Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
[0\\0',]=start of lemon, (=\\=',)=end of lemon
16. CARLISLE (more like Madsper, though)
After cementing our plans for the Cullens inevitable, but ultimately very temporary, future departure, we moved on to lighter topics...or at least it started that way.
"Were children something you ever thought of having in the future?" Jasper suddenly asked, surprising me and he immediately noted when my emotions turned somber, his expression turning more serious.
"You know I never liked children, not even when I was one myself. They're messy, loud, annoying, expensive, and far far too fragile and impressionable for me to believe I would do a good job of raising them," I confessed.
"You'd make a wonderful mother," Jasper refuted. "Just look at Bella. From what you've told me, you've mostly had to raise yourself and your sister on your own and she turned out fine."
"That's different, but thanks for trying to cheer me up," I said half heartedly.
"You didn't answer my question," he prodded gently, rubbing a comforting hand over my arm. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to reveal, something I had never told anyone but Charlie since it happened, not even Renée or Bella, especially not Bella.
"While I never really liked kids and was apprehensive of my ability to take care of one, I still had the secret desire to have and raise a child of my own," I paused then, looking down at my lap, putting a hand to my abdomen, unable to face Jasper as I confessed to my deficiency. "I...can't have kids."
Jasper was silent after the confession, which only spurred me on to hurriedly elaborate on my statement.
"The doctor said my womb was 'inhospitable'," I quoted bitterly. "That it would be 'difficult' to have children for me." I gave a sharp laugh. "They might as well have said it was impossible with the pitying looks they gave me."
"Maddy," Jasper trailed off, unsure of what to say, how to comfort me.
"It's fine," I said airily, not giving him a chance to think of something. "I had questioned my ability to properly raise a child, my body just gave the answer for me. Obviously, I just wasn't meant to have kids, but that's fine. It's not like I had really planned on having them in the future anyways," I assured, though whether it was to assure myself or Jasper...well, I tried not to think too hard on that. "I mean, I already knew I was different, but having a defective body just kind of cemented that for me," I laughed weakly, though it was cut short when I was suddenly breathless because Jasper turned me to straddle his lap and gave me a hard kiss, nearly bruising.
"Don't you dare call yourself defective, Madeleine. You are nothing of the sort!" Jasper growled angrily, though his hold on me, his touches were gentle as he caressed his hands up my body until he was cupping my face, brushing his fingers over my cheeks as if to wipe away nonexistent tears. Shit. There they were, I thought as his painfully gentle actions caused my eyes to begin tearing up. I bit my lip punishingly to hold them back, closing my eyes in an attempt to prevent any waterworks. Sobbing was the last thing I needed right now, it'd only make me feel worse in the end. "Oh, darlin'," he whispered against my lips, temples pressed together. "How am I supposed to comfort ya?" He agonized.
And how was he? It's not like he could promise me children even if I wasn't infertile and normal options like surrogate mothers, artificial insemination, and adoption were no longer on the table because of my chosen partner being an unaging immortal vampire. Besides I had already cried my tears over this, convinced myself that I no longer wanted children despite the small voice in the back of my head that told me I was deluding myself. I ignored it. There was no point in wanting for something I could never have, I had learned that in my first life and while it was difficult having the choice taken away from me, choosing not to have them and being unable to were two entirely different things, it was not something impossible to live with. Life was life and it continued to move on, uncaring of my inner turmoil at being rejected or pitied by those around me simply because I was unable to have children.
It was one of the things I feared most in this life that I wished I didn't. I knew what the outcome would be if I told Renée and Bella. Of course I did, I'd seen it and fuck if only seeing their reactions to the news didn't hurt. I had expected no less than what I'd seen, but had been eternally hopeful that I was wrong, only to have those hopes irreparably shattered when I searched the outcome and found them disappointingly living up to my expectations, and therefore, worse fears. Renée, sweet, airheaded Renée had tried to be supportive in my vision, but disappointment at being deprived of future grandchildren from her eldest daughter was in every line of her strained, smiling face.
