Warning: still rather angsty...
Teresa was up on her feet as well now. She stopped his pacing and took a not so gentle hold of his arm. Her eyes blazed with fire. "And you think this helps?" She inquired, her voice tinged with quiet anger. "Pull yourself together, Jane."
"I'm trying, Lisbon," he shouted. "Don't you think I'm trying? But I can't! I can't think. My whole head is filled with images of you cut open. I'm scared and I can't think." He'd lowered his head again in shame. "Now that we're so close I'm too pathetic to even think straight! How could I've ever imagined myself to cut the bastard open? I'm a freaking coward, nothing but a useless recreant, paralyzed with fear." A sob escaped him. "And you don't need to tell me that this is exactly what he wanted to accomplish. I know that." He took a shuddering breath. "Still can't help it," he added softly, a few tears running down his cheeks.
The senior agent had seen and heard enough. Her lover was about to break down in front of their team and she couldn't allow that to happen. She pulled him into her arms and drew calming circles on his back. "I'm scared, too, love," she spoke close to his ear. "That's not being a coward. I'm sure we're all afraid. And you have more reason than any of us," she said as calmly as possible. "It's only been a few hours since we found out. And now it's all caught up with you. It's alright not to have a plan all thought out and ready. Nobody expects you to. Don't be so hard on yourself, Patrick," she tried to soothe him. "You've already come up with more useful suggestions than anyone else. And I'm here, love. He hasn't done me any harm. I'm a cop and I have the best team in this state to protect me."
Slowly he made contact with her eyes. She saw deep fear in them. Her hands came up to his face and cupped his cheeks, her thumbs wiping away the wetness. "I can't lose you," he whispered. "Can't live without you, Teresa."
"I know, Patrick." She pulled his head down a bit and covered his mouth with hers, ignoring their audience. The kiss was deep and desperate and showed such an obvious amount of intimacy that Lisbon normally would've rather cut off her arm than display emotions like these in front of others. But at this moment she had forgotten everything about their surroundings, she was only focused on the man she loved.
It was several minutes later when they finally broke their kiss and became aware of the rest of their party. Rigsby looked like he was about to faint, Cho wore his usual stoic expression, Van Pelt had dreamy eyes and Hightower said dryly, "I see it's finally happened."
Lisbon's face was red and Jane looked utterly sheepish and his next words didn't help much either. "It's not what it looks like, Madeleine," he tried to explain.
At this point all the tension everyone felt found some temporary release. First Cho snorted and then he couldn't help himself and started to laugh. This infected Rigsby, who burst out as well, accompanied by Van Pelt's helpless giggles. Hightower raised her brows and sported an indulgent smile. "Really now, Patrick?" she inquired, before she succumbed to a hearty laugh of her own.
"Guess we've been found out, Lisbon," Patrick stated and to Teresa's great relief she could see a spark of mischief in his eyes. "Actually we're caught red-handed, but thankfully not with our pants down," he offered with a smirk, effectively stopping Wayne's laughter and making him groan instead.
"Thanks for the visual, Jane," he complained. "She's my boss, you know?"
"Yep, Rigs. That's why you won't ever see her nak…" Patrick was interrupted by a pair of lips covering his own and silencing him.
"That's enough, Jane. Stop teasing him," Lisbon scolded him afterwards. "Though I'm glad, you're obviously not petrified anymore," she added warmly, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand. "Can we sit down and plan calmly now?" she asked carefully.
He nodded. "I'm still not sure how useful I'll be at the moment, but I'll try," he promised her earnestly and took a seat on the blanket. Lisbon sat down beside him and didn't protest when one of his hands searched out hers and intertwined their fingers.
Teresa cast an anxious look in the direction of her former boss. Madeleine nodded in acknowledgment of the situation and her eyes conveyed her understanding. "It's alright, Agent Lisbon. No one will learn about this from me. And to be honest I expected this to happen at some point. I'm sure the only thing preventing it during the last few years was Patrick's guilt." Turning in Jane's direction she added, "I'm glad you're finally ready to move on. I still feel a bit guilty about that whole debacle with Kristina Frye. You weren't ready for it back then and I feel like I forced you into it."
