A.N.

So after a crazy long hiatus I have decided to publish what I had left. This fic is still incomplete. Part of me doesn't know if I'll finish it only because my writing has thankfully, improved since that time. I am giving you guys 30 pages of chapter. Again, if someone would beta I will finish the fic. But as of now I am a full time grad student (YEA ME) trying to finish my thesis.

Sam wasn't exactly a happy person by nature. This was the reason that Jacob balanced him out. Sam was logical while Jacob had natural instinct and talent. Sam could be a bit of a pessimist while according to Bella; Jacob was like an earth bound sun with his bright smile. Emily had made all the difference for Sam. When she was around, his hard nature smoothed out and he became more easy going and gentle. However, Emily wasn't around today.

"Sam?" Jacob met him deep into the woods, his human eyes meeting the eyes of a pure black wolf. Before his eyes, Sam shimmered and adjusted to a human form.

"I need to talk to you about Bella Swan Cullen."

Jacob immediately bristled. "She changed her name back. She's just Bella Swan now."

Sam sighed. "I know that you two have an arrangement. But that aside, how do you feel about Bella?"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Do you need to really ask Sam? Come on, you know with 'Pack Mind' I can't hide any of my feelings from you guys. You tell me. Why does it matter anyway?"

Sam sighed. "A group of Vampires are making their way towards Forks. The Cullens have warned us but one of them is a Denali. Her name is Irina. Apparently, the big bloodsucker we got a few years back was her mate. She has approached the Voulturi about our pack and they decided that we were not a threat, so now she is coming here without her coven to attack you."

Jacob sighed. "What does this have to do with Bella?"

"The Denali's and the Cullen's were close friends. Since Bella used to be a Cullen by marriage an still maintains ties with them I wanted to ask her to try to reason with Irina."

-"No." Jacob's face was set in stone. "No. No. And hell no. Bella isn't going anywhere near Irina."

Sam expelled a sigh as Leah and Seth were fast approaching in wolf form. Seth transformed back and turned to Sam.

"'Told you he wasn't gonna go for it."

Jacob turned his back as Leah began to phase out next to her brother.

"Well duh, Seth. The whole pack knows that Bella is Jake's girlfriend." The way she said the word made it sound like they were seven again and she was about to accuse Jacob of k-i-s-s-i-n-g Bella.

Sam growled. "Leah, shut up."

Leah's eyes went angry and hurt and Seth stepped between them.

"You're the alpha now so your say is final," Sam's tone was both diplomatic and forceful, "But think about what's the best for the pack. If Irina comes after you the whole pack is in danger. Bella is the only Cullen left around Forks. Irina knows her. Plus, Bella has abilities that can help us."

Jacob's head was spinning as he saw Bella, small delicate boned Bella, going up against other vampires. He'd had always protected her from vampires. First from Victoria and then from the newborns Victoria had spawned. The idea of Bella turning around and protecting him just went against the grain. What if she got hurt? What if she died? She could die still couldn't she?

The thought turned his blood to ice. His eyes were hard he turned to Sam.

"No," it was spoken with the double timbre of the alpha. Even as the order left his lips Jacob felt stabs of regret and guilt. "Please leave Bella out of this. She isn't a full vampire according to the Cullens so we don't know if she's as immortal as them," Jacob's voice was soft now.

Sam nodded but Jacob knew that the discussion wasn't over.

Bella smiled as she surveyed the six paintings, still wet from recent detailing. Goldilocks and the three Barons, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, East of The Sun and West of the Moon, and the Goose Girl were all done. She glanced at the cover portrait of her and Jake and smiled.

Without really thinking, she took out another pre-stretched and primed canvas and took out a little burnt sienna on her palette and set to painting.

Her hand lighting fast began to make out the outlines of Jacob's body, the hard planes of his stomach, the v line of his hips, the broad definition of his shoulders. She had switched to burnt umber when a familiar scent wafted through.

"Hello Jake."

Jacob paused to stare at the canvas. Then glanced back at Bella. Her brown honey eyes were darker with hunger.

"You should go hunt."

Bella sighed, pausing to put down her brush and stretch her fingers.