And Bella, idealistic, naïve Bella would never look at me the same, having the vague notion of a perfect white picket fence family with two kids in her head in regards to her future, her vision self would forever look at me with pity in her eyes, as if I was no longer whole to her, as if I were sick, as if I was defective. No, just seeing their reactions was enough to leave scars on my soul that would ache and burn whenever I recalled the memory. I wasn't about to cut them deeper by going through it myself first hand, of feeling all the raw hurt and humiliation I had seen etched in my face in those visions. The echoes were enough to haunt me.
But Jasper...Jasper didn't have expectations of me. How could he ask any more of me than just being with him? In that sense he was very much like Edward, so very grateful that I could look beyond the fact that he wasn't human that he gladly accepts anything I'm willing to give no matter how small without asking anything more, knowing of the sacrifices I had to make, would make, in order to continue to be with him(not that I myself considered them sacrifices). In that sense, it was why I chose to confess this to him without a fight, without holding back because maybe this way he wouldn't have to worry about taking away a potential future I could have had with an average human like Edward does with Bella...and this way I could finally come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't have had children regardless of my ability to do so if I was going to end up with Jasper anyways.
That in itself was more of a comfort than any of the excuses I made in my efforts to convince myself I didn't want children. With Jasper, there was no need to feel as if I were disappointing anyone because there was no expectations for me to disappoint. To the Cullens, it was an impossibility and therefore my infertility was a moot point. There was no need for me to feel as if I were defective if I was with Jasper. He wouldn't be disappointed, he wouldn't pity me, he wouldn't abandon me because of it like any future human partners I might have had which was a very real fear that had developed at any future relationships I would have before I'd had that first vision of Jasper and I together.
So really, Jasper didn't actually have to do anything to comfort me. He just...he just had to...
"Just be there for me, Jasper," I whispered, finally opening my eyes to meet his pained gaze. I moved my arms to wrap around Jasper's neck, one hand clinging to his shirt tightly, the other firmly tangled in his hair. "Don't...don't abandon me," I whispered a little desperately for as much as I knew such a thing was impossible of Jasper, I still needed the reassurance, needed it more than I originally thought.
"No, never," he swore, sealing his vow with a kiss that showed some of his own desperation at his inability to do more for me. "You've become something far more valuable to me than my own life, than my family's lives." His arm around my waist tightened, his free hand roaming my body before busying itself by unbuttoning my coat. "You have become irreplaceable, someone I can no longer live without." He kissed and nipped down my neck and shoulders as he slid my coat off. "You have become the most important reason for me to continue to exist. You've given me purpose, a drive to live, a desire to be a better person, to be someone worthy of being at your side."
My breath hitched at his words as much as because of his actions as he carefully put aside my coat with one hand, the other steadily untying the front of my dress, cool lips nipping and sucking at the sensitive hollow above my collar bone.
"Does that frighten you?" Jasper breathed against my skin, his nose skimming up until he was nuzzling the point between my neck and jaw, making me gasp as he slid both hands into my now open front dress to reveal the black lace underwear I wore underneath, mentally smirking a little when he groaned at the sight then growled when he spotted the matching black lacy garter I wore on my left thigh.
What was his question again? Ah, right, was I scared or something similar. The answer, of course, was a resounding no. Oh, I knew I probably should be scared, that the intensity of his feelings, his desires, of just how important I'd become to him were something to be terrified of, but I wasn't and the reason for that was very simple. It was because I felt the exact same way.
Before I came to accept Jasper as a prospective partner, I had no intention of involving myself in Bella's story beyond minimizing any damage done because of her and Edward's romantic drama. Once I did come to be with Jasper, I still intended to do next to nothing to change the path I had seen and known would work best in the end for everyone. And then I had really, truly fallen for Jasper rather than just an ambiguous figure I'd seen in my visions and Bella's problems were no longer my top priority, no longer the basis my choices and decisions revolved around.
Jasper had become my point of focus, my most important person, my reason to live rather than simply continuing to exist. Jasper had become my other half, someone that made me whole, that made me feel more alive than I had ever been in either life. He had made my life worth living.
"No, never," I vowed back to him with as much devotion and sincerity as he had himself, letting my feelings reach him, unrestrained and smiling at his sharp intake of breath that let me know he received them, kissing me with fervor once again as he shared his own emotions with me, overwhelming me and making me gasp for breath, allowing him the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
[0\\0',]
I did nothing to hold back the moans that followed as our tongues battled for dominance, pressing myself into his hands when they slid under the thin material of my bra, shamelessly crying out and biting his lip when he rolled and pinched a pert nipple between skilled fingers. The bestial growl that followed my reaction did nothing but further enflame my building lust.
