Warning: Major Jane-angst alert
They hurried out of the house in search of Patrick. Fortunately he hadn't gotten very far. They found him sitting in the backyard leaning against a tree. His face was hidden by his hands and they could hear silent sobs.
Teresa crouched down beside him immediately, pulling him onto her chest. One hand found its way into the hair at his neck, ruffling it gently in a way she knew from recent experience, he found comforting. She whispered in his ear, "Sh, Patrick. This is just a misunderstanding. I'm sure you only heard a small part of the conversation. Please come back inside with us and give us a chance to clear this up."
He shook his head fiercely and pulled out of her hug. He forced himself to calm down with some deep breaths, enough so he would be able to speak. "No, no, no," he stammered. "Don't want to hear more. Hurts too much. I knew this would happen eventually. But I had hoped…" He glanced at her accusingly. "What the hell did you tell them about me, Lisbon? Was it… was it really necessary to… to tell them right away how disgusting I am?" He looked at her sadly. "Why couldn't you grant me at least one little visit with them?" More tears spilled from his eyes. "I thought you loved me. I don't understand. You said it would be good for me to meet them. Why did you have to ruin it like that?" he asked with a broken voice.
She tried to embrace him again, but he recoiled from her. "I didn't ruin it, Patrick. I only told them a little about your past. They had a right to know how their son died. And I most certainly didn't tell them that you are disgusting! How could I? I love you," she tried to explain herself, deeply disturbed by his retreat.
"Yeah, sure." He laughed coldly. "Ruthless? Cruel? Manipulative? Very charming picture you painted of me, albeit true of course. Can't accuse Saint Teresa of being a liar. No denying what I am after all. A conniving bastard. A fraud. A worthless failure. A creep. A wimp. And a killer - not to forget that little tidbit." His voice was acerbic with self-loathing.
Suddenly Patrick was pulled to his feet by the surprisingly strong arms of his enraged grandfather. The old man grabbed the lapels of his jacket and forced him to look at him. His eyes were almost spitting fire when he whispered dangerously, "How dare you speak like that about my grandson?"
The consultant gazed at him in a state of complete shock. And his confusion only increased when he was pulled into a fierce hug by the head of the Jane family. "No one is allowed to talk like that about my family, Patrick. No one! You'll come back inside with us now and we will sit down and discuss this calmly," he demanded. "Do I make myself clear, son?" He released him.
The younger man nodded, still unable to utter a word, caught totally off guard. His grandfather steered him back to the house with a firm hand on his shoulder.
Jonathan Jane was appalled. Truly and utterly appalled. What he had just witnessed had disturbed him greatly. Such self-hatred, such complete disregard of oneself. He had of course assumed that his grandson had problems. With a troubled past like that, it was to be expected. But this? This was deeply worrying.
They had to tread very carefully with this one. He regretted his careless words from earlier. They hadn't been meant for Patrick's ears, but still. Even if they might be true in a sense, after hearing his grandson's self-assessment, it didn't seem very plausible. The man might act ruthlessly and cruelly at times, from what he had heard, but that wasn't the same as actually being those things. Unfortunately, his own son had in fact been both unscrupulous and hideous. It hadn't been easy to accept that about his oldest child and to come to terms with most probably having a part in this development.
But his son's son wasn't like this, that was plain to see. And he truly repented hurting the boy even more. In his professional opinion, his newfound grandchild balanced precariously close to the edge of a mental break-down. They had to make sure he wouldn't fall off. His girlfriend seemed to be instrumental in this. So they had to assure Patrick that Agent Lisbon had only spoken of him with her highest regard. Which was true, by the way. Her love for him had been apparent all throughout her tale.
She had been honest about him though, something Jonathan appreciated greatly. As a scholar of the human mind, he had accepted a long time ago that to be human meant to be flawed. And to love and be loved despite that. His grandson obviously strongly believed in the first part, namely being faulty, but didn't seem to have much experience with being loved unconditionally.