"I should. But I have a feeling that Sam and the Pack are out dealing with something you want to talk to me about. I can dine on people food."

Jacob strode closer as Bella made her way to her fridge and pulled out a raw steak.

"It's leftover boar from a night ago," she explained as she placed the slab on a plate and cut it up into pieces before eating the bloody meat. Jacob smirked in amusement.

"I never heard of a bloodsucker planning ahead for leftovers."

Blood dribbled down her lips and stained them as she swiftly dabbed with a paper napkin.

"They don't generally. Because they hunt for blood. Also most vampires weren't always 'vegetarian' so they tend to enjoy hunting as a part of eating. Like I mentioned before, I'm different. I can eat or I can drink blood. Human food doesn't taste as good as it used to and it doesn't always quench the thirst I have for blood unless it's raw meat. I prefer to hunt but it's not always easy. Humans hiking up on a trail could be disastrous. Just their smell," she pursed her lips as her eyes turned almost black. "It's very lucky for me that you don't smell like that and according to Alice, I have unnatural restraint. Just the smell of a normal human makes my throat feel like I'm eating fire. It makes you crazy. You just want it to stop and hunting humans feels good."

"Not like I ever have," her eyes were slowly turning back to their golden hue. I don't have the benefit of a coven looking after me to prevent a disaster like that. If, heaven forbid I were to lose control over my senses around a human or worse Charlie or Rene," Bella paused in eating; her eyes clouded and became distant. Jacob watched as she stood slightly less graceful than usual and stood perfectly still for a moment just thinking.

"The pack always looks out for you Bella," Jacob wondered if she was thinking about how alone she was now without the Cullens for support.

She smiled weakly. "We both know that the pack's interest first and foremost lie in the protection of humans. I think we also know that if isn't wasn't for the fact that I maintain the same life style as the Cullens and processes unusual powers beneficial to the pack, you and Sam wouldn't let me near Forks, let alone LaPush and I understand that." Bella's tone was matter of fact. She herself had accepted the fact that she could never be a true member of the wolf pack the way Emily was. She could no longer count on being protected by the Pack the way she was before.

Jacob swallowed slowly trying to find his words. "I would have fought Sam on the issue. I'm the alpha now. You would have been let into Forks."

Bella's eyes suddenly lost their warmth. "I think we both know that is a bold faced lie Jacob," her voice was soft.

"I think we both know that you blame the Cullens and me for your transformation and I understand that. It's easy to point fingers at the 'vampires.' The reality of it is that you and your pack are biased. You most of all. You blame Edward and even yourself for things that were out of both of your control. It was not your fault that your genes reacted with Edward's the way they did. It was not Edward's fault for being what he is. And it is not my fault I fell in love with him first. I'm truly sorry for the pain I caused you Jacob. But don't regret loving Edward and I don't regret becoming a vampire. Because if I hadn't met and fallen in love with Edward I wouldn't have become so close to you."

Jacob wasn't sure was to say or think so he said nothing.

"Irina Denali wants me dead." It was the first sentence he could think of after a lengthy pause.

Bella's brow furrowed as she made a thoughtful sound, "I'd figured she'd come after you, since you killed her mate. I was hoping though that Edward had persuaded her otherwise. The Cullen's and the Denalis are close as families."

"You're not surprised. This crazy bloodsucker is coming from Alaska to kill me and you look like I just told you there's a sale down at Nordstrom's."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Well how do you expect me to react Jacob? Scared? I'm nervous, but I know that one vampire vs. the whole wolf pack isn't good odds. Not to mention Irina isn't the type of vampire I'd worry about. The Voulturi maybe. But Irina who's slower than Alice in a fight with no power and without her coven to back her. I'm sorry if I sound jaded but I think if you spoke with her she would back down."

"And if she doesn't back down?" His tone was bleak.

Bella shrugged. "Then we make her back down."

It was the way she said it, we make her back down that made Jacob smile. Like they were a team. For once he was the one worried about a fight and she was the one saying to bring it on.

"I'm assuming that's what Sam called you for?"

Jacob nodded. "He wanted me to convince you to work with the pack to help us try to reason with her."

Bella walked her plate to the sink.

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't want you to."

