Secrets Kept
I want to skip ahead a couple chapters so badly! Can't wait to start posting the good stuff that's coming up! But this chapter is rather important for Gary so… yeah. This was not the easiest chapter to write. Apparently it's difficult to write queer mentors when you've never had one! Is that a spoiler?
The first part of this chapter (by that, I mean most of it) was supposed to be part of the last chapter but… well. I had to cut it somewhere. I was going to leave it at a cliffhanger but it would have been too long and I wanted to post something! The cliffhanger is still in here, but it's only gonna leave you hanging until the next paragraph. This got long and a few scenes had to be bumped to the next chapter. The good news is, that one's like half-written at this point!
Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The first few days on the water passed by somewhat uneventfully, for Gary at least. The professors took the lead and Gary spent much of his time simply recording data and taking photos. He didn't mind this in the slightest - he knew the professors would let him jump in whenever he was ready and that they wouldn't expect or pressure him to do so before then. It gave him the chance to ease back into it. Between the professors' support and Tracey's daily reassurances, he was soon enough back to completing the measurements and tissue samples just as he had over summer.
There had been some trepidation at first, but Gary stubbornly pushed through it, absolutely refusing to allow that anxiety to consume him the way his struggles in the last few years had consumed him. He hung back the first few times Birch went in the water, the conditions a little less than ideal each time: the sharks were too large for comfort, the sharpedoes a little too feisty, the water too rough, his nerves a touch too high in general.
But then, just as he was starting to get comfortable with the sharpedo work and just as he was starting to consider joining Birch in the water, they headed back to land. There was a storm system heading their way and it was safer to wait the weather out on land rather than in a small research boat.
"We won't be able to do any work anyway," Birch had said, sounding rather down as he looked over the radar forecast. "Might as well spend some time at the lab while it passes."
Slightly disappointed by the change in plans, Gary spent the two rainy days on land alternating between reading and drawing. There wasn't much for him to help with in Birch's lab - the data collected thus far wasn't enough to properly analyze and Birch didn't house near the amount of pokemon as the Pallet lab. He had helped where he could but had plenty of time to himself and was outside exploring as soon as the rain passed.
He was debating on which trail to take to the nearby cove when Professor Ivy's voice drifted over. "Ah, there you are! I was hoping I would find you out here."
Gary turned from the branching pathway he had been deciding between to see her approaching from the docks, her arms full of what appeared to be a bundle of beach towels and water bottles. She was smiling her usual serene smile but was walking with purpose towards one of the large storage sheds nearby. Something was going on.
"What are we doing?" he asked, immediately abandoning the idea of wandering along the mangrove trails in favor of whatever the professor was up to.
"We're going kayaking," she explained as she reached the shed and unlocked it.
"You and Birch?" Gary asked from just outside the door.
She shook her head with a small laugh as she passed him two paddles. "No, silly - you and me! You'll love the mangrove forest, it's beautiful from the water."
Gary grinned and leaned the paddles against the wall. "Okay," he agreed easily, seeing absolutely no reason to decline - he liked kayaking after all, and he rarely got a chance to do it.
It only took a few minutes to get the kayaks down from the racks in the shed and to drag them over to the launch point near the docks. They were on the water in no time, with Professor Ivy taking the lead as they paddled through a wide canal lined with mangroves. The branches arched out over the waterway, with colorful air plants scattered across them and the occasional bird perched on the higher branches. The roots formed complex mazes in the water and Gary could see countless small fish swimming through them. It was quiet, peaceful, and, though Gary wouldn't quite agree with Ivy's description of beautiful, it was certainly enchanting in its own way. There was something to be seen everywhere he looked and he found himself frequently pausing in his paddling, letting the current pull his kayak along as he peered up at the different critters and plants around him.
"I'll go ahead," Ivy called over her shoulder as they steered down a narrower channel, "that way I can get any spider webs out of the way."
A small wave of apprehension swelled within Gary but he quickly pushed it away, though he still frowned as he paused in paddling. "You never said anything about spiders."
"Yes, they're quite large and spin their webs across the channels. It's actually rather beautiful… until you paddle into one." She laughed, shooting a grin over her shoulder.
Gary couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Great…" he grumbled under his breath but continued paddling nonetheless.
Ivy's laugh drifted from ahead of him. "You'll be fine," she called back. "Trust me."
Although he was now significantly more wary than he had been only a moment earlier, Gary refused to let that take away from the trip. Fortunately, he was warned any time there was a spider web coming up by Professor Ivy raising her paddle, breaking through the lowermost strands of the massive webs that strung across their path. They were actually quite pretty with the afternoon sunlight catching the strands, making them glimmer between the mangrove branches.
And Gary only needed one glance to confirm that, yes, she had also been right about their size. They were indeed very large with long spindly legs and brightly colored abdomens - fascinating, honestly - but way too large for comfort. Were one to fall into his kayak he was sure his reaction would be humiliating and would ultimately end with his kayak flipped and him in the water.
Fortunately, that wasn't a problem and, after a few turns, they found themselves at the mouth of a wider channel that opened into a cove.
Ivy stopped paddling and waited for Gary to catch up. "Told you you'd be fine," she smiled as he pulled up next to her. "The salt flats here have all sorts of critters. You never know what you'll find."
They spent some time exploring with Ivy letting Gary lead them for a bit. They found plenty of fish swimming around shallow rock formations, as well as an octillery that wasn't very happy to have been spotted, and a few pelipper that floated lazily atop the water. It was nothing spectacular, but it was a nice change of pace after being confined to a boat for several days and then being stuck inside while it stormed for a few more days. It was certainly an enjoyable way to pass the day and expend some restless energy.
It was as they were taking a brief break from paddling, just letting their kayaks drift in the current, when Gary realized exactly why Ivy had invited him out. The conversation had started casually enough, just talking about pokemon and what they had seen on this little outing, but it didn't flow quite the usual way conversation did with her. Every so often she would touch on a particular topic very briefly, drop it quickly and then circle back around to it.
It started with a casual mention of the mangroves being a shark nursery of sorts. There was some brief talk about a small shark that they paddled past as it chased some fish around some rocks, and then there was a comment or two about the upcoming sharpedo work. It was when Ivy mentioned paddleboarding and how she thought he might like it being sort of like a combination of kayaking and surfing that Gary figured out what she was building up to.
He was quiet for a moment as he resigned himself to the knowledge that she was going to attempt to talk to him about the shark incident back in Pallet. In hindsight, he probably should have seen it coming.
He sighed and absently fiddled with his paddle. "You want to talk about the shark, don't you?" he asked bluntly.
He actually wasn't terribly bothered by it, now that she was bringing it up - or perhaps there was some part of him that was just fed up with hiding things. Either way, he didn't feel like spending the energy trying to deflect her interest. He was the one who had brought it up back at the lab in the first place, and Ivy - though far more patient than Birch - was absolutely no less stubborn than either Gary or Birch. If she wanted to get him to talk about something, she would certainly find a way over the next few weeks.
The professor glanced over at him, clearly a bit surprised by him calling her on it. "You always did catch on fast," she observed. She was quiet for a moment before speaking slowly, as though she were carefully considering her words. "You're holding back," she said, jumping straight to the chase. "I understand you're nervous, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you're still holding back. Don't think I haven't seen you eyeing the scuba gear. You jumped right back into the tissue samples as if no time had passed, and I see how you want to do more, but you keep stopping yourself." She paused long enough to look over and meet Gary's eyes. "I can't help but think there's maybe a little more there that needs to be talked out... Have you talked to anyone about the attack since it happened?"