He hadn't known him for long but he already felt a deep kinship with the troubled young man. It wouldn't be hard to let him into his heart. And he was sure his wife was nearly there already. Now, they just had to convince Patrick of it as well…
Lisbon followed her consultant and his resolute grandfather back into the house. Jonathan Jane's actions had surprised her, but first and foremost she felt a deep gratitude towards him. She had been at her wits' end, shocked and worried by her lover's outburst. It had shown her that the insights he'd gained about himself during the last days didn't reach very deeply. He'd fallen back into his usual pattern immediately. Maybe it had been a bit much to expect him to fully comprehend those newfound truths about himself so soon. And the recent events and his father's murder had added to his burden as well. He needed time desperately. Time to reconcile the new facts with everything he'd thought to be the truth for so long.
She suddenly doubted her earlier conviction that meeting his family could be a good thing at this point. But it was too late for such thoughts. She could only hope that her trust in the elderly Jane couple was justified. The grandfather's way of dealing with the situation had reassured her greatly and she sent a silent prayer of thanks towards heaven that Patrick's next of kin had turned out to be a capable psychiatrist and a perceptive, kind woman.
Upon entering the living room, Elisa hobbled over to her grandson immediately. She engulfed him in a hug and mumbled against his chest, "I'm so happy you came back. My husband is such an idiot at times calling you all those nasty things when we all know you're nothing like that." She released him and gave him a piercing once-over. "Help me over to the armchair, dear," she ordered firmly when she had assessed him long enough. His eyes looked incredibly sad and considering the lines around them, this had been their usual condition for a very long time.
Patrick took a gentle hold of his grandmother's arm and supported her so her injured foot didn't have to carry any weight. He led her over to her usual perch and helped her to sit down.
He stood in front of her awkwardly afterwards. "Maybe Agent Lisbon and I should just take our leave now. We've caused enough trouble for you already. I'm sorry for disrupting your peace like this, ma'am," he said meekly.
The old lady cast him a scolding look. "Nonsense. Sit down." She motioned with her head to the spot closest to her on the sofa again. "I'm far from done with you, Patrick."
He followed her instruction with reluctance but figured it wouldn't do to upset her even more.
Elisa nodded with satisfaction when her grandson had settled down beside her again. "Jonathan? I think this calls for something stronger than tea. Brandy or whisky, Patrick?"
He shook his head. "No, thanks, but I really shouldn't."
"Hogwash!" the old lady stated.
"No really. I've been taking some pain medications. I don't think mixing them with alcohol would be a good idea," Patrick explained.
"When was the last time you took something," his grandfather inquired.
"This morning. At around seven I think."
"That was almost twelve hours ago. It'll be alright for you to have a drink, son. I'm sure most of the drug has already left your body. Come on, a slug will be most soothing right now," Jonathan urged him.
Patrick sighed in resignation. Two grandparents on a mission together was obviously a force he couldn't resist. "Very well. I'll have a whisky then.
"Good boy. No use protesting." Elisa chuckled and patted his leg.
Teresa declined the offered drink as well, but her reason was deemed valid. She had to drive after all. She'd taken a seat next to Patrick again, decided to ignore her own no PDAs rule for once, and intertwined her fingers with his.
Elisa sat up a bit straighter in her armchair and turned her full attention on her grandson. "Now, would you like to hear about your father, Patrick? Or would you prefer to save this sordid tale for another time?"
He took a moment to ponder her question. "I think, I'll pass on it this time." He looked down at his lap, avoiding eye contact. "I… So many things have happened lately, I'm not sure I can take anymore right now. Sorry."
"There's no need to apologize, dear. I don't even know half of what you've been through and I'm still amazed how well you're handling yourself," his grandmother said gently.
He chuckled without humor. "Yeah, I've come across as the epitome of cool and collected, I'm sure."
His grandfather put down a glass with a stiff drink in front of him. Ignoring the sarcastic tone Patrick had used, he just answered to his actual words, "Yes, you're remarkably composed all things considered. We Janes are tough cookies, aren't we?" He winked at his grandson. "Now, bottoms up, Patrick." He held a drink of his own in his hand and downed it.
The CBI consultant decided to show more caution and only nipped at his drink. And he didn't regret this decision at all. He hummed in appreciation when he realized he had been offered a very expensive and extremely tasty whisky.