Bella snorted. "Jake, honestly, now more than ever you don't need to worry about me. My skin isn't like the Cullens' but it's still hard as marble. I'm not going to break if Irina tries something."

"I don't want to risk it."

Bella wrapped her arms around his neck and her lips met his in a warm and sweet kiss.

"It's sweet of you to want to protect me." Her words were muffled against his neck. But her eyes were serious as she met his. "Sweet but unnecessary. I'll met with Irina for the pack when she comes."

They didn't have to wait long.


It was late summer and the autumn leaves were starting to turn when Bella felt a distinct feeling of unease in her studio apartment.

By the twitching of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.

Sure enough the phone rang early the next day at promptly two in the morning and it was Alice, her voice plaintive. No premonitions this time, but rather actual fact that Irina had been seen less than five hundred miles north of Forks and LaPush.

The news both scared and steadied her. If Irina was making that good of time, not caring if her family or the Cullens saw her, then her resolve to kill Jacob must be more than firm. It must have been set in stone.

Bella thanked Alice and moved quickly to her closet for a pair of sturdy stretch jeans she wasn't particularly attached to. She removed her jewelry and did her hair in a sturdy ponytail. She was lacing her sneakers when she heard the wolves howling. Not even bothering to use the door she leaped out her window and headed in the direction of first beach in an all out sprint.

Jacob was running when he spotted Bella, graceful, ruthlessly dodging rocks and boulders to catch up with the pack. He was already transformed so he couldn't speak but the expression she wore, one of single-minded determination hinted that she wouldn't have heard him even he had spoken.

The wolves, huge and imposing made a line down the beach their large eyes yellow in the dim light warily watching Irina's head bob in the sea. She seemed to be swimming towards them.

Without thinking Bella stood in front of the wolves and in front of Jacob who stood in the center of line.

As Irina stepped onto cold sandy beach Bella warily took stock of her expression. No sadness, no regret, just resolute anger and rage.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella, you being like a cousin by marriage but you need to step aside." There was hint of a threat behind the words.

Bella smiled politely. "I see you as family too Irina which is why I came here and why I will have to decline."


Jacob's mind was spinning with the many thoughts of his pack.

What's Bella doing?

Is she nuts?

She is a vampire now. Or half or whatever.

Ten bucks she kicks that Alaska chick's ass.

The invading thoughts were making him dizzy.

-SHUT UP SO I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!

The wolves promptly quieted their thoughts mostly eager although Sam and Jacob were mostly wary.

Irina bristled as Bella's refusal to move. "I don't want to fight you Irina, and if we do, the pack will kill you. Jacob is their leader. What he did when he killed James, he did to protect the pack and me. So your fight isn't with him, it's with me."

Jacob tried to step in front of Bella, but she merely sidestepped him without looking back.

Irina's expression suddenly changed from cold anger, to hot disbelief.

"I see how it is. You choose him this time didn't you, you slut? Discarded Edward pretty fast and hooked up with this dog. Okay. I'll play it your way. Try and protect him"

Faster than Jacob's eyes could follow Irina lunged for him her bony stone hands making their way towards his face. But just before they touched they were retracted and literally ripped off Irina's body. Bella's eyes glowed as she neatly snapped Irina's neck and then proceed to rip her literally limb from limb. The wolves watched both fascinated and horrified at the violence capable of tiny five foot Bella. Taking out a stainless steel lighter she flicked it open and threw in on the remains. And as the carcass erupted in flames. Within seconds Irina was engulfed and then gone. Bella was gone too already making her way up the road.

I'd like my ten bucks now Leah.

The collective "SHUT UP SETH," seemed deafening in Jacob's mind as he phased back to human and then back to wolf when he realized that in his haste he had forgotten his clothes.


He found her running thought the woods the smell of salt faint in the air. His large brown wolf eyes met her golden ones and he saw that her face was wet from crying.

He suddenly hated himself for ever thinking, even for a split second while Bella was dismembering Irina, that Bella was a cold-blooded killer.

"I don't want to talk about it Jake. Please." Her plea came out as her voice broke. Jacob nodded his huge furry head and nudged her with his nose.

It's okay Bella. I can just be here for you. We don't need to talk.

