It was something of a habit that Adina used the drive back from Mathias's apartment to call Trish. That her fingers had pressed the call button on her car's dash, then immediately pressed the end button made her feel a bit guilty. She knew Trish would want to hear about what happened, she had texted her already to let her know she arrived and was safe… she just wasn't ready to talk to her friend. She didn't know what to say to her, really.

She changed lanes and her fingers slipped on the steering wheel, engaging the voice activation for the bluetooth software. Adina rolled her eyes, then, on a whim, said "Call Renata," clearly enough for the bluetooth to pick it up and start dialing. She was surprised that Trisha's mother picked up the phone. At nine on a weekday morning, Renata like as not was in court.

"Hey baby, what's wrong?" Renata's voice was smooth and warm as always. Adina felt such a rush of relief that she nearly wept. She didn't speak at first, couldn't speak, maybe, because she was so emotionally spent that just driving was a chore. "Trish said you made it back to Durant okay," Renata said, filling the space without needing to be asked. "I guess you found your man?"

Adina tried to speak again and said a word that she hadn't said in a long time.

"Are you driving? Why don't you pull over so you can talk to me?" She listened to her because she was going to do it anyway. There was nobody on the road. Her car kicked up a cloud of red dust. She sighed and reached over to the passenger seat for one of the sodas she'd lifted from Mathais's fridge before she left. "Men are funny," Renata said evenly, "aren't they?"

"He's been acting like an angry rooster," Adina said in a burst. Feeling suddenly as though she should apologize for being disloyal. "He's either making noises so I know he's fine and doesn't need help, or he's screwing me to assert dominance. Or something, I don't know about that last bit, I was trying to fit my analogy."

Renata laughed, "Well, a little angry sex never hurt anybody, I don't think, as long as you're both into it."

"Renata!" She wasn't particularly shocked, but she felt like she should pretend to be. What with this being her best friend's mother after all.

"How do you think Sol and I solve half our arguments, cher? It's the only way we shut each other up." Renata's voice softened, "What's really bothering you?"

"He's… so different. I mean, he loved Gail and I get everybody grieves differently and I'm not trying to begrudge him anything but- I don't know what to do." She sighed, "I don't know how to help him."

"Did he say he wanted your help?" If Adina knew Renata, the older woman was curled up on an ugly, overstuffed loveseat she kept in her home office. It was a relic of the 80's, looking like it was straight from the set of Miami Vice, and the velvet knap was worn threadbare at the arms. It was the one piece she absolutely refused to get rid of. Sol said it was because it was the first piece of furniture she spent more than ten dollars on and she absolutely refused to let it go until it fell to pieces to justify the cost. Renata said she wasn't going to get rid of it because no other piece of furniture curved around her ass the same way.

"That's harsh," Adina said, because it was. "Besides, do they ever say they want help?"

"Sure they do," Renata made a sound in her throat that probably meant she was making herself comfortable. "Maybe not in so many words, but they'll tell you. The trick is to believe them."

"Well if I'm supposed to be believing him, he's totally fine, he doesn't need me, and I should fuck right off unless I want to put my mouth to work."

"Well okay, so maybe he needs to focus on physical for a while," she paused, "do you have any reason to think he doesn't really want you in his life?"

"Oh no," Adina didn't even hesitate. "Not at all. It's just this… I don't know." She outlined for Renata briefly what had happened, and a little bit about what had been happening before she left for New Orleans. When she was finished Renata let out a low whistle.

"That's a lot to unpack."

"Yeah," Adina bit her lip, "I don't get it. I don't get any of it. And he shouldn't have to explain to to me, you know? Like, he deserves to have a relationship where he doesn't have to spend hours explaining the politics and history and social cues and I'm trying so hard to just take him as he is but I know he's not okay."

"I'm sure you're right." She didn't say anything for a long moment, "What do you want me to say, baby?"

"Tell me what to do," desperation making her voice shake.

"Go home, take a shower," Renata said automatically. "Make yourself some food and take a longass nap."

"Then what," she said miserably.

