Chapter 7: The Viper and the Spider

The waning moon rose slowly over the city of New York, bringing with it yet another of many nights its residents would suffer beneath the starless blanket wondering if that creak they just heard was a zombie menace ready to strike at them from the shadows of their house. The traffic on the streets was at a low unseen since the late nineteenth century, the only crowded sector was Times Square where people felt safe huddled within a swath of humanity. It was a humid summer night, typical New York weather, and a stiff breeze was the only solace for as she waited for her target to appear amidst the roofs of the skyscrapers. The CIA agent was quite patience, after all before getting involved with Shadaloo and the circus of fighting freaks they continually attracted, she had once done regular CIA stunts like gathering intel. Still, turning foreign contacts into trustworthy informants and clandestine rendezvous with MI6 agents with specific alcoholic choices paled in comparison to how the constant threat of being uncovered as she maneuvered about the murky depths of the lunatic organization known as S.I.N.

Yet even while astutely watching the shadows for any sign of movement, found her mind wandering to a weird conversation she had today with her superiors. Having successfully brought in the mysterious angel that the CIA had been hunting frantically throughout the past few days, the suit clad agent had been rewarded with the "privilege" of meeting with the head of her department for some praising that was little more than cheap platitudes so they wouldn't have to blow money on giving her a paid vacation. After the usual rounds of "Great work Viper "and "You're the best" from men she hardly knew was caught off guard when they immediately issued her another assignment. Typically this would be parceled out by her handler, who was missing from the gathering, but apparently the superiors wanted to keep this very low profile. To say the mission was convoluted would be an understatement at best and yet here she was being a good agent waiting to apprehend the bad guy.

Unlike most of her missions so far, this one had nothing to do with either Shadaloo or typical spy stuff; in fact it was a basic manhunt the police did on an everyday basis. However, this was no ordinary criminal she was trying to arrest; according to her superiors this was a former superhero. Naturally when she had heard them say that it had taken some effort not to laugh in their faces. "Superheroes" were paragons of virtue, men whose morals were so incorruptible they could do no wrong. Every situation they got into had a clear, moral solution and they never had to stain their hands with blood. could claim with the absolute conviction borne out of years of being an agent, of having to make the decision to sacrifice one for the sake of many, of being forced to kill her enemies in the blink of an eye, such men and women only existed within the highly idealistic minds of the masses. As such the belief that any rational adult would go about claiming to be an ally of justice in this day and age was simply absurd to her.

Yet her superiors were adamant that this man she was sent to capture was a legitimate hero. Each of them was convinced of this hero's former integrity to the point where certain members of the head of her organization were actually fighting amongst themselves if this super hero was actually guilty of the crimes he had been accused of. This threw her off guard quite a bit; these men weren't politicians who had never experienced a single day of hard work of their lives. These were former field agents stretching back as far as the Korean War They knew the price of peace wasn't always as simple as reconciliation between two nations; in fact peace often required some blood and deception to be stabilized.

Her target's name was Spider-Man; known only by his hero alias instead of his actual name. Recently some guy had come forward claiming to have evidence to prove that Spider-Man had something to do with the zombie invasion New York had suffered over the past couple of days. Whatever he had presented to the district attorney had enough impact to get an issue warranted for this hero's arrest. Unfortunately capturing him would prove to be very difficult thanks to the incredible maneuverability he had. Spider-Man was capable of swinging from building to building using something called "web fluid" which left the police scrambling to follow him about on the ground. During the last hour or so the NYPD had to swallow a ton of bitter bile and ask the CIA for assistance in arresting him. Unable to resist asserting their superiority her bosses had accepted in the blink of an eye before realizing the same obstacles that applied to the NYPD would also apply to them. Along with corralling some back up which included a fleet of choppers as well as some outside assistance they had decided to really seal the deal by bringing in their big guns: .

Hence her current position scanning rooftops for the clown in a pajamas. Even though the dossier and her superiors described Spider-Man as a very competent individual, just couldn't buy that the red and blue clad hero could possibly be any sort of threat. She had faced down threats that could have destroyed the world; there was no way some arachnid themed "superhero" was a possible match for her battle prowess. Idly she played with her gauntlet making it spark as she checked to make sure that it was in working condition which brought up a second train of thought. After she had been briefed on what sort of mission she would be going on her superiors had suggested she'd get her tech suit checked by the lab. It was while the science guys were messing with it that something odd had cropped up in their conversation with her.

After the habitual drooling over the tech suit by the lab technicians they had eventually shaken out of their physics induced stupor and started working on making sure all the weapons were working at their maximum parameters. The head honcho of these tech guys, a guy called Shtarker who she was acquainted with, lovingly remarked that the suit was the best thing that had ever come out of the government science branch. Once again had been thrown off her guard; her tech suit had not been made by any branch of the government but by a secret organization known as S.I.N. As a sleeper agent acting on behalf of the nefarious organization her bosses in the CIA had all but passed out from delight when she reported to them that she had volunteered to wear the proto type tech suit S.I.N had built. For the past five years the upper echelons of U.S intelligence had been abuzz with the information that S.I.N was looking to upgrade the common soldier by having them wear a suit to vastly improve their fighting capabilities. The fact that the CIA had not only gotten their own agent deep enough into S.I.N to observe how the suit was being built but to have been nominated as the guinea pig to wear it was a major feather in their cap. The pride had translated into constant conversation about how had gotten the suit to the point where it had become legendary.