Her face was soon buried in his fur and her tears, tears she was shedding for Irina, made it wet. He lowered himself to his knees and allowed her to climb on and soon they were bounding through the woods to his house. By the end of the journey Bella had cried herself into exhaustion and subsequently, into sleep.

Her arms wrapped around his shaggy back and her fingers gently woven in his russet fur, her sleeping on his back made Jacob ache in knowing how much she trusted him in both forms.

He replayed in his mind what he had seen as well as what the other members of the pack had witnessed. Sam had caught the most, seeing Bella step forward to take the brunt of Irina's hands before any of the pack could spring. The sound of crunching bones and ripping tendons and muscle when she killed her.

He couldn't name how many times he had risked his life for Bella in the past and almost died because of it. He'd never regretted teaming up with Edward to take on the newborns in order to protect her. It wasn't a thought so much as an instinct.

However, he had never thought that Bella would return the favor. The thought bowled him over.

It was mostly the fact that Bella had taken Irina down so effectively and yet her speed was all instinct.

Phasing slowly he adjusted her so that she lay in his arms, her head on his shoulder. He made his way to his room and gently laid her on the bed.

Her cheeks were still moist her brows furrowed in distress and she was whimpering in her sleep. Jacob's heart seemed to crack a little as he heard her cry out, "Please don't Irina. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Jake."

His naked arms engulfed her and she seemed to be attracted to his warmth, inching her body against him. The finger-shaped bruised were long gone but her broken collarbone was just now healing. He watched in horror and amazement as the bones realigned themselves under her unbroken skin. Drawing her closer he placed a light blanket over them both trying to ignore the pangs of his heartstrings.

She awoke half naked or at least her tank top in mostly shreds, her head placed on a naked muscular bronzed chest. Jacob's face, relaxed and peaceful in his sleep looked almost boyish and angelic. She looked around his room taking in bits and pieces of old childhood memories, an old student desk covered with important looking papers and bills, along with a cup of pencils. Glancing out at Jacob's window she noted the sun first bleary rays and concluded that it was a little after sunrise.

"Hey," his voice was soft and low.

Bella felt a low pull in her stomach as she noticed his bare arms legs and torso.

"You hardly have any tan lines. Do you and the pack go skinny dipping all the time?"

Jacob's laugh seemed like a sun peeking though the clouds. "Actually we're in the buff a lot due to our transformations." His lips met hers in a gentle brush, so light it felt as if butterfly wings had touched them. Jacob's eyes met hers and held them, both intense and warm. "Good morning."

"You know what would make it great?" his voice was a low timbre as he adjusted his body to lie over hers, propping himself up by his elbows.

She shook her head no, feeling a bit like a deer in headlights with the look he was giving her.

"If you and I had a whole day together. Your work on the painting is almost done. I can call in sick and you and I can just hang out."

Bella felt her face become warm and then warmer as he bent down to kiss her collarbone. "But first I want breakfast." It came in a low growl. With that Jacobs fingers were in her hair and his lips were moving steadily downward towards her breasts. Ripping off the remains of her tank top he kissed her as if he was eating her alive. Bella felt her eyes roll into the back of her head. "Jake. Jake. You keep doing that we won't leave the bed until tonight."

A wolfish grin appeared on his face, the kind that melted every female in a block radius. Bella felt herself, go just little limp. "Well then," he concluded. "I guess we could just hang out later tonight too."


It was two o clock in the afternoon by the time Billy Black had made his way from Black Wolf Garage back to his house, and to his amusement, if not surprise, he heard the sound of female laughter wafting out his kitchen window. Rolling his eyes, he remembered the message left on the message machine at the garage, of a not at all sick sounding Jacob saying he had a fever and 'was going to play it safe.'

They were kissing, Bella caged against the kitchen sink, Jacob's fingers framing her face, his eyes soft, in a way that made Billy clear his voice before they took it to the kitchen table.

Bella's eyes widened as she saw Billy sitting in front of them and broke away from the kiss, looking mortified.

"Uh, hi Billy. I think I'm going to go now"-

"No need to be embarrassed Bells. I figured I see you 'round the house since Sam warned me about yesterday."

Bella's happy, if embarrassed expression clouded as Jacob's became stony if not downright angry.

