The Man of Iron set down the lunch tray with a clatter that startled Loki from his reverie. Thor was, surprisingly, still absent. "What are you doing here?"
"Thor's busy sending the Asgardians back to, well, Asgard, now that most of the cleanup here is done. My company has a handle on things in the US of A, after all. So he's doing that, and then we're getting ready to go back to New York, so Cap's running around like a headless chicken too, dithering over all the secrecy agreements the Wakandas are forcing on us, so I said I'd take care of your lunch."
"Oh?"
"Oh, indeed. Now, here comes the airplane!" Stark scooped up a spoonful of spiced soup and made an irritating whining noise as he guided it towards Loki's mouth. Loki leaned back in disgust.
"I'm definitely not hungry," he protested, just as his stomach started growling.
"Uh-huh. Yep. Sure." Stark picked up a cracker in his other hand and continued his onslaught.
"Stark, stop it!" Loki raised his bandaged arms before his face, wincing as the slight movement reopened cracks in the healing tissue. Stark pulled back guiltily as soon as he saw Loki's expression.
"Sorry." Loki glared at him. "I'm really sorry. I can't always help being annoying." Loki snorted. "Okay, I can, but the temptation was too strong." Loki rolled his eyes. "Wow, you're a great conversationalist," Stark said brightly. Finally, Loki grinned. Perfectly politely, Stark offered him the cup of fruit juice. Loki, still irritated, seized it with his magic, mentally slapping the human's hand away as he guided it to his lips to take a drink. "Ow," Stark said lightly, grinning. "What do you need me for if you're just going to do that?" he whined.
Loki sighed. "I don't need the help. Thor's just making me conserve as much magical energy as possible for healing. It's annoying."
"He loves you," the human commented as he buttered a slice of bread.
"It's annoying," Loki agreed.
"Well, we are all still kinda hoping you'll change your mind about offing yourself once you're more healed. Thor especially."
Loki sighed. "Why? You humans at least should hate me. You certainly shouldn't care."
"You give us too little credit, Reindeer Games. We are perfectly capable of understanding your position and that New York et cetera wasn't your fault, feeling sympathy for you, and imagining how awesome it would be if you could get on with your life and keep teasing Thor and otherwise enjoy your mischief-making for another thousand years." Loki's eyebrows rose slightly. Stark grinned. "I think Thor's a bit annoying too, you know." He offered Loki a bite of bread, which he graciously accepted. "Anyways, death's so final. I know some places allow euthanasia now for horrible medical problems and whatever, but it's harder for us to really get behind that when we know you know you're going to get better, at least somewhat."
Loki shifted his arms uncomfortably. "Somewhat is not much, in my case."
"With all due respect, that's bull."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard." Stark offered him some more bread. "Even crippled, you're an astounding specimen, Loki. You fought toe to toe with all of us while holding yourself together with nothing but your own stubbornness."
"That would mean something if you were more of a challenge," Loki muttered cuttingly.
Stark ignored him and continued, "You've got the Queen of Asgard buying you new body parts that the chief scientist of Wakanda is drooling over." He grinned. "I would be drooling too, if I were less dignified." He used the soup spoon to draw a smiley face in the butter on the next slice of bread. "Sure," he shrugged, "hands are probably harder than feet, but even I could make you something usable if someone else doesn't. Heck, I'll even promise to make you some, if you like." He started feeding Loki the soup again. "Your situation objectively sucks. Like, really, really sucks, but you're lucky you have the support you do. There are plenty of folks who don't have what you do and keep going anyways."
"Oh? How many cannibals do you have on Earth lately? I was eaten alive, Stark. I watched as they harvested what they wanted and cast raw scraps to other prisoners! I even drank a broth made from my own bones!"
"Eww."
"It tasted a lot better than half-rancid stewed Chitauri."
"Again, eww. Did you have to tell me that while you're eating? Anyways, what I meant is that humans don't heal like you do, and we get hurt way more easily. There's a lot of amputees out there who live pretty much normal lives, even star athletes, even without the tech you have access to. I'm not trying to minimize what happened to you. I know there's a lot more to your injuries than day-to-day function. I know there's a lot more to it than what we can see from looking at you. I get that. I have my own PTSD, again not on your level. But humans get by. We heal. You're a god. You can to, if you want to."
"Would you want to live like this for a few millennia? In pain, crippled and childless, with macabre memories that shock you from sleep? Would the others you speak about?"
A shrug. "I don't know. I'm not you, and I'm not them. I've always been pretty screwed up, so maybe I would off myself, but I've also always been pretty egotistical, so maybe I wouldn't because of that. But I like to think I would at least try living and see how good I can get it before making a really radical and permanent decision, you know?"
Loki shook his head. "I've done that for a year already, Stark. I don't want to do that year again. Time won't heal me."
"You sure about that?"
Loki slurped the last spoonful of soup but didn't answer. The human didn't press him, and they finished the meal in silence.
Author's Note: As there have been several high-profile suicides recently, may I just say, if you are struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, please talk to your doctor, or call emergency services or the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. There are online chat options as well. There are people who love you and who will miss you and who will be hurt if you hurt yourself. There are better answers to whatever trial you are facing, so don't be afraid to ask for help to find them. And if you are afraid for someone else, you can be the one to reach out for professional help. You are not alone.
