I know how long it's been... and that this should be longer after all of that time... but it's just not. What it is is a road. And it will get us where we need to go. Just watch and see...
...
Chapter Sixteen: Watch and See
I wake alone in Edward's bed, feeling like I only just closed my eyes. The room is dark, and I think perhaps I did, but the clock on the nightstand tells me the day has begun.
I slept for hours. Well...
A couple, anyway. After the more that I didn't. That we didn't...
I came here because I needed something. I needed him. And he gave it to me. Himself. All of...
But he took something, too.
All of me.
Parts I didn't know I had. Or could give. Or was.
Just like he said he would.
And I know I'm in trouble.
Trouble that there's no way out of.
I'll never be able to say goodbye.
To him.
Now.
Not after...
Probably not even before...
But definitely not now.
And that knowledge slithers over every inch of my skin as I climb from his bed.
Becomes his hands and his mouth and his body on mine as I dress.
And carries me silently, like he did, as I walk until I'm through the door of my own house.
I could hear him somewhere in his.
As I laid there.
And as I walked.
He was talking to someone.
On the phone, I assume.
In hushed, angry tones.
It's why I left.
Because that sound wasn't meant for me.
He left me in silence.
So I left with the same.
But not alone.
I was followed...
He's standing in my living room when I come out of the bathroom. "I see your legs are working better this morning... "
I liked the way they worked a few hours ago... when they held you to me.
" ...But not your mouth."
"I heard you talking when I woke up... somewhere... I was just trying to respect your privacy."
"Next time respect me, and say goodbye before you leave. Or good morning, and don't."
"I really just thought you wanted-"
"I wanted not to wake the beautiful woman in my bed."
"Do you have another bed somewhere? Because I just saw myself, and-"
"And I'm all over you."
You are.
"Which is what you wanted, I might add."
"I don't deny that."
"You couldn't. And you shouldn't deny how beautiful it is... " He steps forward until our bodies touch, but just barely, and trails the tips of his fingers down my face, his thumbs brushing over my lips so lightly I barely feel them, yet crumble under their weight. "Me... all over you."
"It felt beautiful... " I whisper, a breathless admission. "You… all over... "
"One more," he breathes against my mouth, his fingers still moving and now running down my arms.
"Me."
His hands reach mine and clasp them behind my back, pulling me against him, as his mouth captures mine. His kiss is soft and sweet, a stark contrast to the intensity he holds me against him with.
"Good morning," he says softly as he pulls back and looks down at me.
"Good morning," I say softly back.
"Isn't my way much better?"
"Better than anything."
He smiles at my admission this time - and its multiple meanings - and brushes his lips against mine once more before letting me go. "You make the coffee, and grab me a smoke, please, and I'll make breakfast."
I nod and grab my cigarettes from the coffee table and then follow him to the kitchen. I watch him as he goes straight to the pantry door and pulls out the bag of cat food, and gives it a shake. Figaro comes running from wherever he was hiding and rubs against his leg, meowing, until his bowl is filled and placed on the floor.
"Now, that's a proper 'Good morning'," he quips, giving me a sideways glance. "Good morning, Figaro."
"You had food," I say with a roll of my eyes, lighting a cigarette, waiting for the carafe to fill with water.
I hold one out to him as he walks towards me, but he takes the lit one from my mouth and puts it in his.
"Open," he says as I shake my head at him, and takes the offered smoke from my hand and places it between my lips. Then he leans down until the tips meet, and burn...
"I'm glad I didn't have to tell you to suck." He smirks, blowing smoke through his nose, and I shake my head at him again. Sexy fucker...
"I imagine it's a natural reflex if I want what someone puts in my mouth."
"If you have a special request for breakfast, Bella, make it."
"How are you at making omelettes?"
"Better than you are at saying what you really want."
"You mean saying what you want?"
"We want the same thing."
"You wish."
"I don't deny that."
He couldn't possibly as he leans over, because I feel what he wants press against me as he turns the faucet off. The carafe could have filled ten times by now...
"It's not that what you want doesn't sound appetizing... " I tease, " ...but your mouth gave an order, and a polite request, for coffee and a cigarette. So, since I already disrespected you with a lack of a proper 'Good morning', to not give you what you told me you wanted after-"
"The coffee can wait. And so can these." He grabs the cigarette from my hand, and along with his own, stubs them out in the sink. "Because at this moment, there's nothing I want more than to feel your lips wrapped around my disrespected cock."
