A.N: I want to preface this by saying I'm not dead, I swear. I'm applying for graduate schools right now and I'm currently in my last semester of undergraduate. It's a lot of shit people. This fic is an official beast. It is at least a hundred pages. However, I'm feeding you chapter at a time so I can at least promise that I have more coming.
To all my reviews: Aww. I'm really happy that you guys appreciate. The smut's for you. Also the "Holy shit come back" made me laugh out loud. Anyone wanna beta? Still? Please?
Chapter 8: Sex dreams and Memories
Bella frowned at her easel again. It was a monstrous thing, this fifty by fifty canvas that she was painting for, "Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women," but they had wanted detail. She closed her eyes as she mixed her acrylic burnt sienna with the little water on her plastic pallet. Picturing the scene she smiled. Then her hand began to move with super-human speed and the outlines of a tree began to form and a woman pushed up against it, a strong male hand gripping delicate wrists. Bella's faced flushed as she thought back on the dream she'd had that morning. She shook the thoughts away, embarrassed and refocused on what she was doing.
Taking artistic liberties she dressed her male subject in shaggy fur headdress, shadowing the character's eyes, leaving just his strong chin and slightly smiling lips visible. Even without the eyes, anyone who saw it would know that was Jacob Black's smile.
She chuckled to herself, "And Mr. Wolf what great pecs you have." Little Red Riding Hood with Jacob Black as the wolf; reading the erotic fairy tale book last night, especially the erotic version of Little Red Ridinghood was probably why she was having vivid sex dreams. And they had been vivid but probably not as good at the real thing, Bella sighed. She was such a pervert.
She had just begun coloring Miss Ridinghood's cape when a familiar scent filled her nostrils: Jacob.
"Hey there Jake. What 'cha doing this morning," Bella called out to him on the stairwell. She heard the thudding of feet and turned in time to see him appear in her doorway. Glancing back at her easel, and then back at him she sighed. Mr. Wolf and Jake could be twins, maybe she should have taken more liberties with his face so that when the book hit the shelves she wouldn't have Billy ribbing her like crazy over what "inspired her."
"I can see that you're getting to work already."
"Yep." She motioned with her free hand for him to sit in the hair. She wiped the beads of sweat off her brow as she watched him reluctantly sit.
"No furniture though." He motioned to the boxes still half unpacked. Bella shrugged.
"I have a deadline on this piece and I had an interesting dream last night that inspired me. I figured I might as well get started."
Jacob smiled as he strode over to her easel that she was painting, "What kind of dream"-his face seemed to lose all of its color as he broke off mid-sentence.
"Jake, are you ok?"
He was quiet for a long moment and when he spoke his voice was uneven, "When did you decide I was going your subject?"
Bella could smell the carefully veiled anger a mile away and surprising more than a little fear. He must think that I putting the clan in danger by connecting him with the wolf.
"Well," she laughed nervously staring at her toes, "I thought hot wolf guy and I thought you. I haven't had time to hire any men to sit for me since my move and well..." there was more awkward silence.
"I'm really sorry Jake. I figured you'd be flattered not mad. If you want I can start over and use a different model.
Jacob's eyes flashed gold and for a moment she wondered if she had angered him enough to provoke a transformation.
"Leave it," he growled. Then he was gone leaving her to wonder as she heard his motorcycle in the distance, "What set him off?"
When Jacob stormed into Sam's kitchen, Sam knew something was up. He was mad, sure, but the smell of fear was stronger than Sam had ever smelt off Jacob and although Jacob was always careful to guard his thoughts around Sam when he was upset, a few still managed to leak through.
-Stupid sex dream. She couldn't have had the same stupid dream.
Sam, who had been buttering a biscuit, buttered his hand at this thought.
"Oh shit. Who is she?"
Jacob snatched the half buttered biscuit out of Sam's greasy hand and took a vicious bite, "No one. Quit poking my brain or I won't tell you anything."
