I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT!
(Bella)
I sat straight up in bed shaking. I looked over in the bed and realized I was alone and all I could feel was the baby kicking. I couldn't breathe as the tears streamed down my face. "Edward," I called. I listened but there was no answer. I got out of bed, it was dark out and I was alone. "Edward," I cried. "Where are you?" I ran down the stairs into the livingroom. "Edward!" I yelled again.
"Bella, I'm right here," He said coming out of the kitchen.
"Edward," I sobbed collapsing into his arms.
"Oh my God baby, what is it?" He asked.
I was shaking so badly that I couldn't talk. I gripped his shoulders holding him. "Honey, calm down and talk to me," He said pulling me over to the couch and holding me. "Bella, are you alright? What happened? Is it the baby? Are you in pain?" He was throwing questions at me. I just laid my head down on his chest holding him tightly to me as he caressed my stomach. "I've got you baby, I'm right here."
"I was in labor," I cried. "You were, ta, taking me to the hospital and, and, there was an, an accident. You…" I couldn't say the words.
Edward lifted me up and carried me back to bed. He held me as I clung to him. "I'm right here Bella, it was just a dream baby."
"I'm so scared," I sobbed.
"I'm right here baby, it was just a dream. We're all okay," He said.
"It was so real," I cried.
"I know Bella, but it wasn't. I'm right here, Matt is asleep in his bed and Jaycie is with my sister."
"Hold me," I whimpered. Edward wrapped me up in his arms and held me tightly.
Eventually I started to calm down. "Where were you?" I asked.
"I'd gotten up to get a drink," He said.
I looked down. "Oh my God," I gasped.
"What?" He asked.
"I'm naked," I said. "Matt could have woken up."
I felt his body shake in silent laughter. "Somehow he slept through it and I'm glad."
Edward rolled us so I was on my back, but still in his arms and he caressed my stomach. "Bella, I'm not leaving you."
"I know," I whispered.
"Can I ask you something?" His voice was so soft.
"Sure," I said.
"When you were pregnant with Jaycie, who took care of your cravings?"
"Dad," I said. "There was one night that I was craving crushed ice. Around 2am, he was driving to the nearest gas station to get it for me."
"When Lauren was pregnant, she craved chicken nuggets, with large French fries and a chocolate milkshake. She would dip her fries into the milkshake and then eat her nuggets. It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen. She had a method for eating it too."
"That actually sounds really good," I said.
"Do I need to go get you some?" He asked.
I grabbed him tighter not wanting to let him go. "No."
"I'm not leaving you," He said kissing my head.
(Edward)
I pulled Bella as close to me as I could get her and she wrapped her leg around my hip. "Come down love," I said softly as she was still trembling. "I'm right here."
"I can't go through this alone," She cried.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"I lost Jake, I can't lose you. I can't go through another pregnancy by myself."
I tilted her chin so she would look me in the eyes. "Listen to me baby, I'm not going anywhere. I understand that accidents happen and I understand that you lost Jake, but I'm right here. Feel me holding you?"
She nodded against my chest as her tears continued to fall. "Go back to sleep angel, I'm right here holding you."
I watched her over the next hour fight sleep. I was exhausted, but couldn't go to sleep until I knew she was asleep. It hurt to see her so broken.
I woke up around 8am to find Bella still asleep. I knew Matt would be getting up soon and didn't know what Bella would be like when she got up and the last thing I wanted was for her to have another panic attack if she knew she was alone. I grabbed the baby monitor feeling slightly crazy about it, but was really worried about her.
I called my dad as I made Matt breakfast asking if he could come over. Luckily he showed up just a few minutes later.
"You look like hell," He said.
"Bella had a nightmare last night. I'd gotten up to get a drink and she came downstairs screaming my name in mid panic attack."
"Did she tell you what her dream was about?" Dad asked sitting down on the stool.
"She dreamed that she went into labor and we were in an accident on the way to the hospital and I died."
"I see," Dad said frowning.
"What," I asked.
"It could be just the pregnancy hormones raging and pregnancy can cause crazy dreams. However, I'm a little concerned about the intensity of the panic attack. How long did it take her to calm down?"
"Over an hour," I said.
"Did Matt hear any of it?" Dad asked.
"No, he slept through the whole thing," I sighed. "Which was good, because it really would have scared him."
"Has she been alright lately?" Dad asked.
"Yeah, she's been great," I told him.
"So other than when she left the day of the anniversary, she's hasn't struggled with any form of depression?"
"No," I said.
"Can I give you my advice" He asked.
"That is why I called you to come over," I laughed.
"You two need to spend a lot of time talking today. You need to talk about her dream and her fears," He stopped and sighed. "You might need to consider trying to talk her in to talking to a counselor. I'm concerned that with her hormones all over the place she could be heading into depression. I also think that once the baby comes you need to keep eye out for Postpartum Depression."
"Dad, do you think it's that serious?" I asked.
"I don't know, but I'm almost sure that she experienced it after Jaycie was born."
"Wow," I sighed.
"Edward, I would just rather be safe than sorry," He said.
Once Matt got up I fed him breakfast and then helped him get ready for a day with his grandpa and once they were gone, I went back up to our bedroom. Bella was still asleep, so I stripped back down into my boxers and carefully climbed back into bed wrapping my arms around Bella.