She wasn't wrong by any means. Gary hesitated, his gaze following a pair of wingull flying overhead. "Not really," he admitted after a moment. "A little with Tracey that night, but that's it."
"That's not much… It must have been scary."
Gary snorted at what must have been the greatest understatement he had ever heard. "I had nightmares for a week after," he said, rolling his eyes in an attempt to play it off as nothing.
But Ivy apparently saw right through this. "Only a week?" she asked, sending him a disbelieving glance.
Caught, Gary hesitated once more. "More like a month," he admitted quietly after a moment.
She nodded as though that was exactly the answer she had expected. "Where were you when it happened?"
Gary sighed again, not eager to think about it but still cooperating rather than being stubborn. "On my board next to him."
Ivy turned to him quite suddenly with a shocked expression so unlike her laid-back demeanor that Gary briefly wondered what he had said wrong to get that reaction from her. "How close were you?"
Gary eyed the distance between the two kayaks and had to suppress a shudder at the memory - it had been way too close that day, but he couldn't change that and so he wasn't going to dwell on it. "Closer than you are right now."
Professor Ivy stared at him for a moment, her expression only growing more shocked at this information. "When I was a little girl," she started quietly after a minute, "there was a bad shark attack at the next island over. I didn't go in the water for almost a year after that. I was a little surprised you didn't sit this one out. It really hasn't been long since it happened - and you were so close to it! That must have been terrifying!"
Though Gary appreciated the concern, it wasn't entirely necessary. It had been scary, of course, but now it was nothing more than some nerves. He could handle the anxiety, especially with the surprising amount of support he had been receiving. "You didn't expect me to back out just because I got a little scared, did you?" It would have taken a lot more than an injured - and now largely recovered - friend to stop him from coming. He would have thought that anyone who had known him for as many years as Ivy had would know that.
"Gary, this isn't something that would make someone a little scared. A lot of people would be traumatized."
"But I'm not," he pointed out calmly. It wasn't an argument, it was true. The nightmares had passed and his friend was alive and well. Maybe he had been a little traumatized soon after, but spending time at the hospital while Wyatt recovered had certainly helped. "I'm just nervous. I'm getting there, it's just taking a little longer than I thought it would."
Ivy watched him quietly for a moment. "You know you can tell people when something's bothering you, right?"
The number of times he had heard May and Tracey, and even his grandfather, say those words over the last year… He couldn't help but laugh a bit. "I did," he reminded her, "with you guys and with Tracey, and it helped. I'm okay, it's just taking some time to jump in the water again. I'll get there."
Perhaps it was because Tracey had been telling him that over and over again ever since their conversation at the harbor, but after being on the boat and working with the sharpedoes again, he knew without a doubt that he would be right back to it soon enough. One thing he was quickly learning was that when Tracey suggested patience as a solution to a problem, he was usually right. He would get there eventually - likely sooner rather than later - but it would just take some time… just as coming to terms with being gay had.
"I'm glad," Ivy replied honestly, though there was something in her tone that told him something was going unsaid.
"You still think I'm downplaying it, don't you?"
"Yes." She said it so quickly that Gary couldn't help but laugh again. "I believe you when you say you're okay," she quickly clarified, "but I also remember how worried your grandfather and sister were last year, when you kept saying you were okay, but clearly were not."
Gary sighed as he felt a tiny bit of guilt creep in, as it frequently did whenever he thought about that year spent in the tiny high school in Pallet and how very much he had argued with his friends and family. The way he had felt had scared him at times and he couldn't imagine how it must have felt for May and his grandfather to see him act so differently from normal, to know that something was wrong, and to be entirely unable to help because of his refusal to talk to anyone but Tracey about it. He didn't want to think about how bad it could have been if he hadn't had Tracey and his immense patience and empathy.
"I was dealing with a lot then," he reminded her. He wasn't trying to placate her or excuse his own guilt or anything of the sort. It was the truth, and it was something he could easily admit to someone else, even if he couldn't stomach the thought of telling someone what exactly he had been dealing with. Another thought occurred to him, one that had popped up a time or two before, especially while Wyatt had been in the hospital. "Honestly, I'm just glad it happened when it did and I was actually there to help," he admitted. "I hadn't planned on being there. It was pure luck that Tracey had offered to cover for me in the lab so I could hang out with my friends - and if it happened before summer..."
"Was he the one you were getting into fights with?"
Gary grimaced: the fighting was a detail he didn't need his mentors knowing about. "Grandpa told you?"
"He was worried and needed someone to talk to." She shot him another one of her kind smiles. "He'd known that I had troubles when I was your age and wanted my advice. He asked me what I wished the adults in my life had done for me."
That guilt crept back in and Gary found himself falling silent for a long moment before his curiosity won out. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him to give you space and to trust you, and I reminded him that sometimes in life the most important growth happens in darkness." She met his eyes briefly, giving an understanding smile before pulling ahead in her kayak to lead the way back towards the mangroves.
Suddenly unable to reply, Gary looked down at the water and bit his lip. It was amazing how something so small could have such an effect. He felt that little bit of guilt rise up again but, looking back, he could see where his grandfather had followed her advice. Being trusted to continue working in the lab and being given more responsibilities there despite his less than stellar behavior had been one of the things that kept him going at the time. Gary knew that his grandfather cared about him and loved him but, overwhelmed as he had been at the time, he hadn't been able to see much past the lectures and reprimands. The fact that his grandfather, one of the most respected pokemon professors around, had been worried enough to go to his younger colleagues for advice hit him hard. He really hadn't made things easy for his grandfather at all.
He couldn't help but wonder if it would have helped to hear Ivy's words back then. Would he have been stubborn and irritable, scoffing at the poetic idea of growth in darkness? Or would it have given him a sense of hope, like a light at the end of a long dark tunnel? He had a feeling it might have been the latter, if the way it was hitting him right now was anything to go by.
He tried to blink back the burning in his eyes but he felt a few tears escape anyway. He lowered his head in an attempt to hide it, even though Ivy was ahead of him and therefore wouldn't see. Before he could reach to wipe them away, there was a splash of water between the two kayaks and he gave a startled yelp as he received a faceful of salt water.
Ivy turned her head to give him another smile and a sly wink as she dipped her paddle into the water, as though she hadn't just intentionally splashed him in the face.
She'd known he would have that response, he realized. How, he didn't know, but she'd known and she had given him an out. Gary shot her a tiny grateful smile and reached for his towel, taking a moment to wipe his face.
… … …
Soon enough, they were back on the boat. It took a few more days but finally, the weather was beautiful, the water was calm, and Gary was starting to get bored with staying on the boat. He'd worked with enough of the sharpedoes to be nearly as comfortable with them as he had been at the end of his time at Valencia over summer and he was itching to get in the water. Part of that may have had something to do with Wyatt's relentless texts bugging him to tell him about all of the creatures he had seen in the water. The other teen seemed to have a hard time believing that Gary had stayed out of the water thus far - either that or he was intentionally annoying Gary to goad him into getting in. The latter was probably more likely, and that was the thing that had Gary impatiently tapping his fingers on the edge of the boat while Professor Birch looked over the diving gear on this slow but beautiful afternoon.
They hadn't seen much all morning - the wingull and pelipper weren't even particularly plentiful today, which meant the fish weren't plentiful either, which made for a lack of predators and a lack of sharpedoes for tagging. After an uneventful morning going from location to location without any avail, Professor Ivy had suggested heading towards a reef that wasn't far away. Birch had agreed and now they were anchored next to a reef teeming with fish. The water was crystal clear and Gary could see straight to the bottom from his spot at the side of the boat.