Sam chuckled under his breath, "She has to be someone special for you to button you lip. But I'm sure that she couldn't resist your "Jacob-Black-Charm."
Jacob snorted. "She doesn't know about the dream Sam and if you want to live in people years you'll keep it that way."
Sam's smile dimmed a little. "Why don't you want her to know? You are dating her, right?"
Jacob licked the crumbs off his fingers rubbed the remaining butter on his jeans. "Nope."
Sam's eyes widened.
"Tell me you at least got her number."
Jacob chuckled.
"Got it memorized." Since I was fifteen and only 'cause I kept calling her and hanging up like a total loser.
Sam's eyes widened, "That's good that you're serious about her. So you're at least friends."
Jacob shrugged taking the moment to explore Sam's fridge and open a jug of orange juice, "We were, once. I don't know about now."
"It isn't that Eleanor chick is it?"
Jacob coughed.
-"Because you know what shared sex dreams can mean right?"
"You need to take longer showers?" Sam blew out an exasperated sigh.
"Jacob, this is about imprinting."
The smell of fear flooded the room again.
"I've seen her after my changing. I can't have imprinted on her Sam. My dad always described it as total devotion and knowing that you'd do anything for her but," Jacob's voice was flat, "It's not like that. Not anymore at least."
Sam seemed to exhale through his nose and bite his tongue. "I've heard of a imprinting being delayed but it's very very rare. It could be the case."
Jacob seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Where'd you hear about that?"
"Your dad, actually."
Jacob nodded absently as he headed for the door and waved Sam off, "I sorry, I-I gotta go."
Chapter 9: Sex Dreams and Memories Part two
Billy was wheeling down the walkway when Jacob's motorcycle roared up. "Hey there! Slow down there, son! I'm already handicapped you know!"
Jacob unclipped his helmet and walked towards the house, "I guessing Sam called."
Billy's smile grew more sympathetic, "Sure did. He was worried about you."
Jake growled flexing his fingers, "Hey, hey. Don't break anything in the house you'll just have to fix it or replace it later Jacob."
Jacob flopped on the couch as Billy wheeled towards him with a beer. "How much did that douche bag tell you?"
Billy grinned. "Everything. Well, mostly. When are you going to tell Sam that Eleanor is your car and not your girlfriend?" Jacob snorted and rolled over on his stomach.
"So what's that the verdict dad? Am I imprinted to some girl?" The words were muffled by the couch cushions.
Billy clicked his tongue and chose his words carefully.
"I think it's a strong possibility. But if you don't think you are, you probably aren't, not all the way at least."
Jacob lifted his head from the cushions, "That has to be the best news I have heard all day. In fact, all week."
Billy wheeled himself over to the couch beside Jacob, "Imprinting in itself is pretty rare and you know that," Jacob shrugged as he popped open his beer.
"Yeah? So what. It still happens and sometimes wrecks peoples' lives in the process. Look at Sam."
"Sam's not happy? He seems pretty happy to me, Jacob."
"What about Leah? I'm sure she was delighted about his imprinting on her cousin."
Billy sighed, "Alls fair in love and war, son. Sam chose Emily, she chose him. It happens. It can hurt if you're on the other side, but it happens. 'Part of life. Like I was trying to explain to you is, although imprinting is rare, maybe five out twenty in the clan will experience it, delayed imprinting is almost unheard of," Billy took a sip of his beer.
"It happens though. Last time it happened there was quite a scandal."
"Your Grandpa Benjamin Black was a real good looking man. And a real ladies man at that. You think it's bad with the women here gunning for you? You don't encourage them, while your Grandpa," Billy chuckled under his breath. "He was whole 'nother story. He'd have a different girl on his arm almost weekly but like you, he was a perpetual bachelor."
Jacob snorted.
"Anyway, no one thought anyone was ever going to keep your Grandpa's attention when this big shot Edward Conroy and his young mistress Elizabeth, rolled into town."