Billy seemed to note the murderous intent on Jacob's face but chose to ignore it.

"I know Jacob worries, but I heard that you took care of that woman pretty well if not better then the pack could have managed."

Bella's smile was weak at best, her voice was soft and resolved. "I murdered her Billy. No need to sugar-coat it."

Billy's expression darkened. "Call it what you may, you saved a lot of innocent people and gave her a chance to walk away."

Bella nodded, but Jacob was already steering his dad away from her and into another room. Once the door was close he spun to face his father.

"What the hell were you thinking bringing that up, dad? It took all of last night and this morning to get her to stop crying about it.'

Billy pursed his lips. "Avoiding it isn't going to make it go away, son. She helped the pack. She deserves to know it made a difference."

Jacob gritted his teeth as he angrily ran his hands through his hair. "I know that but don't you get it? They're all Edward and their family to her. Especially Irina. She probably ate at picnics with that crazy bitch."-

Billy watched with a wary sort of admiration as Jacob angrily gestured and ranted, not taking in so much of the words but the expressions. The flashing of his eyes, the shaking of his hands, but most of all the fear and down right protective instinct for Bella that seemed to have swelled and filled the whole room. He had underestimated how fast Jacob would fall for Bella again. As it was, his idiot son was head over heels and didn't know it.

-"Are you even listening to me? Irina almost killed "- and me

That statement snapped Billy back into reality, his arm whipped out and fingers pressed to check for bone fractures.

"Dad. DAD! I'm fine. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Bella stopped her in mid-air. She moves faster than any bloodsucker I've ever seen. Sam and I barely caught it. One minute the bloodsucker was coming at my face, and the next the bitch doesn't have hands." Jacob couldn't help but chuckle. Billy thought about the kiss he'd witnessed and for the first time wondered how far Bella had fallen herself. If her protective instincts were any indication he would guess, she had fallen pretty far.


Bella noticed a difference in Jacob ever since what the pack termed the 'Irina incident.' He seemed lighter somehow, his eyes generally full of humor. Some of the old bitterness seemed to have left him. And while the old Jake, the carefree spirit that would laugh and ride motorbikes, wasn't there, she'd guessed, that while her immature actions at the time had cut him deeply, it was also the burden of being a protector, and later the leader of the pack.

No, the smiling fifteen year old wasn't there when they went grocery shopping together, or to the first beach when the sun had peeked through the clouds for a day. It was as if he was the same yet different. Like the carefree child, the loving bright-hearted spirit had simply grown up.

Not that there wasn't moments when she felt like they both returned to their former selves. Like the time, for a pack exercise, Bella and Jacob had bounded through the woods in a heated game of freeze tag.

The divorcee had laughed as she danced lightly on forest branches, nimbly spiriting through the trees and brush, her long hair whipping behind her as she touched each wolf on the nose. Sam, one of the last to be frozen, seemed both incredulous and sulky when she had touched him.

But Jacob, easily the strongest, and fastest member of the pack, seemed to keep weaseling out of her reach. She'd never known that wolves could smile until she'd seen Jake's wide furry face, break out in a cheeky doggy grin, and tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, eyes bright with laughter. He was easily was the most agile, bounding backward at one point, narrowly avoiding trees. The whole pack seemed to be watching him with amusement as Bella tried to launch herself from the tree line to touch him.

It was only after twenty minutes of the tables being turned, and Jake being 'it', that Bella got the distinct feeling that Jake wasn't really taking the exercise seriously anymore, but rather just playing around, especially when he stuck his wolfy tongue out at her and suddenly caught her off guard pinning Bella to the forest floor, his large front paws immobilizing her and his sudden shimmer to human, his large hands still on her chest, and his face above hers in a triumphant smile.

"Got cha." He was kissing her quite passionlessly until Seth and Leah's voices could be heard from the trees.

"God! Get a room."

"Pft. He doesn't even realize he's naked."

Bella's resulting hot flush made Jacob's low chuckle and downright laughter fill the forest.


