There are things I want to say, but am going to bite my tongue instead. After I address one thing: a few of you were shocked by the 'piece' she chose to give him at the end of the last chapter... but think about where her more recent abandonment led her. And where divulging it could lead him. That's where her head was. And why she made the choice that she did. It makes sense to me. And her. Like this does. Even if only.

...

Chapter Fifteen: Movements

I don't think Edward expected the first piece I gave him to be such a big one.

But he took it.

Wrapped his head around it.

And his arms around me.

Arms that I still lie wrapped in on my couch.

While he turns the pages of one of my books.

It didn't take him long to connect the next piece.

That the stories I write to chase away bad things that go bump in the night were because they didn't in mine.

Didn't make a sound when they moved.

At least not when they left...

And that, for me, the silence was louder.

The quiet.

And the dark.

And I needed to find a way to fill them.

And myself.

With dreamt up moments I never had but imagined.

Dreams I shared to soothe others.

Fantasies of a creative mind and an abandoned heart.

Adventures with furry little friends on magical roads that led to even more magical places.

Places with lemon drop suns and cotton candy clouds and rain made of tears that came from laughing so hard they spilled out and washed sadness away.

Places where nothing hurt and no one was ever afraid.

Places where hats were crowns and coats were suits of armor.

Places where band aids were badges of bravery and vegetables tasted like candy and gave you special powers.

Places where no one was ever alone and everyone was loved.

Places I escaped to.

And took others with me to through pages of open doors.

Like the one I opened for Edward.

And the cover I let him open for himself.

The one that's pages of adventures have made his laughter rustle my hair like a dancing wind.

And in other moments, brought his lips straight to the top of my head.

And his arms to pull me tighter against him.

Moments that I wish could last forever.

In a place that I wish I could escape to and never return from.

A place more magical than any I ever dreamed of or created.

This place.

Here.

And now.

With him.

I tried to keep the disappointment from my face when Edward stood to leave.

Tried to keep this needy thing I've become from begging him to stay.

Made my arms let go when he pulled away from them at my front door.

And my mouth when he broke our goodnight kiss...

Even though his told me he didn't want to.

I tried to keep myself in place.

Composed and together and calm.

Compliant.

Like I am now.

And like I'm not.

I don't want to be compliant now.

To this thing that's making demands.

Giving me orders.

Like it does every time he leaves.

Telling me to follow him.

Its new obsession.

And mine.

The same object, but of different affections.

Mine are pure.

Its are pure evil.

That I'll never carry out for it.

Only refuse and deny again and again.

But never silence.

Not completely.

It's too desperate to give me peace.

Too hungry.

Needs too much.

If not him then something else.

Someone else.

Anyone, I think sometimes would do.

For it.

It claws at me until I can't stand it.

Bury my face in my pillow and scream.

Sometimes even cry.

Because for the first time in my life, I want to be left alone.

By it.

Not him.

Like I am now.

Even though he isn't far.

He's farther than I want him to be.

Far enough to let something else get closer.

Too close.

Something that wants inside of me.

Or is, even though I tried to push it out.

Because I wasn't strong enough.

And I'm not now.

To fight it alone.

And maybe I don't have to be.

I hope...

That I'm strong enough to not.

I made it as far as the grass of Edward's front yard before my legs got too heavy.

His front door is only feet away...

A few feet and a few steps and I'm there...

But my legs refuse to take me any further.

Won't carry me to safety.

The safety I'm wrong to ask him for.

But need.

I want to surrender myself to him...

But not the way I should.

Want to lay myself bare and open myself wide...

To him.

But not.

He said that I want to spend my nights with the man, not the agent.

And he was more right than he could possibly know.

About that.

But how separate are they really? How can I be sure which one of them I'll find behind that door?

It's three o'clock in the morning...

If I wake one, will the other open his eyes? Shine light over the dark? And me?

Light, like comes on in front of me now.

As his door swings open.

And he leans in the open frame.

And stares at me.

With tired eyes that move from my wide ones, down to my cemented feet in his grass, and back up again.

Sear and scorch me.

Like his voice, low and deep from recent sleep... "You're close... "

I want to be closer... "I'm trying... "

"I see that."

"But I got stuck... "

"I see that, too."

"I... "

"Tell me to come and get you."

"I want to." So much...

"Then say it."

"I... "

"You...?"

"Want...

"Need... " Damn it, why is it so hard? Help me, Edward...

"One more, Bella."

"You." Please...

His movements are catlike...

Sleek and swift.

Lithe and powerful and confident.

Commanding.

It's mere seconds before his arms are around me, lifting me effortlessly from the invisible weight that held me down.

The weight I no longer feel as he carries me into his house.

Through it and into his bedroom.

Lays me against his pillow.

Brushes his fingertips across my lips and then away...

Removes my shoes and drops them to the floor.

Pulls the blanket over me.

And tucks it tightly around me.

Like a cocoon.

And starts to walk away.

"No, Edward, I-"

"I know. Just keeping you safe until I get back."

