Chapter Eighteen: You, Me, and We

"Alice, please don't be like that."

"Just eat your pizza, Bella, and leave me alone."

"It's our pizza. And he probably doesn't even realize that he forgot."

Jasper ordered us a pizza and had it delivered to my house. But it's missing Alice's favorite topping. And she's making another mountain out of another molehill.

"He didn't forget that you like sausage and mushrooms and extra sauce!"

Just like Edward... but not about. "Would you like me to order another one for you? With double pepperoni and extra cheese?"

"Am I supposed to be so flattered that you know what I like on my pizza that I forget to be upset that my husband doesn't?"

"He knows, Alice. And I don't want you to be upset at all. About anything."

"Of course you don't want me to be upset about anything... because you won't be the center of attention if I am. My husband's!"

We spent the next hour in silence. And then she stormed out of my house without a word. And without having eaten a single slice of pizza. That I really didn't think he meant to not order pepperoni on, even though he knows I hate it.

But then he told me that he did. Mean not to. When I called him. Right after she left. And warned him about the coming storm.

His wife.

Who was headed home, I thought.

I wanted him to know. The way she was feeling. The things she had said.

To me.

About him.

Wanted to prepare him.

But he didn't sound surprised.

And told me that he was sorry.

That she'd said them to me.

The things she had only ever said to him.

When she was feeling jealous. Or upset.

Then I asked him if she ever had a reason to be. Jealous, or upset...

Because I needed to know.

And he said that some questions were better left unasked.

And unanswered.

Which gave me mine.

The one I hoped he wouldn't.

And then he said that he loved his wife. Something I'd never need to ask him. Something I'd never doubt.

And something that he said that she wouldn't when she got home.

That he'd make her know. Remind her. Prove to her how much. For all of us.

And then he asked me to please remember how much she loved me.

And to forgive her for the things that she'd said.

Because tomorrow she would be better.

And she would be sorry that she had.

And I told him that I knew that.

Because I do. Or hope, anyway. That she'd be better.

And me...

And then I told him that I would. Forgive her.

And then I said goodbye.

Just now.

But my phone rings in my hand before I can even put it down.

The ring that tells me who it is without looking at the screen.

Because during our hour of silence, I found myself a new ringtone. Just for Edward.

The Criminal Minds theme music. The sound of which I like, if not the why. But not nearly as much as his voice.

That I hear before I can even say hello. "Do you have something you want to tell me?"

"Um... well, I already told you I miss you, so let me think... "

"Do you?"

"Miss you? Yes. You're still gone, aren't you?"

"Yes. You sure as hell wouldn't have been letting another man undress you in your bedroom if I wasn't."

Oh, Alice, you didn't...

But she obviously did. "Alice called you."

"Yes. She did."

"Well, she shouldn't have."

"I disagree. And you better start explaining... "

I close my eyes and press my fingers to my temples, trying to ward off the pain that I fear is coming my way. I don't know what to say to him. What kind of explanation would be right, or enough for him, if such a thing is even possible now.

I know I would be angry if I were him, having to ask me such a question at all. I'm not sure any answer or explanation would be good enough for me if the roles were reversed.

But then I hear that woman's voice in my head... the one I heard earlier... the one I didn't ask him about. The one I was afraid to know the truth about... am still afraid to...

"I'm waiting, Bella."

And I know that I'm grateful that's he's not afraid to ask me. That he didn't let it sit to breathe and grow inside of him.

She couldn't have called him long ago. It had to have been right after she stormed out the door. Minutes ago...

Probably the very same minutes I was talking to Jasper.

And just like I just did with him, he probably just hung up from their conversation.

And he didn't wait a single minute to have one with me. This one... that I'm making him wait for.

And that I won't for another second, letting the words start to trickle out of me, praying that they're enough. "I was a mess, Edward... after you left. It had started raining... and I stood in it for I don't know how long... which you already know... I already told you...

"I didn't even realize I was or had been until Jasper came... because you called him... because you knew I needed help...

"I was soaked... shivering... just standing there where you left me... staring down the street... our street... the way you'd gone... completely heartbroken... and helpless.

"He was just trying to help me... like you sent him to do... not that way, I know, but... I couldn't help myself... I couldn't... I... so he...

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry that he did. That he had to. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger. And I'm sorry if that's not good enough, that I'm not... but that's what happened. All that happened. I swear it was innocent. I-"

"Alright."

"Alright?" I ask, not believing my ears.

"Do I really have a choice?"

"Everyone has a choice, Edward. Or at least they should... You-"

"Yes, Bella, they should... and I am sorry for the one I made."

