the discrimination between the watchman's area and the inmate's cell. Its echo announced defeat in a shrieking noise and the guard mentally cursed himself for feeling relief too soon.

"Seriously? I sit here with absolutely nothing to do, with these stupid walls and this stupid floor and this stupid bed and you're complaining? I'm bored!" Ratchet said loudly, his aforementioned failure boldly apparent in his voice. "That's the deal."

"It's only been one hour since they got you here. I was told furry guys are weird but I never believed it until now" the guard spoke as he sat back on his chair, stamina being in the same rank as patience on his list of personal traits.

"One and a half hours. And that's kinda racist."

"Whatever" the guard murmured and reverted his attention away from the Lombax. Despite the brief squabble, the guard felt rather pleased for there was no annoying clang anymore.

Ratchet was in no mood for chatting so he withdrew to his previous position. 'Now I lost my VG-Myriad because of that son of a Qwark. Speaking of whom, where on Igliak is he? He's supposed to bail me out', he thought. The green-suited alien that proclaimed himself a hero to everyone on a daily basis had been hopelessly entrusted with the task of delivering the requisite amount of bolts in order for Ratchet to be released. However, the friend from old days hadn't arrived yet. No matter how many times Ratchet asked himself, he received the same answer. It had been an unwise decision.

Ratchet's first option was Talwyn but the busy Markazian hadn't replied the call. The dutiful side of her had surfaced above all of her other traits for her role as the Captain of Polaris Defense Force was just powerful enough to steal away her time and attention as though they had become its hostages.

And then there was Clank. His best friend, his voice of reason and on many occasions a pillar of unbreakable patience. One couldn't wonder how Clank had grown to become so even-tempered if they knew he spent all of his days with Ratchet. Years of practice was the answer. The hard-to-tame Lombax was aware of the turmoil his reckless actions often caused to Clank. The least he needed at the moment was to make him worry. He even thought that if he managed to get his tail out of the Social Disturbance Department before news of the event spread he wouldn't tell him. Thus, he was led to the decision of notifying Qwark. However, the egomaniacal hero had yet to show up.

"I'm full of bad ideas today" he silently spoke to himself. "Hey, I need to make another call" Ratchet told the guard. The thought that Talwyn might answer this time filled him with hopes of evading the dull cell and the vicious effect it had on him.

"Not gonna happen, kid" the guard turned Ratchet's demand down immediately, not even bothering to send him a glance let alone move from the comfort of his chair.

Suddenly, the door budged and Ratchet turned his attention to the direction of the sound, his ears perking up in interest. He wasn't expecting any familiar faces to appear but the realm of contradiction he was seemingly trapped in was beginning to crumble and limit its existence into the lack of silence the door and the footsteps brought about. Another guard walked in and moved closer to the bars and towards Ratchet's temporary though inhospitable shelter. He slightly narrowed his eyes in pure curiosity. Only when the guard grabbed a security card out of his pocket did the one responsible for watching the foolhardy Lombax show interest in the new person that had invaded the dull silence.

"What do ya think you're doin', fella?" the guard who was no longer sitting on the chair inquired.

"He's been bailed out" the other guard explained in a throaty voice, deeper than the first guard's.

With childlike eagerness making his tail move joyfully, Ratchet watched as the security card moved to the port next to the door, his expression as if he had laid his hands on blueprints that held the key to a marvelous invention. The beeping that was heard made his ears flinch as a sign of enthusiasm and as a chain-reaction the well-maintained door consisted of bars opened. Ratchet smiled triumphantly and walked out of the cell and towards the door.

He opened the door with lively movements and walked into the main hall, ready to either thank Qwark for doing something selfless for probably the first time in his life or remind him of how stupid he was for taking him so long to come and fulfill one simple favour. Ratchet would decide later which one he would do. As he approached the end of the hall he was faced with none other than Talwyn Apogee and Clank.'Aw great', he thought, knowing that a lecture about good manners and civility was about to follow.