But the tech guys, the ones who had drooled the most over the suit and memorized every detail about 's mission like it was a religious mantra, had suddenly come to the conclusion they had been the ones to build it. She had quizzed them as vaguely as she could but all their answers had come up the same, they had been the ones to build the suit. The more she dug the stranger the conversation got, from the tech guys to her superiors no one knew what Shadaloo or S.I.N was. It was like being in the Twilight Zone, everything she knew was inverted in some unnatural way. Eventually she was forced to focus on her mission but the feeling of alienation hadn't abated in the slightest no matter how much she tried to push it down. Her reverie was mercifully broken by a ringing in her ear; someone was calling her on the Bluetooth. Pressing the button she crossed her arms "Did you spot him" she asked hoping to heaven she wouldn't have to keep waiting here with these pesky thoughts.

"Target sighted ma'am" a voice on the other end replied "This is chopper four and I've got the spotlight trained on the little bugger for now but he's fast. I'm sending the coordinates to all units." "Understood, I'll be there shortly" said limbering up a little in preparation for the hunt " , over and out." Taking a deep steady breath she pushed away all thoughts concentrating on the kinetic motion she accumulated as she raced towards the edge of the building taking a giant leap into the air. In the middle of her ascent she boosted herself briefly to get the small amount of extra air she needed to get to the next rooftop. After a few more of these wild jumps she had gained enough momentum to start parkouring her way quickly to the coordinates without needing to rely on any kind of technology, better to save the juice just in case this Spider-Man wanted to resist arrest.

Before long she spotted a small unit of helicopters, all trying as hard as possible to keep their spotlight shined on a frenzied bolt of red and blue. While she had been in transit most of the CIA agents acting as backup had done their utmost to try and subdue the super hero with their passable martial arts but they were easily outmatched by the arachnid. Bounding about the roomy rooftop Spider-Man effortlessly beat each and every agent into unconsciousness dodging the flurry of fists aimed at his head with inhuman grace. Once they had a clear shot the gunners in the helicopters tried to snipe the hero with tranquilizer darts to no avail. "Cmon guys, can't you fill me in why your angry with me" the hero asked as he twisted about to avoid a volley of darts "We can talk about this, really, I'm an understanding guy." "Suck on this wall crawler" one of the guys shouted over the roar of the blades angling to get a better shot at the wiseass only to get yanked out of the copter by a long strand of white webbing. Using the poor soul as a shield, Spider-Man managed to avoid several shots which jabbed their noxious fluids into his hostage instead.

"Sheesh, I know me and Fury aren't on the best of terms right now" Spider-Man commented dropping the snoozing agent onto the hard cement to shoot several balls of webbing at the windows of the copters "but this is a little much for S.H.I.E.L.D isn't it?" A nasty kick smashed into his back sending him tumbling across the ground forcing him to use a few quick flips to get back on his feet and face his opponent. "Wow, Black Widow, nice dye job" he remarked looking at "Although the bouffant is a bit much to be honest." "Hate to break it to you but I don't know what you're talking about" she replied before charging forward. Certain she would go down like the others Spider-Man let her approach dodging her first jab then parrying a quick kick before trying to send her onto her ass with a sweep kick. She jumped over it before trying to give him a concussion with a heel drop, when she missed she left a few cracks in the cement. "Eating your Wheaties, huh" he remarked sending her skidding back with kick to the middle "I applaud you guys for your persistence but it sure would be nice to know why exactly you're attacking me." "The DA issued a warrant for your arrest" explained fixing her glasses "Apparently you've been accused of aiding the zombie invasion of New York." The hero's eyes bugged out "What, seriously? Why the hell would you buy a story like that? Do I look like the kind of guy who would do something like that? I'm an arachnid themed super hero not some poor emo necromancer" shrugged "Don't know, don't care, my mission is to bring you in for questioning. This might have gone smoother if you didn't try resisting arrest."

"Sorry, I don't do jumpsuits" he snarked back before freezing for a second and looking down at what he was wearing "I don't do orange jumpsuits." "Well it's not like you were winning any fashion awards before they put you in jail" she snarked before charging him again. Spider-Man dodged several lightning quick jabs then parried a roundhouse kick with his arm before trying to knock the wind out of her with a haymaker to the stomach. She caught his hand and the only warning he got was a brief ripple of Spider Sense before several volts of electricity were pumped into his body. He kneeled on the ground fighting to remain conscious taking a kick to the head that sent him down onto the pavement. "I knew a clown like you was all hot air" she remarked casually as she wiped out a pair of hand cuffs. "Hate to break it to you but I'm only 90% hot air" her foe replied before aiming his wrists at her and pressing down with his middle finger. Sticky strands of thread flew out of a small device located below his wrist, quickly incapacitating the CIA agent. "The remaining 10% is web fluid, helps me get the jump on chumps like you Ms. Bouffant" he said pulling her bound form into a standing position. The webbing encased her from head to foot like an embalmed mummy, she struggled as hard as she could but even her famous tech suit wouldn't let her wriggle out of this one. "So do you have the name of the guy with the evidence to throw me in the slammer or am I going to have to have a friendly chat with our local DA?" he asked tilting her back and forth.