I don't know where he's going, but I'm not afraid as I watch him walk from the room.

I know he'll come back.

To it.

And to me.

To what's his.

And what I want to be.

He knows what I'm asking him for.

And what I want to give him.

What I want him to take from me.

The next page I want him to turn.

And door I want him to come through.

He knows...

What I want him to claim.

I see it in his eyes when he comes back.

After just a couple of moments.

And unwraps me from my cocoon.

Traces his fingers over my face...

That I brought to him bare.

Naked.

Of everything but the emotions I wear on it.

Don't try to conceal.

The need.

And the want.

That's only for him.

The man who may one day destroy me.

But who at this moment can save me.

And does as he lowers his mouth to mine.

His mouth that's cool and wet and fresh.

I smile against it with the understanding of what he left me for.

And feel the same in his hair, damp and less tousled than when he appeared in his front doorway.

His hair that I tug on as he chuckles.

"I already know you're perfect," I sigh.

"I'm not perfect, Bella... but I believe we can be. If you don't fight it."

"It's not you I'm fighting, Edward," I whisper, not even caring about the pieces those words have given him.

Because I don't care about anything now...

But how safe I feel.

Safe and wanted and beautiful...

As he slowly peels the clothes from my body, his gaze travelling even more slowly over every inch of it he uncovers.

Exposes.

And me...

I'm trembling with anticipation.

Anticipation that makes him smile.

With sweetness, not arrogance.

Gratitude, not expectation.

"I'm going to make you love me," he says, his words pure and shockingly vulnerable, his hands soft on my skin, his eyes piercing mine.

"You already have," I answer, with words just as pure and just as vulnerable, if not more, holding nothing back from him.

Not wanting to.

Not needing to.

Not afraid to.

But not stupid, either...

"But make me," I tell him. "More." If more is even possible? I'm not sure that it is...

And then I am...

Because he lowers his head to my breast.

Places his lips just over my heart.

Closes his eyes.

And lets my words sink in, I think.

Not the ones I just said...

But the ones I said before that.

That he feels the weight of.

And the truth of against his lips.

And that I want him to feel everywhere...

My hands move to the back of his head.

Cradle it.

For a moment.

And then weave through his hair...

Slowly and tenderly through the soft silk of it.

His mouth opens and his contented breath flows over my skin, making me shiver beneath him.

And then he looks up at me.

And then down as he raises himself up to hover over me, his hands on either side of my head.

Breaks down every wall and erases every moment of pain I've ever felt with his gaze.

My eyes don't hide from his as I reach down and find the edge of his t-shirt, letting my fingers feel every inch of his skin as I lift it up his body.

Every moment matters now.

Every movement.

Every look and every touch.

Because I can't know when the last will be.

And can't take any for granted.

His shirt is bunched beneath his shoulders.

Because he hasn't moved.

And because I stopped...

Torn between the look in his eyes and the rest of him I want to see.

And feel.

On me.

Against me.

Around me.

And inside.

"I think we're at an impasse," I sigh, a helpless smile forming on my lips.

He only nods his head slightly.

And returns my smile, though his is far less helpless.

And then not helpless at all as he raises up and nods again...

His arms lifting as I pull the shirt over his head, the decision made.

By him.

Because the ones he makes are ones I've learned to trust.

And crave.

Those decisions have brought me here.

The choices I was given and not.

By this man who knows what he wants.

And takes as he lowers himself back over me.

His body hovering again...

Dominant, yet soft.

His mouth possessive and pleading all at once...

I give in to both.

Surrender myself to the all of him.

Without fear of losing anything.

Because I can only gain by giving.

This time.

And pray he feels it.

In the warmth of my kiss.

And my touch.

My fingers that learn every inch of his back.

For my eyes that can't see.

Because they're shrouded in darkness.

Darkness born of bliss, not loss.

His mouth could never lead me to anything but.

And doesn't as it descends over me...

Tortuous and slow.

Not at all what I expected from him.

This confident and arrogant man.

Not at all...

His kisses are tender.

His taste deliberate and controlled.

Generous and seeking.

Needing.

To miss nothing and give me everything as he doesn't.

His hands are under my back...

Lifting me to him.

His mouth is at my right breast now.

Tracing lazy circles around my nipple with his tongue.

My back arches as he pulls it into his warm mouth.

Something I've ached for.

But maybe not as much as he has.

It seems.

Because he sucks hard.

And harder still as I cry out in unabashed pleasure.

That fuels him.

Drives him lower.

Over my ribs, that he traces every ridge of with his tongue before he makes his way to my stomach.

His hands continue to move under me, delivering me to him, as his mouth worships. It's grown gentle again. Sweet...

With nips and tender kisses over the soft flesh.

Lingering.

Unlike his hands...

That move under my ass and down my thighs, pulling them apart.

And then nothing.

No movement.

No touch or kiss.

His hands hold my legs, but they're still.

Like his lips, where they rest on my stomach.

And his eyes...

