XI. Cards
-—In which the Homunculi discover poker.


"The sergeant taught it to me—it's actually rather amusing."

"A human card game, Lust? Really?"

"Yes, it's called poker. What else are we supposed to do today? You might as well try it out, Envy."

Pride usually does his best to ignore his younger siblings' squabbles, but this one has, for some reason, piqued his interest. "Poker? Wrath's wife mentions it sometimes. She makes it sound relatively entertaining."

And it is true that they have nothing to do today. Banished to a different chamber so their Father can think, they have been given no orders, no distractions, not even a suggestion of what they could be doing. There is nobody to manipulate; there are no pressing tasks for any of them to complete... And then Lust had saved them and pulled out a deck of cards.

"Oh, the great Pride is taking interest in us lower beings?" Envy sneers, ignoring Gluttony and Sloth as they wander over, looking confused. "Figures, if it's about your dear mother—"

"I would not suggest you finish that sentence," Wrath say suddenly, glowering from his place at a nearby desk. "And I've played poker before. It's...well, a way to pass the time, at the very least."

There's a beat of silence, in which Gluttony sucks on his hand and Sloth gives a loud snore. "Well, there's no harm in trying," Lust says at last, taking out the cards with a shrug as the others crowd around into a circle.

.

.

Five minutes later, of course, everything has gone to hell.

Sloth is dead to the world, drooling all over the cards in great globs of disgustingness. Gluttony seems to have eaten his (last Pride checked, he had had a royal flush. Good thing he folded that hand.), and Envy has ruined at least ten cards by ripping them up when he lost.

None of them are very good poker players, but at least it's something that almost amuses him.

He has his shadows pooled around all of them, of course, so he knows exactly what their hands are. Lust has a full house? Fold. Highest hand is two doubles? Straight will work then. All in.

Nobody's noticed it yet...and he has to wonder if his siblings really are that stupid.

It's a pity, he thinks, that they don't have any money to bet...because he'd be mopping the floor with them if they did.

"Oi! A straight beats a flush, you bastard! Don't you try and—"

He heaves a long-suffering sigh. "No, Envy, don't be an idiot. I've played this before, and—"

"HOW IS IT THAT I LOSE EVERY DAMN HAND? Pride, what're you—"

"...Hang on a second..."

"PRIDE, YOU—"

He flashes a menacing grin, leering at his younger brother. "So you're just noticing now?" Damn, they really are more idiotic than he thought...

"AARGH!"


Timelines? What timelines?