Dean barely made it out of the room before he leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down to sit on the ground. Tears were steadily running down his face, he had long since given up on trying to stop them. Sam sat down next to him, keeping an arm around his shoulders the whole time.
They could hear Mary talk, the door hadn't fully closed behind them. They heard her use the soothing motherly voice she sometimes used, when things were really, really bad. Dean recognized it as the voice she'd used on Castiel when he first came to their home. It had been after the Novak family had kicked him out, Dean had told his mom what happened and she demanded he bring Cas over. She had made sure he felt welcome in their family, made sure he felt wanted. She had welcomed him with open arms, like a son long lost. She started telling people she had three sons, not just two. She made him promise to come back for Christmas, and New Years and Easter and every other holiday. She made him help decorating the Christmas tree, made him help prepare dinner on Christmas day, whatever was going on, she'd made sure he was involved.
Thinking about all this, Dean realized how lucky he was to have a mom like that. How much he loved his mom. How glad he was that she was here, helping them through yet another crisis. It made him realize how glad he was to have Sam, of how much help his brother had always been. He hoped this would never happen to Sam and Jess. To anyone. Nobody deserved this.
Dean put his head on Sam's shoulder, willing his breathing to slow down, return back to normal. Sam just pulled him in a little closer, held him a little tighter. He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on his breathing and nothing else.
'Boys? You can come back in. Castiel is asleep,' came Mary's voice from inside the room. With a deep sigh Sam unwrapped himself from his brother and got to his feet, extending his hand to Dean. Dean let himself be pulled to his feet and walked into the room.
His mother's eyes were red, she had been crying as well. Dean walked up to her and hugged her. 'Thanks, mom,' he said, just before he tried to pull back. Mary wouldn't let him, though, his hand was stuck in hers and he was kind of thankful for it. Sam pushed the other chair towards Dean so he could sit down next to their mother before walking out of the room to find himself a chair and something to drink.
It was a long time before Castiel woke up again. In the meantime, Dean collected his personal belongings. His phone, his watch, his wedding ring. He made sure the ring was clean and shiny before putting it on the small stack of things that were piling up on his nightstand. The books, "get well soon" cards Cas hadn't looked at, as he didn't know any of the people that sent them, a bag of gummibears from Sam, flowers from Jess. After putting everything down Dean sat down in the chair Mary had vacated not long after him and Sam had returned to the room. He couldn't resist grabbing Cas' hand and when he got bored from just staring, he grabbed the book Cas had been reading before all this happened and started reading.
'Ugh…' Castiel muttered as he woke up from a fitful sleep. Opening his eyes he was faced with the sleeping form of Dean, his body leaning forward from his chair so his head was on the bed. On top of their entwined hands. A pang of guilt flashed through him. This man obviously cared an awful lot for Castiel. And not just him, no, the blonde nurse and the tall, long haired guy did as well. He wondered how they knew him, and decided to ask soon. His gaze shifted to the chair that Sam generally sat in to find it empty, the nurse nowhere to be seen either. Apparently they'd been left alone for a while. He looked outside, it had gone dark, it was probably getting quite late already.
'Hey there, Castiel,' said nurse Lisa as she entered the room holding a plate with some food. 'I thought you might be hungry, but all things considered, I didn't think eating a regular meal would be a good idea just yet. I got you some toast, a cup of tea and an apple if you're feeling up for it?' Castiel nodded, now that he thought about it, he was famished.
'Thank you, I am quite hungry,' he replied as the nurse put the food on the nightstand as well, somehow managing to balance it on top of everything else.
Dean was woken up by one of the nurses walking past him to put some food down for Cas. He grumbled a little as he sat up before rubbing his face with both hands. What time was it?
'Dean, it's nearly eight, you should start grabbing your things and head home. Castiel is in good hands and now that he's awake you don't have to worry about him as much. Take a shower, make yourself some dinner and get some sleep. You look like you need it. We'll look after Cas,' Lisa said, answering his question.
'Oh right, yeah sure, I'll be out of your way soon,' he replied, looking forward to a shower and a proper meal, even though he dreaded leaving Cas behind. 'I hope you don't mind, Cas?' he asked, just to be sure. The dark haired man shook his head whilst carefully sipping from his cup of tea. Dean suddenly remembered the things he'd gotten out earlier for Cas and pointed them out to him. 'You might want to take a look at that, there's some of your personal stuff there.'