"You're looking restless, Gary," Birch observed, shooting him a quick smile, which Gary easily returned.
"Just wondering if we're actually getting in the water anytime soon."
Professor Ivy's quiet laugh drifted down from the elevated bridge where she had been steering the boat and Birch's smile morphed into a grin. He reached over to lift the lid to the nearby bench, revealing an assortment of flippers atop the stowed dive vests.
"The green ones are yours," Birch explained, pulling out a few pairs and passing one to Gary. They were the same ones he had preferred to use back in the Orange Islands and knowing that the professors had remembered and brought them along for him filled him with warmth. Gary paused, looking down at the fins with a tiny smile. It was such a small thing but, after feeling for so long that everyone around him was either oblivious to or just didn't care about his struggles, it felt relieving.
But Birch was still talking, oblivious to the fact that such a small detail had briefly short-circuited Gary's brain. "I was thinking snorkels for this reef - it's pretty shallow."
Gary glanced over the side of the boat again, frowning slightly. It wasn't that shallow, and snorkeling wasn't Birch's preferred method and Gary knew that. Still, it meant less equipment to mess with and Gary couldn't find any reason to complain about that. His gaze drifted over the reef, taking in the sight of the wildlife over it. There were plenty of fish with a few fish-like pokemon mixed in, and he could just barely make out the outline of a starmie on the sandy floor between the rock and coral formations. More important at the moment: there were no sharpedoes or sharks to be seen. The water was calm and the reef, while full of life, was peaceful.
It was the sort of scene he had loved since his first time experiencing it - years before becoming a trainer, on his first trip to the Orange Islands with his grandfather and sister. The person who had taught him how to snorkel was the very same person who stepped up the side of the boat next to him with a gentle smile.
"You've got this," Professor Ivy said, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing softly.
Gary nodded, flashing her a confident grin that came far more naturally than it had ever since he had returned to Pallet. "Yeah," he agreed, but before he could say anything else, the text alert on his phone sounded from his pocket. He rolled his eyes, fully prepared to give Wyatt a friendly 'fuck off' for the third time that day but still grateful that his friend had reminded him of his phone being on him before he jumped in the water.
Professor Ivy laughed gently and took the fins from him. "Go ahead," she said, clearly amused. She and Birch had both seen the brotherly bickering back and forth between them for the last few days.
Gary gave her a grateful smile and hurried off to stow his phone below deck, opening up the text messages as he went. He paused briefly, pleasant surprise overtaking him when he saw that it wasn't Wyatt who had texted him at all - it was Tracey.
The message was a sketch of the duck pond at home, complete with several of the golducks and psyducks enjoying their water, along with a smiley face emoji. He couldn't help but smile. He knew Tracey was being cheeky with the water scene - he had probably been hearing much of Wyatt's end of it with the blonde teen helping out at the lab - but the thing with Tracey's cheekiness was that he was still kind and gentle with it, rather than annoying. Not for the first time, Gary felt a rush of gratitude for his boyfriend's kindness and patience. He always seemed to know what to say or do.
Gary wished he had time to draw his own scene to send back, but he could do that later. For now he focused on what Tracey had told him back at the harbor and everything the professors had told him since that conversation they'd had.
He hesitated before texting back, briefly torn between wanting to tell Tracey that he was about to confront this anxiety and not wanting to seem clingy or in need of some sort of reassurance. Finally he gave in and quickly texted back.
- getting ready to go snorkeling -
He tossed his phone on his bunk, careful to avoid hitting Umbreon, who was sleeping atop the covers. Just as he was turning to head back upstairs, the text alert sounded again, and then another two times in quick succession. He saw Tracey's name flash on the screen from the corner of his eye and immediately turned back to scoop the phone up.
- have fun-
- remember it's ok to be nervous -
- you can do this -
Unprepared for the sweet words of support, Gary paused again, biting his lip against the smile forming as he reread the messages. He quickly typed back thanks but hesitated before sending it, his finger hovering over a particular emoji that was only ever used with May - sparingly at that - and only because she used it so often.
"Gary! Come on, sunlight's wasting!" Professor Birch called down the stairs.
"I'm coming!" Gary called back over his shoulder.
He added the image and hit send before he could rethink it, quickly tossing his phone back on the bed and hurrying back to the boat deck. He was allowed to send Tracey a heart emoji when he was feeling particularly grateful for his boyfriend and he absolutely was not going to overthink that. Not when he had better things to do than be anxious - he had spent far too much time dealing with that particular emotion.
Before he knew it, he was sitting on the dive platform at the back of the boat, his mask resting atop his head while he tugged on his fins. Blastoise was swimming a short distance from the boat, waiting patiently for his trainer to join him and Birch, who had already jumped in. Professor Ivy caught Gary's eye from her position at the railing and gave him a smile that he easily returned before adjusting his mask and slipping into the water.
The cool quiet of the ocean took over his senses and slowly the tension began to slip away. Blastoise stayed nearby, keeping close to his trainer while clearly enjoying being able to swim in open water. Gary found himself being wary of every small movement in his periphery at first but Blastoise seemed to notice and stayed closer to his side until he relaxed enough to dive deeper and begin exploring the reef further and further from the protection of his pokemon. The reef was beautiful under the water with wildlife everywhere to be seen, but it wasn't the easiest to explore with just a mask and snorkel. He would normally dive down and explore the rock formations but after being out of the water for so many months, Gary was finding very quickly that he couldn't hold his breath near as long as he used to. It wasn't long before he was considering suggesting dive gear to Birch.
But not long after, Birch swam up alongside him and gave the thumbs up symbol - meaning to surface. Fairly certain that he knew what Birch was going to ask him once they were above the water, Gary obediently headed towards the surface.
Birch surfaced next to him with a grin as he pulled up his mask and rested it atop his head. "So? Ready for tanks and a regulator?"
Gary nodded and pushed his mask up as well. "Let's do it!"
"There we go! Good to have you back!" Birch put his mask and snorkel back into place before diving back under and making his way towards the boat.
Laughing a bit at the reply, Gary repositioned his own mask and snorkel and followed the professor back towards the boat. Blastoise followed and surfaced next to Gary near the dive platform where he floated lazily, waiting for his trainer to return to the water. Professor Ivy was already waiting for them with two dive vests already set up with their air tanks and regulators. She helped Gary into his with a bright smile and a reassuring pat on the shoulder that he didn't need but appreciated nonetheless.
He was back in the water in no time, and with the first pull of air from the regulator came a sense of calm. Now able to explore freely without having to worry about air, Gary descended down to the ocean floor and settled briefly between some of the rock formations, just as he had done so many times over summer in the Orange Islands. He took a moment to breathe and stare around him in wonder before deciding where to explore first.
Between eels poking their heads out of the coral, schools of fish circling the reef, a corphish scuttling about the sandy bottom, and the school of mantine that kept passing by, Gary was far too occupied to even think about being anxious. Swimming from formation to formation without having to surface made the time pass differently - simultaneously standing still in this underwater world and speeding past as he explored. It felt like no time had passed when he glanced down at his dive gauge and saw how much air he had used - it would be time to surface soon.
Then, in the distance, Gary caught sight of a familiar outline. A swell of nerves filled him as he saw the sinuous glide of an approaching shark but he took a deep breath and released it slowly as he tracked the movement of the creature. It was just a small reef shark, posing no real threat to anything larger than a small fish, but he felt the need to keep his eye on it until it was gone. Suddenly, the sunlight filtering through the water was blocked by a large shadow but as Gary glanced up, he saw that it was only Blastoise coming in closer, likely sensing his nerves.