Jacob choked on his beer, "What is with the name Edward? Does every old douchebag have that name?"
Billy laughed, "As I was saying, he was big shot, some rich oil tycoon looking for a country home to plant the his new mistress. And she was a good-looking girl but not the most beautiful girl out there. So obviously no one really worried about her being the one including Benjamin. He was a handyman and one day when the big shot was at work, he got a call from the Conroy house that the mistress had dropped an earring in the sink. It was real diamond earring and she was obviously upset. So Benjamin swung on by and took apart the sink and returned it to her. They got to talking and became fast friends. "
"She didn't look down on him like a lot of the upper class women did then because his was a "Indian." Edward was an older man, in his late fifties, while she was in her early twenties. He gave her a comfortable life but she wasn't happy. She could often be seen on her porch pacing, and then later, walking alone in the woods."
"When your Grandpa became her friend that changed. She smiled all the time. She seemed just happy to have a friend because all of her friends were back at home in a small town in Massachusetts."
"And of course," Billy exhaled a sigh over his beer, "After a long friendship Benjamin made it clear that he wanted to court her. The clan may have liked her but discouraged a relationship because Benjamin was the head of the pack like you, and the relationship seemed doomed to fail. Elizabeth was a mistress to a rich white man and while Benjamin was highly respected and admired within LaPush, outside of it, he was just a "red skinned savage". There was speculation that he might have imprinted on her the first time they met when she had called him over, since ever since then she was a growing part of his life but he wasn't. Not truly."
"You see son, imprinting isn't easy for everyone just like falling in love isn't easy for everyone. Benjamin was a stubborn man used to getting his way with women and Elizabeth was not an easy woman. While she didn't love Edward, she was intensely loyal. It took a whole year of Ben calling on her to convince her to consider him. It might not have even have happened if it wasn't for the fact that Conroy had left her for that year to spend time with his real family. Even though her own had disowned her, she wouldn't leave Conroy not until there was a proposal of marriage from Grandpa Ben."
"Benjamin must have grappled with the idea but he didn't propose. She left the next summer with Conroy. It was rumored that he married her after his wife died and he died soon after leaving her with everything."
"Benjamin never married but every month he'd leave town to travel to Massachusetts. I'm sure you can guess why."
Jacob rolled his eyes.
"It took whole another year for him to propose. It was big wedding and it was obvious then that they were imprinted on each other. A year later she gave birth to me but she was twenty-eight by then and she died in childbirth. Your Grandfather never remarried and never was the same."
Billy and Jacob were quiet for a moment. Jacob broke the silence, "so what delayed the imprinting if she loved him?"
Billy shrugged, "If you go off the pack's theory at the time comparing the process of falling in love to imprinting then you could guess that your Grandpa was missing some of the things it takes to fall in love. And I do mean really fall, not that bullshit on soap operas or movies that happens easy and ends easy and everyone is fine when it ends. When a Black man falls in love for real: that's it. It happens once. Some could argue that is what imprinting is but imprinting just complicates it, from that moment on not only do you love her what ever she needs from you, not wants, needs you become: brother, friend, lover or husband."
Jacob took a deep swig of his beer, and stared at the empty bottle in his sweaty hands, "So what do you think it takes to fall in love?"
Billy laughed, "Any reason you're asking?"
"Just curious. You brought it up."
"Thought so. Son, like I said before falling love is difficult, first off there has to be trust. You can't trust someone you can't truly love them and vice versa. I'm guessing that Elizabeth shacking up with another man for three years put a damper on your Grandpa's trust. Not like it was her fault: she was a poor girl, Conroy had promised marriage and she'd believed him. She had also believed she was in love with Conroy. But after the mistress thing came to light her love dimmed because she stopped trusting him."