Talk about saying what's on your mind... "Your disrespected cock?"
"Yes. My disrespected cock. Your hasty - and sneaky - departure this morning was an insult to both of us, and our plans for you when you finally opened those beautiful eyes."
"I see. Well, how truly thoughtless and inconsiderate of me. And unfortunate for me that I robbed myself of your plans. And its. My apologies. To both of you." And me... damn.
"I accept your apology... but-"
"But it doesn't?" I laugh.
"No. It doesn't."
"Well, I wish it would. My words are heartfelt, I swear."
"I believe you, but again... "
"It doesn't."
"No."
"Hmmm... that's quite unfortunate."
"It is. For you."
Really. Sexy. Fucker.
Well, since he wants it... "Do you think if I... oh, I don't know... wrapped my lips around it, it would consider forgiveness?"
"I think you should take your chances."
So do I.
I push him until his back hits the counter. "I'm sure you do... " Then pop the button on his jeans. "And I completely agree with you." And pull down the zipper. "This time." And brush my lips against his. "Now, you make sure to tell me if I disrespect your personal space in any way." And push down his jeans, along with his boxers. "You'll do that, won't you?"
"Yeah, wait for that."
I smile at his smug smirk and drop slowly to my knees, my eyes never leaving his as my hands move down his legs.
"Good morning," I say to it, wrapping my hand around it and running my thumb down the underside, causing his chuckle to turn to a low moan.
A low moan that turns to a sudden inhalation of breath as my tongue moves slowly up the trail my thumb just went down.
His eyes blaze with need as he watches me lick the salted pool from the tip of his cock, and I'm instantly filled with my own.
I want him.
I want to please him.
I ache with it...
The need to give him everything he could ever want.
Be it.
The all.
And the all consuming.
For him.
It courses through me...
Fierce...
And irrational...
As I pull him into my mouth.
But just the tip...
And suck.
His eyes close and his legs jerk and he grips the counter behind him.
It makes me feel powerful.
And needy.
I reach up and pull his hands from the granite edge as I pull him deeper into my mouth. His breath hitches and his eyes flash open when I place them on either side of my head.
And it's exactly what I wanted.
I want him to watch.
I want him to see.
Know how much I want him.
And how much I want to give to him.
And be.
I want the knowledge to consume him.
Like I do as I sheath him fully in my mouth.
Run my hands down his legs and clutch his jeans in my fists as I bury his cock in my throat.
And watch him.
As the pleasure pulls him under and back up again with every greedy movement of my mouth.
His hands are in my hair now, but they're gentle and adoring. Not hard and unrelenting like my grip on the bunched denim in mine.
That's presence now settles into my consciousness. And won't leave.
He said he had plans for me this morning, but he should have left for work by now. He's been going over the Catwoman case - as it's been so stupidly officially named - with a finetooth comb with Jasper for the last couple of days, determined there's something he missed. He, as in Jasper...
Who I immediately remove thoughts of from my brain. "Edward?" I ask, my lips soft against his hard.
"Hmmm?" he hums as I swirl my tongue around him.
"Why are you wearing jeans?"
I pull him back into my mouth as I wait for his answer, knowing it's cruel to ask him to form a coherent thought, but irrationally needing him to.
"What? You want to know why... fuck. Stop."
I still, just as he fills my throat again, and his hands tighten in my hair. He gently pulls, and I think he just wants to prolong it, so I let him, and he pulls until he frees himself from my mouth with a sigh.
My tongue snakes out again but he grabs my chin and holds it still, his glistening hard cock now out of my reach. "No, Bella. I meant stop."
Ouch.
"Right. Of course you did. You always say what-"
"It just wasn't-"
"I heard you." I jerk out of his grasp and get up from my suddenly-humiliating position on the floor.
He pulls his pants up and tucks himself inside before reaching for me. "No, you didn't, because you're not giving me a chance to explain."
"What's there to explain, Edward? You wanted something, I gave it to you, and then you decided you didn't want it anymore. I got it, believe me."
"You got it wrong. And I'm going to tell you how you did, but first I want to tell you something else...
"Anyone who ever didn't want what you gave them was a fool, and sure as hell not worthy of taking anything from you. Now, I happen to believe I am, but I was wrong to ask you for anything this morning, and that is the only reason I stopped you."