"Jasper!" My voice was breathy and pleading as I ground my hips down roughly against his own in an attempt to lessen the pulsing heat of my core. It didn't work, but gods did it feel good. Jasper encouraged my actions with a pleased rumble from his chest, one hand slipping from its haven between my breasts and bra to firmly grope at my half exposed ass thanks to my risqué panties, rocking his hips up and encouragingly pushing my hips down to create a delicious friction that made it impossible for me to keep quiet.
My hands gripped at his jacket and tore it off his shoulders until I couldn't pull it off any longer, but Jasper was quick to appease me as he shifted us so he was looming over me and finished the job himself as he leaned down to kiss me, carelessly tossing the no doubt designer jacket aside before moving his hands back to my exposed body faster than I could keep up with. My breath hitched and my desire went up another impossible notch when he gracefully divested himself of his shirt to reveal his lean, fit, scar riddled arms and torso to me, undoing his belt and zipper with one hand while the other tugged down at my now uncomfortably damp panties.
"Are you sure about this, Jasper?" I asked even as I lifted my hips so he could slide them off with little effort, carefully leaving on the lacy garter, I noticed.
"I should really be the one askin' you that," Jasper replied with a low, throaty chuckle that had me visibly shiver and further widened Jasper's pupils, erasing more of the darkened amber his eyes had become. "I haven't forgotten any moment I've spent touchin' ya, learnin' what ya don't like bein' touched, learnin' what ya do," I gasped when he snuck his hand beneath me and slid his skilled fingers purposefully over my lower back, making it arch and my spine tingle. "Learnin' how gentle I'm supposed to handle ya...or how rough," he growled when I cried out as his other hand roughly tugged and pinched a pert nipple.
"S-so that means-" I shamelessly mewled when I felt his dick slide over my wet core, teasingly rubbing lightly against my swollen, sensitive clit.
"That means," Jasper purred as he lowered his lips to my ear, pressing a bit more firmly against me as I ran my hands eagerly up and down his scarred, cool back, "that I'm ready to learn how to drive you wild with this," I moaned when he emphasized his words with a sharp thrust, my hips unable to reciprocate the action with the firm grip one hand had taken on one hip, his other lovingly roaming the contours of my body, from the back of my knee to ghosting over my arms with his fingertips. "Do you want me to, Maddy? Do you want me to drive you wild?" He whispered seductively before nibbling and suckling on my earlobe.
"Gods yes!" I pleaded when he totally cheated by projecting his own feelings of love and desire on me which only had my own lust grow a bit frenzied. Honestly, it's not like I needed any encouragement. Any further thoughts were halted when the head of his cock pressed against my pulsing netherlips. Impatient, but unable to move my lower half, I was forced to squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip to hold in a whimper of need.
"Look at me, Maddy," he whispered, voice low and smoky. I shuddered in a breath as I managed to pry my eyes open at his request, only for it to catch in my throat at the intensity I found in his darkening amber eyes, his emotions washing over me in the same moment he finally entered me completely in one quick thrust. My breath left me in one, throaty cry, unsure if it came from the physical pleasure of having Jasper inside me or from the overwhelming sensation of feeling him completely.
It felt like the world had stopped as Jasper slowly, painstakingly rocked into me, so agonizingly careful, so achingly gentle. In return for his ironclad physical control, he allowed me to feel his everything; I felt his desire, his lust, his affection, his fear, his determination, I even felt the burning sensation that could only be his thirst, but the strongest of his emotions that I could feel was his love. And gods did I know how cheesy that sounded. It didn't even do his feelings justice (nor mine for that matter).
I hated to admit it, but Edward may have been right about his feelings for Bella being stronger than hers for him, not because Bella didn't love him to her full capacity, but because the intensity and potency of a vampire's emotions are simply on a completely different level than that of a human's. They felt more deeply, more intensely, they simply felt more. Humans simply aren't capable of such a complex level of emotion, it's too much, too overwhelming to feel all at once, in just one moment. I felt like my whole self was being warmed and blanketed and changed, my own feelings struggling to match his own intensity desperately, wanting to love him as much as he did me, unable to bear the thought that my feelings couldn't match his own.