"How about if you forget those two bozos and chat with me instead" a very familiar voice called out. His Spider Sense warned him of the bullets headed straight for him; there was nothing he could do to stop the shurikens from cutting the agent free of the web silk. Back flipping several times to avoid the volley of metal he stopped to a crouch knowing full well this battle just got considerably tougher "Nice to see you too Wade." The mercenary didn't answer; he was too busy checking out the cleavage on "Well, well, what have we here" he muttered happily "I wasn't aware they had a Playboy branch of the CIA. Seems like our letters to our congressmen finally paid big dividends." He giggled like a school girl slowly leaning forward, hands ready to initiate Operation Booby Grope when grabbed him and twisted him so hard his arm snapped like a twig. "Who the hell are you" she asked her voice low and dangerous which only turned the mysterious man on even more. "The name's Deadpool Ms. Jubilees" he said not taking his eyes off her sizeable bust even if he had to twist about even more to get a good look "The CIA is paying me a mint to help you poor saps capture Spider-Man though I'd gladly trade in my tokens for a night out with you."

"Can someone confirm that" she asked touching her Bluetooth in order to speak to chopper pilots hovering above her. It a minute for them to respond "Uh…yeah…affirmative Ms. Jubi-…er…Ms. Viper, he's on our side alright" the captain stuttered out in awe at the red clad man who had attempted the inspiring feat of groping the formidable . Painfully she twisted the mercenary about cracking a few more bones before releasing him a few feet away from her "If you get in my way don't expect any mercy" she warned him. "I love it when you whisper sweet nothing into my ear" Deadpool replied breathlessly drawing his guns "I know we have to take him alive but can we damage him a bit first? This guy has always been getting under my skin, ripping off my look for kicks too." "I can handle some goons and a Black Widow but Deadpool? Even I'm that not confident in my abilities" Spider-Man muttered raising a hand and latching a web strand to the next building "Later suckers." He jumped up ready to swing to safety but Deadpool was too quick for him. He shot the web thread stopping Spider-Man from getting away following it up with several more bullets that sliced cleanly through the web whenever the hero tried to attach to a second building.

Defeated in his attempts to run away Spider- Man ran forward "Don't you have some drunken babe to feel up Wade?" With a roundhouse he sent flying back several feet while he and the merc danced about trying to obtain the advantage. Several of Spider-Man's punches socked Deadpool in the head stunning him long enough for the arachnid to kick one of the guns out of the antihero's arms and off the roof. "Precious Lefty" the merc cried "You'll pay for that, PG-me!" The Weapon X experiment fought back with a pistol whip to the chest which sent the wall crawler back a few inches. was waiting for him with a battery of punches that shook him from coccyx to brain stem before she kicked him back to Deadpool. The merc floored him with a punch to the face hoping to end this quickly by tossing a bolo at him but the arachnid was far from beat. Rolling away from the bolo he shot both web shooters at tying her feet together sending her to the floor. He then lifted her figure up by the strings attempting to throw her but Deadpool caught her before she could hit the ground. "Now, now Webs, that's not how you treat a lady" the antihero chastised setting the redhead down twirling his single remaining gun inwarning in case Spider-Man tried to escape again."By the way, how's the wife? Oh wait, didn't you guys sell your marriage to the devil for no good reason? Admit it man you suck with the ladies." Spider-Man just tilted his head quizzically "My wife is sleeping peacefully in bed, what the hell are you talking about and why are you stalking me?"

"Thank goodness, I fully support making as much love to as many women as possible but you guys had something special" he turns to you "I hated that arc." Turning back to Spider-Man he pointed to the agent struggling behind him "Bootlicious' agency hired me to work with her to bring you in. You've been a bad, bad boy Spidey." "Come on Deadpool, you know I wouldn't lead a zombie invasion." Spider-Man snapped. The mercenary merely shrugged "I don't know Spidey, I've seen some pretty weird crap in my life. According to the evidence J. Jonah Jameson asked the DA to bring you in because he's got proof that you started the zombie invasion. You pulling out necromancy out of your ass wouldn't even rank in the top fifty. Besides even if you didn't my employers are paying me a mint to bring you in. A mercenary has to eat, you know….and have a roof over their head…and buy videogames…don't even get me started on how much you need to entertain real high class ass like that agent over there. Speaking of ass-"with a fluid wave he tossed a group of shuriken at the trapped agent cutting her loose from the webbing "I'm expecting plenty of it for saving yours" he crowed.

"When they said back up I was expecting someone sane" groused brushing away strands of silk from her suit. With a leap and a bound the mercenary was next to her invading her personal space while giving her his best version of bedroom eyes. "The name's Wilson, Wade Wilson, a.k.a Deadpool a.k.a heaven's gift to womankind. Feel free to weigh or measure cause I sure won't fall short." With that delightful tidbit he thrust his crotch in front of which she promptly ignored choosing instead to stare at Spider-Man "I suggest giving up now." The lower of his mask curled up indicating he was smirking at them "I'll be sporting and give you the same offer, your 'friend' looks like he'd like a little alone time." Deadpool waggled his finger in Spidey's direction "You're just jealous cause you're not getting any but I'm a generous guy, you can watch if you want no charge."