"Then...wait and see." Adina wondered if Renata had ever been in a situation like this. "He'll either come around or he won't. I know that's not what you want to hear, sweet, but this is a pretty hard mess you're in."

"Yeah," she sighed, feeling a little like a spoiled kid.

"What do you want out of this?" Renata asked, "What are you trying to communicate to him by being all…" Adina almost laughed, she could practically hear Renata acting out what she was saying.

"He's the only thing I care about," she said softly, "not like, I don't care about anything else, but like, I don't care what anybody else thinks. I'm here for him. That's it."

"You're his advocate?" Renata asked.

"Yes, I'm only interested in what's best for him." She realized it was true.

"What if what's best for him is to be alone for a while?" Renata said. Adina flinched, because she knew it was an obvious question but also because it was a question she didn't want to have to answer.

"Then… I guess I'll have to pick up a new hobby," she said finally. Renata laughed and it was a husky, sultry sound.

"Finding a new hobby wouldn't be the worst thing," she said. "Maye it'll give you the chance to make Sol that hat he's been after."

888

"So you just left?" Cady said, incredulity making her tone sharper than it normally would have been. She grimaced and hid her mouth behind her latte. Adina shot her a look and went back to the cubbies of yarn in the yarn shop.

"He had to go to work. We'd said everything we could say, and he made it pretty clear he didn't want to talk about it anymore."

"Well I know, but… I don't know. I don't think I would have been able to just leave like that." She poked at a ball of yarn that was variegated shades of neon. "What would you even make with this?"

"Socks," Adina reached out to finger one of the yarn strands, "see how thin it is?"

"Those would be some very brightly colored socks," Cady sipped from her latte again. "That would seriously drive me crazy."

"The not talking?" Adina shrugged, "Because clearly I'm handling it so well." She had been to the yarn store often enough to know Angie, the owner, kept a step stool between the shelves. She stepped around Cady to grab it and open it. There was some stuff on the higher shelf she wanted to look at and she was about two feet to short to grab it without assistance. She sighed, looking down at her friend, "It's driving me batshit. But what can I do? If I push him any harder it'll drive him off." She lifted down one of the skeins of bright blue alpaca. It would do for Sol's hat, she knew. She was considering getting bells for it, too. "I think the best thing I can do is just wait it out. He'll talk when he's ready." She told herself it was the right decision even though she still wasn't sure.

He'd already shown her it was right, hadn't he? He hadn't had to tell her that little bit about Gail when he bandaged her knees. And Renata was right about other things, too, the angry sex had been good. Scary good. But it wasn't like she was going to pick a fight with him in hopes he'd either tell her something or she'd get laid. That would just be nuts.

"He deserves to grieve in his own way," she said finally. "I don't like it, but he let me come to terms with my shit on my own time, there's no real reason why I can't do the same for him."

"Good luck with that," Cady muttered, checking her phone absently. "My dad's got something he wants me to check, do you mind if I run upstairs?"

"No, go ahead," Adina had roughly four skeins of the blue yarn in her hand and she returned the step stool to the alcove. She'd talk to Angie for a bit to figure out the best embellishments for the hat.

"Thanks, friend," Cady winked at her and made her way out of the shop, tossing her empty latte cup in the trash can on her way.

888

He'd never been a boy scout, he didn't have time for that shit, but he figured he deserved some kind of merit badge for driving into work when every muscle in his body wanted him to drive out to the cliff again. He'd popped a few Tylenol with his coffee, but his back was still sore. He guessed he wasn't surprised. Adina hadn't been kidding, he was getting too old for that kind of sex too.

Not that he hadn't been into it.

Matthias sighed. Then punched a few numbers into his cell. Then immediately disconnected the call before it could send. He didn't even know what he could say to her really. She had wanted him to talk, to tell her about his feelings, but he couldn't even begin to explain. He was sad, sure, pissed off, righteously infuriated, and completely cynical. Permeating all of that was a sense of hopelessness that robbed him of the ability to so much as crack a joke about the absolute waste of time it all was.

He turned off on a road he hadn't been down in a while. Not for a few weeks, anyway. He'd be late, but he was the boss, he was allowed. It was time to visit Hector's wall.