Fortunately the shark swam past without a care for Gary or his pokemon.
Gary breathed out a sigh of relief, allowing himself to relax again and continue his exploring. Birch caught his eye from a short distance away and gave him a hand signal asking him if he was okay. Gary nodded but was quickly distracted by another animal - a sea turtle who had approached from some distant rock formations and was now investigating Blastoise, who seemed quite interested in the other creature as well. He had to stifle a laugh as his pokemon and the animal circled each other curiously. He hadn't had a chance to see this side of his starter in months - likely longer - and, despite the guilt he felt about that, Gary was thrilled to see it now.
Before long it was time to wrap up their dive and head to the surface. Once above the water, Gary was surprised to see just how far the sun had moved in the sky - it was getting low in the sky and he knew the sky would soon be streaked with reds and oranges as the sun set. Just how long had they been in the water? They had gotten in a bit later in the afternoon but he didn't think they had been in that long. Had the professors decided to put off all research for the afternoon just to let him swim?
He supposed it had been a slow day, so maybe they had just decided it was more worthwhile to take the afternoon off. Either way, Gary couldn't complain. He'd been given the chance to take his time and go about things at his own pace and, for that, he was grateful. The professor's didn't need to do that, but they did it anyway.
Professor Ivy was grinning when Gary reached the boat. "How was it?" she asked as he handed her his fins.
"It was great," he replied, easily returning her grin as he passed her his mask and clambered up onto the dive platform. "Did you see that sea turtle?"
She nodded, still smiling as she helped him out of the dive vest. "I sure did! Did you make a new friend, Blastoise?" she asked, turning to the pokemon who had just surfaced next to Birch.
Blastoise grumbled agreeably, looking happier than Gary had seen him in some time.
Gary reached out to pat his starter's head. "We'll do it again tomorrow if there's no sharks, okay, bud?" he assured the pokemon. He was already looking forward to the next dip in the water.
"Absolutely!" Birch agreed enthusiastically as he rested his mask atop his head. "Maybe we can even convince Philena to get in!"
"We'll see how I feel tomorrow," Ivy replied.
It was then that Gary realized she had been a bit more reserved than usual the few days that they had been back on the boat and hadn't been in the water. "Is everything okay?" he asked curiously.
"Oh yes," she waved off the concern with a reassuring smile. "Just a quirk of biology - it'll pass."
He was confused for a moment before it clicked. "Oh!" He hesitated briefly - he was used to seeing May doubled over in pain during her 'quirk of biology'. "Do you want me to do that?" he offered.
Ivy shook her head and laughed it off easily. "No, you go ahead and rinse off," she suggested, setting about disconnecting the gauges and regulator from his tank and dive vest. "We'll get the gear taken care of. Take your time."
He was tempted to help anyway but eagerness to warm up after being in the water without a wetsuit won out and Gary quickly headed below deck. With limited freshwater onboard, getting to rinse off the saltwater was a bit of a luxury and it wasn't one that Gary was about to pass up.
After quickly rinsing off and changing into his most comfortable jeans and a hoodie, he retrieved his phone from his bunk and sank into a seat in the kitchenette as he checked for missed messages. There were several from Tracey, May, and Wyatt each. Saving the best for last, he quickly read and replied to his sister and friend before turning his attention to the sketches and updates from his boyfriend.
The number of sketches and pictures from Tracey was a testament to just how much time he had been in the water. It felt like no time had passed, but in all of the pictures Tracey had sent - Pele the ponyta running in the field, his nidoking and nidoqueen grazing with some of the grass types, his fearow looking curiously down from her perch on a tree branch - the sunlight was different in each one. What had felt like nothing to Gary had been an entire afternoon of work for his boyfriend back home. That wasn't even considering the sketches he had sent - it must have been a smooth day at the lab with the number Tracey had managed to complete. Gary tried not to get too distracted looking over Tracey's work but he quickly found himself staring at each picture, picking out as many little details as he could. It had become his favorite part of Tracey sending him sketches.
It wasn't until Umbreon nudged him with her nose that he finally remembered to reply to his boyfriend's messages.
- well the good news is i actually listened for once -
Tracey's reply came barely a moment later.
- that's great! -
- what's the bad news? -
Gary paused, having not thought of that possible response. There was no bad news - everything had gone perfectly fine and he felt calm and excited all at once. For once there was a moment where nothing was wrong and he could breathe freely and be himself. It made him look all the more forward to the remaining two weeks of this trip and all of the swimming and diving that came with it.
- there is none :p -
There was a brief pause before -
- that's even better -
- tell me about snorkeling -
Gary smiled and settled deeper into the corner of the breakfast nook, relaxing as he told his boyfriend about the shark and the mantines, and the sea turtle that had been fascinated by Blastoise.
Tracey let him ramble on about everything he had seen, occasionally interjecting with a quick reply but otherwise just letting him talk about everything and anything. Gary was certain he was in the middle of his evening drawing session back in Pallet but Tracey seemed to like listening to him while he drew, if the many conversations they'd had while he was working in his sketchbook were anything to go by.
- see anything else interesting? - Tracey asked just as Gary was running out of things to tell him.
Gary wracked his brain for any details he had missed but couldn't think of anything. - i think that's it -
- good because i'm running out of room -
A picture came through a moment after, confirming Gary's suspicion. It was one of the drawings that Tracey liked doing in his nighttime sessions - a large scene absolutely overflowing with details. This time it was an underwater scene with a reef and so many creatures that Gary had to wonder just how Tracey had managed to squeeze them all in. It seemed he had been adding details as Gary described them and Gary was impressed by just how fast Tracey had managed to incorporate them.
The focal point of the drawing was Blastoise with his sea turtle friend while a school of mantine spiraling about a taller coral formation quickly brought his attention to the other side of the sketch. Fish were intermixed with the mantine, along with a few seaking and remoraid. As his eyes moved over the full page, he saw every creature he had described to Tracey - the eels in the rocks, the starmie and corphish on the bottom, corsola and qwilfish scattered about here and there. Even the reef shark that had swam past was there as a silhouette in the background.
It was such a Tracey thing to do and he had done it so many times that Gary was starting to think this was the way Tracey showed appreciation… except that wasn't quite the word. Affection might have been closer, but that didn't feel right either. Either way, being the recipient of two detailed drawings, plus a handful of sketches, in one day clearly meant something. Gary felt a fluttery sensation in his stomach - not anxiety or nerves, for once - that was accompanied by a gentle sort of happiness. It was a little strange, but not unwelcome.
The text alerts for Tracey's next two messages startled him out of his thoughts.
- i'm really glad it went well -
- see? I told you could do it -
Gary rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. He had to wonder if Tracey had any idea just how helpful he had been during this particular trip.
- don't know how i would've done it without you -
As usual, Tracey wouldn't hear that.
- you would've gotten there sooner or later -
- you still helped - Gary reminded him.
The door coming in from the deck opened and closed rather suddenly, startling Gary enough to drop his phone on the table.
"I don't remember you being quite so interested in your phone last year," Birch teased, shooting him a sly grin as he passed through the kitchenette. "Talking to a girl?"
Gary shook his head. "Tracey," he corrected.
"Ah." Birch reentered the kitchenette after grabbing a towel from a cabinet in the hall heading to the bunks and began fishing around in the refrigerator. "Checking in on your pokemon?"
