Judgment
Atem looked over after a moment, flexing his claws. Yugi was still asleep when he got to his paws, but he heard him lift his head by the time he'd gotten to the ledge. Atem paused, flicking his tail, and wondered for a moment whether to speak or follow his first impulse to just leave. He considered the options for a moment, but leaving just seemed childish and almost foolish, especially because he knew how much it hurt Yugi when he did.
He flicked his tail again, then shifted his weight and pounced atop the ledge. Yugi was wide awake, studying him intently, and for a moment Atem wondered if he would follow him should he leave anyways. But the impulse died as they looked at each other.
But talking didn't seem appealing either. It never seemed to help with anything.
Atem felt like there was nothing to be said between the two of them that might make him feel better. It was all just…so much. And it kept compiling on top of itself and making things a thousand times worse.
He almost wished he was alone, but somehow looking at Yugi was comforting all at once. He studied him a long moment, then shifted his weight and lowered himself to lay down.
He wouldn't leave for now.
Maybe he'd leave when Yugi fell back asleep.
He could sneak out and—
"Are you okay?"
Atem blinked and looked over again. His mind scrambled to understand what he'd asked for a moment, the words jumbled and tangled in his head. He blinked again, trying for a moment to pick his words to answer, something nicer than a mortified and distressed, "What?" He considered for a moment, but there was really only one thing Yugi said when he had might terrors.
"I'm okay," he whispered.
The Gandora didn't answer for a moment, then shifted his weight and seemed to consider him for a long time. "You seem kind of lost."
A prickle of indignation swept through him before he could stop himself. He bristled despite himself, about to open his mouth and snap, but stopped short. Yugi didn't deserve his ire, and the soft look on his face wasn't one of pity. He wasn't teasing him or making fun of the fact he'd forgotten himself for those few moments. He wasn't even looking at him as if he were as stupid as he felt.
Atem lowered his eyes, bristle gone and eyes locked on his claws. Maybe I am, he thought, and almost laughed bitterly. When wasn't he lost? He couldn't remember a time he didn't double back and second guess every move he made or statement he spoke. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been at peace with himself long enough to feel good about something he'd said or done.
The den was silent for a long time. Atem flexed his claws and strained his hearing to listen to Yugi's heartbeat. It was slower, calmer, and nowhere near as seemingly tired and ragged as his own. He shifted his weight and dropped his chin to his paws, staring at the entrance tunnel and wondering. It would have been so much easier just to get up and leave. He could have left and come back when he felt better.
But what if he never did?
He hadn't felt mildly okay in a long time.
What if it was permanent?
"Dear heart."
Atem blinked and looked over, too startled to ignore it and curl back up more pointedly as he usually would when he wanted Yugi to leave him alone. But he hadn't even done more than turn his head away, so maybe he didn't want him to leave him alone? He blinked as Yugi tilted his head and watched him for a long time.
"I don't know what's going on in your head, but you're okay, whatever it is."
Atem almost flinched. Somehow the words hurt despite the reassuring tone. He blinked and looked away again. "I don't feel okay," he finally mumbled, when the quiet became overbearing again.
Yugi didn't immediately respond, but his voice was soft and warm when he murmured, "That's okay, too. You're allowed to feel like that sometimes."
Atem lashed his tail, suppressing a snarl. This was stupid. This was irritating and stupid and Yugi was so sweet to put up with it, but he wished for a moment he'd argue and snap instead of being so gentle. At least harder words and snarls were easy to deal with.
There was a long moment of silence once more.
"But you know what will make you feel a thousand times better?" Atem grunted and risked a peek in his direction. Yugi was watching him intently, almost wiggling in his spot. "If you come over here and get some cuddles."
He blinked, startled, and snorted as he raised and turned his head. He tilted his head and smiled faintly, bewildered. "Oh?"
Yugi wiggled with excitement now that Atem was watching him in turn. The Sky Dragon snorted before he could stop himself, amazed, and the Gandora immediately said, "Yes! You'll feel a thousand times better."
Atem considered him a moment, wondering at the spark in his eyes, the excitement that made him almost tremble, and sighed softly. He didn't think Yugi was altogether right. He was used to being alone and it made him feel better sometimes to be like that, but the look on his face and the warmth in his eyes made him falter. He smirked and got up, shaking himself out, and padded over.
He stopped an inch or two away from him, studying, and wondered why someone so sweet would have ever wanted someone like him as a mate. It made no sense, but for maybe Yugi had fallen in love with who he'd been before when he was younger. Maybe he'd learn to despise him as much as he did himself later. It would be easy enough for Yugi to understand he'd messed up and leave him. After all, there was only so much even Yugi could take before he realized Atem wasn't worth that much effort.
"Atem?"
He didn't answer but for going to his side. Still he hesitated to lay down for a long moment before finally stretching out to let him press into his side and lick his face.
"I don't know what's going on in your head, but it'll be okay, Atem… Whatever it is, it'll be okay."
He almost laughed, but found himself trembling instead.
