Thank you to my 16 followers! That number just made my day!

So, sorry if this is either hard to follow or too mushy. It came out differently in my head...

WARNING: IT GETS META. I love meta. I really love meta.


"Hi Dad, uh, this's Jade. She just fell asleep." John stuttered nervously.

Dave looked like he wanted to sink into the wall behind him, and Rose didn't even attempt to shut her mouth, which had fallen open at their arrival.

Dad glared at everyone except John, as though they were all accomplices for John's corruption. "And just who is Jade?"

John faltered, not having an adequate response ready.

Rose saved him. "Jade is another actress in the play we're all in. We just met a couple weeks ago."

Bro tightened his hands on his katana, which was still sheathed on his back. "What is this play? I haven't heard anything about it before this morning."

"It's a secret play," a voice said from behind them.

Everyone whirled around.

A man was walking out from behind them, a very, very pale man, who pretty much gave new meaning to the word "albino".

Smirking slightly, as though he was deciding to be ever so slightly self indulgent, he said, "These children have been enrolled in a secret play, one they've engaged in as soon as they arrived. I would address you further, but our final contestants have yet to arrive."

At the sound of two loud voices, giggling and yelling as though both were slightly deaf, his smile increased and grew a self-directed warmth. "Ah, it seems they're here."

...

Roxy has never been one to neglect to bring some form of entertainment, especially on long trips. That and the way Dirk chewed her out for her drunkenness only encouraged her further to bring a portable bar along with her.

And it was a long trip. That with how everyone looked at them like they were either crazy or movie stars, who could condemn Dirk for dipping in Roxy's stash once or twice? Three times? Six?

Needless to say, both were in quite the state as they stumbled off the bus. Giggling and slurring their words, going into fake arguments and laughing about them.

"Why the fukc did you missss the buss?" Dirk said.

"you missed it too. sso fuuuck youo!" Roxy replied, nearly incoherent.

"i wan't the one to ssssayy 'lets get off her!"

"yeah u wer! You sso were!"

They walked right into John, then stumbled back and fell, laughing.

I would just say, "Everyone stared at the disgrace in shock", but each person's reaction was much too personalized to simply classify it all as shock. So, instead, I will tediously describe each of the thirteen people presents' individual reaction.

Dave: His face was distorted into that of horror, his mouth gaping slightly and his eyebrows flying into his hair. He never wanted to put up with Dirk ever again, and yet here he was, in person right in front of him. Oh sure, Roxy was there, but he had rather neutral feelings toward her.

Rose:

WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED JUST GO BACK TO THE STORY

Okay, jeez. But there are so many amazing reactions, take Kanaya for example, she felt disgraced at sharing a species (even if only temporarily) with these two trolls

WE SAID TO GO BACK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY

Alright, alright.

Bro slowly unsheathed his katana. He flashed it so that it seemed to be directed at both the two new arrivals as well as the very pale man.

"Who are you, and exactly what is happening?" Bro said, enunciating each word with force and precision.

Mom decided to take a role in the conversation, now that she had fully taken in everything that there was to take.

"Rose, why didn't you tell me you were leaving? And who is this girl you had over earlier?" Mom was stone cold sober. She'd been so ever since Rose had come home four months ago, staggering to the bathroom to vomit.

And Mom had noticed some unsettling things.

The strange bright orange dress crumpled in a heap in the back of Rose's closet for one. The weird cards just beneath it, rectangular with one corner cut off, depicting any number of things from needles to movies to vials filled with who knows what, for two. The fact that Rose would say something that wouldn't make sense, then pretend it never happened, for three.

Rose thought that Mom hadn't heard her conversation with the strange girl. Just the fact that Rose wanted to hide the reunion with the girl was a warning flag that Mom noticed, and snuck out to follow her.

And now all this.

Rose looked warily up at Mom, suddenly realizing that the woman was much more observant than she had given her credit for.

The pale man's smile widened yet still. "I think I will leave the explaining to the kids. They've neglected it for long enough."

He vanished in a flash, turning all the humans (trolls) back to their original form, and wearing their god tier pajamas.

Everyone slowly looked at the guardians, who gaped in silence not just at the disappearance of the very pale man, or even the sudden reappearance of their kids, but at Dirk and Roxy.

Because without the horns and the gray skin, it was pretty obvious that Dirk and Roxy were the same people as Mom and Bro.

...

Roxy had never felt so sober in her life. Whatever the pale man did, it sure was a helluva lot better than strong coffee and a cold shower.

However, it didn't stop her from being an idiot. The first thing she said was, "Fuck, I'm sexy," while staring at Mom.