She stirred and rolled over. I kissed her on the forehead. "I love you so much Bella."
"I love you, too," She slurred sleepily.
"Are you alright?" I asked her as her eyes opened.
"That dream just seemed so real," She said softly.
"I'm sure it did," I said caressing her cheek.
"I don't know what I would do if I lost you."
"Bella, you aren't going to lose me. I don't plan on going anywhere."
"Jake didn't either," She said.
"Sweetheart, I know that," I said softly.
Bella and I lay there quietly for a few minutes. "Have you ever thought about finding someone to talk to?"
Her eyes snapped up to mine. "You think I'm crazy?"
"No, not crazy," I said. "I just wondered if talking about how you feel to someone would help you. They might have some advice on helping you get over losing Jake and being happy again."
Bella's eyes filled with hurt and anger and she got out of bed. "I'm sorry I'm not like you! I'm sorry I can't just get over Jake the way you did Lauren! I guess I am crazy!" She got out of bed and stormed off to the bathroom slamming the door.
I was stunned that wasn't at all how I thought this would go. When she didn't come out after a few minutes I got up and went to the bathroom door. "Bella, come on lets talk this out," I said knocking softly on the door.
The door opened. "And for the record I didn't realize I wasn't happy!" She snapped. "So having a dream makes a person crazy?"
"Bella," I sighed. "You came down into the kitchen totally naked having a panic attack. What would it have done to Matt if he'd seen you like that?"
Her eyes filled with tears and she looked towards Matt's room. "He's with my dad," I said answering her unasked question.
"So I'm crazy and can't be around Matt now?" She asked wide eyed.
"You aren't crazy!" I exclaimed.
She just stood there in front of me looking down at the floor as her tears fell. "Baby, you aren't crazy," I said wrapping my arms around her.
"Edward, I was alone from 3months on when I was pregnant with Jaycie. I felt her kick and I was alone, I found out she was a girl all by myself, hell, my water broke and I was alone. Edward, I worked through my contractions alone until dad and Sue got there," She cried.
I knew that, I'd heard that story several times from Sue and Bella, but it still broke my heart every time. "Bella, I couldn't imagine what that was like for you. I couldn't imagine not having someone to share all of that with, it really sucks."
Bella cried into my chest and I picked her up and carried her back to the bed. We snuggled up under the covers holding each other. "Edward," She asked.
"What love."
"Do you ever get scared?" She asked.
I pulled back and looked down at her. "Yes, I'm just not great at expressing it."
"When do you get scared?"
"What scares me is when we have to go to your 6 week appointment after the baby is born. Lauren and I were so excited to go to that appointment so she would be cleared and, well, you know. We had a beautiful baby boy. We were happy and in love and nothing was going to break us," I looked down trying to get my emotions into check. "Within an hour they found the lump and it went downhill from there. That night we made love, but it was out of fear of losing everything."
"Oh my God," Bella gasped softly.
"I felt cheated Bella, I was angry with life and the craziest part was I was pissed off at my dad, because he said she would be alright."
Bella reached up and caressed my face. "Why didn't you tell me that before?"
"I'm not great at expressing my feelings," I admitted. "But I know when we go to your appointment I'm going to be a nervous wreck."
"You're as crazy as I am," She said smiling sadly.
"No, we're not crazy Bella, we just know how hard life can be. I never meant to make you feel alone and crazy."
"I haven't felt as scared and lonely as I did when I woke up from my dream, but I haven't felt like that in so long Edward. I'm happy, I love my life with my kids and you, and this little one who is really starting to make his or her presence known."
Edward ran his hand over my stomach. "He or she is strong and healthy."
"I think we should take Matt with us when we find out the sex of the baby and let him make the announcement."
"He would love that," I said.
"Edward, I'm sorry I scared you last night," She said softly.
I leaned down and kissed her. "You did scare me, but it's going to be alright."
"If I ever feel that out of control again, I'll go see someone, but lets see if it happens again."
"I can deal with that," I said kissing her.
I laid their next to her gently running my fingers over her stomach. "We need to plan Jaycie's birthday party," Bella said softly.
"Yes, we should. We should do something fun for her first birthday."
"I was thinking maybe we could go to the park and have it there," She said.
"That sounds like a lot of fun," I said.
"When can we start decorating the baby's room?" She asked.
"Isn't the ultrasound right after Jaycie's birthday?" I asked.
"Yep," She said smiling.
"Then I'd say right after we find out."
"Good, I can't wait to get started on it," She said stretching up to kiss me.
"And then, we get to name him or her."
"Did you help pick out Matt's name?"
"Yes, Lauren and I picked it out together. What about Jaycie's name?"
"Sue brought over a baby name book and she stayed there with me until we found a name."
"We can do that together Bella," I said.
"I really am sorry about last night," She said.
"You my dear are forgiven," I said holding her close to me. "Just remember, I'm here and you can talk to me too."
"I know," She sighed. "And I'll consider seeing someone."
"Thank you."
AN- THANK YOU ALL FOR STICKING BY ME THROUGH THIS STORY! THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE JAYCIE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER. C-YA NEXT TIME!