Patrick smirked at her. "Oh I assure you, you didn't force me. No offense, but I think you're overestimating your power over me, Madeleine. Many have tried but the only one with any real sway over me is Lisbon. And even she has a hard time controlling me most of the time as we both know." He winked. "But you're right of course. I wasn't ready back then and Kristina wasn't the right woman either. I feel guilty about what happened to her and I liked her well enough. But we would've never worked out. She represented all the mistakes of my past. Hell, she was like a nicer version of my past self. After that first and only disastrous date I think we both knew that."
He squeezed Teresa's hand to make sure she knew she was the only one he loved. It was completely unnecessary but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. After the last weeks there was absolutely no doubt in her mind that his love for her was real. And if she had needed any further proof, his reactions after Red John's threat would have been more than enough.
"Now back to the problem at hand," Patrick said. "What we might need from you is your backing. We might need the support of other units and things like that. And without a director and a supervising agent it would be good to know we have the backing of the department, Madeleine."
"You have that. But there must be something else I can do. We should try to find other allies we can trust," Hightower replied.
Lisbon chimed in, "That would be good. But we're a bit stumped. Somehow everyone we can think of is suspect. Now that we know who he is, we're even more paranoid than before. He had years to build a support network in both law enforcement and government. Considering this it's a real miracle he was actually sacked." Her heartfelt sigh was accompanied by nods of her team.
The former supervising agent of the CBI pondered Teresa's words. "But he was in fact sacked. That tells us that he hasn't everyone under his thumb, doesn't it? You should stop being all gloomy." With a small smile she added, "Though after all that's happened I don't really blame you."
"You're right," Cho agreed. "The pressure obviously was too powerful even for him. That's at least something."
"Yeah. And it's made him so mad he's threatening Lisbon," Patrick muttered.
Teresa rolled her eyes, squeezed his hand, and scolded him, "Not again, Jane. Can you at least try to think positive for a moment?"
He snorted. "That's me: the poster boy of optimism and cheerfulness."
Ignoring his obvious sarcasm Lisbon replied, "You could be, you know?"
"Let's just ignore Mr. Grumpy for the moment," Madeleine said, casting the consultant a disapproving glance. "If we look at the facts we have so far, a few people come to mind who I'm rather certain we can trust. I know you might not like it but I think LaRoche would be a good place to start." Five incredulous looks were directed at her. "Yes, I had my difficulties with him as well, but I'm pretty convinced he's not in cohorts with Red John. Wouldn't you agree?"
"You're probably right."
Astonishingly enough it was Patrick who'd uttered those words. But Lisbon knew that he held a grudging respect for the man. LaRoche was sharp. He was a man who didn't allow rank or reputation to stand in his way of finding the truth and getting to the bottom of things. He was relentless, thorough, and stubborn. Those were all traits Jane himself possessed in abundance, and in many ways those two had a lot in common. Under different circumstances they might've even been able to become friends. But where J. J. was an almost fanatic fighter for the maintenance of the rules, Patrick preferred to challenge them and bend them in his favor. Thus the two were more like fire and ice. Still, Teresa imagined that should they ever manage to act in concert on the same side, they'd be a force to be reckoned with.
"How do we contact him?" she finally asked.
Rigsby looked very uncomfortable at the thought of working with that man after his latest encounter with him, and both Cho and Van Pelt didn't seem very happy either. "Is that really necessary?" Wayne asked carefully. "I mean, he's working in the Professional Standards Unit. What kind of help could he offer?"
Lisbon cast her three agents strict looks. "I know you've all had your differences with him. I'm not too thrilled either. But we have to look for support wherever we can get it. And he knows more about every single person working at the CBI than anyone else. He might be able to point out those above suspicion. That would be a great help."
"I agree," Hightower said, and Jane nodded.
"Why don't we just visit him in his office? Ron should still be out and about in Los Angeles, so he at least won't be able to interfere," Jane suggested.
Hightower raised her brows. "Sometimes you can be surprisingly mature, Patrick," she stated.
"I'll ignore the surprising part and take it as a compliment, Madeleine," Jane replied with a grin.
"Everything to lighten your mood," she said indulgently.
All serious again Patrick spoke up again. "While we're at it, we should make some additional plans. No one should be without backup from now on. And I mean at any moment, including tonight. I suggest we team up somehow."
"Sounds a lot like a slumber party to me, Jane." Wayne snickered.
Lisbon eyed him strictly and Hightower rolled her eyes. "Actually, it's a good idea, Patrick," the latter replied. "I'm guessing that my house is the biggest, so you're all welcome to spend the night there. I don't have that many bedrooms, but somehow I doubt sharing a bed will be a problem – at least in some cases." She cast a teasing smile in Teresa's direction, which made the senior agent blush at once.