It had been nearly eight months since Bella returned now to Forks and moved to La Push, and almost a month since the 'Irina Incident' when La Push's weather finally cleared up enough for Bella to take her camera down to first beach to take some nature stills. It was still dark as she assembled her camera together and she had hoped to catch Mercury's rising with her new lens as well as shots of the sunrise. A lens cap protected the large expensive camera with its paparazzi style lens as she took stills of the gulls, dipping and diving into the cold surf.

Jacob had been watching this for almost ten minutes before she spoke.

"You gonna just stalk me from a distance wolf-man, or are you gonna come down and greet me?"

Bella didn't bother to turn, her heavy camera still in her hand, but Jacob could hear a smile in her voice.

"You got up early this morning. I wanted to say good bye before I went off to work." He loped down the sandy shore to meet her, his arms wrapping around her from behind. She was wearing his leather motorcycle jacket and a pair of his jeans over her boots. Seeing her in his clothes sent a thrill through his skin.

"This for a job?"

She shrugged a no, still shooting. She had wrapped up all the fairy tail pictures last week and sent them via first class airmail. The book was going to be published sometime six months from now.

With that project out of the way, Bella had been hanging around the garage more, distracting his mechanics with her quick smile and causing more than a few heads to collide with the underside of a car. But even that he hadn't minded so much. She'd throw together an easy meal or he would. They'd eat at home. Or hunt in the forest, him as a wolf, her taking down an occasional mountain lion.

Lately she'd been taking her camera with her everywhere, doing portraits of each of the wolf pack, the scenery, Billy. Claiming that she needed to work on her portfolio before she became too rusty.

But as Jacob watched her shoot the sunrise in comfortable silence, he doubted she would ever be rusty.

He'd snuck peeks at her fairytale canvases and he'd have to say while he knew nothing about art, he could see that it took more than vampire senses to make a picture come to life. Bella breathed life into her paintings.

He looked up to realize she was taking pictures of him.

"Stop it." He was trying to be stern but it was hard, considering his voice had decided to crack, "I'm not photogenic stop it."

Bella barked out a laugh. "Honestly Jacob, I've never met a more photogenic person in my life and I deal with models."

Jacob felt himself redden at the unexpected complement. Flustered, he ran his hands through his hair walking backward into the surf to evade the onslaught of picture taking. Bella however, was not letting up.

Her eyes had gone from playful to intensely focused, she adjusted her lens and snapped another. And the look she was giving him. It was more than intense. It was hungry and it made his stomach clench with lust.

They left the beach both covered in sand.

Everything was going great for once. No vampires but Bella. Steady work. Great sex. Romantic evenings. He had never been happier. Jacob should have known it wouldn't last.


It was their six-month anniversary, sort of. They weren't really dating. Really. I mean, they had sex and slept over each other's places and he cooked but that wasn't dating. Was it?

Bella felt a smile touch her lips remembering how Jacob had looked in her frilly 1950's apron she'd bought at a thrift store. Or just her frilly apron.

She hadn't wanted to make a big deal out of it. Was afraid she'd jinx it. Six months with Jacob. Six glorious months of relative normalcy. And while it was great, this unnamed thing they had, they were still skirting around whether or not they were dating, let alone something like an anniversary for something as piddle and high-schoolish as a six months.

So that morning as the sun had rose she had decided that she was going to ask him out today. It scared her shitless being that she'd never asked out anyone before and despite their relationship, she worried, in the back of her darkest, most insecure thoughts if this, the romantic undefined space that was her and Jacob, was undefined because he didn't want to date her.

That sense of fear left a metallic taste in her mouth. Because while the sex was great, and the conversation was better, and over all everything had been wonderfully euphoric, she was starting to feel the four letter word that made her say other four letter words.

It was too soon for that she'd argued. She was newly divorced. She wasn't over Edward, she'd insisted. But now more than ever, she wondered about that. His name didn't hurt her the way it did when he'd left her all those years ago. The memories, albeit sweet, were lightly tainted with disappointments.

And if she was really honest with herself, she hadn't thought about Edward in at least five months. More like six.

All of this scared Bella. More than scared her, more like terrified her down to the sinews of her very being, but she reminded herself, she was a brave, half vampire, divorcé', she ate cougars for breakfast literally. Saying those three little words shouldn't kill her.

