A/N: I tried not to be M. Night Shyamalan, I promise.
butterfly2202: Okay, let's talk about how much I love you for reviewing! You're correct that this fic was inspired by Competence. Sure, Alex basically went VERY OOC and turned into Novak for that ep, but it showed a very compassionate and kind side of Alex that made me squee so hard. Although we don't get to see it that much, Alex is a huge softie for kids :)
Beyond The Sea x: While it's gonna be angsty, I'm intending this to be more of an uplifter fic. And on a happier note, babby's car part came in from Germany after a freaking month of waiting :) And thank YOU!
AlOlLove: Excuse me while I run around crying. HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU'RE READING MY FIC?! And you FAVORITED IT?! *dead*
Also, DustyMonkey is redoing one of their Calex fics, which I highly recommend you read!
On a personal note, my goal with this plotline is to deal with the anguish of having a child with disabilities, while at the same time, be a fic with a happy endgame. I was born with autism myself, and had to claw my way to normalcy. I now work with kids with disabilities, and I want to be an OT to help kids like myself. I hope that in writing this fic, I do not become overly melodramatic, nor too depressing. Thank you.
A stifling silence enveloped the car ride home. The air was heavy and thick as Alex and Casey mechanically made their way into the apartment. It was Casey who made her way to the couch first, allowing herself to sink into the cushions as she drew her knees to her chest. Alex cautiously settled beside her, almost afraid to touch her girlfriend, lest she shatter into a million pieces in her grasp. They remained like that for what seemed like years, silent, still as stones. Finally, Casey could not contain herself, and the first sobs bubbled over, her face streaming with hot tears. Alex quickly, but softly embraced her, and her own sorrow spilled over. Casey wrapped her own arms around the blonde, allowing their bodies to fold into each other, becoming a tangle of grief and desperate comfort. Never before had the Attorney General, a knight among lawyers, slayer of the most wicked and corrupt, the dragons of the state, been reduced to such powerlessness. When their tear ducts finally ran dry, and their throats were too raw to make any noise, the couple remained entwined, clinging to each other as if staying as they were meant nothing bad could ever happen to them. Eventually, Casey pushed herself off the couch, moving towards the kitchen.
"Casey, what are you doing?" Alex inquired as the redhead reached for the phone.
Casey didn't look at Alex. "I'm calling the clinic. I need to make an appointment before it's too late."
"Too late? Too late for what?" Alex's voice quavered.
Casey's voice was hesitant, breaking. "I'm getting an abortion."
The very wind seemed to flee Alex's lungs, and her throat closed off. Casey's words pierced her skin, leaving her body numb. After a profound silence, a surge of electricity from Alex's brain lit her muscles on fire, and she jumped from the couch, sprinting to Casey's side, snatching the phone from Casey's grasp before she could dial the area code.
"Case, no! You can't!" she cried.
"I have to! We can't raise a kid with Down's! You know as well as I do how horrible it would be for you! I thought you of all people would support me on that!" Casey yelled, her anger and grief combusting all at once.
Alex stilled. "Honey. Calm down." She took Casey back into her arms. Soft sobs began to issue once again from her girlfriend's lips. The blonde guided them back to the couch, and she took her hands in hers, facing her. "Casey." Alex breathed. "This is our baby. Our baby, that we tried so hard to have. However, it's your body. And as hard as it may be for me, I will have to respect your decision in the end. But there is something about this that bothers me." She squeezed Casey's hands. "Up until now, abortion was something you never would have considered. You're Catholic. It's not something you believed is right. So, I just need to know that this is something that in your heart of hearts you want. And if it is, then I won't argue. But please, just tell me. Why?" Alex's voice caught on her last word.
Casey sighed heavily. "You can't be Lieutenant Governor if you have a disabled child. I'd just be standing in your way by having this baby, and I could never do that to you. You've worked your whole life for this, hell, you only came out of WitSec for this."
For the second time in the past two minutes, Alex was rendered speechless. "Casey, don't have an abortion because of me. There's no way in hell I'm going to be Lieutenant Governor now. If I have to choose between my career and you, or in this case our baby, then I choose the baby. I would go through WitSec all over again if it meant I got to have a family with you. You should know that." She reached out to touch Casey's still flat, but softening stomach. "Now tell me, why do you want to go through with this?"
Casey's face reddened to the color of her hair. "I'm scared." She sniffled. "I have no idea what to do with a handicapped child. What if I can't be a good enough mother? What if I can't help her? Would bringing her into this world condemn her to the same fate as Charlie, dying on the streets?" Casey's whole body began to quake uncontrollably as the memory came over her. "I may be Catholic, but I love this baby too much to let her live a horrible life."
Alex held her close, kissing her curls over and over as Casey completely broke down again. When Casey calmed, she turned her face to look at her, kissing her tear-stained cheek. "Can I tell you something?" The red-head nodded. "About ten years ago, while you were still in White Collar, I met a girl named Katie who had Down Syndrome. Her mother was extremely sheltering, and as a result, her boss took advantage of her and got her pregnant. Her mother tried to force her to get an abortion, despite the fact that Katie desperately wanted this baby. A competency hearing was called, and I was subpeonaed. You know what I did? I went up there, and testified. I kept pleading with her mother to change her mind, and she did. Today, Katie's happy, and raising her beautiful baby boy." Alex smiled at the thought.
"That sounds like something I would do, Lex. Why did you put your ass on the line to fight for her?" Casey asked.
"Because in the short time I worked with Katie, it was clear that despite her disability, she was an incredible young woman. Despite the fact that she didn't know how to raise her baby, she was willing to learn. And when so many young mothers around the world struggle with that, I couldn't let some pre-conceived notion take away her right to be happy." Alex let a single tear trickle down her chin. "I love this baby. I love our baby. And if you'll let me, I want to fight for her. Having fought for Katie ten years ago just makes me want to have this baby now. If Katie can have her baby, so can we. You'll be a great mother, love. We'll be great mothers. So please, Casey. We both know that this isn't what you really want."
Casey bored deep into Alex's blue eyes with her own. "You're right. I'm sorry that I panicked like that. I shouldn't have thought that there would be a quick fix."
Alex brushed her lips against Casey's forehead. "Don't be." She murmured into the skin. "It's natural to be scared of the unknown."
"Can you promise me something, Alex?" Casey pleaded.
"Anything, darling."
"I want you to call Jack in the morning, and accept his offer. If we can have this baby, then you can be Lieutenant Governor. We'll make it work. Just because life gets in the way, doesn't mean we can't be happy." Casey's tone was stern, one she usually only used as an ADA in the courtroom.
Alex was about to protest, but she melted at Casey's expression. "Alright. But only because I can't say no to you." Their lips met in a kiss that was so soft, so tender, but so emotionally charged that they stayed joined until their lungs screamed for oxygen. They spent the rest of the evening on the couch, wrapped up in each other, realizing that they could overcome this as long as the other was there.
It was late at night. Casey had since fallen into a fitful sleep, but Alex's insomnia was active with a vengeance. Pulling back the covers, she ran her hand over Casey's bare stomach. "Hi baby." She kissed Casey's pale skin. "I want you to know that no matter what you may look like, or no matter what you can or cannot do, I love you. There is nothing you can do that will make me not love you, or love you any less." She continued to kiss all over her stomach. "I'll admit that I'm scared. But I know that you will be amazing. And I can't wait to meet you." Alex nuzzled her head against her girlfriend's stomach, and even in her sleep, Casey began to run her fingers through Alex's blonde locks, the smallest of smiles forming on her lips. Feeling especially loved, Alex finally succumbed to sleep.
