Chapter Notes
Disclaimers: I don't own Gravity Falls
Author's Notes: Yes, finally we get to the action of this story! As always, I hope you all like it!
PS. All text messaging in this story will be in bold letters. Also, I know this is cheesy, that's the point. Something cute and funny to laugh at that gets way out of control.
This series is already completed and will be updated weekly!
(Bill's POV)
It took my Pine Tree all night to finally figure out the cube…
Of course, this left him with large bags under his eyes the next morning, and well that wouldn't be such a big problem if he didn't have school this morning!
AND THAT ISN'T EVEN THE WORSE PART!
"What do you mean he has to go to school with us?!" Pine Tree screamed.
"Dipper you are taking him with you and that's final!" Sixer snapped. "All he does when he's here is scare the tourist and ruin my experiments." He yelled as he finished his breakfast.
As usual he glares at me the whole time that he's talking about me. Classic Ford!
"So, what do you say Soos will you come back to the shack?" Shrine Hat barged into the room busily talking on the landline, because his cell phone was still missing.
'Gee I wonder where it went.'
Of course, I knew all too well where it had gone.
Now I'm sure you're probably a little confused, after all didn't Shrine Hat give the Shack to Question Mark before he left to travel the seas with his brother?
Well he did, but after 6 months on sea the Stan twins had finally captured that giant squid that was causing shipwrecks, and they came home. Of course, there was still plenty of room in the Shack, so the Stan twins moved back in. And Shrine Hat and Question Mark stuck a deal as partners, and that worked out...
For a while! But then Question Mark got married, and he and Melody had a kid; and they decided the Shack wasn't an ideal place for a young girl to be raised in. And with all the mold, and rusty nails, and the dangerous woods right outside; I don't say I blame them.
Anyways, so Question Mark moved up north to live close to Melody's family, and Shrine Hat has been trying to convince Question Mark to come back ever since.
It's pathetic really, the guy really just wants a mechanic that works cheap, and Question Mark had always been that guy.
"Come on Soos, Rose will be happy here, and now that we added an extension to the shack the three of you will have plenty of room." Shrine Hat tried his best to yell over the already loud voices of Sixer and Pine Tree.
Of course, that only made the two argue louder.
"Gruncle Ford please, if we take him, he's going to bother me all day!" My sapling complained. "Besides it's my first day at a new high school and the first time around was already bad enough!"
"Pine Tree I'm hurt, and here I thought we were the best of friends?" I joke.
My Pine Tree gives Sixer a pleading look. "Ford please-"
"No if I have to go one more second with him around, I'm going to lose it!" he said marching out of the room.
"You heard him kid." I said happily. "Looks like it's just me and you today."
"Finally, I found the perfect outfit!" Shooting Star said coming into the kitchen.
"Well it's about time." I snapped. "I had breakfast ready 30 minutes ago, and now yours is probably cold."
"Sorry Bill, but the first day is important, and a good first impression is vital!" Shooting Star told me.
"Yeah well I'd better start wearing a paper bag on my head now." Pine Tree said, somewhat defeated.
"Why?" Shooting Star asked.
"Because Ford is making us, or more specifically, me take him!" Pine Tree pointed at me accusingly.
Shooting Star gave me a threatening look "You better behave Bill, or so help me I will order you to dress up in a Toto and sing the 'I was wrong song!'"
"Why Shooting Star, I wouldn't dream of messing up my Sapling's first day." I said with a laugh. "Besides, he doesn't need me to embarrass him, he can do that himself."
Pine Tree got up from the table, walked out of the house, and marched down towards the bus stop without another word. Of course, I followed him, after all I had my orders.
"Dipper wait!" Shooting Star called after him and ran to catch up with us.
The bus pulled up seconds after we reached the bus stop, and I hid under Pine Tree's hat so no one would see me.
Okay that's a lie, I pretend to do it so no one can see me, but in reality, I just like nestling in my Sapling's hair.
Once I'm settled in the forest of brown locks, I pull out my cell phone and set to work.
I selected Pine Tree's number and text: Hey cutie and pushed enter. Then I watched the show unravel with my all seeing eye.
Pine Tree jumps as his phone vibrates in his pocket. I watch as he opens up the text and turns red as he reads it.
Pine Tree always turns red when someone calls him cute, and I for one love it when he turns red.
He looks around the bus, trying to see whose texting him, but he doesn't see the culprit. Finally, he decides to answer the text.
Pine Tree: Who is this?
I smile, practically hearing his voice crack within the message.
Me: Your secret admirer
Pine Tree goes another shade of red, and I have to stop myself from laughing so hard. After all I don't want to give myself away.
Pine Tree: my dad's a cop and if you don't tell me who you are, I'll have you arrested.
I of course knew his parents weren't law enforcement, not like it matter after all they did die in a car crash last year. It was a weak attempt to scare me off, one that might have worked.
You know if I wasn't an all seeing Demon; that is!