Beside Jacob, more than anyone else, deserved to hear it first for a change. So she'd planned a dinner, and ordered in, bought a new dress, splurged on shoes, even wore some makeup all in preparation for what she would tell him.

She anticipated he'd be a little shocked. Maybe have some doubts. But in the end he'd tell her he'd love her too. And she was willing to wait for that in the way he had waited for her.

Jacob ate slowly as he watched Bella fidget in her seat. She hadn't touched any of the food she'd prepared, and it more way fancy than the normal Chinese or Indian takeout she'd ordered on occasion.

It was hard to enjoy it though, when she was so obviously uncomfortable.

"God I'm really bad at this," she'd groaned into her hands.

"Bad at what?" Despite her nerves, he had to say he was impressed at her attempt to 'woo him.' It was oddly touching.

"This," She gestured at the table with a free hand while, the other covered her humiliated, blushing face.

"I think the food's great even if you didn't cook it Bells. You're a painter not a chef. I respect that."

Bella groaned through her fingers, before she sat up straight and took a deep breath.

"You know what Jake. I'm going to just spit this out the best I can so that I can get it over."

Jacob's smile widened at her suddenly somber expression.

"You're not pregnant are you?" His joking laugh was half worried.

"God no." Her eyes widened.

"Jake," she seemed to be trying to speak and not puke and the same time,

"I-love-you. -you-go-out-with-me?"

Now Jacob felt queasy. "What?


Bella uncovered her face, and not meeting his eyes and continued. "I understand that we don't really have a name for what we are right now. Friends with benefits, friends. But I like you. I really, really like you. Actually," she swallowed hard. "I love you. And I want to date. Just go slow at first but I mean…"

Jacob had no words. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he could hear it. Love. She loved him. The cynical voice inside him was laughing, saying that it'd only last as long as Edward stayed away. He'd come back one day and then she'd be his again and blow out of La Push like an errant rainstorm. Of course she loved him. She loved him from before, when thing had been easy. But she would never love him more than Edward. It wasn't a competition. He'd already lost.

"I'm sorry. I can't." The words came out rasped and hard.

Then without a second thought he bolted.

It was Seth who had found him out on the La Push forest reserve at two in the morning, pacing in wolf form trying to not puke up all of his guts in what he believed was a panic attack.

Dude! What is your deal! Sam is looking all over for you! Did you just break up with Bella?

Jacob felt his heart wrench. Is that what he just did? He shook his head mentally. Edward would come back for her sooner or later. He was delusional in thinking it would last longer than this. It was for the better.

We were never dating. It's better this way. At least I didn't imprint, right?

Jacob heard Seth's low growl as he bared his teeth.

What were you doing with her then? Fucking around? The whole pack knows that it's more than that.

I don't care what the "whole pack knows." The "whole pack" can go to hell.

I can't believe you're doing this because of the imprinting thing. I'm imprinted and I'm happy.

Whatever Seth. -

-Bella tells you she loves you and you run off because of that. She's bawling her eyes out right now. I've never seen her like this.

You weren't around when Edward left her. She'll get over it.

Seth's eyes narrowed as he turned his back on Jacob to walk towards the road.

You are such a bastard right now dude, it's not even funny. You love her back and we both know it. You've been in love with her for YEARS. You've been dating her for six months now. She tells you what you wanted to hear for YEARS and you stomp on her. Grow a pair and apologize before I tell her dad what you did.


She had expected him to be shocked. She had expected it to take time. But she hadn't expected this. At first, as Bella heard her apartment door slam and Jacob's motorcycle drive away, she had felt numb. Now however, she just couldn't stop crying.

She hadn't cried since becoming a vampire. Not even for Reneseme. Not even when she wanted to cry. But now she felt she couldn't breath to keep from sobbing. Whereas when Edward had gone she'd felt she'd died, now she felt cold, like she'd been buried alive in snow. Curling into a ball she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, shaking and crying uncontrollably.

Sam had found her that way, curled up on her floor, the heat up to eighty degrees, her blankets wrapped up to her chin, sobbing.

He'd wrapped his arms around her and stayed there the first day and night. The other wolves had looked in the days that followed. Even Leah seemed sympathetic. Seth however, seemed just plain angry at Jacob, his teeth clenching at the sound of his name. Refusing to even talk to his best friend, he stayed with Bella the most.

