No Kili. No Kili. No Kili.
No matter where his eyes fell there was no Kili. Panic rose in his stomach, constricting his chest and making it hard to breath. Where was he? Fili took a step back and soon felt heat on the back of his leg. He turned and saw that, in his panic to locate his brother, he had almost walked into the campfire. But that was not all he saw. For as he focused on the burning timbers he saw something glint. Kicking away the burning logs he used his foot to drag out the once silvery object which - was now burnt and blackened. But nevertheless, he recognised it instantly. Kili's belt buckle. He reached down to the ground and reached for it, feeling the heat of the burnt metal against his skin. But he ignored it and gazed at the buckle with a thundering heart. No. No, no, no.
"Un…unkle." He stuttered, voice beginning to tremble. Thorin approached, brows knitting together at the sound of fear in his nephew's voice. Fili turned slowly to look at him with desperate eyes. "It's Kili's belt buckle." Thorin carefully took the buckle into his own hands and studied it, turning it over in his fingers. Despite its burnt state, he recognised the metal and the geometric design. This did indeed belong to his youngest nephew. He opened his mouth to say something but saw that Fili had already began reaching back into the campfire.
After a moment Fili stiffly straightened back up, an even greater look of fear on his face this time. Fili held out trembling hands and Thorin's breath caught. For Fili held two new items. One was a scorched arm brace, too small to belong to an orc, but the perfect size for a young dwarf. It was Kili's, there was no doubt in his mind. For some of the pattern still remained despite most of the leather being burnt and melted, and Thorin clearly remembered seeing Kili wear two that were identical. Two that were the same as this one. Thorin took the next item and felt his heart get heavy. In his hand he held a piece of partially burnt blue cloth. The edges were singed and blackened. He felt the material, he knew it instantly for he had chosen it when he went in search for fabric to have his nephew's coat made from. He recalled the joyful look on Kili's face when he received it. It suited him. It made him look like a prince. Thorin felt a lump in his throat, these items belonged to Kili.
"This can't be." He said shaking his head. He would not accept this. He looked back at Fili who had turned white, his entire body shaking and tears threatening to escape his desperate blue eyes. A spluttered cough sounded and all heads snapped in its direction to see a green skinned orc laying on the ground some feet away, weakly attempting to sit up.
Fili marched towards it and pinned it back against the ground. The orc coughed again, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. Yellow eyes looked up at Fili.
"Where is he?" Fili demanded, "Where is my brother? No not pretend you don't know, I found his things in the fire." Fili brought his palm down to press against a wound on the orc's chest. Lazgarl cried out, face contorting in pain. Fili kept his hand pressed down. "Tell me where he is!"
"The dwarfling?" Lazgarl croaked, "He's dead! We got board of him."
"You're lying!" Fili yelled, fists curling up in the leather the orc wore as a vest and pushing him into the dirt. Lazgarl shook his head with a foul smirk.
"Why would I lie? The boy was of no use to us, so there was no reason to keep him alive."
"No! No!" Fili cried in instinctive denial, eyes clouding up with tears. "You are lying!"
"I'm not. We tied him to a tree and cut his throat."
"No!"
"Bled out slowly and painfully he did. You should have heard him choking on his own blood!"
"Then where is he? If you killed him then where is his body?" Fili asked before he could stop himself. Perhaps he was hoping to catch the orc out. He had to be lying, Kili could not be dead. But what if he was? What if this wasn't some sick joke and the orc revealed the location of his brother's body? Fili could not bear to see that, he couldn't bear to see his once happy and enthusiastic little brother reduced to a silent and lifeless corpse.
"What body? There is no body left." Lazgarl responded, some more blood trickling from his mouth, it dripped over his chin and onto the ground. Fili's brows knitted together.
"What do you mean?"
"We let the wargs have their way with him. No use letting good meat go to waste, not with the beasts so hungry."
"No." Fili's voice was barely a whisper. His stomach churned nauseously, this couldn't be true.
"Tore him limb from limb they did! Blood everywhere!" Lazgarl sneered.
"Shut up!" Fili fell backwards, a shaky arm was all that stopped him from hitting the ground completely. His world began to tilt and spin around him. He felt sick.
"There was nothing left of him by the time they'd finished!"
"Shut up!" Fili pressed his hands against his ears, but he could still hear the orc talking.
"I'm sure he was still alive when they took their first bites, I'm sure I heard him scream."
"That is enough!" Thorin bellowed. He had been watching and hearing the morbid conversation take place with a horror that froze him to the spot, heart hammering in his chest. This filthy creature was making it up, this fate could not have befallen his youngest nephew. Thorin pushed forward and pressed his boot against the orc's chest. "You lie."
"Like I told the blonde one." Lazgarl's beady yellow eyes flicked towards Fili who was sat on the ground, mouth hanging open and body trembling from head to toe. Balin had knelt beside him and was squeezing the young Durin's shoulder, a look of dread and disbelief on his aged face. "We killed the dwarfling and fed him to the wargs. Look around for him if you must, you won't find him." Lazgarl's face contorted in an evil grin, obviously enjoying causing this pain and sorrow. "You and his brother should have taken better care of him and maybe he won't be lying in tiny little pieces in the hounds' bellies."