I was brought back to the present when Jasper brushed away the tears that had spilled over without my realizing, kissing my wet cheeks with the same aching care he treated my body with. I let my thoughts drift and let my mind enter a pleasant haze, focusing on my hands roaming his scarred body, memorizing every pattern and texture, watching his passionate, focused expression through half lidded eyes; his furrowed brows, perfect nose slightly scrunched, moist lips slightly parted, and jaw clamped tightly. My heart stuttered at every one of the hisses of pleasure he let escape through clenched teeth, every flare of his nostrils and rise of his chest as it indicated him completely breathing in the scent of our act, every huff of exertion, every pained groan of half sated desire.
This was torture to us both, I knew, but gods was it amazing torture.
"Faster," I pleaded softly, hesitantly, not wishing to push him beyond his limits. He responded with a growling moan, dropping his head into the nape of my neck.
"Yess," he hissed into my skin, nipping and licking at it gently in stark contrast to how I registered the hands he placed by my head tearing through the cover and earth beneath us like wet paper. Yeah that didn't help any as his tempo sped up quite a bit, leaving me even more lost than before. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered how I was keeping any pretense of lucidity at this point as my cries escalated in volume and I clawed weakly at his back, ankles hooked around his wonderfully thrusting hips.
"Yes! Fuck, Jasper, please!" I cried as I felt myself unable to hold back my peak anymore, mystified as to how I even lasted this long (er, how long has it been?). Jasper pressed a hard, toe curling kiss to my lips as he released a bit more of his control, now going faster than I knew any human was capable of at this point but still only bringing me mind numbing pleasure as he growled by my ear, crumbling bark and tearing fabric already white noise at this point.
"Cum with me, Maddy," he breathed passionately and I screamed it as Jasper let out his own guttural shout, cut off when he bit into his own arm to stifle it...and perhaps curtail his instinct to bite me in his own peak. I panted and lay boneless, shuddering weakly as I felt his burning, cold seed fill me completely. Jasper didn't release his arm until we had both calmed slightly from the intensity of our shared climax.
(=\\=',)
I barely even registered when I had been redressed and the two of us were now snuggling, mostly fully clothed, under some still intact blankets. I hummed, pleased and sated and lazily brought my hand up to run through Jasper's flawless, sex tousled hair as he rest his head against my still racing heartbeat.
"...that was torture," he murmured, voice slightly muffled by the clothes. I only laughed breathlessly, unable to muster more than that at the moment.
"I was actually thinking along the same lines, lover," I purred in amusement, teasing. Jasper only raised himself to press our temples together, brushing his lips lovingly over mine.
"I look forward to doing it again," he purred back, pupils dilating at the thought and rugged smirk curling his lips. I only laughed again and peppered kisses on his face, wrapping my arms around his vibrating shoulders, feeling his own laughter before I heard it.
I wasn't entirely surprised when I discovered that Jasper had claimed the whole basement for himself, his own mancave rather than a single room in the upper floors. I spent my time taking everything in, fascinated by what filled the room. Seeing as they had no need to sleep and most were nomadic, having a room they can personalize can really tell a person a lot about the one who did it and I greedily looked my fill.
The roomy main area was lined wall to wall with bookshelves that reached floor to ceiling, only broken by a fireplace, a large flat-screen tv, and shelves or hanging decorations of what could only be very valuable looking historical artifacts. Standing lamps, side tables with more antique objects, gorgeous rugs, and plenty of comfortable looking chic modern couches and chairs filled the room just enough to feel inviting without feeling overcrowded at all.
I skimmed over the book titles in awe as Jasper silently guided me around, occasionally speaking to describe a piece on the wall or on a table and explaining his organizing system, taking in my reaction with a warm, dizzying smile as he slowly herded me to the unexplored rooms, allowing me to take it all in. There had always been the assumption in the Twilight Fandom that Jasper was interested in American history and war, granted, it was a fair, if obvious, assumption to make considering his background, but that was only one facet of his true interest. It wasn't only American history books that lined his shelves, it was world history, their wars, their art, their religions, military, political, philosophical treatises, even classic literature from around the world, children's books included!