"Ah, someone with an appreciation for the finer things in life, I see," Elisa commented with a happy glint in her eyes.
"You have no idea! He's such a snob when it comes to food and drinks," Teresa chimed in with a fond smile in her lover's direction. "But to be fair, he isn't actually picky. He knows how to enjoy a simple burger as well."
Jonathan Jane had settled down in another armchair in the meantime. Now he bent a bit forward addressing his grandchild. "Patrick? I think, I owe you an apology."
The curly blond man shook his head. "No, sir. You shouldn't apologize for telling what we all know to be the truth."
"Ah, but that is the crux of the matter. It wasn't the truth. Only some hasty words and stupid jumping to conclusions I had no right to draw. It's not my usual behavior to judge someone prematurely and for that I ask for your forgiveness, son," the older Jane said earnestly.
"No, really sir. It's alright. I don't know all the details of what Agent Lisbon has told you, but I'm sure you made an informed judgment. You've pegged me as a conman, and that's what I am. No denying it I'm afraid. I understand it if you don't want anything more to do with me," Patrick stated, trying to hide the sadness that filled him at the thought of being banned from his family again. But it was unavoidable, he knew that. Who in their right mind would want someone like him in their family?
His grandparents exchanged a mournful look, which he didn't notice because he'd developed a sudden interest in his shoes.
"Patrick? What do you know about families?" Elisa inquired cautiously.
"Ma'am?" He looked up with puzzlement.
"What's a family to you, dear?" She clarified her question.
He puckered his brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Let me put it differently. Who do you consider to be your family, Patrick?"
"Lisbon," he answered at once and Teresa squeezed his hand gently.
"Anyone else?" His grandmother decided to dug deeper.
Patrick pondered her question for a while. "That's difficult… my wife and child were my family. But I got them killed, so no family there anymore. Well, my brother-in-law qualifies, I guess, though we're not particularly close. But other than that, I… I consider my teammates as some kind of family. But I'm sure that's rather one-sided. They probably only see me as a pain in their butts." He chuckled fondly. "Oh, and I've become reacquainted with my best friend from childhood a few weeks ago. You can count him in as well. That's pretty much it, I guess." He added a moment later with a warm smile.
Elisa looked at him sadly. "So, your family consists of your girlfried, an estranged brother-in-law, an old friend you had lost contact with, and your colleagues, who don't even return your familial feelings?"
Lisbon had become very fidgety and cast Elisa a pained look. But the old lady just motioned for her to bear with her for now and Teresa nodded her consent, albeit hesitantly.
Patrick's face had fallen a bit at the rather depressing synopsis. "Doesn't sound like much, when you put it like that," he admitted.
His grandmother looked at him challengingly. "Now, let's turn the question around, Patrick. Who do you think would consider you to be family?"
He turned very pensive at that. After some contemplation he said, "I really wouldn't know, ma'am. Teresa, I hope, maybe my friend Andy, I'm not sure."
"In other words, more than half the people you consider family don't even return your affection?" Elisa inquired.
Patrick nodded reluctantly, thinking he had just failed a crucial test. He regretted his honesty. Why didn't he just make up a bunch of close friends and people who enjoyed his company? He was really an idiot sometimes, but maybe it was better this way. It had only been one visit. He hardly even knew his grandparents, so it couldn't be too difficult to just forget about it all again. He'd lived without a family for so long, what difference would it make? It had been stupid right from the start, but he had let Lisbon infect him with her enthusiasm. Well, here goes nothing, he thought and made to get up from the sofa.
TBC
A/N: I hope, Jane doesn't come across as too OOC. But I imagine after all the events of the last days, he's entitled to some (over-)emotional behavior. I'm aware that normally, he'd react with sarcasm, inappropriate questions, and all around nastiness, when things hit too close to home. He doesn't usually react the way I described in this chapter, but keep in mind that 'my' Jane's actually yearning for a family.
Considering the latest episodes, this fic's turning more and more AU in any case, so that should allow for some creative leeway... I'd love to get your opinions though, so don't be shy and review.