It only then occurred to Gary that he hadn't asked about his pokemon at all during this trip. He hadn't needed to - he knew they were in good hands and besides, Tracey and May sent him photos and updates all day long. He shook his head again. "Just talking."
Birch accepted the reply without question and nodded as he started to head back up to the boat deck. "Alright. Well, wrap it up soon - Philena's getting the grill going. It's just about time to eat."
"Okay, I'll be right there," Gary replied, typing out the next message to Tracey before pausing. "Wait - what grill?" he called after Birch.
"You'll see," the professor called back, laughing.
Gary frowned - Birch was up to something. Still, he sent his message to Tracey and shoved his phone in his pocket, standing to follow the professor up to the deck. As he emerged from the interior of the boat he saw it was later than he had thought - it was almost scary how quickly time could pass when he and Tracey were talking. The sun was quickly sinking below the horizon and the first stars were starting to appear high above them while the ocean stretched flat and calm for miles in every direction. There was a bit of a chill to the air with the evening wind but it was a beautiful night.
He was distracted from the scenery by the smell of food cooking over a grill that Gary hadn't even known was on board. It was set up at the back of the boat, where Professor Ivy hovered over it, rotating what appeared to be vegetable skewers with a pair of tongs. She nodded towards the nearest bench, where there was a bowl of chopped pineapple and a stack of plates. Between the sight of the fruit and the smell of the food on the grill, Gary was quickly reminded of just how long ago lunch had been and just how much of an appetite diving could give him.
As he snagged a piece of pineapple, Professor Birch opened up a small cooler and retrieved three cans, which he distributed amongst the three of them. Surprised as he was to be handed a beer, Gary wasn't about to complain. Ivy, however, shot Birch a pointed look that Gary didn't miss.
"It's fine," Birch told her, cracking open his beer and taking a sip. "He's done worse with his friends."
"I heard that."
"And you know it's true," Birch replied as he took over at the grill.
"Your grandfather did mention being concerned about you being sick so often," Ivy said mildly, sending Gary a stern glance.
It wasn't something Gary especially enjoyed being reminded about. He knew he had worried everyone around him for a while there, but he'd had to deal with the illness as well - the mornings spent on the bathroom floor, the headaches brought on by both drinking and stress, the constant background nausea that sometimes kept him from eating for days a time, the crushing fatigue brought on by feeling so unwell all the time. Looking back, he didn't know how his grandfather could have possibly not known what he was getting up to… maybe he had known the whole time. Maybe there was a reason he hadn't said anything. With how unhappy he had been at the time, any conversation on the topic would have most likely immediately dissolved into an argument.
He couldn't help but feel a bit guilty but Birch wasn't about to let him dwell on that. "Don't look so down," he said, glancing up to meet Gary's eyes. "We all do some stupid things when we're young."
"Especially If we're struggling with something," Ivy added, her sternness having disappeared into her usual gentle smile.
Gary forced himself to push the thoughts away and focus on what was happening now, rather than on whatever stupid shit he had done with his friends. It helped that the professors let the conversation move along easily - Birch was quick to begin talking about food. While Gary had been rinsing off and talking to Tracey, Birch had stayed in the water to do some spearfishing and had caught a few fish that were invasive to Hoenn but were apparently delicious. Though he didn't usually eat much in the way of seafood, Gary couldn't deny that it smelled fantastic.
Dinner had been an enjoyable experience throughout the whole trip, but tonight was different. It was wonderful to be outside on such a beautiful and clear night, and the food and company were great, but Gary found that he felt more at ease than he had the entire trip. He hadn't realized just how much the anxiety of getting in the water had been weighing him down thus far, but now that he had done it, he felt like he could breathe freely again. When he thought about it, he was sure the professors had planned to do something like this whenever he finally got in the water, but he wasn't about to complain. After they ate, they sat at the benches on the boat deck, talking about everything they had seen that day and recounting all of the species they had encountered - it was something he had done with Birch in the evenings as they cleaned up the equipment back in the Orange Islands and doing it now brought a sense of normalcy to the whole trip that Gary had felt had been missing.
The sun had long since settled below the horizon when Professor Birch turned to Gary with an expectant look that immediately made him wary.
"So," he said suddenly, "female version of Tracey. What's happening there?"
Wholly unprepared for that question, Gary accidentally inhaled his drink and burst into a coughing fit. Umbreon raised her head, flicking an ear in obvious amusement. Gary tried to ignore her as he fought to get the coughing fit under control."Do we have to go there?" he choked out after a moment of sputtering.
Ivy patted his back with a gentle laugh. "After that reaction, I think we might need to."
Gary sent a glare Birch's way, but there was little heat to it and the professor merely grinned.
"What? Wasn't that what was bothering you over summer?"
Gary rolled his eyes before he could help himself and took a sip from his water bottle. Reducing what he'd gone through over the last year to just pining over someone was a massive oversimplification - even if there was some aspect of truth to it… Even if there was a lot of truth to it.
"I was rather under the impression that had more to do with being stuck in school in Pallet," Professor Ivy spoke up before he could reply.
"It was."
Birch snorted at the blunt response. "Seemed like there were a few things going on," he pointed out.
Not entirely willing to argue anything, Gary simply shrugged his shoulders. "There were a few things," he confirmed. Not that he was going to go into detail about most of those problems with the professors.
"But now you're doing better?"
"Haven't you both already said that I'm in a better mood than I was over summer?"
"Yes, but we haven't talked about why."
"We talked about being out of school before we left," Gary pointed out.
"And you just said there were a few things making you miserable last year," Birch countered. "Seems like something else must've happened. Can't have been bad if you've been in a better mood." Gary stayed quiet but Birch wasn't giving up that easily. "You have a girlfriend now, don't you?"
"No," Gary replied immediately. That reply was easy enough - it was entirely honest, after all.
"No?" Birch sounded surprised as he cast an appraising glance Gary's way.
"Nope. No girlfriend."
"But something happened… Did you two hook up?"
"Jonathan…"
Gary laughed at Ivy's warning tone, more amused at this point than anything. "No, we didn't hook up," he answered easily.
"Did you kiss?"
Gary felt his cheeks heat but tried to keep a straight face. He and Tracey had done more than that, but he definitely wasn't about to tell Birch that. "Yeah…"
"Oh, that blush! You sure it was just a kiss?" He gave a good-natured laugh at Gary's glare. "Between that blush and that glare," he chuckled and shook his head. "Had to be more than just a kiss. Are you sure you two didn't hook up?"
"I didn't hook up with them." It came out more defensive than Gary meant it to and he quickly busied himself with his drink, hoping that he hadn't given something away with that response. Birch laughed it off but Ivy remained quiet, her expression that of mild curiosity.
"Alright, alright," Birch relented, still chuckling a bit at the defensiveness in Gary's voice as he raised his hands placatingly. "You didn't hook up with her and you don't have a girlfriend… Ah, she's one of May's friends, right? I suppose dating would be a little awkward, huh?"
Gary couldn't help but cringe at the thought of dating one of May's friends - the memories of what had happened with Amanda just a couple months earlier made his stomach churn uncomfortably. He was aware of Professor Ivy watching him a bit closer than usual but tried not to think too deeply into it. He tried to push those thoughts away. "Yeah," he sighed, "they're friends with May."
"That's a bit of an age difference," Ivy pointed out. "Isn't May four years older than you?"
"May is," Gary confirmed. It was closer to three and a half years between the two siblings, and Tracey was a little over a year younger than May - not that the age difference meant much to Gary. It wasn't like Tracey, of all people, was going to take advantage of him.
"And they're not?"