But Lisbon composed herself fast and took charge. "That's very generous, ma'am. And as Rigsby probably isn't very keen on meeting LaRoche, I suggest he stays with you here at your office at City Hall and accompanies you home later. We'll take along your overnight bag, Wayne. The rest of us will go back to HQ and take it from there. Any contact between us will be conducted via the clean phones from now on. Any further questions right now?"
"Yes," Jane chimed in. "Wayne, what about Ben and Sarah? Shouldn't you just keep out of this whole mess? I mean, I don't know whether that's at all possible at this point, but I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to your son." His look at the other man was beseeching.
"They're both out of town, Jane. Visiting Sarah's parents. Won't be back until Wednesday next week. And I'm definitely in. I think we can all agree that no one's gonna be safe again until the bastard is gone," the tall agent replied emphatically. Then he gave Jane's shoulder a friendly pat. "Thanks for caring, Jane."
"'Course I care," the consultant mumbled barely audible. "I'd never want you to go through losing your boy. It's bad enough I caused your split-up with Sarah."
Rigsby shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I've told you before: it wasn't your fault. Our Las Vegas operation might've been the last deciding factor, but it had been a long time coming. In the end we were only together because of Benny." He gave the other man another pat on the shoulder. "I'm completely alright with the way things are now. To be honest, it was a bit of a relief for both of us, and the break-up was completely amicable. Please stop blaming yourself, okay?"
Jane nodded. "Alright, Wayne. Thanks for being such a good sport about it."
"You really are one stubborn idiot, Jane," Rigsby said with a roll of his eyes. "I don't regret being part of that operation, even if it didn't work the way we planned thanks to those stupid Feds. We were all given a choice and I decided to go along. Whatever consequences resulted from it are my responsibility. Could you please stop playing the martyr?"
Lisbon intervened at that point. "Well, he certainly has a special talent for that." She cast a pointed look in Jane's direction. "I've told him many times he doesn't carry the sins of the world on his shoulders. Maybe some day he'll actually believe it as well. Until then: Any other questions? No? Good. Let's go."
They got up and gathered their things. The foursome that was supposed to head back to HQ made a few detours on the way. First they got Lisbon's car from the Fir Tree, then they split up. Cho and Van Pelt took one car and made a stop at both Grace's and Cho's places to get a few essentials, while Jane and Lisbon did the same at theirs.
When Patrick and Teresa entered her apartment they noticed at once that someone had been there in their absence because the front door wasn't locked properly.
Lisbon took hold of her weapon and went inside ahead of her Jane, who'd fished out his clean phone and called Cho to inform him of the situation. He kept him on the line while Teresa secured the place. Fortunately it seemed to be empty now, but someone had clearly been there, most noticeable due to the stuffed elephant Jane had won for her at the carnival. It wasn't in its usual place sitting on the armrest of on one of the armchairs. Instead, it had been put in the middle of the couch. Most disturbing however was its state: its throat and stomach were cut open in true RJ-style and the wall above the sofa sported a small version of the ugly smiley-face. Another letter was stuck behind one of the toy's ears.
Lisbon fished a pair of rubber gloves from her jacket pocket and put them on. Afterwards she went to the creepy arrangement and took hold of the letter. Patrick watched in shock from the doorway and to Cho's growing fear and nervousness he mumbled "Oh god, oh god, oh god, no, no, no, no," without conveying any further information.
"We'll be with you shortly," Cho assured him. "You're not hurt, are you? Answer me, Jane!" he ordered desperately to no avail. Finally Teresa seemed to have heard her agent's frantic question and shouted, "No, Kimball. We're not injured. But I could do with some backup here. Patrick's not much help right now. And frankly, I'm not at my best either."
She'd retrieved the letter by now. "There's another letter here. I'll read it out loud now," she explained after stepping closer so she didn't need to shout to be heard through the phone. "My dear Patrick, it seems like you're not willing to follow my instructions. I don't tolerate such blatant disobedience. That public display at the park with your slut today was completely disgusting and utterly inappropriate. You're mine, Patrick, and mine alone. Never forget that. Congratulations for figuring out my identity at long last by the way – not that it will help you much. I hope you await my punishment for your arrogance in anticipation just as eager as mine. I'm looking forward to our next meeting. I'm sure it'll be glorious.
