A/N: Thank you for all the marvellous feedback on the previous chapter. I know many of you are pained at the potental Lit break-up that could follow. Mostly, y'all seem to wonder what is wrong with Rory after her mistakes with Logan, and now, Rory is asking herself the same question! lol

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 24

"I'm a horrible person."

Rory's head hit the food court table with an audible thunk the moment after she said those words.

"Sweetie, you're not horrible," Lorelai assured her, putting her hand to her hair. "You just... well, you made a couple of mistakes. We've all been there."

"Yes, we have," Lane agreed, sucking Orange Julius up threw her straw. "We really need a pact, a non-kissing pact," she said definitely. "No more kissing guys, because as great as it seems at the time, it leads to no good, absolutely no good!" she said definitely.

"Hey, I'm not being part of any non-kissing pact," said Lorelai quickly. "I have a fiance, I am allowed to kiss him and I most certainly will."

Rory groaned, her face still smooshed against the table top.

"I had a boyfriend," she said, looking up then. "I was allowed to kiss him."

"Honey, you still have a boyfriend," her mom reminded her.

"Yes, but for how long? Jess is going to go crazy when he finds out I kissed Logan. I'm pretty sure I must've been crazy when I did it. What was I thinking?"

"Rory, you were upset," Lane reminded her, putting a hand to her arm in comfort. "You just found out you had to drop a class and you've been under so much pressure recently. I just feel bad that I really haven't been there when you need me lately."

"Amen, sister-friend," Lorelai agreed whole-heartedly. "Between the inn and Luke and then my mom railroading me into attending that benefit, I've been kind of absent too. I'm so sorry, sweets."

"Stop, please." Rory shook her head. "I mean, thank you, for wanting to be there for me, I do appreciate it, but I don't have an excuse for what I've done. Yes, I was upset about college and the whole dropping a class thing and of course my workload has been stressful, that was sort of the point, but practically cheating on my boyfriend just because nobody else was there to be nice to me is pretty pathetic, don't you think?"

Neither Lorelai nor Lane were prepared to say that, especially not in those words. They shared a look, neither wanting to even nod their heads in agreement, though they knew that what Rory said was true.

"Come on, look at it from Jess' point of view," said Rory when she got no response. "If he had kissed another girl under the circumstances that I kissed Logan, would you expect me to forgive him?"

Lorelai made a face.

"Well, no, not really," she began, continuing fast when she realised an 'I told you so' was coming from Rory, "but I will say that Jess is a decent guy and we do get along. If he could explain himself properly and seemed genuinely sorry for what he did, maybe he should be forgiven," she considered. "After all, it was weird circumstances and it was just one kiss."

Rory looked away and Lorelai's eyes widened some.

"It was just a kiss, wasn't it?" asked Lane, look similarly concerned.

"It was," Rory confirmed, making them both sigh with relief. "It just wasn't the first time," she admitted in a small voice.

"Oh, Rory." Lorelai shook her head. "Babe, I raised you better than that."

"I know, I know!" she exclaimed, covering her face with her hands. "Like I said, I'm a horrible person, I just... the first time, Logan kissed me. It was last weekend, at the Life and Death Brigade event, right before we made that jump."

She had explained as much as she could about that weekend in an email to Lorelai and attached a picture of the jump, plus the article she had written for the Yale Daily News so she had all the details, all expect the part about the kiss.

"I figured it was just one of those spur of the moment things that people do before they perform a death-defying stunt. It didn't seem worth mentioning."

"Until it happened again," said Lane with a look.

"Yeah, well, this time was definitely my fault." Rory sighed. "I don't know why I did it. I just wanted to feel better and it was like my good sense had just switched itself off somewhere along the line."

"I'm guessing that was the double scotch and a whole barrel load of stress and tears." Lorelai nodded knowingly. "Sadness and grief plus alcohol almost never ends well, especially when there's a pretty face nearby that you're not supposed to put your lips on."

Lane stared at her, clearly trying to figure out if Lorelai was speaking from experience or not. Somehow it didn't seem the right time to ask.

"Well, I was upset when I kissed Zach, but stone cold sober too," she said then. "Even if I had been at all drunk, I'd've sobered up fast when Mama Kim caught me."

"Please tell me things are looking up in your life at least?" asked Rory then, happy to deflect from her own problems for at least a little while.

"Up and down," said Lane, shrugging her shoulders and taking another drink from her straw. "Mama is talking to me, but only just. She lets me pick up my mail and she's packed up my things ready to go when I find a place to live permanently."

"That's a little more down than up," Lorelai noted, wincing at the news.

"There's potentially some more up," Lane assured her. "There's an apartment up for rent that we think we can afford, and by we I mean the band - Zach, Brian, and me. I'd have my own room, it'd all be above-board. Even if me and Zach do decide to... well, date, I guess, I wouldn't just... you know?"

"We get it, babe," Lorelai assured her. "I'm happy for you that you're getting things figured out. I mean, as much as I'm cool having you stay nights with me and I know Sookie will always say the same, it'll be good for you to have a real place of your own."

"Yeah, and I think it's actually going to be better for me out in the world on my own, well, with the guys, not my mom. We can't all get along so well with our mothers as you do," she told Rory with a sad smile.

"Ain't that the truth?" Lorelai agreed easily, sipping her coffee. "So, Lane and Zach are on course, things aren't so bad with Mrs Kim. The inn is coming along great, and me and Luke couldn't be happier. So, just you to figure out, sweets," she told Rory then. "What can we do to help?"

"I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do." Rory shook her head. "I screwed up, I have to fix it. I guess I just have to tell Jess what happened, apologise, and hope he can understand."