This earned him a spine snapping punch to the face which sent him to the ground "I'm done with this comedy." Activating her rocket boots she flung herself at the wall crawler who merely sidestepped her tackle as well as the accompanying upside down handstand roundhouse kick she launched as she landed. Bouncing up into the air Spider Man shot a thread of web at a nearby building choosing flight instead of fight. He was at the height of his jump when a bullet sliced through his webbing with pinpoint accuracy. A flurry of wrist snaps to connect more webbing was countered by more bullets; Deadpool had gotten back up dual wielding both of his pistols with exaggerated swagger. "Rule one of scoring bro, being a coward is never sexy" he lectured drawing one of his katanas charging into the fray with .

Spider Sense flaring like crazy the hero was put completely on the defensive as he dodged alternating kicks, punches, swords, and bolos without so much as a second's pause between the two of them. Grimacing he hunkered down taking a kick to the abdomen that would hurt in the morning but 's position prevented Deadpool from attacking him giving him just enough time to web the both of them together with a strand. The mercenary cut through the strand with ease but Spider-Man had already vaulted away swinging away from the roof. "Milady" Deadpool said offering his hand which the CIA agent ignored choosing to blast forward using her rocket boots to pursue. "Follow that leather clad ass then" he reasoned with a perverted smirk activating his warp belt. He reappeared in front of the hero severing his web again forcing Spider-Man to attach to a building to avoid plummeting onto the street. With a grunt he jumped onto a nearby chimney aware that was bearing down on him from above.

Somersaulting high then low he dodged a one-two leg sweep from the woman dancing about the narrow edge to deliver a small kick to her back that tossed her off the structure. Digging her hands into the pavement angled herself so she landed on a window sill growling as the wall crawler vaulted away. Bounding up the wall she parkoured her way back onto the roof tops her target jumping about New York structures serpentine style to try and shake her off. Giving a quick glance about she did not spy Deadpool around her, not that she minded in the slightest. Pushing the suit to its maximum she was soon neck and neck with the hero as they sailed about New York. A few lucky passerby's looked up into the night sky watching a shadowy pair push the human body to the limits illumined by the cold, white moon.

With a master hand Spider-Man crafted one of his explosive web balls, a favorite technique of his that encased his enemies in the stuff that immobilized them completely. "Heads up" he shouted tossing the ball with a precise toss fully expecting his old trick to work perfectly. Unfortunately for him had learned to respect the web, without missing a beat she stomped her foot down blasting part of the concrete she was racing up with sending shards of rubble into the air. This shield clashed with the web ball activating its explosive mass. The rubble was wrapped up into a perfect little cocoon that fell to the ground with a squishy bounce leaving unharmed. In retaliation she pressed a button on her glasses shooting a small red beam at the back of Spider-Man's hand destroying his left web shooter. Wincing from the heat of the sizzling plastic he tore it off his wrist frustrated at the new handicap.

Beginning to lose patience with his pursuer the spider themed hero cleared the roof of the building spinning from right hand to left preparing to strike. The minute the agent's red hair peeked into view he struck, kicking her on the thigh leaving her fighting to steady herself on the edge if the roof. With blind instinct she launched a few desperation fire kicks trying to force him on the back foot but he was well prepared for anything she threw at him. Twirling from one handstand to the next he snaked his way about her kicks smirking as she over extended herself slightly. He capitalized on it by righting himself and sucker punching her in the abdomen sending her off the roof again. There were no convenient hand holds for her to grab onto this time leaving to tumble helplessly end over end from fifty stories up.

Rushing up to the edge Spider-Man prepped his remaining web shooter to catch the agent but before he could save her a bolo came out of nowhere wrapping him tightly. "Sission Muccessful, son!" Deadpool cried landing down on the roof "Who's da boss?!" The mercenary looked about "Where's my honey buns?" Struggling Spider-Man cried out "She's about to go splat you idiot! That side of the roof!" Giving a theatrical gasp Deadpool ran over to the edge spying the doomed CIA agent "Don't you worry; me and my sweet ass are on the way!" Tapping the button on his belt the mercenary was away with a zap leaving the webhead alone to try and wiggle out of the bonds.

wasn't sure how long she had been falling for, probably a few seconds but it's difficult to tell in free fall. Churning wildly the agent's mind tried to figure out a way out of this predicament running gravity force equations, Oreme's mean speed theory, anything and everything to try and calculate that last second to boost her boot jets to turn immediate death into broken legs but alive. Hovering somewhere between ten and five stories from the ground her mental mathematics were mercifully interrupted by a bzzt of red and black. A second such bzzt robbed her of all feeling for a dizzying second before a small impact jolted her out of her near death induced reverie. "Hey, look at that I saved you." Deadpool said waggling his eyebrows suggestively "How about a little sugar, sweet bottom?" Possessively he grabbed 's ass putting him in heaven for one sweet second before a fist collided with his face knocking him down.