When I say Jasper is interested in history, I would mean every possible facet that makes up history around the world. This wasn't something flat, something shallow and one-dimensional, this was a true passion of his. Jasper really was a scholar in the truest sense of the word, the book just hadn't done that aspect of him justice. It only really hit me how well it fit him when he guided me through the arched, open doorway leading to a slightly smaller room.
It was a study, the first thing I realized as I spotted the antique desk, then the book shelves caught my attention and my eyes widened when I saw that they weren't store bought texts. All of them, all of the books in this room looked handcrafted, from their bindings to the words inside them, and it wasn't just Jasper's handwriting. I recognized the rest of the Cullens handwriting as well. Journals, studies, theorems, autobiographies, historical acccounts, treatises, all of it neatly organized and meticulously cared for in this room.
I couldn't do anything but stare at it all, eyes roaming slowly over every shelf, only for my breath to catch and get stuck in my throat when I saw the shelf closest to the door, their most recent works. Madeleine Hannah Swan. My name...my name was embossed on a lot of Jasper's recent books, whether it was my full name or just my nickname, some even just had terms of endearment but there was no mistaking just who it was about.
My hands shook as I reached up to brush the spines of the high quality leather bound masterpieces, almost too afraid to touch them at all. I shut my eyes, gratefully leaning back into Jasper when I felt him step just behind me, overwhelmed, hand gripping the dark, polished shelf tightly. He wrapped a supporting arm around my waist, the other coming up to cover the hand that held the shelf in a death grip.
"I didn't write about you at first," he whispered, brushing his thumb over my knuckles, the hand at my hip rubbing small, soothing circles. "I was...rather confused and wary when I felt you for the first time. That day, I had been struggling with my thirst, like always," he ended a bit bitterly, "it was one of the longest times I'd gone without feeding. The air vents had just blown the scent of a girl walking by in our direction...I...I let my thoughts wander," he confessed, near inaudible voice full of shame and resignation, sounding far far too tired for my tastes.
Worry, panic, concern all flared inside me as I moved to grip the arm around me with both hands, as if I could keep it there forever. I relaxed slightly, not having realized I had even tensed, when Jasper melded into me, taking a deep breath as he nuzzled his nose in my hair, his own stiff posture melting into a more relaxed state.
"Edward looked ready to drag me out by my hair," he smiled into my neck, small though it might have been, "but then...then your sister finally caught his attention," he finished softly. "It's somethin' we always do whenever we move or someone else moves in on our territory without realizin'. Edward reads their thoughts and I measure just what it is our new neighbors feel for us. We're always checkin' to make sure it's safe for us to stay as long as we can in one place," he paused then, seeming to gather his thoughts.
I let him, remaining silent as he wordlessly led me to yet another room, this one the smallest room yet but by no means small on its own. Nothing decorated the center of the room save for a gorgeous circular rug and an antique chandelier, the walls however were lined with bookshelves and chairs...and one corner of the room was largely occupied by the comfiest looking book nook I'd ever seen. I happily followed Jasper to the little slice of paradise, smiling as he lifted me and placed me in the large nest of pillows and soft blankets, curling us up together in the corner.
"And so your sister got Edward's attention...and you got mine. I didn't understand at the time just why he was so frustrated and lookin' at you two, more Bella then you. That's when I focused on your emotions and I felt it. Ya liked us, cared about us, were worried for us, for me. I could feel it, I knew you were tryin' to hide it, but I dug a little deeper, confused on why you felt like you did...and I was stunned by the depth, the intensity of what you felt, for me," he repeated in amazement. "I couldn't mistake it for lust or awe or a shallow crush. It felt...felt like something close to what goes on between Emmett and Rosalie or Carlisle and Esme. Maybe not as strong, but the parallel blew me away and I couldn't understand how ya could feel it to a total stranger...at least not until Edward told us about your gift."
"I knew it," I muttered under my breath to lighten the mood, managing a small smile and his thumb brushing over the back of my hand.
"He had been mad that you could intentionally block him out or focus on what he didn't care to hear so he intentionally tried to look deeper into your thoughts," he said almost apologetically as I hissed at that. "Havin' already felt attached to you without realizin' it, because of what ya felt for me, I got mad and defended ya, but Edward basically let slip that he had seen a few visions of us, together, when you were distracted, and that of course I would take your side despite not even having really met you yet." I snickered at that, Jasper smirking at the memory of Edward's apparent frustration at the time.