Surprised to hear her use a gender-neutral pronoun rather than following Birch's lead, Gary almost forgot to reply. He hastily shook his head, hoping neither professor would notice or look too deep into why Ivy's question had thrown him off. "They're only two years older than me," he replied quietly, avoiding looking at either professor. That was getting closer to a lie than he was entirely comfortable with… especially considering Tracey's fast approaching birthday.
Before anyone could say anything else, Birch's cell phone rang loudly. The professor jumped up with a brilliant grin. "That'll be the wife!" he exclaimed happily as he scurried off to answer the call, leaving Gary and Ivy alone on the deck with Umbreon.
Ivy and Gary both gave a laugh at Birch's excitability before a brief quiet settled between them. Professor Ivy turned to him and smiled, though Gary could see she was thinking - given the conversation that had just happened, he couldn't help but feel a bit wary.
"You remind me of myself when I was younger," she spoke up after they heard the door below deck close behind Birch.
Once again thrown off by the unexpected comment, Gary paused with his drink halfway to his mouth. Where had that come from? She couldn't be talking about something with research or pokemon because that was far off topic from what they had been discussing. "What do you mean?"
She still had an appraising look in her eye but she gave him a reassuring smile. "You don't have a girlfriend…" she began slowly, "because you have a boyfriend, don't you?"
Gary's breath caught in his throat. Absolutely frozen in place, he couldn't even begin to think of a response to that observation. How in the world had Professor Ivy figured that out? He had thought he was doing a good job at hiding it, but if she had figured it out that easily… How easy would it be for everyone at home to work it out? Especially Darren and Wyatt who were always around, or May who was so unbearably nosy…
Fortunately she saved him from going down that buneary hole of thought.
"That's what you were dealing with last year," she observed, her expression that of absolute empathy. Gary nodded and Ivy stood from her seat. "Come here," she said gently.
Gary stood and was pulled into a sudden hug that he hadn't known he'd needed.
Sheer relief flooded through him and he returned the hug, burying his face against her shoulder. For a moment any worry of how she had figured it out and who else might figure it out was gone and replaced with the relief that someone knew, someone understood… Someone actually understood.
How exactly he had forgotten that one of his mentors was a lesbian was beyond him, but knowing that someone understood made it all so much easier to face.
She pulled back, her hands still resting upon his shoulders as she smiled. "It's the pronouns," she explained gently. "You've been avoiding them or keeping them neutral, just like I used to do."
Gary let out the breath he had been holding, but his worries were only slightly soothed. "Is it that obvious?" he asked, hating how pitiful the quiet question sounded.
"Not at all," Ivy said immediately, shaking her head. She fixed him with a reassuring smile. "Anyone else would think you're just being shy about fooling around with a girl. You don't need to worry."
Gary took a deep breath as he pulled back, nodding as he took in that information. It wasn't enough to entirely relieve him but it was certainly a weight lifted.
"It's Tracey?" she asked.
"Yeah…" He didn't need to ask how she had figured that out - Birch talking about a female version of Tracey would have certainly been the thing to give it away.
"Now I'm not so worried about that age difference - he's a sweetheart."
Gary couldn't help the silly little smile that formed at that. "Tracey's great," he agreed, feeling his face heat.
The blush must have been visible if Ivy's now-amused smile was anything to go by. "How long have you two been together?"
"About a month."
"No wonder you've been blushing so much," she teased gently. "It's still new."
Gary gave a small, shaky laugh and nodded. He had finally gotten used to having a boyfriend and it felt like he and Tracey were starting to fall into a new normal, but this was still largely uncharted territory. "Yeah," he agreed. "We've been keeping it a secret for now."
Her hand gently squeezed his shoulder. "Well, nothing changes between us and I won't tell anyone," the professor assured him. "Don't you worry about a thing."
… … …
He did worry, but surprisingly enough, it wasn't for long.
Nothing changed the next morning: Professor Ivy still greeted him with her usual warm smile and Professor Birch was still his enthusiastic self. Nothing seemed to alert Birch to any difference and Ivy treated him exactly the same as she always had. By lunchtime, Gary had all but forgotten any worry he had over Ivy knowing about him being with another guy. It helped that it was a busier day on the water, with several sharpedo sightings and even a few taggings. Gary had been a little too busy handling measurements and tissue samples to even think much about Tracey, much less his anxiety over it all.
After lunch passed, his brain seemed to catch on to the fact that there was no issue at hand and that everything was as normal as it had ever been with Professor Ivy. Finally, he was able to let it go and fully focus on the trip and enjoy himself.
A few days later found all three of them in the water at another reef. Blastoise was swimming a short distance away while Umbreon dozed in the sun on the boat deck. It was another beautiful but slow day on the water and, being ahead of schedule, the professors decided that a day off was in order - especially after the busy week they'd just had. Everyday had been full of sharpedo tagging, data collection, and diving - even the day that they had returned to shore to resupply. Since that first dip back into the ocean, Gary had swam with sharks and sharpedoes alike and found it a little easier every time, to the point that he only felt the smallest flutter of nerves at the sight of one.
Today's dive wasn't much different from the countless others they had done, but as Gary explored he had a moment of realization: he was enjoying himself more than he had over summer and far more than he had since returning to Pallet. It was something so small, but it was nothing short of relieving to realize, considering all of the nerves and emotions he had felt over so many different things.
Tracey had been right. Everything was fine and he was having fun - all he'd needed was a little time and to talk to someone. As he swam, he couldn't help but think about Tracey and how he was always right when it came to things like this. He had a sort of wisdom that Gary truly admired - and not just because of how frequently Tracey used that wisdom to reassure him.
With the thought of Tracey came fantasies- not the ones that had been haunting him at night, leaving him eagerly anticipating the next night on land and the privacy of a dorm at the lab, but the fantasy of doing exactly this with Tracey. Exploring beneath the waves, searching for pokemon and animals alike, spending time together away from the lab and doing something that they both enjoyed… It sounded wonderful. Gary knew that Tracey could scuba dive and that he usually went with his father and brother when visiting home, so he absolutely knew Tracey would enjoy it.
But as much as those fantasies brought a smile to Gary's face, it also left him with an ache inside. How could they truly enjoy doing these things together if they were holding back and keeping the truth of their closeness hidden? Gary tried to remind himself that this wouldn't always be the case. He couldn't have an adventure with Tracey right now, but that didn't mean they couldn't in the future.
While there were still nerves about the future and coming out, Gary decided to dwell on the present instead. And right now, even if he and Tracey were in separate regions and were keeping the relationship a secret, he was happy. After so much time struggling to pretend that everything was okay while trying to work through what had been the most trying periods of his life, it felt nice to just be able to breathe and do what he loved most: exploring and working with pokemon. One day soon, he'd be able to do those very things with his boyfriend, and he kept that thought in the back of his mind, coming back to it every time he started to miss Tracey.
There were still challenges ahead and there would always be a new challenge, but after all of this, Gary knew he could get through whatever life threw at him.
When they headed back to shore the next day for a resupply, Gary wasted little time in heading towards the little cove that he had already spent so much time at. He was grateful that they were on land and that he could have some privacy because today text messages just wouldn't do. It was Tracey's birthday and, secret relationship or not, not calling his boyfriend on his birthday was a little too shitty of a move for Gary to stomach. Texting aside, they had only spoken very briefly on the phone during this trip the handful of times that Gary had called the house or the lab and Tracey had answered. It had been a sort of unspoken agreement to keep things as normal between them, lest anyone else catch on to what was going on between them.