"He loves you, Rory," said Lane kindly. "I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"Maybe," she considered, sighing heavily, "but will Paris? She and Jess are so close, I mess things up with one and I lose the other too. I'm actually running the risk of losing my boyfriend and a really good friend at the same time if I tell the truth."

"But honey, if you lie, I'm not sure you can handle the guilt," Lorelai advised her. "Besides, these things have a habit of coming out in the end whether you want them to or not and then it's worse. Can you really imagine someone like Logan keeping his mouth shut in front of Jess?"

"They barely see each other." Rory shrugged. "They're not in the same classes and Jess gave up the paper so he never sees him there. Plus, he's leaving Yale this summer..."

"Rory, come on," Lorelai urged her. "You know you can't do this. You can't keep this from Jess and just hope he never finds out."

"I know," she groaned, face-palming and looking fit to burst into tears, "but I hate this. Everything has been so good lately. Jess' book is all but finished, he's looking for publishers, seeing if he can get a deal. I know he's leaving Yale but he's so positive about the future, and sad as I am that I won't see him as much, I was happy for him too. Our relationship is probably in the best place it's ever been, or it was, until I stupidly threw myself at Logan."

Her own fist slammed against her forehead and tears came to her eyes. It hurt, inside and out, but Rory had no-one but herself to blame. Her mom and Lane could say all the comforting, supportive things that they wanted but it wouldn't change anything. At the end of the day, Rory was going to have to tell Jess what happened, make him see how sorry she was, and hope that he understood. It was the only road left open to her but she wasn't a fan of the view.


When Rory got back to Yale she figured she would at least have her bedroom to herself. Jess and Paris had decided they ought to catch up and decided to spend some of the weekend together, and with Rory eager to visit with her mom, it kind of worked out perfectly. Of course, just when she was hoping for a few moments alone to get her head together before she had to face Jess with the news of her kissing another guy, Rory got the shock of finding said boyfriend and her room-mate right there in front of her.

"Hey, the wandering Gilmore returns," said Paris, grinning wide. "You have fun back at the homestead?"

"Er, yeah, sure," she said, shaking her head. "It was good to catch up with my mom after this past week."

"What'd she say when you told her about dropping a class?" asked Jess curiously.

Rory could barely look at him as she put her bag down on the bed behind him.

"Um, she was fine, supportive. You know Mom."

"Yeah, she was pretty cool when I talked to her about the whole leaving Yale."

"That is the problem with having cool parents and guardians." Paris rolled her eyes. "Not that I think your advisor was wrong to encourage you to drop a class. That workload was killing you," she told Rory without hesitation, "but all this support for Jess dropping out? I don't hold to that."

"You said you were happy so long as I was happy," Jess reminded her.

"I lied, so sue me," she countered, smirking the way he usually would. "Jess, you know I do want you to be happy, I'd just like it better if you could be happy here, further educating yourself, that's all."

"Love you too, sis," he told her, smiling.

"Um, I should go," said Rory, reaching for her bag.

"You just got here," Jess reminded her.

"I did, but you guys are having some brother-sister time and I don't want to intrude on that."

"Correction," said Paris, "we were having some brother-sister time, and then we found we were all caught up and I had reading to do, so Jess was really just hanging out until you came home. He's all yours Pippy Longstocking. Now go, I have to get through the rest of this book before tomorrow afternoon," she told them, showing them a fairly hefty tome that she was barely half way through.

"Yes, ma'am." Jess saluted as he got up from the bed. "Coffee?" he said to Rory.

She tried not to squirm.

"Sure, coffee is good."

"Good? I thought it was life to you Gilmore girls," he joked, heading out of the room.

"Yeah, something like that," Rory muttered, retrieving her bag and following him through the dorm to the door.

"Are you okay?" asked Jess as they went out into the hallway. "You seem... weird."

"Just what every girl longs to hear," said Rory with a wry smile.

"You know I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. I'm just... I have stuff on my mind, I guess," she said, not untruthfully.

Of course, it wasn't exactly an honest answer anyway. She came here to tell Jess about the stuff that was on her mind and now she was backing out. As far as Rory was concerned, she really didn't have a choice. She needed for them to be alone when she did this, not with Paris playing the peanut gallery, and certainly not any place public.

"Is anyone home in your dorm?" she asked Jess then.

"The goon squad," he said, rolling his eyes, speaking of his two room-mates who he liked less. "Sorry, we're going to be in public, so you're just gonna have to keep your hands to yourself, Miss Gilmore," he teased her, moving in for a kiss.

She didn't flinch as his arms wrapped around her and he pressed his lips against hers. Rory wanted this, she wanted Jess, she loved him so much, and had been such an idiot to let anything happen with Logan. Sure, it was just a kiss. Well, kind of two kisses, but she only initiated one. She was being so unfair to Jess by acting that way and by keeping it a secret too. Plus, she was being a bitch to Logan into the bargain. That meant she was going to have to have two very awkward conversations yet. Well, maybe it would be better if she dealt with Logan first. After all, he was bound to be less mad than Jess was. She could build up to the bigger conversation later.

"I love you, you know, that right?" she asked Jess as they parted.

"Sure." He nodded, studying her expression for a moment and wondering what it meant. "I love you too. Rory, you're not a failure for dropping a class," he assured her, sure that must be what was causing her current mood.

It only made Rory feel more guilty when he was being so sweet.

"I know, but thank you," she told him, forcing a smile so she wouldn't cry. "Let's go get that coffee," she said then, the two of them turning towards the exit with their arms around each other.

They looked like the picture perfect happy couple in love. Rory only hoped it would last.

To Be Continued...