"There he is" Talwyn spoke vividly and ran towards Ratchet. Clank walked more slowly, following the same route. "How did this happen, Ratchet? What were you thinking? How did you get yourself in trouble?"

'Fantastic, here come the questions.' "Well, you see, um, it was this guy's fault." Ratchet uttered while scratching the back of his head. It was a sign he was feeling awkward and Clank knew that.

"But the news said it was you who caused most of the damage" Clank spoke in return, always finding the right way to refute Ratchet's justifications when he made something silly. He would admit it to no one but himself but he found it rather entertaining whenever he messed with his organic friend.

"You're supposed to be on my side, pal."

"How can I? I did not see you in the queue so I assumed you had just managed to move into the electronics store. I leave for two minutes and you get into a fight" Clank presented his point of view.

"Hey, he started it. He took my place in the line. I was supposed to have my VG-Myriad by now and instead-"

"Enough!" Talwyn interrupted the duo. "Clank, you know he's reckless. What made you leave?"

Clank opened the slot in his chest and firmly held a remarkably thick book. "Larry Hatter and the Chalice of Ice is out. I had to buy it" he informed and then laughed with his typical trademark laughter.

Talwyn sighed and shook her head. 'Boys will be boys', she voicelessly reminded herself. "Anyway, you should be glad Clank came and told me what he heard in the news. Then I saw your call and I came to bail you out as fast as I could."

"I called Qwark after that and apparently he hasn't shown up yet" Ratchet informed while rubbing his chin. The look on his face indicated he was feeling irked.

"Do you think something happened to him?" Clank asked worried.

"Nah, he's just being himself" Ratchet replied.

Talwyn was thoughtful for a while. "Why don't you guys go to find out? You know, just to be sure. I have to return to the Defense Force."

"No need. I'm sure he's fine, playing the super hero, caring about no one but himself" Ratchet stated casually but Clank didn't seem very convinced.

"Ratchet…?"

"Okay, fine. Let's go" he finally agreed.

The uncomfortably high temperature of the Social Disturbance Department as well as the absence of proper air-conditioning made Ratchet's urge to leave even harder to ignore. He was absolutely certain that whoever designed this building used all of his talents to an extent greater than demanded to make it intolerable for a long stay. He concluded it was probably a form of discipline so as to prevent any troublemakers from repeating their mischievous acts. Perhaps it was the reason why the guard he had spoken to was so grumpy. Yes, it was probably it. Otherwise why would he have such an outbreak? Ratchet hadn't done anything wrong in the cell.

Thoughts about the structure of the building and the guard abandoned him as soon as he found himself beneath the warm rays of the sun. The cool air blew against his furry face and Ratchet didn't even resist closing his eyes as the realisation that he was free made the sunlight golden as if by miracle and the air became more rejuvenating than the use of Nanotech whenever he was injured.

TTTTTT ~~~ TTTTTT

Ratchet and Clank reached Qwark's luxurious apartment after a stroll and a much needed lecture about good manners and civility which Ratchet knew was unavoidable. He merely smiled, assuring Clank he wouldn't perform any careless deeds in the near future though he couldn't guarantee his mood for caution would last for long. Clank was certain Ratchet was not honest when it came to his undying habit of getting himself into trouble, no matter how much the Lombax wanted to remain true to his word. His friend's words though were enough to keep the robot at ease for the time being so he let his friend enjoy the relatively uneventful walk that he knew both were in need of. Being a hero didn't come with a vacation package so every day of peace was a much appreciated one. In addition, he really wanted to read about Larry Hatter's latest adventure and the significance of the mysterious Chalice. He needed such days now more than ever.

The duo exited the elevator and the moment they reached the apartment's door Ratchet knocked on it. Nothing but stillness ensued so he tried again but to no avail. The two friends exchanged glances and thereafter, Ratchet attempted to just open the door. A slight push was all it took for the old door to open, its age in perfect contrast with the interior of Qwark's living quarters.