That didn't mean it was easy, and Gary found himself grinning like a fool when Tracey answered his phone with a breathless, "hi, Gary!"
Gary was certain he could hear the snuffling and whinnying of the ponyta and rapidash in the background. "Hey, Trace." He couldn't keep the fondness out of his voice if he tried. Of course Tracey would be with the horses - he was such a creature of habit that Gary found it amusing. "Happy birthday."
"Thanks…" There was an almost shy lilt to his voice that, if Gary was being entirely honest, was rather cute. Tracey didn't like a fuss being made over him, which Gary was reminded of with the next thing Tracey said. "You didn't have to call just for that." That shy lilt was still there but it was almost covered with a gentle tease.
"Yeah, but I didn't want to be a shitty boyfriend," Gary admitted as he found a dry patch of sand to sit in and Umbreon ran ahead to chase some wingull that were along the shoreline.
Tracey was quiet for a moment. "You said it out loud," he observed quietly. Gary couldn't quite read his tone this time - it was definitely positive, but was that pride he heard in there?
He bit his lip, attempting to force away the heat that rose in his face at that thought. "Well, I'm not in Pallet, am I?"
He could just about hear the smile in Tracey's voice when he replied. "No, you're not." There was another quiet pause but when Tracey spoke again his voice was excitable and curious. "How did I not know you could draw?"
Gary laughed a bit sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I honestly don't know," he admitted. "I always used to draw as a kid but I guess I got distracted by pokemon." Umbreon returned to his side at that moment, somehow damp from sea water and covered in sand, but apparently pleased with herself for chasing away the bird pokemon. Gary shook his head amusedly and scratched behind her ears.
Tracey laughed at the reply, the sound kind, and Gary felt a swoop in his stomach - he had missed hearing it. "Yeah, that sounds like you," he accepted the explanation with ease. "What made you decide to try it again?"
"I was bored and thought it'd be fun to surprise you," Gary admitted easily.
"I'm glad you got bored… It's been nice these last few weeks." Tracey's voice turned a bit shy again and Gary couldn't fight away the smile that returned at that soft voice. "I like having this… drawing thing between us." He laughed a bit, sounding a little nervous - not that he needed to.
"Me too," Gary agreed wholeheartedly. He hesitated briefly but pushed on honestly. "It's been helping a lot," he admitted. "With stress and stuff."
"I think the word you're looking for is anxiety," Tracey corrected.
Gary laughed, picturing the face that went along with that teasing lilt in Tracey's voice. It was one of his favorite expressions to see on Tracey's face. "Just call me out on it, why don't you, Trace."
Tracey laughed as well, but it tapered off into a quiet that Gary knew was accompanied by a smile - that same smile that he had noticed at the bakery back at Pallet. "I'm glad it's helping," he said, voice so earnest that it almost hurt a little.
All at once Gary realized just how much he had missed Tracey these last few weeks. At the same time though, it felt like they had never been closer, even while being in entirely different regions. He smiled. "Me too," he agreed. The next words tumbled out of his mouth without thought. "I can't wait to see you." He bit his lip, trying to force away the blush that he knew was spreading across his face after blurting that.
"Just one more week."
"Yeah…" Gary knew exactly how long it would be, down to the hour. It wasn't because he was desperate to see Tracey, he had told himself when he figured out the remaining time. He was just looking forward to going home - for the first time in a long time. "You know, I didn't think I would miss you," he admitted after a moment.
"Gee, thanks," Tracey laughed.
Gary returned the laugh and shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that -"
"I know what you meant," Tracey assured him. "I forgot how quiet it is without you around. It's kind of weird."
"I thought you'd like some peace and quiet."
Tracey laughed again and Gary tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach. "The quiet's nice, but I like having you around."
"Miss me?" Gary teased, unable to keep from grinning.
Tracey hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe a little."
He sounded like he was trying for teasing but was suddenly falling short. It sounded like there was more he wanted to say but a quiet fell between them instead. Gary waited a moment before pressing. "Just say it, Trace," he prodded gently.
"Um -" Tracey broke off abruptly and Gary worried that May or his grandfather had come along and that their phone time together was about to come to an end. But then Tracey took an audible breath before pushing on. "Since you called, there's something I think we need to talk about."
Gary felt his stomach tighten with nerves at that but he tried to sound normal when he asked, "What is it?"
"It's just… this birthday is kind of a big one…"
The nerves immediately melted away and Gary gave a small laugh. Tracey had mentioned the age difference in passing after he had returned from his visit home, so it didn't exactly surprise Gary to hear it. Still, it wasn't an issue to him in the slightest. "Trace, if the age difference bothered me, I wouldn't have agreed to date you."
"I know that, but still… I don't want people to think I'm taking advantage of you."
"Who cares what other people think?"
"Says the one who's in the closet."
"Fair point…" Gary sighed. "Tracey, I trust you. I know you're not going to take advantage of me or anything. That should matter more than what other people think."
"I know, and it does, but I'm letting you control the pace of this."
"I mean, you've kinda done that this whole time," Gary pointed out. And it was true. He had never felt pressured with Tracey and sincerely doubted that would change. Tracey was just too good of a person to do that.
"So, you're okay with this?"
"Do you not remember me annoying you with how many times I asked you that?"
This drew a small laugh from Tracey. "Oh, I remember."
"Then you remember what my worry was, right?'
Tracey took a deep breath but sounded a bit more at ease when he answered. "I'm still fine with keeping it secret as long as you need it," he reiterated for what was at least the tenth time in the month they had been together.
"And I'm fine with you being older than me," Gary said firmly. "Seriously, Tracey, it's fine."
Tracey gave a small sigh on the other end. "Okay," he relented.
"We're good?"
"Yeah." There was a brief quiet before he continued in a smaller voice than Gary was used to hearing from him. "I just really want this to work out, and my parents always say communication is important so… I'm communicating."
Hearing his boyfriend's voice so much smaller than usual tugged at Gary's heart and for a moment he wished he was back home just so he could hug him. That was exactly what Tracey would do if he were back home and upset about something. But he couldn't do that right now, so he instead tried to get a laugh out of him. "I'm pretty sure most people would be more worried about me with that," he said dryly.
Tracey huffed a small laugh and Gary took that as a victory. "You communicate fine, it's just not always verbal."
"Says the guy who specializes in observation."
"It works," Tracey pointed out, sounding a bit more like himself. Gary took that as another victory.
"Sounds like there's nothing to worry about then."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Aren't I always?" Gary teased, purposefully going for overconfident to get another laugh out of his boyfriend.
Tracey did laugh and Gary closed his eyes for a moment, savoring that sound. "Oh no, you're not depressed any more. You're gonna be a brat, aren't you?" he teased, drawing a laugh from Gary in turn.
Gary was about to reply when he was interrupted by a voice calling to him from near the dock.
"Hey, troublemaker!"
He looked up to see Professor Ivy next to the storage shed with two paddles in hand and a pair of paddleboards leaning against the building. He waved and stood to start making his way over to her. "I'm gonna have to go, Trace," he said apologetically. "Professor Ivy wants to go paddleboarding."
Tracey didn't seem too disappointed - if anything he sounded excited. "Have fun! I want to hear all about it later."
Gary laughed at the excitement in Tracey's voice and was about to reply when he remembered something that he had been waiting to tell him. "Oh, Trace! I didn't tell you… Professor Ivy knows." He was going to tell Tracey in person when he got home but now was as good a time as any.
"Really? You told her?"