Dirk butted her arm. "Roxy, they don't need any more confusion." he muttered.

Bro's shades flashed as his head whipped to bore into Dirk, who looked steadily back. After this silent exchange, Bro straightened up. "Roxy," he said, addressing Mom. "I think we need some explanations. Would you mind if we used your house?"

"Not at all." She said warily, looking from Rose to Roxy.

And with that, the teenagers were herded by their (seemingly collective) guardians to Rose's house just down the way.

As I know that you are all desperately wanting to know why the fuck Jane's fallen off the face of the planet and not this next conversation (which will most certainly be full of shock, revelations and raw emotions), I will do you the courtesy of ending it here in favor of Jane's past couple hours.

...

When Jane woke up as a troll, she didn't panic or worry. She curled up into a ball on the floor and cried.

When Dad (Crocker Dad) came up and found her in the fetal position, her eyes stained blue from tears, he didn't panic or worry, he just lifted her up without a word and carried her to the couch, where he held her gently, murmuring that it would be okay.

You see, Jane was the only one who just couldn't pretend like nothing ever happened. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the fork hurtling toward Jake's torso, felt the bitter happiness his death brought her, tasted the bloodlust on her tongue so thick that she would wake up screaming that she was drowning in it.

She was the only one to tell her guardian everything.

When she saw her house, undisturbed and completely, heartbreakingly the same, she ran inside to find Dad cooking just as he always was. He was alive. Alive and well.

But then it crashed on her that this was not her dad. This was some other Dad.

So she cried.

They managed. Dad loved her, even though he found out that the daughter he raised had ceased to exist. Jane loved him, even though he wasn't the right Dad.

Jane was the only one who'd managed to begin healing and dealing with the horror of the past year. This new planet was an illusion, a candy for the humans who so desperately wanted everything to go back to where it was.

And they took it like fools.

The trolls didn't have time nor were genetically apt to wallowing; Jake and Jade acted as though they'd always known each other. The rest of the Beta kids enjoyed the illusion and played it for all it had.

And it was this reason that Jane despised talking to them and had long since ceased to answer them and in time, they stopped messaging. And she was just fine with this arrangement.

But Dad always said that she should talk with them, no matter how aggravating they seemed, because they shared the same experiences and could help each other feel better, even the trolls she barely knew.

Bullshit, she thought.

So her solitary sorrow continued unabated. Dad was a comfort, but didn't hold the instant memory remedy she desperately wanted.

"I'm not going to school today." She mumbled, slightly delirious as though she was stricken with a fever.

"Of course not. I'll stay home with you today, too." Her father (half-brother? Son?) answered.

She shook her head. She couldn't think like that. This was her dad, so fuck all biological rules, ecto or otherwise.

The day passed pleasantly enough, even if she felt more volatile and murderous than usual. They made cakes, watched movies, and sometimes just sat in silence. Until at one point in the afternoon when quite suddenly she wasn't a troll anymore.

She was a god teir.

Dad almost seemed unfazed by the transformation, taken aback only by it's suddenness.

So while Jane panicked and felt her head for the horrible, horrible band while simultaneously reliving every awful moment of the game, he just picked her up, carried her to her room, and changed her out of the offending clothes.

She sobbed and said that like most gaming abstractions, she could still wear it at any moment if she wanted.

"But you don't, so it won't come back." Dad said quietly.

Startled by the accuracy of this revelation, she realized its truth. She could choose. She had to choose to go back.

And while I would like to say she had a life changing moment, and realized that she didn't have to have her life controlled by fear of herself or anyone else, she didn't. That only happens in movies. This is a fanfiction.

But she felt well enough to calm down.

And you know what? That was enough.

...

Roxy and Dirk stood awkwardly in the front of the group, closest to the scrutiny of the guardians. Each had their respective child/parent/sibling (whatever) beside them. The trolls (humans) had been shunted off to the back of the room.

"So." Dad (Egbert) began. "So."

"We can explain this." Dirk said, steely eyed.

"Explain what? What is this exactly?"

"The disappearing and stuff." Roxy tried to elaborate.

"Okay then. Get to it. The whole story."

Rose took a deep breath and walked out from her mother's protective stance beside her. She placed herself beside Kanaya, and threw a resigned glance at the ignorant guardians.

"I will explain." Her hand found Kanaya's, and she felt stronger.

...

Jade roused at this point (wondering what happened to her?). Mom had laid her on the couch, not knowing what else to do. Jake was sitting beside her, half listening to the awkward conversation but not really feeling the need to join in.

"Oh shit! How long was I asleep!" Jade jumped up.