The sight in front of them brought expressions of both confusion and fear on their faces. They encountered the strangest welcome of their lives in the sound of a beastly growl and the form of a large, white-haired creature. Still as statues they openly showed their discontent by the fact that the War Grok known as Snowball, or Qwark's pet, was the one to let them in. The threatening growling stopped but before the absence of that disheartening sound could bring any calmness it returned even louder, making Clank blink and Ratchet's fur stand up like small spikes.

" Uh, Clank? Do War Groks eat Lombaxes?"

"I am afraid they are their favourite meal, Ratchet."

"Perfect!"

It didn't take long for the strangest rescue of their lives to take place as Skrunch jumped on Snowball's back and pulled its hair, shouting with so much energy that anyone would assume he was in Cryosleep for three days in a row. Then the one-eyed monkey leaped off Snowball's back and a crazy chase began, leaving space for Ratchet and Clank to enter.

"Were we just saved by a monkey? Can this day get any weirder?"

"Do not underestimate him, Ratchet. He proved to be quite helpful when we were fighting Dr. Nefarious for the first time."

"I admit it, he was much more helpful than Qwark" Ratchet said half mockingly, half annoyed only to hear his name be uttered by Clank in a 'stop-being-so-impolite' manner.

After a brief exploration into the apartment, they found Qwark inside a room filled with fitness equipment standing still on a chair with his arms outstretched. He wore a tuxedo that looked uncomfortably tight on him. Another man, who seemed to be the same species as him, was using the measuring tape to calculate his client's body proportions.

"Qwark? What are you doing?" Ratchet asked in bewilderment.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to be under arrest and I'm supposed to bail out my sidekick to show the universe how inconceivably compassionate I am. I'm on my way, go back to your cell!" Qwark spoke as if what he had uttered was entirely normal and then resumed his previous task of… standing still on a chair with his arms outstretched.

Ratchet stared at him with eyes wide open and mouth agape in confusion. Sensing his friend's bewilderment, or at least this was how he wanted to interpret Ratchet's reaction rather than assume the Lombax had thoughts of succumbing to his trigger-happy tendencies, Clank was the next to speak. "Pardon me Qwark, but why did you not go to the Social Disturbance Department to help Ratchet?"

"Yeah, you said you'd come. But you didn't. Why am I surprised?" Ratchet added.

"You sidekicks have a lot to learn. People appreciate compassion nowadays. After freeing Ratchet I'd have the paparazzi I just hired photograph me so the public would know how much I appreciate my helpers. But alas, my tuxedo got smaller and I had to get a new one" Qwark explained in a dramatic tone while taking a heroic pose.

"You mean I had to come all the way from Solana to sew you a new one" the tailor protested.

"Shut up and get back to work. I shouldn't even be paying you for sewing a tuxedo for Captain Qwark. In fact, you should be paying me for giving you the honour" Qwark argued. Ratchet's head felt as if it was about to explode. Had he just heard what he heard?

"And tuxedos don't become small. Apparently you became larger" the tailor spoke again.

"That's ridiculous! Right? Right?! Guys, have I gained any weight?" Qwark asked desperately.

"Yes you have, where the heck would you store all this ego?" Ratchet finally broke out. "I can't believe I almost got eaten by a War Grok only to check if you're okay. Come on, Clank. We've no business here" he said and began walking away. Clank did as he was told.

"No, wait. Will you please go back to your cell? I spent 600 bolts on those paparazzi" Qwark yelled but Ratchet didn't hear any more as he headed for the apartment door with his loyal friend walking by his side, both overlooking the fight between Skrunch and Snowball by which they thankfully escaped unaffected.

"What was I thinking? I shouldn't have counted on him" Ratchet realised with a frowned expression after he closed the door behind him. "Some things never change" he thought aloud.

"Indeed. Some things truly never change" Clank repeated in a suggestive tone, letting the reference of Ratchet's actions that made him all too familiarised with the Social Disturbance Department linger between them. Ratchet had understood what Clank meant.

"Well this isn't always a bad thing, is it?" he simply said and smiled innocently.

'Why do I even bother?'


A/N: 'Larry Hatter and the Chalice of Ice' is a parody of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire which is my favourite movie out of the Harry Potter series.