Castiel lifted one eyebrow, looking at the ever growing pile of things on his nightstand. Moving the tray with food to his lap, he noticed his old watch amongst some other things. He was glad to finally see something familiar, and amazed the old thing still worked.
'Don't ask about the watch, man. You've had so many problems with the thing, but you refuse to throw it,' Dean interrupted his train of thoughts as he reached out for the next item, something a lot smaller.
Dean couldn't help the small gasp that left his lips as Castiel reached for the wedding ring after putting his watch around his wrist. Seemingly without thought, Castiel placed it on his left ring finger, the same place he had his ring. Dean turned the ring around between his fingers nervously, wondering when the ultimate question would come. But Cas reached for the mobile phone, not questioning the ring at all. Unlocking it seemed to take no effort whatsoever, nor did finding the contacts he had. Scanning through the first few, Cas didn't seem to recognize any of the names. With a deep sigh he put it to the side again, before expectantly looking at Dean.
'I'm pretty sure the nurse told you visiting hours were over. I'll still be here tomorrow morning, you know.' Dean smirked. A little bit of the Cas he knew was peeking through here, the clever remark so typical for him.
'That she did. My number's in the phone, give me a call if there's anything I can do for you, okay?' Dean said while getting up and grabbing his things.
'Will do. See you tomorrow?' was the reply he got. He nodded, smiling a little bit, glad Cas wanted him around. Or at least seemed to want him around.
After Dean left, Castiel nibbled on the toast and drank his tea before deciding he'd had enough for one day. He turned to his side and closed his eyes. For a moment it felt like something was missing, something essential, but he dismissed it as sleep overtook him.
Once he'd gotten some groceries, and a brief shower, Dean set about making his trademark burgers, thinking they might help him feel a little bit better. It was strange, cooking alone. Normally Cas would be seated at the island, telling him about his day whilst drinking a glass of wine, or he would be helping him, constantly pushing him to the side with a bump of his hips. He'd never expected Cas to be as playful as he was. He always seemed so serious, so down to earth. When his dinner was ready, he sat down in front of the tv with his burger and a beer. He went through all the channels twice before deciding to just put a DVD in, settling for The Dark Knight Rises. He didn't really pay attention to the movie, but his food was good. All that was missing was some good company.
'H'llo?' came the muffled and obviously just woken up voice of Dean, followed by a yawn.
'D-Dean?'
'Cas?! Is that you? What time is it?' Dean asked, voice now clear and awake.
'Erm... three-ish? Sorry, I... I had a nightmare and wanted to talk to someone and you were the first person that came to mind.' A lot of shuffling and the rustling a blanket followed.
'That's fair enough, I'm glad you called. So talk to me, what can I do for you?' Castiel thought about that for a moment, not wanting to bother Dean any more than he was doing already. Cas bit his lip, he didn't know what to do.
'Can you – could you…' Cas really didn't know what he wanted, not really. He didn't want to be alone, but the visiting hours were long over and in a few hours Dean would be there again anyway.
'Can I what, Cas?' came the careful reply, a slightly strange tone to his voice.
'Could you come here? To the hospital, I mean?'
Dean was slightly taken aback by the question. Castiel might not remember him, but apparently he did want him near. Well, whatever made his day, Dean supposed. 'Yeah, sure. Give me… about twenty minutes and I'll be right there, okay?' a very small "yes" came as a response. He didn't have a good feeling about this, knew that more likely than not he was going to end up hurt here, but he didn't care. Cas didn't even remember him, but he wanted company and he wanted Dean. So Dean was going to go to the hospital and be there for Cas. After a short goodbye he put down the phone before looking around. He'd fallen asleep on the couch, the Batman movie menu was playing in the background.
He quickly turned off the tv, put his plate in the kitchen and made his way outside. It wasn't long before his phone rang again.
'Dean, I'm so sorry but can you please just talk to me? I don't know what's going on, but I really don't feel well and I could really do with a distraction,' Cas admitted after the phone had been picked up.
'Eh... yeah sure. What do you want me to tell you?' Cas thought about that for a moment.