What? No... no no no... please... "Please don't say that. I'm sorry. I-"

"To leave you. And hurt you so much that it made you helpless. That it made you need anyone that wasn't me. Because I wasn't there so you could. It was the wrong choice, Bella. The one I made, and didn't give you."

He's too good to be true. Much too good... "Edward, it's not your fault that I'm-"

"It is today."

Go away.

Go away go away go away!

Please go away...

Please...

Don't you know by now I'll never leave you?

No! I don't know that! Because you will! I'll make you!

I'm not them, Bella. Them, you made. Effortlessly. But it won't work that way with me. You can't leave yourself.

You are not me!

Again with the denial? Haven't you tired of that yet?

The only thing I've tired of is you. Leave. Me. Alone!

You don't want to be alone. That's why you got a cat. And me.

I don't want you.

Too late.

No it's not. You're going to go away.

If you want to take a trip, I'm all for travel. Chicago would be fun. Though not so much for him. Not after our arrival, anyway. Not like he's having now.

We're not going to Chicago!

You didn't even ask him who she was. The woman he left you to be with.

He didn't leave me to be with anyone.

Yet he is. With someone. You know that. You heard her. You, that's we.

The only we there is is Edward and me. And my cat. The we I want. And it doesn't include you. You're not a part of it! You're not a part of me. And I'm not going to let you be. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever again.

We'll see. We... that's YOU.

I tossed and turned all night.

But I didn't get out of bed.

Except to go next door and crawl into Edward's.

Because I needed to feel him.

Smell him.

The him that isn't here.

But that I wish was.

So that something else wouldn't be.

The something else that brought him to me.

And that wants me to take to him, now that he's gone.

Because it wants him never to come back.

And never to go anywhere ever again.

But that's not what I want. Not what I want at all.

I just want him.

Proof that we're different.

Not the same.

That it isn't me.

And could never be a part of we.

"Good morning, how's my favorite stunningly beautiful woman?"

"Good morning. She's better suddenly, though I seriously doubt stunningly beautiful at this exact moment. How are you? Who I'm sure is. And how's your brother?"

"He'll live. And I am drinking my first cup of coffee of the day, miserably, because it's bitter. Because it isn't yours, and because I'm not drinking it with you, who I know is at this exact moment."

"Are you drinking it with anyone? Who also might be?"

"Anyone?"

The question had flown out of my mouth as quickly as I'd thought it, but since I let it, I'm going to let him give me the answer. "Yes, anyone." Please say no, please say no...

"Do you want to ask me something, Bella?"

"I just did."

"Something else?"

"I heard a woman's voice yesterday," I say softly, the words hurting my own ears. "The first time you called... "

"And you want to know if I'm drinking my coffee with her."

I'm afraid to know... but... "Yes. I really do."

"No, Bella. I absolutely am not drinking my coffee with her, who, by the way, would be invisible next to you. Not that she'll ever get that honor. To be next to you. And in case I haven't answered your question thoroughly enough, I'm not drinking my coffee with anyone else, either. Though I expect that my father will come down at any moment and join me."

"Are you mad? That I asked you if you were?"

"No. But I am mad that you didn't ask me yesterday, about her. You'd have slept better last night if you had."

"Yes, I probably would have. But-"

"Now, crawl out of my bed and walk your stunningly beautiful ass into my office."

Crawl out of... "How did you know I was in your bed?"

"Are you denying that you are?"

"No, but-"

"But it's time to get out. I want to show you something."

"Do you have cameras in here?" I ask, scanning the room in horror. "That are linked to your phone? Or your laptop? FBI boy?"

"FBI man. And no," he laughs, "I do not have cameras in there. Just a stunningly beautiful woman that is wasting time asking silly questions when I'm trying to give her answers to more important ones."

"You even stalk yourself? Freak."

"Office."

I scan the room one more time as I climb from his bed, willing myself to believe him, but knowing I'd probably never see it if there was. Like I know anything about FBI technology...

"Okay," I say with a sigh. "I'm in your office. What do you want me to do?"

"Open the bottom left hand drawer of my desk."

"Open."

"Now take out the file folder."

It's an easy order to follow because it's the only one in the drawer. "Out."

"Open it."

I do, and inside is a single photograph. Of Edward with his arm around another stunningly beautiful woman, with another man beside her, and a man and woman on his other side. Edward's other side. The one without the woman. That really is stunningly beautiful... though she pales next to him... But who wouldn't?

"Are you looking at it?"

"Yes." Unfortunately...

"Do you see the woman next to me? The blonde?"

"You know I do."

"That's whose voice you heard yesterday. Her name is Rosalie, and-"

"Great. I feel so much better now, thanks."