Picking herself up knelt down picking up the hapless mercenary by the scruff of his collar "If you ever do that again I will destroy you." Deadpool nodded vigorously before raising a finger up pointing to something behind them. Tossing him to the ground turned just in time to see her target clear the next roof. His arms were still bound tightly in the bolo; he had to hop to get away his entire body stiff as a board. "C'mon" snarled racing after him with the mercenary in tow still secretly checking out her butt. 'Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap' Spiderman thought hopping as fast as he could knowing full well that was gaining on him. Twisting about he rolled away from the agent's grasp tripping her with a leg sweep watching gleefully as Deadpool tripped over her too. Rolling back over he perched his bound body on top of Deadpool's grasping one of his katanas. "In my dreams it's Spider-Woman not Spider-Man" the squashed mercenary wailed.

With one sweep the web head cut through the bolo nicking Deadpool's back as well. Jumping up he unloaded the rest of his right web shooter tying the pair onto the ground. "I have to admit" the hero said panting hard "There haven't been a lot of guys who have managed to push me this hard in years." Straightening up he muttered under his breath "Note to self, tell MJ to start buying diet soda instead." With a huff he sped into the night leaving the pair to struggle under the silk or…to be perfectly honest only tried to get out. Deadpool repressed a sigh as he felt the sexy agent's rubbing up against him. It took a second but figured it out "I am this close to charbroiling you with my rockets. Get us out of here." Resisting a perverted come back Deadpool felt around in the mass of white "Don't you worry one teleport in three…two…one!" He tapped the button on his belt expecting a bzzt but instead he got garbled static. "Oh shit" was all he managed to get out before the belt overloaded backfiring nastily. Twitching violently as massive amounts of volts went flowing through him Deadpool gave a cough before passing out. Luckily for her tech suit stopped her from getting shocked absorbing the electricity but she was still stuck in the webbing. Not wanting to create a pyre with her rocket boots the CIA agent pragmatically chose to flip around so that the back of the mercenary's head was in her direct field of vision. Wriggling her wrist between her chest and Deadpool's back she grabbed his spare katana slowly maneuvering it till she managed to pierce the cocoon. She sawed her way through pushing her ally off of her "If you think you're getting away…" she growled, grabbing the merc's leg and dragging him along behind her. Hyper vigilant she swiveled her head left to right fishing for a miracle, she got one.

Spider-Man had been forced to leap his way from building to building now that his web shooters were defunct. This had slowed his pace just enough for a determined to regain her sights on her target. The little neon orange target lit up illuminating the wall crawler "Got you" muttered jumping up with Deadpool in tow. With a grunt she tossed his limp body forward at her target sending both of them sprawling on the ground. The impact roused the mercenary from his unconscious state "Cable bro, fill me in on what happened at the party, got a hang over the size of Mt Kilimanjaro." He whined getting up jerkily before spotting Spider Man "You ain't Cable" he accused punching the wall crawler "What the hell is going on?" He glimpsed at "Dat ass…it's all coming back to me."

skipped kicking Deadpool's ass for that last remark, she was far too busy kicking Spider-Man's. The wall crawler barely had time to get up before he was assaulted by a flurry of punches and kicks. Put on the back foot there was little he could do for the time being aside from raising both arms in front of his face to protect it. Smirking gabbed the hero kneeing him in the gut before tossing him at Deadpool The red clad merc was ready with kick of his own right into Spider Man's back sending him back to the ground then pulled a gun out pointing it at the downed hero "OTG!" he shouted about to squeeze the trigger but the tip of C,Viper's boot knocked it out of his hand. "We're supposed to bring him alive" she shouted flipping behind Spider-Man, attempting to get up off the ground, shocking him with her electrical gauntlet.

The hero grit his teeth as the electricity coursed through his body fighting the urge to black out choosing instead to elbow the agent in her abdomen making her lose her grip on him entirely. Painfully he pushed himself forward dancing sloppily around Deadpool's punch slamming the mercenary with a shoulder charge which sent him rolling backwards towards . They stood there for a minute waiting for Deadpool to get up then to see who would attack first. Gasping for breath Spider-Man went over his options which were being minimized with each exchange of blows. 'Web shooters, gone, pursuers uninjured, and stamina's dangerously low' he thought grimacing. 'Escape is still possible but damn if they aren't tenacious. Still…facing them head on would be an uphill battle in and of itself, Deadpool alone would be trouble but that agent working with him is no slouch. If I could take out one of them I might have a chance. I can't believe it's come to this but I'm beginning to regret smashing that Avenger's card that was in my costume this morning."

This last thought was still fresh in Spider-Man's head when his adversaries attacked him; they zigzagged on approach making their first attack unpredictable. With a quick draw Deadpool shot his guns at the hero's feet missing them completely but getting the reflexive half step he was hoping for. While distracted with the gun play had attacked high using a mini jet boost to gain some height. She rammed him right in the chest returning him to the ground but she wasn't finished with him yet. Pressuring his chest with one foot she planted the other behind her slightly beside her adversary's right thigh before activating one of her jets. Like a motor boat she powered forward on the chest of Spider-Man at a high speed. The punishing attack tore Spider-Man's back to bloody shreds, superficial wounds to be sure but extremely painful nonetheless. After about thirty seconds of this she was forced to bail due to the encroaching edge of the roof, luckily for Spider-Man he managed to stop himself about five inches from it.

