The company had come across a break in the woodland and with even the moon struggling to light a path, they decided to stop. A fire had been lit and the party sat down silently on the fallen logs that crisscrossed the ground and watched the flames flicker. Thorin had staggered away into the trees some time earlier, wanting to be alone in his grief. Now, far away from the camp he allowed himself to collapse to his knees, the sobs he had been holding in finally being allowed to escape. He dug his hands into the cold earth as his tears fell upon it. At last, sat alone in the dark, he felt his heart break. It broke for his loss, for his sister's loss and for Fili's loss. And a cruel loss it was. Suddenly a feeling of hopelessness washed over him, for the light in his life that brought him hope had been snuffed out. Whilst his eldest nephew embodied the stern king's strength and pride, it was Kili who embodied the hope and joy and fun and wonder in his life. Kili had embraced life for all that it was worth — the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. And Thorin had admired him for that, for the way he could laugh during the best and worst times. And it wasn't until that moment, when he felt completely hopeless and cheerless that he truly realised the value of his lost nephew's smile.
Thorin screamed a curse into the darkness and beat the side of his fist against the earth. Broken sobs shock his body that was almost doubled over, his forehead nearly touching the ground. He had known so much loss, so much tragedy and pain. His grandfather, his father and his brother. But this, this loss of his youngest nephew was like no pain he had felt before. He loved Kili dearly, he was proud of him, proud of his spirit and of his determination to be a noble heir of Durin. And Thorin never told him that. That's what pained him the most, that his nephew died without knowing how proud he made him.
"Thorin." Came a voice from beneath the shadows of the trees. Thorin wiped his eyes on his sleeve and turned to see Dwalin stood staring at him solemnly. "Are … are you alright."
"Leave me be, Dwalin." He sighed, turning away again. A twig snapped as his oldest friend took a small step forward.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about Kili. This isn't fair." Dwalin's voice was unusually soft as the warrior battled to stop it from breaking. He had seen his king mourn too many times before, bit this loss was too painful, for he too loved the lost dwarfling - though he never admitted to having favourites he always held a particular soft spot for the youngest Durin brother.
"Life has never been fair to Durin's Folk. We are plagued by death." Thorin said, staring ahead and into the blackness of the forest. "Leave me be, I wish to be alone. Please, just … just take care of Fili." There was a moment's silence, and Thorin wondered if he needed to send Dwalin away again. But then he heard the heavy footsteps disappearing back to the camp. He was alone once more. Alone with his grief and regrets.
Thirst. Hunger. Cold. That is what Kili felt as the orcs continued their march. Those feeling left him trudging along behind Azog, being pulled like a dog on a chain, in a daze. His eyes were unfocused and his ability to remain upright was failing. He could feel his legs shaking with fatigue, his limbs screaming out for rest. If the orcs continued on at this pace, he was sure they would collapse from beneath him. A wind blew down from above the trees, which were starting to lose their leaves quickly now – the moon was having next to no trouble battling through the foliage and to the ground. It most certainly felt like autumn now, this was the coldest night so far, and without his tunic and coat to protect him against the bitter chill, Kili could not prevent the shivers. His muscles stiffened as the gust blew past, it was as though there was ice in his veins instead of blood.
"Keep moving, dwarf." Gurlak snarled as Kili stumbled over a ditch in the dirt, shoving him in the back and sending him forward. Kili almost lost his footing, but regained it before receiving another stern push. He glared at the one eyed orc over his shoulder, he was tied up and being dragged like a dog and he was getting fed up of being beaten like one too. He wanted to fight back, to bark defiant retort, but he bit his tongue and said nothing. He was beginning to despise Gurlak almost as much as Azog. When, if, rescue ever came, he would gladly put an arrow through the hideous orc's one remaining eye. With that thought putting a smirk on his face, and with a final glare, he turned away and walked on.
Thorin returned to the company, who were pale and despondent and sat in an unnatural and gloomy quiet. Most could not meet his gaze, their eyes remaining firmly downcast as he appeared. He strode through camp, eyes dry once more and face impassive, and directly towards Fili who was sat between Balin and Dwalin in a numb silence. He still had Kili's bow in his hands. His face was no longer twisted in grief and he didn't sob loudly anymore, instead his expression was blank, only silent tears marking his face. Balin offered Thorin a small, force smile as he approached, but he had neither the energy nor the will to return it. Dwalin shifted to allow space for him and Thorin sank down beside his nephew, wrapping an arm around Fili's shoulder and pulling him close. Fili lay his head in the crook of his neck. Fili was trembling, Thorin could feel him shaking in his grasp, shaking not from cold but from the grief that had dragged him into a complete state of shock. He turned his head and gazed into Fili's eyes and felt his heart break. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but Thorin saw no soul in his nephew's eyes, he saw no light, he saw only empty and dark holes. The sparkle that used to be there was no more. Thorin sighed and rested his chin on top of Fili's golden hair and closed his eyes. He knew that Kili's smile was now a mere memory and in that moment he wondered if Fili's smile was too.
-AN-
This part is shorter than the others, but I hope it's just as good :) Focusing on Thorin here and his grief.
Thank you all for your kind reviews on the last two parts , I'm glad I got the emotion through.
As usual, faves, follows and (especially) reviews are very much appreciated :)