"Poor Edward," I drawled in mock sympathy, Jasper smirking at my sarcasm before it melted to a soft smile as he continued talking.
"He wasn't entirely wrong, though. Even before I knew about our apparent future together, I couldn't help but be drawn to you, your emotions. I wondered how much you really knew about us and if you knew everything...how you could still have such...such feelings for us, for me," he whispered.
"Do you know the answer now?" I asked softly in return, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck.
"Yes and no," Jasper replied, an amused smile on his lips. "Being in love with you, knowin' the love I have for my family, I can understand why ya treat us the way ya do, why you choose to be close to us, but how you came to love us in the first place is as much a mystery to me as it was from the beginning." I scoffed at that, rolling my eyes at him.
"That's not much of a mystery, Jazz. You're good people, of course I care about you. What you are isn't nearly as important as who you are," I stated clearly. "Well, at least to me," I shrugged, only just noticing Jasper giving me a warm, awed smile. "What?" I smiled back, unable to help myself.
"Everyday, I find out another incredible thing about you and wonder just how on earth I got lucky enough to be the one you love," he murmured, hugging me closely and burying his nose in my hair.
"Hmph, as if I would choose anyone else," I retorted haughtily, smiling as I snuggled closer to him.
"He's a bit irritated that we're about to interrupt their 'alone time' together," Jasper commented as he led us to Edward's room.
"Geez, what a baby," I muttered. "And shouldn't he be focused on Bella right now instead of us?" Jasper just chuckled. I shrugged and knocked lightly on the door he motioned at. "Yo, mind if we interrupt for a bit?" I asked lightly, not waiting for a response as I opened the door to see Edward shifting Bella into his lap.
"Go ahead," Edward chuckled, freaking me out a little at his friendliness as I scooched closer to Jasper in the doorway, but I smirked at their new closeness.
"It sounded like you were having Bell-Bell for lunch so we came to see if you would share," I grinned, holding my hands out and wriggling my fingers expectantly. Bella only scowled at that, cheeks burning at the nickname and teasing while Edward grinned, actually grinned.
"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," he replied, his arms pulling her in more closely to him.
"Actually," Jasper said, smiling as he stepped forward and pulling my reluctant self with him. "Maddy thinks there's going to be a storm tonight, so Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"
As much as I teased Bella about their relationship, I wasn't entirely comfortable seeing them settle into it, not because she was my sister but because I felt moments snuggling with your partner were a more private thing. I'd no doubt be as uncomfortable as Bella seemed to be if someone walked in on Jazz and I's snuggle time, though I'd hide it way better, preferably behind a wall of shamelessness and merciless teasing that would make the intruder uncomfortable enough to leave and strive to never do so again.
I smirked both at my thoughts and the questioning gaze Bella sent me, silently asking why they were talking about playing sports when a storm is coming. My family already knew that I had a knack for guessing the weather better than a news forecast, saying I had strong 'animal instincts' teasingly whenever I 'guessed' the weather and turned out right.
Edward's eyes lit up, but he hesitated.
"Of course you should bring Bella," I drawled, getting an amused glance from Jasper. "I won't be the only one to suffer through sitting on the sidelines if I can help it."
"Do you want to go?" Edward asked her, excited, his expression vivid. It honestly disturbed me a little to see him so happy when I was already fairly used to him being a constant Debbie Downer.
"Sure," my poor sister replied, unable to disappoint that face. "Um, where are we going?" I coughed into my hand to hide a laugh, drawing the parallel to the Lord of the Rings movie where one of the Hobbits said much the same thing.
"Volunteering yourself for walking straight into Mordor," I snickered under my breath. Bella only gave me one of her ineffectual looks while Edward ignored me, as per usual. That was fine, Jasper's low chuckles were encouragement enough that I was funny and that Ed and Bell-Bell were just sticks in the mud.
"We have to wait for thunder to play ball-you'll see why," Edward promised her, securing Bella's attendance if only because of her curiosity now.