Bounding up to his partner Deadpool poked the body a few times with his finger "I thought you said no killing." Spurred on by this Spider-Man kneed Deadpool in the mouth then escaping by slipping off the building. He crawled his way over to the side as fast as he could in serious pain the entire time. Groaning he leapt to the next building before circling it and hopping to the next. Behind him he heard the sharp tap, tap, tapping of 's boots on the roofs behind him gaining with each step yet deprived of an angle from which she could attack from. His Spider Sense warned him of Deadpool's surprise attack, a sudden mid air teleport where the merc slung a flash bang grenade into his prey's face, allowing him to cover his vision just fast enough to avoid losing his eyesight. A second tingle let him dodge the accompanying aerial tackle opening up the way forward for him to continue his ragged escape through the skyscrapers. Cursing loudly, the merc activated his belt once again, saving himself from becoming street pizza. He reappeared next to his partner and continued his pursuit of the wall crawler with his eyes fashioned on her ass.

He managed to evade them for fifteen minutes thanks to his Spider Sense yet was unable to duck out of their eyesight long enough to give them the slip. Pulse pounding like a jack hammer Spidey was being worn down little by little, if Deadpool didn't get him then time would sap the little stamina he had left. The hero knew that anymore of this was going to futile so that left two options either fight or surrender. Neither appealed to him at all, the pursuing pair had him locked down and if he didn't have any energy to run he didn't have energy to fight. On the other hand JJ would his mortgage his entire media empire away gleefully if it meant putting him in the slammer. Money had no meaning to JJ, he would get the best lawyers, bribe the jury, and his hatred was so great the webhead wouldn't have been surprised if he bought the entire Supreme Court in his drive to put him in chains.

Rounding the next corner he came face to face with a bad situation, Times Square. He had crawled out onto the wall of a skyscraper positioned in the middle of the square; the other side was way too far away to jump to and crawling with pedestrians. Another warning ripple caused him to hop over to the next building to his right as Deadpool came swooping down from above katanas slicing the air about him. Having learned from the past few attempts the merc caught himself on a billboard using a small aerial somersault to land on the edge of it a few feet below Spider Man. "Just cause I can't decapitate you doesn't mean I can't hack off an arm or a leg" Deadpool pointed out pointing one of his katanas at the hero "Besides I like to think your foot would be a great conversational piece hanging above my mantle." Quirking an eyebrow Spider-Man slowly began to crawl sideways making sure Deadpool never left his sight.

"You have a mantle?" the webhead asked buying time "You seem more like the kinda guy with a singles pad equipped with a water bed and a stripper's pole in the living room." Deadpool swished his hand back and forth dismissively "Been there, done that. Those apartments can be really difficult to unload plus a pain to clean, good luck getting the maid to clean the stripper pole. No, now I have this really sweet pad in the suburbs with pool and a fireplace and my lawn." He gripped his head and sighed fangirlishly "My lawn is the best. No really it's the best. The neighborhood I live in runs this whole best lawn event year after year and guess who's won the blue ribbon for four years running. This guy, that's who, feel the jealousy Webs, feel the jealousy." Twirling his guns about the merc aimed at Spidey tripping the Spider Sense, he was shooting to kill.

He tensed ready to jump up when something pounded him from the back, . The thing with Spider Sense is that it could only warn the hero of impending danger but not how many impending dangers. When Deadpool shot to kill he masked the fact that was descending from above with a dropkick, a genius plan that had taken advantage of Spider-Man's overreliance on his sixth sense. The hero hit the concrete hard between a mass of people on the side walk causing a panic. Amid the confusion the CIA agent landed beside the hero whipping out a pair of handcuffs "Spider-Man I place you under arrest." The agent declared before going through his Miranda rights. By the end of them she had been joined by Deadpool as well as a giant pool of people surrounding the trio in a circle of humanity. "Holy cow! That hot chick arrested Spider-Man" someone cried out "I'm not sure how I feel about that." The crowd descended into a mass of mumbling miscellaneous chattering witheveryone trying to come up with a consensus to how they felt about the event unfolding in front of them.

"Idiots" someone called out "Spider-Man is a hero" The crowd chewed on this for a while giving Spidey a glimmer of hope that he might be saved by the masses. "Hell no, Spider-Man is a menace" someone argued back "Jay Jonah Jameson say the guy's a monster and who are we to dispute the man? Besides I lost my home to that freak's last battle with the Green Goblin. If you had never been around I wouldn't be shacking up with my parents." His raw throated roar ripped through the crowd energizing them more and more by the second. "Yeah, that creep nearly killed me during that subway battle with the Lizard." "My car got squished by him, I was about to pay it off too." "My son had to go to the hospital when he tried to web swing from a bookcase; he wants to be just like that menace."

Spider-Man sighed 'I should known better' as his hands were cuffed. Deadpool helped pull him up winking at "Mission accomplished babe!" The CIA agent ignored him as she whipped out her cell phone " here, target has been apprehended" she listened for a tick as her superior rattled off orders "Understood; we'll be there in ten minutes." Slamming it shut the agent turned to Deadpool "Headquarters has asked us to escort him to the police station in this district; they'll send a convoy to take him to the courthouse jail. Apparently his trial has been pushed to tomorrow morning." "The right to a speedy trial huh, conveniently quick if you ask me" Spider-Man grumbled as he was pushed forward. "It's my job" answered him nonchalantly "Instead of complaining about it to me you should think about whom you should hire to defend you in court."