"Bella... listen to me. I didn't want you to see her so that it would upset you. I promise there's nothing to be upset over."

"Is she the one? That you thought was special?"

"That I was wrong about? Yes. She's the one."

"But you were with her yesterday."

"No, we were in the same place. At the hospital. Where I stepped outside of to have a smoke and call you."

"She's still close with your family?"

"She's my brother's wife."

"Your brother's... "

"He's on the other side of her in the photograph."

"But it looks like she's with you."

"She was then. But not only."

I see it before he says it. The way her other hand is on his brother's leg. Something he may have looked at the photograph a hundred times and not noticed.

"Do you see-"

"Yes. I'm sorry... "

"Don't be sorry, Bella. I'm not. About that. I'm just sorry that you spent a night worrying about it. Because of a voice."

"That's my fault. I should have just asked you who she was."

"Yes, you should have."

"Can I ask you something else? Now?"

"If it's something that's on your mind, then yes, I insist that you do."

"Why did you cover the phone? When you spoke to her?"

"Because what I said to her when she interrupted our conversation wasn't kind. And I wasn't trying to hide that from you, but I didn't think that you needed to hear it. And didn't want you to. Because your ears will never hear anything like that from me."

"Did seeing her-"

"Irritate me? Yes."

"That wasn't what I was going to ask."

"Did it bring back feelings? Is that your question?"

"Yes."

"No. Not for her. Those are long dead."

"Not for her?"

"Yes, not for her. Only for you. And not back, because they certainly never left for a second... but seeing her made them even clearer than they already were. Though I wouldn't have thought that that was possible."

"You wouldn't have?"

"No, I wouldn't have."

"I came to your house and got into your bed because I needed you."

"I know. It's why I gave you the key. In case you did."

"In case?"

"When."

"So, you're not upset that I did?"

"There's my stunningly beautiful woman asking silly questions again."

"Can I take that as a no?"

"Yes, you can. A hell no, actually. And Bella... please... don't worry about her. Don't even think about her, not for another second, because that woman in that photograph also climbed into my bed when I wasn't there, but she took someone with her. That was what I went home to. That was what I found waiting for me.

"But the woman I want... the woman I wish I'd been with yesterday... the woman I wish I was with now... the woman that I will never be wrong about... could never be... is the one who seeks comfort in it alone. Because I'm not there. And because she wishes I was."

"I do. And found comfort, Edward. Found."

Stunningly beautiful comfort.

"Please don't slam the door in my face!"

"Have I ever done that?"

"No. But I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to now."

"That's good. That you wouldn't blame me. Now, would you like to come in?"

"Yes, please."

I step aside and gesture her in. And what she's brought with her... her guilt.

That she wastes no time in expressing, though she doesn't need to because she wears it like a full body suit. "I'm sorry about yesterday. The childish way I acted. The things I said... and did... which I'm sure you know about... so I doubt is really necessary for me to confess to you... "

"I do. And you're right... a confession is completely unnecessary."

"I'm sorry, Bella. So sorry... I'll call him... again... I'll fix it, I swear I will."

"There's nothing to fix, Alice."

"Nothing to fix? But... No, please don't say that. Oh, God, what have I done? I... no! No. I don't accept nothing. It's something! You and Edward have something! And I will fix it! I'll go to the airport right now... and get on the first flight to Chicago-"

"Alice! Stop!" I yell, as she heads back towards the door.

But she doesn't stop, yelling back to me over her shoulder, "No, Bella! I can't! I ruined everything for you! And I have to fix it! I have to-"

I rush out the door behind her, in my bare feet, and grab her arm before she can get any further. And, for the second day in a row, find myself standing in the pouring rain. That I definitely know is. And freezing. "Damn it, Alice, stop! And shut up! And listen to me! Not nothing to fix, just nothing that needs fixing. Do you hear me? Do you understand?"

"No? I mean, I heard you, but I don't understand."

Seriously... freezing. "Pay attention... " I order through soon-to-be-chattering teeth. "You didn't ruin anything for me. There's nothing to fix because Edward and I are fine. Better than fine. Okay? Do you understand now?"

"Nothing to fix?"

"Nothing."

"Fine? Really?"

"Better than. Really."

"You really, really are?"

"Yes, we really, really are."

"He didn't... "

"No. Whatever you thought he did, or thought he would do, he didn't."

"What did he do?"

"He called... expressed his displeasure, and gave me a chance to explain. An explanation that he understood, and accepted, along with my apology. That after accepting, he even took responsibility for. Which, even though I don't agree with that - that he was responsible for the pitiful state Jasper found me in yesterday - I didn't argue with much effort at all. Because he was letting us move past it. Pulling me past it. To better. Because he's the most generous and understanding man I've ever known."