Billy held up another finger, "Going along with trust is loyalty. You need to trust them to be loyal no matter the situation. Ben thought that cause he was poor and Conroy was rich he'd never compete and didn't trust Elizabeth to draw her own conclusions. That's not love, son. That's infatuation or attraction."
"Finally you have to respect each other. She had a hard time respecting Ben because he had a hard time respecting her. At first they used each other emotionally," Billy snorted, "Physically." "But that's not love either. All those girls in Paris you wrote to me about, you talked about their beauty but not their brains or who they were. You didn't respect them. That's ok for a foreign fling but not for a soul mate, partner or wife."
Jacob counted off his own fingers "Trust, loyalty, and respect? That's it? Sounds more like a friend then a lover. What about attraction?"
"I figured you knew that part Jacob. I forgot one and it's really important."
"What?"
"You've got to be brave. Women these days can talk all they want about feminist thinking and that's good, but when it comes to romance you take the pressure off her and you make the first move. That's what makes you a man, being brave enough to take the first step and strong enough to take the rejection if it comes."
Jacob took mental inventory: he sure didn't trust Bella anymore not after her rejection of him and using him to help her husband, she was never loyal to him so he had no reason to be loyal to her, and he didn't respect her after she went back to Edward after Edward had left her for dead leaving him to pick up the pieces. He felt far form brave around her generally he wanted to run in the opposite direction."
"I'm not in love? Thank you god!" Jacob exhaled the weight off his chest had lifted.
Billy snorted, "Nope, just shallow lust and teenaged infatuation like you've always been."
"So what do the shared sex dreams mean then? I mean, how could I be imprinted on her if I'm not in love?" Jacob rose from his porch seat.
Billy shook his head, "It just means that you could love her and she could love you. It's up to you to take that next step now that she's open to it and hopefully not screw it up. I know you think Bella's the enemy, son, but she's not. She's grown up and gone through a lot of crap in the process."
"How you know"-
"What that it was Bella you've been sulking about? It's always been Bella. She rolls back in town: you suddenly are worried about imprinting and falling in love and shared sex dreams? You heard my warning before about her, but really listen this time: Bella's a good girl. Don't mess around with her if you don't have serious intentions."
Billy sighed as he watched Jacob sprint over to his motorcycle knowing full well that he hadn't heard him.
Jacob returned home four or five hours later from patrolling the forests of LaPush a broad smile lighting up his features. He idly plucked his sheets from the clothesline and exhaled again, He wasn't in love with Bella. He had never been in love with Bella. The thought made him sigh again with relief. He didn't have to worry anymore. She had never really cared about him and he had never really loved her. He could be her friend and not have to be guarded twenty-four seven in her presence.
He then remembered how she'd ditched him for Edward. Or not be her friend. In any case, he wasn't afraid of her anymore. He didn't have to wonder anymore if that crush was more than a crush, if he could have imprinted on her. He had a choice in the matter, and his choice was that he didn't want her. He wasn't the same Jacob Black who had followed Bella around like a puppy and lied to his buddies about her being his girlfriend. He was different now. He knew when to give up and he had given up years ago when she'd married that rich loser. Even though he'd hurt her, and led her to trouble on any given day. Jacob Black was different now, he knew when he wasn't wanted and didn't hang around waiting for that to change.
He didn't check his phone messages till morning. When he did, he found hers, "Hey Jake. Ummm… I just wanted to apologize if I offended you about the 'Erotic Fairy Tales' cover. But got me to thinking, the publishing house just commissioned me a bunch of illustrations for the book and I was wondering if you'd like to model. It wouldn't be anything big, I'd take some posed pictures on my camera and then paint them out later, and I'd pay you really well. I know you already have a job, but money is money right? Anyway, if you can't do it or don't want to, no hard feelings. Just a thought. Gimme a call back though if you're interested. Thanks."
Jacob snorted through his nose as he punched in a text message with his thumbs, "Sorry, Bells but I'm busy." Busy getting on with my life, he thought to himself with a grim smile.