The shock was so apparent in Tracey's voice that Gary couldn't stop his laugh in time. "Sorry," he apologized immediately. "No, she kind of figured it out. But it's fine," he added quickly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah… Everything's great." Gary shot Ivy a glance and smiled. "She's really supportive."
"That's great, Gary!" Tracey was quiet for a moment - Gary assumed the news was just taking a minute to set in. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and again held that tone that Gary couldn't quite read. "I'm really happy for you."
Those words tugged at something in Gary and he found himself smiling softly at that warm voice. "Thanks, Tracey."
"You're welcome… now go have fun!"
Gary laughed again and nodded, though he knew Tracey couldn't see. "I will. See you soon, Trace."
"Bye, Gary. Talk to you later."
They hung up and Gary slipped the phone into his pocket before recalling Umbreon. Though he was a little disappointed about not having more time to talk to Tracey, Gary was grateful that they'd had the chance to talk about something that had clearly been bothering him. Hopefully Tracey would be able to enjoy his birthday a little more after talking about it - Gary had certainly enjoyed his time in Hoenn far more after talking to the professors. It stood to reason that Tracey would feel better now as well.
Professor Ivy, who had waited patiently for Gary to finish his call with Tracey, smiled and passed him one of the paddles when he reached her. "Tomorrow's forecast is looking stormy," she explained. "Thought you might like to do something fun before we're stuck inside."
He smiled as he took the paddle. "As long as you don't expect me to lead through the spider-infested mangroves."
She laughed and took one of the boards, starting to head towards the water. "Oh, the spiders aren't that bad," she teased gently. "But we're going to a different spot, so you don't need to worry about that."
Gary took the remaining board and immediately almost dropped it in surprise - he hadn't expected it to be quite so heavy. "Where are we going?" he asked curiously, pretending nothing had happened.
Ivy's amused smile told him that she had seen it but she didn't comment on that. Instead she pointed out at the water, to a small island not terribly far away. "Jonathan says there's a small pod of lapras that takes shelter on the other side of that island when bad weather comes in. Maybe we'll get lucky."
Even though he enjoyed working with more dangerous pokemon, lapras was one of Gary's favorite pokemon and Ivy was well aware of this fact. He grinned as they reached the shore and set the boards in the water. "That sounds awesome." He watched as Ivy waded into the shallows and climbed atop her board before copying her movements. It was more sturdy than a surfboard - especially the old one he had back home - and provided a vastly different vantage point than a kayak. It would take some getting used to, but it was definitely interesting.
"Speaking of lapras," Ivy spoke up after giving Gary a moment to get used to the board. "The grant came through for my lapras tagging project. I know you were interested, would you like to tag along as my assistant?"
Excitement coursed through Gary and he shot her another grin. "Definitely! When are you doing it?"
"It'll be a few months before all of the tagging equipment is ready. I was thinking summer, after the sharpedo tagging trip… Planning on coming for that one too?"
Regardless of how much he had disliked most of the college students on the last trip, there was no way he was going to pass up another trip. "I'll be there," he assured her, not needing even a second of thought. His thoughts darted to his boyfriend, briefly wondering if Tracey would be heading home to Sunburst around that time. Maybe he could tag along… but there was no way they would be able to keep the relationship secret in front of Birch.
Maybe it wouldn't be a secret anymore come summer.
"Good," she replied, pulling his attention away from that line of thought. "The university is letting me organize it a little differently this time. It'll be geared towards the undergrads in the marine biology and conservation biology programs." She paused in her paddling to point out a feebas swimming below them.
"No grad students?" That sounded even better than last year.
Ivy shook her head and looked over at him. "I prefer the undergrads," she explained. "I like getting to introduce them to this work and help them learn how to do it for the first time."
That didn't surprise him much - she had always enjoyed showing him new things whenever she visited his grandfather when he was a child. "Is that why you like working with me?" Gary asked curiously.
"No. You already know a lot of it and you figure things out just by watching." She gestured towards the paddleboards. "See? I didn't tell you a thing about paddleboarding and you're already doing it like a pro."
"Yeah, but I've also been surfing for years and this is easier than surfing," he pointed out.
Ivy smiled and continued paddling again. "What I like about working with you is that you can handle the work better than most adults and you're better with pokemon than the majority of competitive trainers." She shot him another small smile. "But my favorite part of working with you is seeing how much you've grown since I saw you last."
Gary groaned, laughing a bit. "You're not gonna get sappy are you?"
"No," she laughed in turn. "I'm not your grandfather." Gary burst into laughter at that - only to immediately stop when Ivy spoke again. "Speaking of your grandfather, I'm assuming he doesn't know about you and Tracey?"
He should have seen that coming, he realized. Gary paused in his paddling and looked down at the water.
"No," he admitted quietly. "He doesn't know about me being…" He was suddenly unable to finish and his voice trailed off as his eyes darted about the sea grass below them, desperately searching for any distraction.
"Being?" Ivy prompted gently after a moment.
But the words wouldn't come and Gary shook his head. Ivy stayed quiet but he could feel her gaze on him. Frustration welled up within him and he sighed, looking up at the sky. His eyes followed a pelipper that flew nearby and Ivy still said nothing, patiently waiting for him to find his voice again.
"I'm working on it," he said quietly, chancing a glance at her.
The professor nodded and gave him an understanding smile. "It takes time," she said agreeably. "Practice with Tracey, it'll come."
Gary nodded quietly and took a deep breath. As much as he appreciated the support, his mouth was struggling to form any of the words swirling around his head. A verbal response just wasn't going to happen right now.
Ivy waited another moment before going on. "When I was starting out as a researcher, things were a bit different than they are now," she began thoughtfully. "It's difficult to be a woman in the research field… but to be a woman and gay? Most people didn't want to work with me back then - but then a professor from Kanto decided to give me a chance." She looked over at Gary and met his eyes with such a gentle smile that he had to look away. "Your grandfather was such a kind and supportive mentor when no one else would give me a chance. I wouldn't be where I am without him. He loves to help people do what they love and that extends even more so for you."
"I know," Gary mumbled, still avoiding her eyes. "I want to tell him, but…" he trailed off again.
Ivy, however, didn't need him to finish to understand. "It'll come," she assured him again. "And I'm only a phone call away if you need to talk to someone - about this or anything else. I know how hard it is to come out, especially to the person who raised you, but your grandfather is very accepting and he loves you. Whenever you're ready, he'll support you and nothing will change between you two - that I can absolutely promise. And no matter what happens, you'll always be welcome in my lab. Jonathan's too… even if he is a little clueless," she added in a stage whisper that drew a small laugh from Gary.
The laugh faded quickly but the relief that had filled him at her words remained. Being given such support so openly made it feel as though a weight had been lifted.
Gary closed his eyes for a moment before looking up at her. "Thanks," he said, finally finding his voice.
Ivy nodded. "Of course. Now how about we get to the other side of this osland and see if we can find any lapras?"
"Sounds good to me."
They didn't see any lapras on their paddleboarding trip but, between their conversation and being back on a board in the water, Gary felt a little more like himself. He had felt more like himself after the time in the Orange Islands over summer, and even more like himself when he was able to get out of school, but this was different. This trip, it seemed, wasn't about getting back to his old self, but about finding himself now, after learning about himself and facing fears that had started to build up. Gary almost felt as though he could focus more clearly and help out more in the final week of the trip.
It made him look all the more forward to the next projects, but even more to going home and working in the lab and getting back to surfing with his friends when the spring came. For the first time in a long time, it felt like he was going home and not just to a place full of pressure and expectations. Even better, he was going home feeling lighter and having found another person who understood and supported a side of him that so few people even knew about.
… … …