Pushing their way through the crowd surrounding them the pair escorted him unmolested to the nearest police station where a heavily armed convoy was ready and waiting to take him to prison. In a last ditch attempt to avoid the paddy wagon Spider-Man tried to wrench the cuffs apart using his super strength only to find them quite capable of keeping him contained. "Special alloy cuffs made to contain super heroes" Deadpool pointed out handing him over to the army of SWAT members on hand "Courtesy of Stark Industries." The doors slammed shut leaving the agent and the merc alone with a few meandering policemen gossiping about how they felt about the matter. Swiveling to face her Deadpool crossed his arms "So, wanna do dinner or coffee or a movie or do you want to screw all this foreplay and just hop-"a glare froze him in his tracks. "Drop dead" she told him as she brushed past planning on returning to headquarters but the man was undeterred by the cold shoulder. "I seem to remember saving your life, doesn't that count for something?" he hopped along beside her making his points with comically exaggerated hand gestures "I know this great little Italian place nearby that serves cannoli that'll blow your mind from how good it is before you kill yourself knowing your taste buds will never be privy to eating anything like it again." No reply from , not even the smallest of lip upturns to encourage him on.

Risking his balls he slid in front of her placing both hands onto her shoulders "This is the part where you the pretty heroine says yes to the incredibly sexy protagonist who's also a god in bed." She stopped piercing him with her signature death gaze that promised emasculation in less than ten seconds if he didn't release her forcing him to resort to the worst way to ask a girl out, begging. Throwing himself down on his hands and knees he looked up at her with a pitiable gaze 'Please, please, please, go out with me. I won't even bring up sex at all." He groveled before her causing a scene which drew the eyes of pedestrians, checked phone for messages from head quarters. "Stand up" she ordered him causing him to leap up the joy emanating from his masked face "But this is not a date and if you so much say anything that could be construed as innuendo I will personally see to it you will never have children." "I'll be as prudish as a Puritan." He pledged offering his arm in a gentlemanly fashion "Shall we be off then milady?" Tentatively accepting his arm let him lead her about the town regaling her with some funny stories of his adventures with his bestest bro Cable. She politely smiled at them but as far as was concerned nothing Deadpool could say, do, or produce that could possibly spur her on romantically. Deadpool was a man-child perpetually stuck at sixteen years of his life, even having only known him for the past two hours she could read him like a book. She was a mature woman working hard to support her daughter; she didn't have the time or energy to play booty call with the guy. Still she was hungry and did love cannoli, she could bear another hour and a half or so of this rambling psycho since he was paying,

Deadpool made good on how delicious the food was, greatly enjoyed her parmesan chicken and spaghetti with alfredo sauce. The cannoli were indeed to die for forcing her to jot down the restaurant's name and location discreetly so she could return to it later, perhaps with Lauren. From appetizers to desserts Deadpool continued to invoke the sexy class clown persona pulling every juvenile stunt in the book from spewing milk from his nose to doing the whole chopsticks in your nostrils bit but with forks instead of chopsticks. It was while was finishing her last her last cannoli watching Deadpool try to pull one of the forks out of his nostrils, their waiter stood above him frowning at the man's behavior, her phone rang, a quick check of the caller I.D confirmed it was headquarters, and a bad feeling snaked it's way though her gut.

"Viper, it's HQ" one of her superiors barked "Get back here pronto, we've been infiltrated and they got the angel." "On my way" she replied completely calm standing up abruptly. "Woah, babe where you going?" the merc asked jumping up to his feat as well the metallic utensil hanging out of his nostril. Annoyed by its presence she ripped it out of his nostril "HQ called, I gotta go, thanks for the meal." She exited quickly granting Deadpool one last glimpse of her very fine ass before it disappeared into the swarm of ever present New Yorkers. Defeated he slumped back into his seat "Didn't even get her number" he moaned before a thought caused him to jerk up "She used me to get a free meal, she ditched me with the check."

He slumped down in his seat depressed at his lot in life for a brief second swirling the wine in his glass. Then a beautiful blond waitress passed where he was sulking waiting on another table. The elderly couple she was waiting on spoke in low soft tones forcing her to lean forward giving the merc a gorgeous view of her enviable tuckus. 'C who?' he thought goofily stroking his wine glass with a simmering smile on his face. As she passed he grabbed her attention with a hand wave "Excuse me beautiful" he asked suavely "I can't seem to find my waiter anywhere, would you mind looking after me instead?"

While Deadpool was working out his thirty second rebound was dashing through the crowds weaving around them with experienced ease. Her phone rang in her pocket alerting her to a second call forcing her to fumble for a second as she ducked into a slightly less crowded side street which allowed her to jet up onto the roof tops. Bringing the phone up to her ear her superiors gave her the rundown on what was happening at the HQ. With each step her eyebrows raised higher and higher, the story her superiors were telling her seemed unbelievable especially when one considered this was happening inside a CIA building. 'Why do the ends I always leave hanging seem to come back and bite me in the ass?" she thought annoyed at the whole situation. Midnight had come and gone, leaving the moon on the descending path to the horizon.