Me: You're lying
Pine Tree: leave me alone!
I stiffen a laugh; this was actually kind of fun. Here I could make fun of Pine Tree as much as I wanted, and he'd never know.
It was just a too perfect opportunity to pass up!
Me: so hot stuff you going to send me some pics or what?
I watched as my sapling went tomato red.
"Dipper is everything okay?" Shooting Star asked from beside him.
Pine Tree hid his phone, "It's nothing, just really hot." He said, stealing another look at his phone.
Me: oh yeah, your hot alright, so hot and ready to be-
Pine Tree squeaked softly not even bothering to finish processing that one.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Shooting Star asked, looking unsure.
"Yep, just fine." Pine Tree assured her.
Of course, I knew he would keep his mouth shut, after all he just got his new phone; and he wouldn't want it to be taken away already.
Shooting Star looked ready to press him further, but luckily for him the bus arrived at the school and the doors opened letting everyone off.
Pine Tree volts for the doors and runs inside to find his class, and to avoid further questioning from his sister.
I laugh at his frantic behavior; this was going to be more fun than I ever thought possible…
(Some Time Later...)
It took my sapling a good few minutes to calm down after our first round of texting; not that I blame him!
I needed a few seconds to get the giggles out of my system.
Of course, his panic attack didn't last long; it never does. So, I decided to crank up the tempo, after all I am trying to get his cell phone taken away...FOR GOOD! So, after he got his schedule, and managed to find his first class. I set to work again thinking: 'He's had enough time to calm down.'
At the moment My Sapling's was busy being bored out of his mind, and I couldn't blame him. The stupid teacher was lecturing on her expectations, and what she expected of her students. So basically, she was doing what every teacher did on the first day of school! And Pine Tree was practically drooling from boredom! So, I thought I'd do him a favor and give him something to do.
So, I disappeared from the classroom and set to work. My next step was simple: Send a pic of me naked to Pine Tree.
Easy enough, there's just one problem...I'm a Triangle!
So, I needed to make myself a human body, you know something original that my sapling could drool over instead of a boring lecture. Sure, I could surf the web for a pic of some random good looking guy, but then my sapling would drool over him; and not me!
And that just wasn't going to fly!
So, I picked a decent spot outside in the school yard under a big oak tree and got to work.
Now I bet you're curious about how I plan to make my own meat sack form. Well it's actually pretty simple, you see since I still have my physical form, I can shape shift into whatever I want. That's right, no more making shady deals for me! All I have to do now is shift my body into the perfect human form that has everything Pine Tree likes in a man, and nothing he doesn't.
It took me a good few minutes, but in the end, I was able to pull it off.
I pulled out my phone and used the camera as a mirror so I could identify any mistakes in my image. Short blond hair, two golden eyes, tan skin, and the perfect six pack; yep everything Pine Tree likes.
And absolutely nothing that he doesn't!
I made the phone hover in the air several feet back so my sapling would have a full body view, then once I took the picture I press send.
After that all I had to do was return to my normal form, settle back down in Pine Tree's hair; and watch the events unfold.
As always Pine Tree jumped as the vibration of the phone startles him…AGAIN!
He pulls it out and sneaks a peak while trying to keep it hidden under the desk. However, what he sees makes him almost drop his phone entirely.
I smile and add a two worded text for good measure.
Me: Your Turn ;)
Pine Tree turns so red that I think it might be a new shade that's never been witnessed before. I try my best to stay quiet as I snicker to myself.
THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!
Pine Tree: I'm telling on you!
I laugh at the text knowing good, and well that it's just another admit to scare me off. Unfortunately for him it's not going to work.
Me: Bet you won't
Pine Tree: Will too
Me: Okay let's make a bet if you tell in the next 5 mins I'll stop. If not, you have to send me a pic of you naked deal?
I didn't have to wait for Pine Tree's answer.
Pine Tree: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Me: Nope!
Pine Tree: Who is this!
Me: I told you
Pine Tree: What do you want from me?
Me: I told you that too!
Pine Tree: I'M NOT SENDING YOU NAKED PICS OF ME!
Me: Why not?
Pine Tree: It's sick!
Me: Come on I know good and well you're into this stuff.
Pine Tree turns red again, though I know embracement is only part of the equation now. Oh yeah, he was pissed!
Pine Tree: I am not!
Me: I've seen your internet History babe
I smiled; this was really entertaining. 'Wait…wasn't there a point to all of this?' I shrug the thought away and continued my written assault.
Me: Oh, come on, I bet you're sexy under all those baggy clothes.
Pine Tree: How do you know my clothes are baggy? Are you stalking me?!
Me: No, I'm just watching everything you do.
Pine Tree: You're stalking me!
Me: What are you going to do about it? Tell your teacher?
Pine Tree: Maybe I will!
Me: I doubt it.
Suddenly the bell rings, causing my precious sprout to jump ten feet in the air; scattering the books from his desk all over the floor.