"Will I need an umbrella?" She asked me, though the teasing lilt in her voice made me laugh a little, if only to brush off her skepticism at my 'weather predicting' and the familiar, small sting of guilt I felt for keeping my abilities a secret from her.
"Will she?" Jasper asked next, his teasing tone meant in a far more nice-spirited manner, wordlessly supporting me and keeping my thoughts from spiraling into the depressing reasons as to why telling Bella was a bad idea. Of course I had considered telling Bella about my abilities, way before moving to Forks was even a concept in Bella's mind and, of course, like all big decisions, I used my gift to see the potential outcomes... they weren't pretty.
I smiled softly when Jasper nudged me back into the present, giving a warning glance at Edward who looked like he wanted to comment on my thoughts.
"No," I replied lightly, betraying none of my thoughts. "The storm's more likely to hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing they use."
"Good, then," Jasper allowed the enthusiasm to leak into his voice and into the room, easing Bella's fear.
"Let's make sure Carlisle is still on board, huh?" I said, skipping playfully backwards until I was outside Edward's room.
"As if he would change his mind," Jasper smirked as he turned to follow, letting it drop as soon as his back was to them, brow furrowed slightly in concern as he inconspicuously closed the door behind him. "Darlin', were you thinking about-" he started in a low voice, wrapping me protectively in his arms.
"About the reactions Bella gave in my visions?" I finished for him in the same light tone as before, only to wince as I hadn't wanted to use that falsity with Jasper, but at this point I was used to hiding hurts caused by my family that hadn't really happened behind levity and a false cheerfulness. I softly rest my hand over his heart in silent apology, voice becoming no more than a whisper as I answered. "Yes..."
Jasper placed his hand over mine on his chest for a moment before raising it to his lips to press a gentle kiss in the center of my palm that pulled a giggle from me, the skin there being ticklish.
"Let's get ya home for a change of clothes, preferably before it starts to rain," Jasper murmured, smirking at his success in distracting me and lifting my mood. I hummed, not bothering to eye my current attire. I already knew the dress and shoes I wore wouldn't cut it. I just pecked Jasper on the lips and smirked back.
"Then let's get going while Sam and Frodo are still busy canoodling." Jasper just chuckled lightly as we made our way out of his home.
(Extra little Vignette)- Telling Charlie
Chief Swan came home fairly tired from another long, tedious day of work. Don't get him wrong, he liked his job well enough and generally being chief of police to such a small town rarely had anything worse than another teenager crashing a car or running over local wildlife in their carelessness, but the week had been one of the rare busy times, all stemming from some idiot boys who thought it'd be fun to race from Forks to Port Angeles and cause a huge accident. It was a miracle that no one had died, only a few needing to have an extended stay in the ER but expected to make full recoveries.
That was all well and good but settling and sorting through it all was a disaster and a half at their small police branch. The nightmare of red tape and paperwork had Charlie grateful for having his caring daughter Madeleine there to make sure he ate home cooked meals, slept properly, and kept the house from looking like a bachelor pad.
Charlie had just flopped himself down on the couch, very ready to turn on the tv and wind down with some sports when he spotted Madeleine standing by the stairs.
"Hey, Maddy," Charlie greeted warmly, able to mask most of his fatigue from his voice, not wanting to spook his daughter away or concern her overly much. It hadn't been long since she had come over to spend the summer and she had been surprisingly subdued and quiet despite their shared delight over the recent news that she and her sister would be moving to Forks until they got into college. Knowing Madeleine as he did, he decided to wait until his usually confident girl chose to confide in him whatever was wrong with her, choosing himself to treat her as he normally did, if not with a bit more care out of his worry for her.
Madeleine took a hesitant step forward, stepping out into the living room so she was no longer half hidden in the corner, shoulders hunched, head low, and hands clenched tightly together against her chest.
"Daddy?" The address was soft, little more than a whisper, and sounding so broken and close to tears that Charlie immediately straightened and shoved aside the tv remote in his hand along with any notion of sports watching.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" The man asked woriedly, holding out a hand to beckon his baby girl to his side. Panic and concern swelled quickly in his chest at seeing Maddy shake, eyes becoming glassy and lower lip trembling as she held back tears before launching herself into his arms and breaking down.