Spider-Man's problems were just beginning, Deadpool had been right on about the cuffs as no matter how he twisted and turned not a single chain weakened even the slightest bit. How in the world was he gonna hire a lawyer? No doubt they would want to know who the man behind mask was in order to defend him. That sticky situation aside he was going to have to get someone to hire a lawyer for him; the question was who he was going to call. The only person who knew he was Spider-Man was the Avengers and his wife Mary Jane. The Avengers had been splintered thanks to Civil War leaving Spider Man on the anti registration side with Captain America. Tony Stark, their former companion, had headed the pro registration side hence the hand cuffs binding his arms. With Captain America dead the imprisoned super hero didn't have anyone else's number memorized.

That left MJ who would not call no matter what; as long as he was masked he would in no way possible draw a connection between his wife and Spider-Man. There were too many villains lurking about who would love to pay back former incarcerations at his hands by going after his wife. That left one number open to him, it was listed in every phone book from here to Beijing. Silently cursing whatever deity had deemed it fit to throw him into prison Spider-Man rode the rest of the way to wherever he was being detained savoring each moment before he had to make his free call. Eventually the van came to stutter stop igniting the start of the pomp and circumstance of escorting a high profile criminal to jail. The van seemed to burst forth with heavily armed guards swarming about in controlled chaos.

Lining a narrow path up to the courthouse every single guard was focused solely on the success of this mission giving the atmosphere a charged feel. Spider-Man was lead into the building then booked putting his unique name into the system. The night staff in the courthouse had a shocked look on their face, no doubt the graveyard shift was fairly tame on the best of the days. They offered him an eye piercing jump suit that he refused and a first aid kit for his back which he accepted. A matron cleaned and gauzed the wounds on his back courtesy of the CIA agent who had brought him in, Spider-Man kept a powerful grip on his mask lest she wanted to do the honors of ousting his identity to the whole world. Then it happened, "You are entitled to one free phone call" the officer droned having done this countless times "Would you like to use it now?" Gritting his teeth Spider-Man nodded before being led to an isolated little area with an old fashioned pay phone attached to the wall.

They hadn't taken off the cuffs on him since he had arrived and even now they chose to buck protocol and have the officer dial for him as well as put the receiver to his ear. "What's the number" the officer asked placing his meaty palm on the phone. "Stark Industries" he instructed the cop trying not retch, Tony would no doubt hold this over him but he didn't have any other options. Without even needing to check the yellow pages the cop dialed the business, each button beeping in confirmation to his input. Holding the phone up to his ear the police man failed to notice the hero's hands ball into fists. "Hello, this is Stark Industries" a voice cheerfully informed him "How can I help you?" "I'd like to speak with Mr. Tony Stark, this is Spider-Man" he growled feeling defeated. The person on the line didn't reply choosing instead to patch him directly to the CEO himself.

It took a second before Tony got on the line "Parker" Tony asked the sleep on his voice evident, it soothed Spidey's nerves slightly to know that Stark hadn't been waiting near the phone knowing the hero was going to call him from the slammer. "Hi Stark" he said into the phone wrestling with his words as well as the shame "I'm…um…in the slammer." There was an abnormally long silence "Prison, you?" Tony replied sounding puzzled "Why the hell are you calling me? Last time I checked we weren't really on speaking terms." "I don't remember anyone else's phone number" Spider-Man explained to him "I need a lawyer and a good one at that." "What the hell did you do Parker" Tony asked "and how the hell did they manage to catch you?" "My biggest fan apparently managed to doctor some photos that incriminate me with starting this whole zombie invasion thing" he explained "The folks in the justice department thought this was legit enough to warrant my arrest."

"So they send Deadpool and some CIA variant of Black Widow down to kick my ass up and down main street" Spidey said while briefly debating whether to grouse about the fact it was Stark technology that was keeping him here but decided to hold his tongue in the interest of not blowing off his possible benefactor. "Alright kid, alright" Tony replied yawning "When's the trial?" "Tomorrow" Spidey said getting a grunt of interest from Stark on the other line. "JJ's really gunning for you this time huh" Tony commented "I'll have a great lawyer for you in the courtroom bright and early, I'll come too for moral support." Spider-Man's eyes widened surprised at the nonexistent sarcasm that should have been coating Stark's voice, the man was almost genial. "Thanks, I really appreciate it" he said, perhaps the fact he was calling so early in the morning was why the typical wiseass in Tony's voice was not there. "I'll alert MJ too" Tony assured him "Get a decent amount of sleep tonight Parker; we need you fresh and friendly in the morning."

After the surprisingly not cringe worthy call Spider-men signaled to his guard he was done. He was then led into one of the few cells in the courthouse which was sparsely furnished with a small cot and an adjoining toilet. The cell door was locked behind him as an entire platoon of guards stood between his cell door and the door leading out into the hallway. Silently Spider-Man laid down his cot certain the any amount of rest he was going to get would be sparse and shallow.

A/N: I'd like to give a shout out to everyone who has submitted a review to this story. It's your encouragement that keeps me going.