"I dunno, like a half hour or something."

"What's happened?"

"They're just trying to come up with an excuse."

"What? For who?"

"Oh, um Mr. Egbert and Roxy and Dirk, but their grown-up version. The pale guy just kind of... Disappeared and made us human. " Jake got confused thinking about that, so he was trying not to dwell on it

"Oh no! Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, so far as I can tell. But it sounds really confusing."

"Yes I know!"

There was a pause, and Jake bit his lip, as though trying to phrase something. "You know... I kinda wanna compare notes on our sessions. Ours was pretty boring, I know, but I had a lot of fun exploring caves and stuff... Plus, it sounds like a lot of cool stuff happened in your session."

Jade closed her eyes. "Jake, I died."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought it could be a bonding-type thing..."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Can we... Can we go back to the island? I feel kinda tired." Jade said, finally breaking it.

"I want to stay here a little longer! I miss my friends!"

"Do you mind if I leave without you?"

Jake froze. "What?"

"I'll come back to get you in a day or two. I've actually wanted a day on the island on my own for a while now." She fidgeted with the ring around her finger.

Jake felt kind of hollow. He registered this enough to say something vaguely affirmative and to give her a weak smile.

She smiled in relief. "Thanks Jake! I knew you'd understand!"

And she was gone in a flash of bright green light.

And Jake felt the hollowness which had gnawed on his insides for a long time now begin to smile at her disappearance.

And he was happy. She was gone at last. This was how it was supposed to be.

And he wanted to go home.

And he wanted to see Dirk.

And he wanted to grab Dirk and drag him home.

And he wanted everyone to come home with him.

He didn't know what he wanted.

He sank to his knees and cried quietly in the corner as the hollowness attacked him.

...

Rose managed to spin off an amazingly detailed and emotional story of how they were blackmailed into a gang that smuggled goods out of America, the leaders of which were renowned for their speed and mystery. A messenger had been sent to recruit them and take them to the site. But, for whatever reason, the man in charge allowed the adults to come so that they could rescue them.

That way, they were all saved.

Honestly, Rose thought that at least Bro would see right through the ploy, but he just nodded in an understanding way as he pulled Dave into a hug.

Rose was engulfed in a gentle perfume and the soft texture of her mother's lab coat. Surprised, she was unsure how to respond.

"Baby, I'm so sorry..." She said. "I wish I could do something before."

Rose almost took this for a passive aggressive jibe, but she decided to enjoy the love and warmth instead of the message it might possibly hold.

When her mother finally broke the hold, she turned to Kanaya. She asked slowly and carefully, "Who are you?"

Kanaya looked scared. "I'm Ka-kanaya." She looked instinctively at Rose, a fact that Mom didn't miss.

"Kanaya, how do you know my daughter?" She didn't sound angry or reproachful, just worried.

"She was a friend from... before the gang abduction." Rose saved her.

"Just a friend?" Mom asked.

"Yes," Kanaya answered, looking at the floor.

Rose grabbed her hand defiantly. "No, you are not just a friend. You are my girlfriend." She leaned closer and smiled. "My Matesprit."

Although the two of them missed it, Mom gave a small smile, proud of her daughter and this Kanaya.

But that didn't mean she wasn't going to chew the hell out of Rose later for dating without permission.

Meanwhile Bro had finally let Dave go from his bone crushing hug. He turned to Sollux and Aradia and dipped his head slightly to them, but didn't otherwise address them. Aradia kept up a mumbled running stream of commentary for Sollux, and kept his feet away from everyone else's so he wouldn't get stepped on.

Dirk stood quietly with Roxy until he was approached by Bro. He excused himself from her and went to talk privately to Bro.

"You're a younger version of me, aren't you?"

"So, you think the gang theory is bullshit?" Dirk asked.

"I've seen Dave fucking fly. I know it's bullshit."

Dirk ducked his head slightly. "Yeah, there's a story, but I think that Dave should be the one to tell you when he's ready to."

Bro nodded slightly. Cocking his head slightly, he asked one more question: "Do you need to stay with us?"

"I don't know if Dave would like that."

"Well, it's not his choice, is it?"


Woo, guardian love! But what about the poor trolls? They need some love too!

And really, Jade? You know Jake died too? And pretty much everyone else? Jegus...

Anyways, in case it wasn't clear, I like calling the trolls trolls, regardless of whether they're physically trolls at that moment.

Oh and yes, there are two Dads, Mr. Egbert and Mr. Crocker. I'm lazy, so I will only distinguish them once, but don't worry; if ever comes a scene when they meet, I will address them by their full names.