Pine Tree groaned. "Can today get any worse?" he asked.
"What's the problem kid?" I ask popping out of his hat.
"Some jerk got my phone number and won't stop bugging me with text." Pine Tree groaned as he started picking up his things.
I froze for a moment, surprised that my Pine Tree was being so openly honest with me; usually he avoids my attempts to be concern. But I quickly regain my composure and press him for more answers.
After all I am supposed to be innocently clueless. "So, what does this jerk want?" I ask.
"It's nothing really," Pine Tree said nervously. "I just want him to leave me alone."
"About?" I pressed for more knowing the kid would break eventually.
"He wants me to send pics of myself…naked." he whispered blushing.
I burst into a fit of laughter; I just couldn't help it; he was so darn cute!
"What's so funny?" Pine Tree screamed.
"Well it sounds like you got yourself a classic Phone Stalker situation." I say through my laughs.
"A what?" Pine Tree looks at me unsure, I roll my eye.
"Kid he's messing with you, he's picking on you, because he thinks you won't do something about it." I told him as if it was obvious.
"So, what do I do?" Pine Tree asked. "If I tell someone they'll take away my cell phone for evidence!"
"Then handle it yourself." I told him, telling him what he wanted to hear.
"How?"
"Well ignoring him isn't going to work, so I say you fight fire with fire." I advised.
Now I know what you're thinking…
"Bill, I thought you wanted him to get his phone taken away?"
And I do, the thing is I don't really expect Pine Tree to try and get even, I expect him to do the right thing like he always does and tell a teacher.
"So, you say I should do as he says and send a picture of me unclothed!" Pine Tree screeched.
"Either that are tell the principle that some Phone Stalker is harassing you." I said the obvious.
"Bill if I do that I'll be labeled for life!" Pine Tree complained. "Especially if they find out my Stalker is a guy!"
"Sorry kid those are your choices." I told him trying not to laugh.
"Can't you just beat them up for me?" Pine Tree asked.
"Believe me kid I would if I could, but Ford's curse strictly keeps me from hurting any human in less there is no alternative, and it is a life or death situation." I reminded him.
"But it is life or death!" Pine Tree whined. "He could kidnap me and kill me!"
"But you can avoid all that by doing the alternative, which in this case is telling an adult." I argued.
"But I just got my phone!" Pine Tree reasoned, unfortunately for him he was preaching to the quire.
"Those are your choices Pine Tree…" I said sighing.
Pine Tree grew red with anger. "I can't believe I actually thought you'd help me out!" he marched out of the room.
I stayed behind knowing that once he cooled down, he'd come to his senses, and realize I was right. I pulled out my phone chuckling silently this was a lot easier than I thought it would be.
Unfortunately for me, however I spoke a little too soon, you see I was far too busy relishing in my victory that I didn't hear Pine Tree walk back I the room.
(Dipper's POV)
"I forgot my-" I froze mid step into the doorway as I see Bill with a…cell phone?
'Isn't that Gruncle Stan's Phone?' I asked myself curiously. Yes, it was I'd remember that phone anywhere, after all it was kind of hard to forget a phone that was literally rubbed into you face the moment it was bought.
'But why would Bill have Stan's phone?'
I watched as he texted something into it and press send, and when my phone vibrated seconds later I couldn't help but get a sickening feeling.
'Was Bill my phone stalker?'
I backed way and let the door close quietly and ran down the hall and into the boy's bathroom.
'It can't be him; Bill wants me to tell on the guy so it will stop. Why would he want it to stop if it was him?'
I lock myself into a stall and called Ford, I needed some answers. "Yeah who is it?" Ford's voice came from my phone.
"Ford it's me" I whispered.
"Dipper is everything okay? Why are you whispering?" Ford asked.
"I'm in the restroom." I answered. "Listen Ford how did Bill feel about me getting a phone?"
"He hated it, said it was a bad idea cause of phone stalkers and all that bull; you know how possessive he is." Ford answered.
'Phone Stalker's? IT IS BILL!' I grew hot with anger. 'That stupid Dorito he's trying to get my phone taken away! When I get my hands on him, I'll-'
"Dipper is everything alright?" Ford asked.
"Oh yeah everything is fine." I lied.
"Is he causing trouble?" Ford ask.
"Trust me it's nothing I can't handle." I assured him.
Ford sighed. "Alright just don't make it worse." He ordered.
"Okay well I got to go to class now." I lied again.
"Aright bye." Ford said.
"Bye." I said hanging up, clenching my hands into fist.
'So, Bill wants to me to tell on him so my phone will get taken away uh?' I asked myself. I started taking off my clothes at the thought.
"Well sorry Bill but I pick choice number two." I whispered as I took the picture, and pressed send.
"It's time we fight fire with fire…."
Chapter End Notes
Thanks for reading the next chapter will be up soon. Until then this is...
Emily signing off :)