That, when I open mine and look down at, I find locked on my face.

Giving me a choice.

But I don't want to make it...

"You own it all," I declare softly, "I'm at your mercy. Willingly. Even if you choose to have none on me... while you make me."

"You forgot part," he says sexily, his lips forming into another kiss against my skin.

I'd deprive myself of air before I'd deny him. "More."

But giving him what he wanted deprived me of nothing.

And I can't take my eyes off of him as his mouth makes my choice.

And his...

And continues its downward path.

Blindly, because his eyes are still locked with mine.

As his mouth locks down on his gift.

The one I brought to him because I needed to.

Offered to him, praying he'd take it.

In a way different than he's taking it now, but a way that I know he will.

When he wants to.

Which could never come soon enough...

Or could come too fast.

Because as deeply as I ache for him to fill me...

His appreciation of what does is mindblowingly blissful.

I've never felt so wanted.

So craved and needed.

Or so adored.

Worshiped.

His lips and tongue are purposeful.

And driven by desire.

For me.

That overcomes him as his eyes close.

Freeing mine.

And me to let go.

Let go and grab on...

My hands fist the sheets beneath me as his move under my ass.

Cup the rounded flesh and lift me possessively to his making-me-love-him-more mouth.

That hungrily licks and sucks every drop of its love for it while mine flows in delirious whimpers and cries from mine.

Whimpers and cries and pleas...

To never stop...

To never want to...

And of his name...

That makes him.

And his mouth move to latch on to the inside of my right thigh.

Marking it.

Before moving back up my body.

Quick, not slow like its descent.

And claiming mine with the taste of me.

A game of show and tell...

Showing me what's his while telling me he wants more.

The rest.

That I can't wait another second to give him.

As he raises above me again and his eyes blaze his order.

Free him so he can claim me.

And I do...

With selfish obedience.

And with a hatred for the clothes that separated him from me.

And that no longer do.

Because the last barrier has been ripped away.

The last step taken.

By me...

Who looks up at him with more want than I've ever felt.

Begging him to have mercy on it.

And none at all.

"More," I say again.

Without shame.

"All," he replies, his thumb stroking a circle around my trembling lips. "I'm going to take everything from you, Bella. Everything you want me to take, and things you don't even know you have to give me."

I nod - a slight movement that's meaning is anything but - and his smiling lips replace his thumb on mine...

His thumb that traces the line of my jaw and then strokes my cheek as his hand cradles the back of my head. A movement he repeats with his other, as he lowers the rest of his body slowly over me.

His weight feels good...

Better than I imagined it could...

And I pull on him desperately, wanting more of it.

Wanting all.

And gasping with breathless awe at the feel of it when he gives it to me, as he slides achingly slowly inside of me.

My breathless gasps that aren't alone.

Aren't the only.

The sound of his takes what's left of the air in my lungs.

And I hold him to me in every way that I can...

My arms wrapped tightly around his back, my legs nearly meeting them...

As tears flow over my cheeks like a river when his hips finally greet the insides of my thighs.

His heated skin flush with mine.

And buried in.

I've never been more filled.

Not any part of me.

And he knows it.

His eyes are light with it.

His mouth sweet and accepting as his tongue sweeps the tears from my face.

And his body understanding as it lies motionless on top of me.

And within.

He doesn't move a muscle.

Knows I don't want him to.

Yet.

That this is what I needed.

Him.

Holding me in place.

Keeping me together.

Making me feel safe.

Secure.

And full.

The emptiness gone.

The fear it brought obliterated.

And the destruction...

The fight...

Mine...

Surrendered.

To him.

Because I came to him.

Even though I got stuck...

I tried.

Trusted him to take it away.

And me.

The all that I was before he came.

Told me he'd take.

And make me...

His.

That I try to tell him I'm ready to be with a subtle movement of my hips.

And a wanting nip at his lips.

That curve into a sexy smile...

As he instantly starts to move.

Though calling it that is an insult.

Movement...

It's not a word I've ever thought about.

Not an action I've given weight to.

Until tonight...

When I couldn't continue my own.

And now...

When his makes me forget every one before it.

And everything.

My own name included...

And every other I've ever spoken or heard...

But his.

"Edward... "

He answers me by increasing his pace, and his grip on me - holding me tightly and firmly in place beneath him. Giving me all of him. Making me take it. And give more...

Turning his name to screams as it continues its movement through my mouth with every thrust and earth shattering rotation of his masterful hips.

Driving me into his bed like the stake he drove into the earth.

My earth.

My space.

My deepest.

Innermost.

That doesn't belong to me anymore.

It's his.

He's claimed it.

Like my voice that's only sounds are him.

Of and from and for...

Sounds that my mouth has never made.

Or my ears heard.

Like the beautiful quiet.

That I came searching for.

And found.

Because he took everything from me.

Like he said he would.

And like I knew he would.

Before he told me.

I knew...

The moment I gave up my fight.

Stepped through my front door...

And waited for him to come and carry me through his.

Movements...

That made me.