All Charlie could do at the moment was cradle her protectively into his chest and sooth her until she calmed, thoughts buzzing with what on earth could have made his strong willed Madeleine cry. He found out with her next hoarse words, coming out a broken confession from teeth worried lips, delivered as if she believed them to be of equal severity as a death sentence.
"I can't have kids," she croaked into his shirt and Charlie had frozen for only a second before his hold on his precious baby girl tightened. "Dad," she sobbed, "I can't have kids," she repeated, as if expecting the repetition to bring about a different reaction, her tone equally terrified and horrified. "I can't- I can't tell them- couldn't," she corrected herself. "I found out a few days before I got here and I- I just- they'd treat me differently if they knew! I know them, I know they would! Like I'm broken, like I'm sick, like I'm defective," her feelings were pouring out of her now, fears and thoughts that had been festering since she found out gushing like puss from an infected wound.
The worst part was that Charlie couldn't deny his daughter's words. Oh for sure he loved his other daughter and the mother of his children, but that love no longer blinded him to their faults, thanks in large part to Madeleine herself as the two talked and grew closer as a real family. He knew Renée and Bella as well as Madeleine despite not living with them full time, or even part time, any longer. He knew and he couldn't do anything to say that the two wouldn't react just like Maddy expected them to without needing to lie...and he wouldn't want to do that regardless, hating to lie to his daughter and also not wanting her to get hurt by following false reassurances. They both knew her fears were entirely too plausible. Charlie would rather Maddy not go through the rest of her life receiving pity from her own mother and sister.
"You are not broken, Madeleine. I am not going to see you as anything less than I have before I learned this. Not being able to have kids doesn't make you any less my daughter, it doesn't mean I love you any less, and it doesn't make you any less than who you were before. You'll always be a Swan, you'll always be my baby girl, you'll always just be Madeleine to me. Never ever forget that." Charlie kissed the crown of her head as his words got her sobbing again. "It'll be alright, sweetie, you'll see," he murmured, wishing he could hold her there forever, protect her from all the darkness the world held that threatened to swallow her.
Holding tight to her slim, shaking frame now only reminded him of the still vivid memories he had of holding her as a newborn. She had been so tiny and fragile looking, so quiet compared to her sister that he and Renée constantly checked her in her crib just to assure themselves that she was alive, that she was warm and breathing. He had fallen in love with her and her sister as soon as he held them in his arms and swore in the same moment that he would do anything he could to protect them.
Renée had robbed him of the ability to fulfill that promise for most of their lives, but he got his chance with Madeleine who was open to his overtures of deepening family ties, but this...he knew there would be things he couldn't protect her from, the inevitable scars that life left as you grew into yourself and the world, but at least he could be there for her, be a pillar of support where her ditzy mother and self absorbed sister faltered, be her rock. Charlie could do that, and he would, he'd do anything to see his daughter happy and healthy, even if that meant lying and keeping secrets from his ex-wife and daughter. He loved the two dearly and knew they were good people, but in this he knew they would hurt her far more than they would help her, having hurt her already without even realizing.
Yes, Charlie would just have to be enough- no he would be enough. He had to be. Unknown to Charlie, his support to Maddy was far more than just 'enough', it was something precious and invaluable that allowed her the strength to re-center herself and gave her the courage to allow her relationship with Jasper to happen when she learned of it, but Charlie would never learn that, content simply to be there for Maddy when she needed him.
"It'll be alright," Charlie repeated with a soft whisper, carding his fingers through her short hair in comfort, "you'll see."
AN: Finally another chapter done. Obviously way past whatever scheduled update it had set before but the holidays had been unexpectedly distracting and busy for me and once I finally had down time I got into my usual lazy slump. Unlucky for you, my friend/editor/inspiration for this story was busy with midterms and finals to reset my regular scheduling until very recently, so here this one is, fairly late as it is, apologies. My next chapter should come out in the next few days, in less than a week for sure (seven days, that is).
Anyways, hope nothing in here was too disappointing or below expectations. Please feel free to ask Maddy or the Twilight cast any questions as I enjoy writing their responses (or how I believe they would respond anyway). That offer wasn't simply for one chapter, whichever one I wrote it in, though I get if it's just not something popular too. I'm already quite happy with your reads and very much appreciate any reviews you send! Thanks for your support and until next time~ ,(=o=)/