From where he was sat, Fili felt a fury like nothing he had ever felt. Suddenly all of Fili's grief was lost in a fit of raw, primal bloodlust as he threw his uncle out of the way and attacked Lazgarl, his fists connected with the Orc's jaw over and over, blood splattering up his clothes and skin. Even as the blows continued, the Orc kept laughing. That only angered Fili more. How dare the creature who murdered his brother laugh, how dare he take joy in killing someone as innocent and loved as Kili. Fili pulled a knife from his boot he plunged it into the orc's chest over and over, dark blood spluttered out like a fountain. Even as the blade pierced his flesh, the grin did not disappear from Lazgarl's face. It remained until his last choked breath as his body fell limp and still. But even then Fili did not stop, lost in his rage he kept driving the blade into his body, as though he was hoping to hurt the filth wherever it was orcs went when they died.
"Fili! Enough!" Came Thorin's voice as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist and attempted to wrench him away. But Fili pulled away and kept attacking the dead orc, tears streaming down his cheeks. This beast murdered Kili! "Dwalin, help me!" Thorin called. Dwalin moved forward and together they managed to pull the enraged prince away. He thrashed in their arms, struggling and pulling to get back to the orc, growling with bared teeth like a wild animal. All matter of obscenities spilling from his lips. "That's enough, Fili." Thorin said softly.
"It's done, lad." Dwalin said with an equally soft voice. Fili fell limp in their grasp, his chest rising and falling rapidly, every muscle trembling.
"Get off me." He said. At first the two older dwarves did nothing, concerned that Fili might attempt to stab the orc again or he might fall to his knees. "I said get off me!" He bellowed, shoving them roughly off him. He stumbled forward a couple of steps upon shaking legs.
"Fili." Thorin's voice shock as he spoke. Fili didn't hear his uncle, in fact all sound was muffled by a low humming in his ears. It was like being underwater. "Fili." Thorin said again, placing a shaking hand on his shoulder. Fili swayed where he was stood, feeling his world begin to spin. The edges of his vision turned white and he couldn't breathe, it was like all the air had been sucked from the world.
"I feel sick." Fili mumbled, moving away from Thorin and staggering blindly to the edge of camp where he leaned against a tree began violently throwing up into the undergrowth. Thorin approached him, fighting hard to stop the trembling in his legs causing them to give way beneath him. He reached forward and held Fili's golden hair from his face as his nephew continued to be sick. After another few moments of harsh retching and coughing into the bushes and shrubs Fili straightened up. Thorin reached out to rub the space between his shoulders.
"Fili."
"Don't touch me!" Fili cried, flinching away before his uncle could touch him. He staggered back a step, wet blue eyes connecting with Thorin's.
"Fili please," Thorin reached out again, wanting to hold his nephew close to him but Fili began beating the sides of his fists against his chest.
"You said we'd find him! You said he'd be alright!" He screamed.
"I …"
"You promised me!"
"I know, I know and I'm sorry Fili."
Fili stopped fighting and collapsed to his knees. Thorin knelt beside him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Fili buried his face in Thorin's shoulder and screamed, a sound so mournful that the hearts of all who heard it broke. The cry was so full of sorrow and so broken and terrible to hear that all of those around the distressed prince knew that in that moment that Fili's strong soul had shattered. That as the cry escaped, it left behind nothing but a ghost. The company stood in a stunned silence, only the sounds of Fili's mournful sobs and the crackling of the fire made any noise. Silent tears fell down their cheeks for their lost prince, for the joyful dwarfling with the contagious smile. Ori hid his face in Dori's coat, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs as Nori stood stiffly beside them, a look of sadness masking itself onto his face. Dwalin, trying to fight away the tears, wrapped an arm around his brother who did not try to supress his grief – letting the tears fall from his eyes. Gloin and Oin looked solemnly to the ground. Bifur and Bomber stood with mouths hanging open with disbelief. Bofur had removed his hat and collapsed down to sit upon a log, eyes glistening with sadness. Bilbo bowed his head as every memory he had of Kili bombarded his mind, Gandalf placed a hand upon his shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"He can't be dead, uncle. He can't." Fili sobbed, voice muffled by the fur of Thorin's coat. Not his Kili, not his baby brother. The pain he felt as his heart tore itself in two hurt more than any pain he could recall feeling before. Tears streamed from his eyes and onto Thorin's shoulder and his body was racked with loud, guttural sobs as he wept uncontrollably for the loss of his brother. His light. His joy. He felt weak and in that moment Fili's world ceased to exist, for the brightest part, the brightest light, had been cruelly snuffed out and left him trembling in a world that would never be the same. Kili's wonder and enthusiasm for life and for adventure made Fili feel alive. And now, Fili felt nothing but pain and sorrow.
"I'm sorry, Fili." Thorin said softly into his nephew's ear. Nephew. The word stung his heart. How could it have come to this? How could his youngest sister-son be lost like this? Kili did not deserve this, nobody did, but especially not Kili. The cheerful, adventurous and mischievous dwarfling that he had raised, and loved, like a son. The little dwarfling that would wrap his arms around Thorin's waist, big brown eyes gazing up at him, the moment he returned from the forge. The little dwarfling with the silly sense of humour who could always see what was extraordinary in an ordinary day. The dwarfling who brought him so much joy. Thorin squeezed Fili tighter, each and every one of his remaining nephew's sobs was like a dagger to his heart. He tried not sob also, he did not need to cause Fili any more distress. He needed to be strong. But he could not stop the silent tears from rolling down his cheeks and falling onto Fili's golden hair. "I am so sorry."
-AN-
Like I promised, two parts in two days! A little gift to you for being so patient for the last part! Yay!
Faves, Follows and (especially) reviews are appreciated :)