Sincerely, RJ
PS: I left a bit of my DNA on the wall for your further amusement
PPS: I hope you enjoyed my plushy surprise. Dumar Hardy sends his greetings…
Till I turn from Female love / And root up the Infernal Grove, / I shall never worthy be / To step into Eternity. / And, to end thy cruel mocks, / Annihilate thee on the rocks, / And another form create / To be subservient to my fate."
Teresa ended her rendition with a hoarse voice. Jane was shaking so much he could hardly hold the phone anymore and she took it from him. He sank down to the floor and sat with his back resting against the closest wall, trying with all his might to rein in his emotions.
"Cho? When will you get here?" Lisbon asked quietly into the phone.
"We'll be with you in a few minutes, boss. We're already on your street."
"Good," she said.
"All my fault," Jane mumbled beside her, still sitting on the floor.
"Nonsense, Patrick. Stop this."
"But don't you see? The elephant. Hardy got one for Rosalind and I shot him to protect you and then I got this one for you, at a shooting gallery of all places. How could I get you a plush elephant? I'm such an idiot," he ranted with a maniacal glint in his eyes that worried Teresa.
She sat down beside him. "Yes, you're being an idiot," she said as composed as possible. As usual, it seemed like she had to be the strong one. It had never felt so difficult. "You're an idiot for coming up with these crazy thoughts. I was the one who wanted that damn elephant because it reminded me of Daisy, Patrick." She tried to reason with him. "He's playing mind games with you, love. Please don't give him the satisfaction of breaking down now. He's toying with us. You know that, don't you?"
She longed to touch him, but she still wore the rubber gloves and until the others were there to take over the investigation of the crime scene, she couldn't allow herself to act unprofessional. Her nerves were wearing thin and she felt a massive headache taking root behind her eyes. Taking a painkiller was certainly also high on her list of things to do as soon as Cho and Van Pelt arrived. This was turning into a nightmare of a day and somehow she felt like the worst was yet to come.
Hopefully Bertram would need more time to set up the scenario for his potential final showdown. Even though his letter sounded as confident and arrogant as ever – it was really kind of ironic that he of all people called Jane arrogant – the frequency with which he had been acting these last days showed desperation in her opinion. Red John knew he had his back up against the wall and he wanted to weaken his most dangerous opponent as much as possible.
Unfortunately, he seemed to be succeeding. But she was positive she could get Patrick back on track with a little time and some TLC. Therefore, all she could hope for was at least another night without further incidents. In that respect it was actually a good sign that the bastard had broken into her apartment. This should have kept him busy and distracted from planning his grand finale.
Jane took a deep, calming breath and nodded. "I know. But I'm still feeling like it's getting too much. I'm trying, Teresa. I really am. I just feel so helpless and useless. I want to protect you but I know I'm probably the most unsuited person to do so." He looked at her with sad eyes. "I mean what I said before. I'm completely freaked out. Even though I have a name now and know who he is. He isn't a faceless monster anymore. That should make me feel more confident. But all I want to do is take you, run, and hide somewhere far, far away."
He uttered a short, ugly laugh. He pulled his knees up and hid his face behind them. "I'm nothing but a pathetic little coward. I couldn't save my family and I won't be able to save you either. When it really counts, I'll just stand there and watch while he destroys the only good thing in my life. Just wait and see," he whispered shamefully.
His voice had been muffled by his legs and barely audible, but Lisbon had heard every word, though she doubted that had been his intention. Before she could answer and put him straight, their two teammates appeared in the door.
"Thank heaven, you're here," she exclaimed. "I'll check the rest of the apartment for signs of disturbances and pack a few things for us together with you, Cho. Grace, stay here with Jane. I want to leave ASAP. I know we should probably call crime scene specialists, but somehow I doubt it'll help in any way. We already know who the intruder was."
"But we should make sure he didn't leave any other surprises, boss," Cho said.
They left the entrance area and checked the kitchen and the rooms upstairs. Nothing seemed to be out of place though and they concluded that Bertram had only entered the living room and left his message in order to give them a scare. Considering that he'd reacted to their kiss in the park at such a short notice, anything more elaborate wasn't very likely anyway.
Finally sufficiently convinced of that, Teresa took a bag and packed some of her and Patrick's clothes and their toiletries and other essentials.
TBC
Sorry, but even reviews won't make plush Daisy whole again. I'll still appreciate them very much...