'I don't know, anything, everything, just pick something.'
Dean started talking, telling Castiel what he was seeing on his drive to the hospital and portraying a very vivid image of the idiots that were driving at this time of night. Castiel closed his eyes, focusing on trying to see what Dean saw.
'Right, give me two seconds, I need to get out of the car.' Dean cursed as he tried to do so, the keys wouldn't come out of the ignition, the door wouldn't open, then the door wouldn't close, it wouldn't lock and it was generally being a pain in the ass. 'Sorry, baby,' he muttered, feeling bad for manhandling his Impala like that.
'Are you almost here?' Cas asked as Dean crossed the parking lot to the front door.
'Yeah, hold on, we'll have to be silent for a while otherwise the nurses will hear me and you saw what Lisa's like when it comes to visiting hours. Pretty sure she's still on call, so bear with me until I get to you, okay?' Dean replied as he tried to apply "stealth mode" to get into the hospital unseen. It didn't take much effort, he walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator and before long he was standing in front of Cas' door. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.
Castiel couldn't remember ever being happier to see someone than he was to see Dean in that moment. He couldn't explain why and he tried very hard not to think about it as it did nothing but confuse him, which made him grumpy, but he felt drawn towards the green eyed man.
'Hey,' came the soft greeting as Dean made his way to Cas' bed, standing next to it awkwardly. Too close to be friendly, too far away for Castiel's liking. With a bit of effort he sat up and pulled Dean close and hugged him. He tried so hard not to think about all the confusing shit that was going on. Right now, he needed to feel Dean.
A little startled Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, wondering what on earth had gotten into him.
'What's up, Cas? Can you tell me what's going on? Why I drove up here in the middle of the night?' Castiel just shook his head, clinging to him even tighter. Taking another deep breath Dean decided to just go with whatever Castiel wanted, he'd deal with his own feelings and thoughts later. Right now, Cas needed him, so he'd be there. He'd be what Cas needed.
'I don't know, I just felt – knew, maybe – that I needed you here, and now that you're here I just feel like you're still not close enough. Could you –' he obviously stopped himself from asking what he really wanted, so Dean nudged him a little.
'Go on, could I what?' even in the small amount of light that was in the hospital room, Dean could see that Cas was blushing.
'This is so embarrassing… but could you – would you get in the bed with me and just hold me? I'm aware that I don't know you, but you do know me. I know that you care for me a great deal and I'm so sorry if this whole situation is painful for you, with me not remembering you and all that. Could you… I don't know what our relationship is or anything like that, but could you just… try to do what you'd normally do? If I did remember you and knew what you meant to me?'
By the end of Cas' speech Dean was blushing as well. Yes, it was painful and yes, he cared for Cas a great deal and he'd do anything to make him feel better, but this felt so weird. Pushing his thoughts and feelings aside, Dean thought of a way to climb into the bed with his husband, carefully moving the drips and monitors around so that he could actually get into the bed. Before long, he'd managed to make some space for himself and shrugged off his jacket whilst toeing off his shoes as he sat down on the bed.
After he got into bed, Cas wrapped himself around Dean like he used to. Dean snickered a little, getting an offended poke from the man pretending to be an octopus.
'Sometimes you remind me of Sammy, Cas. When he was little he was afraid of the dark and when he got over that, he was afraid of thunder and storms. So when he'd wake up because of a storm, he'd crawl into my bed and go octopus on me, like you're doing now. He'd wrap himself around me and demand I'd tell him stories. It would never take long for him to fall asleep, and he wouldn't wake up until the morning, but I'd be stuck in the same position all night.' Dean felt Cas smile, his head against his chest, ear pretty much where his heart was.
'Can you do that?' Cas asked.
'Do what?'
'Tell me stories?' Dean smiled. Yeah, he could do that. Settling in for the night, Dean started talking. He told Cas some of the memories they had together, some of his own from when he was a kid. He told Castiel about some of his favourite things, the books and television series and movies he loved. He shared the heated argument they'd had on who was going to sleep on which side of the bed. He told him about how they had met and how they'd fallen in love. Dean was well aware that Cas had fallen asleep at some point, but he didn't care. He just kept telling Cas about his life and the life they shared together.