"I don't know what that means, or is supposed to mean, but don't make excuses because my ego is shattered. I'm a big girl, and I'm sure I'll get over it eventually."
"I don't want your ego to be shattered, or anything else, but I'm not making excuses. I need to talk to you, Bella. And that's what I should have been doing, instead of being selfish, because there isn't a lot of time."
"Time for what?"
"Time before I have to leave."
"Don't worry about me, Edward. Go to work."
"That's just it, Bella... You asked me why I was wearing jeans... it's because I'm not going to work. I'm going back to Chicago."
What? "You're going back... "
"Yes. I-"
"You're leaving."
"Yes, but-"
"When?"
"In a couple of hours, but-"
"I see."
"Damn it, Bella! No, you don't see! Will you let me finish a fucking sentence?"
"Goodbye isn't a sentence, Edward. It's a word. One cruel word. And I don't want to hear it. Not from you... "
I thought not hearing it was the worst thing I could imagine, but I was wrong. I was so wrong...
He hasn't even said it yet, and I can't breathe. I can't...
"Listen to me. You have to listen, Bella. You're jumping to conclusions. Again. And again, they're the wrong ones. I'm not going back to Chicago... I didn't mean it to sound that way. I do have to go, but it should only be for a few days. And I want you to understand something...
"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you. And I wouldn't... for a single second, if I didn't have to. I need you to believe that."
"You're not leaving?"
"No. Hell no."
"And you stopped me before because-"
"Because I felt like an asshole. The luckiest asshole on earth, but an asshole. And I'm sorry for that."
"You should have let me finish. I might be more confident that you'll come back if you had."
"I'm coming back, Bella. And you will finish."
"Why are you going?"
"My brother had an accident... "
Brother? But he said...
"It's bad, I guess... and my parents are... well... or I wouldn't go. And I'd ask you to go with me, but-"
"You don't have to explain anything. It's your family, and they need you."
"You need me, too. And I'd much rather be here taking care of you. I-"
I'd rather you were here, too. I'm afraid for you to leave... "Don't worry about me. Figaro will take care of me. We'll miss you together."
"Did you just admit that you're going to miss me, Bella?"
"Is that what you heard?"
"It's what you said."
"Then I suppose I can't deny it." You'd never believe me anyway if I tried.
"No... I wouldn't."
There he goes again...
…
...
"Have everything?"
I showered and dressed while Edward went to pack, and came outside just as he was putting his suitcase in the back of his Tahoe.
"I do, actually." He looks at me as he shuts the tailgate, but my eyes are glued to the license plate that he still hasn't changed.
And he sees that, of course... "Your plate expires at the end of this month. When I get back, you and I have a date at the DOL."
I try to smile, but my lips fail me. "You better go. Or do FBI agents get special breeze-through privileges at airport security?"
"I have time."
Good for you. I feel like I'm out of it.
"Talk to me, Bella."
"About what?" My voice cracks on the words, and my eyes blur with tears. I clear my throat and try to laugh it off. "I bet this always happens after you've taken a woman to your bed, huh? They-"
"Don't joke. Are you honestly afraid that I won't come back? Tell me the truth."
"I don't know... "
"What do you know?"
I wipe a traitor tear from my cheek and look away. "I know that it would rip my heart out if you didn't. If you really want the truth."
"That's a pretty big admission."
"I seem to be making a lot of those lately."
"Yes you have, which makes the timing of this-"
"What it is."
"I'm coming back, Bella."
"Well, right now you're going home... "
"Chicago isn't home. I consider home where I'm happy to go, or to be, and that's not there. Right now it's here, where I wish I didn't have to leave."
"But you do. Right now."
He looks at his watch and sighs. "Think of it this way, you'll have your personal space back for a few days."
"I didn't really want it back."
He cups my face in his hands and looks deep into my eyes. "I know that. And I know I told you you'd never watch me leave... and I'm breaking that promise now... but that's exactly the reason I don't want you to take me to the airport. I want you to see me come back. And how hard I'll work when I do to make it up to you."
"I'd like to see that," I whisper through quivering lips.
"I promise you will." He pulls me into his arms as he says the words, and I feel their truth around me...
But it's not enough to wash away everything else I feel when his lips meet mine.
And then don't anymore.
And I'm left watching him leave, holding only his key in my hand.
"Goodbye, Edward... "