"Just one more reason why you're perfect for each other. The two most perfect for each other people in the world."

"I don't know, Alice... I'm pretty sure that title already belongs to someone. Well... two someones."

"Thank you, Bella. For believing that. And for my generous and understanding man, who is probably going to show up here any minute to check on his two favorite girls. Because I don't think he really trusts the one he married not to screw this up."

"You're welcome. For both. And I think you're wrong about that, but for God's sake, let's get out of this rain! I'm f-freezing!"

"Me too! We're both soaked this time!"

"Edward has a way of doing that to a girl... " I laugh, as we run into the house.

"Even when he's miles away, bless his heart. Definitely a keeper... " She gives me a mischievous smile and then wiggles her tongue, and I sigh wistfully, remembering the last time she said those words - and why - to him... in my garage...

Definitely a keeper... "I'm going to try, Alice, believe me I am."

"You don't have to try, Bella. Just be you. A real man would never want more than that. And would never leave it. Unless he was given no choice."

I smile, knowing her words are heartfelt, the ones about me... and that she just couldn't help herself from saying the others, that were about us... the two people that she loves, who once loved each other... or still do... one of... as I pull her down the hallway to my bedroom.

I grab two towels from the bathroom cabinet on the way, and once in my room, toss them on the bed and go to my dresser. I pull the infamous Seahawks t-shirt from a drawer and toss it to her. "Put that on, for starters. And keep it. Edward hates it, or the team, anyway... The last time I wore it he ripped it off of me and threw it on the floor."

"Oooh, do tell!" she squeals, taking off her rain-soaked blouse.

"No... " I say, taking off my own, "It wasn't like that. At. All. I wasn't even wearing a bra under it at the time and he didn't so much as look at me. Just took it off and tossed it to the floor and replaced it with his sweatshirt. His Bears sweatshirt."

"Men and their sports," she laughs, rolling her eyes, "Not even tits can compete."

"Well, sure as hell not mine," I laugh back, though it was anything but funny to me at the time.

"Honey, we're in the same boat on that river. Thank God for generous men who like things that aren't."

"Amen. Now put on that shirt and cover your aren'ts up before your husband walks in here and finds us wet and half naked and gets the wrong idea."

I wiggle my brows playfully at her sudden frown and she smiles. And lets out a loud "Ha! I'm pretty sure that is his greatest fantasy!"

"Alice! It is not! Shame on you!"

"It soooo is, Bella... with him smack dab in the middle."

"Stop that! He would never!"

"Yes he would. But you wouldn't, so I try not to let it bother me too much. Usually. And I really am sorry that I did yesterday. And took it out on you...

"And I'm happier than you could possibly know that you and Edward are okay. Better than okay... even though I did... but I still have to ask...

"Are we? After everything I did? And said?"

No matter what else she thinks she knows, she wouldn't ask that unless she truly didn't. And I hurt for her for both, what she does and doesn't...

And, like Edward didn't with me, I won't punish her for how helpless her hurt made her. Helpless in a different way than I was.

Because we're different, too.

Her and I.

I gave in to my helpless. Let it consume me...

She fought hers. Didn't keep it inside. Something she'd done and felt for too long.

"Of course we are, Alice. We'll always be okay. Better than okay," I hope... "Because you and Jasper... and Edward and I - that I know you really do believe are - aren't the only people who are perfect for each other."

"Oh, Bella... " She has tears in her eyes now, and a beaming smile on her face, which turns suddenly into a giggle, because we hear the front door and what it was all for...

One of the whats...

Whos...

"Hello? Where are my two favorite girls at?"

"In here!" she calls, grasping my hand in hers, "But stay where you are! We have it under control today!"

xx

I just wanted to say a few things before I leave you...

To those of you who wanted Edward to be Bella's next victim after the last chapter... SHAME ON YOU! Tell him you're sorry! You're bad girls! Somethings that Bella (well... ) and Alice are not. Don't anyone go getting the wrong idea. Not that it is wrong... just in this story.

But if you like that sort of thing... 'bad' girls (who are sweet, actually)... I have a rec for you. It's called Two Girls, One Heart. It's written by hisgirlinterrupted (who also wrote a yummy Edward and Bella O/S if that's more your thing). She's a friend of mine (and also sweet), and pretty new around here, so be sweet and go introduce yourselves. Because new can be lonely. Kind of like this story... that isn't new at all, but...

Oh well... I love those of you who know that. And who are still here even though I've kept you waiting lately. Sorry I haven't had time to tell you that in a while, but I do.

Really.

xo