Everything was falling apart and nothing he did was good enough. Not for him. Not for the guardians. Not even for the man of the moon.
No one understood him. No one except Kailani.
He wanted to see her suddenly. She could see him and they talked and he knew that she would understand where he was coming from. That what happened to the easter eggs were not his fault. It hadn't been that long since he last seen her and he was surprised to see that he missed her.
A lot.
More than he thought was normal. He had to see her. He needed to see her. It was a need that had to be satisfied or he was going to combust. He hadn't realized what he was doing until he was near the street that Jamie lived. Without his mind knowing it, his body had already led him to the one person he knew could see him. To the one person who awoken feelings inside him that left him confused yet strangely invigorating.
He rushed to her window, hoping with all his heart that she was there, hopefully waiting for something. His heart had raced in anticaption and his nerves had gone haywire, something that confused.
Was it the prospect of seeing Kailani that made him feel like this? He knew that he liked her. A lot. More than he thought was normal but he couldn't help it. She made him feel alive in a way that he hadn't feel in 300 years. She calmed the frustrations and worries in his mind while she was in his presence. She lit up the world like a beacon. She calmed him and what was wonderful was that she could see him.
Granted, it was only glimpses but the hours he spent in her room, getting to know her and vice versa made him feel alive. And he loved the feeling. He knew her favorite color was ice green, her favorite food was orange chicken, something he didn't know what it was until she had told him. Her favorite type of music was pop and Romanian. She loved to sing and daydream. She hated mice and spiders. She liked to keep a clean home.
He knew so much about her and he felt like he knew her for years instead of days. And he wanted to know more. He wanted to know every single thing, right down to the deepest and darkest part of her soul. He wanted to know what pissed her off, what made her happy, what made her cry, what made her blush.
He wanted to know everything and wanted to be the person that got to do those things. He wanted to comfort her when she was mad, calm her down when she was upset, lift her spirits when she was down. He wanted her in his life and he didn't want to let her go.
Not ever.
He reached her window and saw her lying on the bed in her cotton shorts and tank top, her hair fanning out behind her like waves on an ocean. Jack felt himself warm at seeing her like this, so vulnerable yet so strong, her skin tanned and slightly flushed. He was excited at the thought of holding her in his arms. He liked touching her. He felt a tingle when he had grabbed her upper arms when she had fallen.
He enjoyed the feeling and didn't want to let go then but now...
He stepped in, giddy with emotion at the thought that she could see him and they would talk and she would comfort him and say that everything was okay. He didn't know how much he needed to hear those words from her pink lips until he saw her.
"Kailani?" He murmured as he stepped in, feeling the tug yank at him as he saw her. He knew she would have to wait a few seconds for her Sight to connect and let her see him.
But it was taking too long. She would normally being able to catch a glimpse of him but she seemed to not have heard him. Frowning, he placed a hand on her shoulder and felt his heart stutter with horror. His hand had slipped through her shoulder like air and what's worse? She was looking at where he was standing and was not seeing him. There was nothing in her eyes, not a flicker of recognition of confusion or anything.
Dread filled his bones, dropping the temperature in his body to freezing.
"Kailani?" He choked out, trying not to accept that she couldn't see him, not when she had seen him just a few days earlier. She showed no sign of hearing but he did hear her sigh and in that sigh, he heard something that cracked his heart.
It was loneliness and heartache and resigned. Something he thought he never hear coming from his girl that was sitting up now on the bed, looking dazed and tired.
"Kailani. It's me. Jack." He sounded desperate in his ears, his heart was refusing to see what his mind was coming up with. She couldn't have. Not yet. Not now when he needed her so badly it felt like an ache in his chest that would grow until she closed it.
She didn't hear him and Jack tried to control the panic and the taunts of Pitch that were warring in his mind.
"It's me. Jack. Jack Frost. Remember?"
Kailani sighed and got up, walking right through him and he gave shocked gasps, feeling so cold and afraid of what this meant. He gripped his staff tightly as he watched her place a hand on the window. He floated next to her, his heart drumming with fear and pain.
She had her eyes closed but he saw tears falling down her cheeks and his heart squeezed painfully against his chest. He didn't think when he reached out to wipe away her tears but his hand slipped through and it hurt him. It hurt him that she was suffering and crying and he could nothing to comfort her.
Nothing and he felt so useless.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She said, her voice thick with emotion as she blinked rapidly as her tears fell and it sliced into him like knives.
She was sobbing now, trying to hold them in so no one would hear and Jack felt like crying himself as he saw her in so much pain and grief.
"I can't do this anymore. It's too much. Too much..." She fell to her knees and covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Jack reached out to hug her, wanting to take away her pain and shoulder it for her. He wanted to stop this but his arms just went through her like air and he yelled in frustration.
"Please, Kailani. Look at me. I need you." Jack said, wanting her to hear him, to talk to him, to do something. Anything to stop this frustration and confusion growing in his mind.
"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm giving up your stories. I can't believe in them anymore. I tried so hard, dad, so damn hard but I can't keep holding on. And Jack..."
He jerked his head up and kneeled next to her, wanting her to know he was there. "I don't even know if he was real or a dream. He made me feel alive, dad. So alive and I wanted him to be with me because he calmed the anger and resentment in me. He helped me believe but I haven't seen him. Anywhere. I can't keep waiting anymore. I can't, just can't..."
"No, Kailani. I'm here. Right here. Look at me. You make me feel. You do. And I need you so much, Kailani. I need you like you need me. You help me believe in myself. You help me with everything. Please, Kailani. Look at me. I need you because I love you."
He dropped his staff, reeling with the realization of what he had said. He loved her. That was what the feelings meant whenever he looked at her or thought. It meant that pain and ache in his heart that he got when he thought about leaving her. It was the warmth and tingle he got when touched her. It was the feeling of happiness and joy he got when he talked to her. It was the feeling of warmth when she laughed or smiled that made his heart race. It was her and he had fallen in love without knowing it.
And now the burning in his heart was growing in size because she was giving up. She was giving him up and it was killing him.
"Please, Kailani. Believe in me. Believe. You have to believe."
"I can't anymore. I'm so sorry."
"Please, Kailani. Hold on. Just hold on. I'm coming for you, okay. You have to stay strong. You're brave. Don't give up, not yet. I love you. I love you, Kailani and I'll do everything I can to help you. Just hold on." Jack said, tears falling down his cheeks silently. He had to get out. He had to get this anger and frustration out somehow.
"I'll come back. I love you." Jack said, his body yearning to go back to the girl he loved who was in so much pain and grief. He had to go.
With his heart breaking and mind warring, he flew out of the window, the sound of Kailani giving up tearing at him.