Painting took some of the pain away. But when she saw the pictures of Jacob, it made it unbearable and the resulting crying jag lasted another week.

Her tear ducts burned from crying. She was dehydrated from crying. For all the not crying Bella had done in the past seven years she sure made up for it in a hurry.

She avoided the grocery store since due to her Vampiric hearing, the hushed sympatric murmurs, were too clear, the rumors of her relationship and breakup too painful to listen to. Without asking, the wolves had taken over that chore, dropping by her place with Tupperware dishes of Emily's food, sometime with Emily herself.

They all knew better than to speak about Jacob in front of her but she could tell just from what they didn't say things weren't great at the garage.


"I've watched you mope for three fucking weeks Jacob and I think it's time you beg Bella to take you back." Sam's voice was low and serious over the din of the garage.

It was relatively empty considering how Jacob had managed to scare away all his customers and most of his employees during the first week.

He was a wreck. He couldn't sleep unless he was in wolf form and then he still dreamt of her, her dark hair flying behind her as she ran. Pouncing on her to the forest floor. Her kisses. Her smiles. The shocked the destroyed look on her face when he left. He had put everything that had reminded himself of her in a box intending on burning it sometime that first week, only to realize, it was most of his apartment, and his sheets and bed. Sometime after the first week, the resolve to live alone had crumbled leaving the understanding that what he had just done was the stupidest thing he could've ever done. And now he was kicking himself for it.

He'd heard stories, involuntarily, through pack mind, about Bella's minor mental break down and how each member of the pack had watched her. And while he couldn't put his gratitude into words, he could have done without the mental onslaught of memories of her curled up in a ball crying wordlessly even in her sleep. He'd promised that he'd never do what Edward had done, and yet he had and worse. Because now, she didn't even think he loved her. She thought he'd used her for sex or worse revenge and when he was done, left her. Even Leah, the President of the "Let's Hate Bella Club" looked disgusted with him. But no one could be as disgusted with him as he was.

Without thinking, he'd bent the socket wrench he was holding into the shape of his hand.

"She doesn't want me back. I don't want me back."

Sam sighed. "If Bella loves you like I think she does, she wants you back. You can't keep thinking Edward's going to take her away from you. They've been divorced for while now. He obviously let her go. She obviously chose you. Now what are you going to do to grovel because if I did to Emily what you did to her, she'd have my balls on a platter."

Jacob threw his head back in frustration. "I don't know what I can do to make up for it aside from offering my balls."

"You might want to tell her you love her," Sam added, rolling his eyes.

Jacob closed his eyes and bit his tongue, the strings that attached his to his family and pack were vibrating as if plucked lately, and he had a feeling what would happen when he did finally confess. However, at this point, he didn't care. If she left him or hated him after he was imprinted, he deserved it.

But on the off chance, that she was still the Bella he knew, the one who took that bloodsucker back after he broke her out of sheer loyalty, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He would do everything and anything to ensure she'd never cry because of him again.

Somehow, in that thought some of the panic left him as he saw in his mind a clear image of a pregnant Bella, round with his child, making his life a living hell as she screamed at him for being late after a nightly patrol, moody and full of venom. He relished the idea of her lashing out at him verbally, punishing him for as long as he lived, as he trudged through the door of his fantasy.

And suddenly his arms were around her and he was kissing her quiet and her anger and rage seemed to melt in his arms. Kissing her dazed lips gently he would place the container of craved cookie dough ice cream into her hands. She'd wolf it down in minutes as she painted, in acrylic, and griped that she couldn't use oil paint for another two months due to the chemicals. And then out of seemingly nowhere her face would break into a surprised smile as she grabbed his hand. "Oh! Oh! He's kicking! Can you feel him?"

Jacob jolted out of his fantasy as he dropped him mutilated wrench on the floor with a clatter. One day at a time he reminded himself. Don't get ahead of yourself. Tell her you love her first and maybe after a few years…But he couldn't get the image of Bella, glowing with health, smiling, as she painting, out of his mind. He didn't realize until he was halfway down the street that he was smiling too.