A/N: I'm going to be honest-I'm struggling. I have most of the scenes written out in a notebook, but I'm still trying to shake off years of not writing. So if it's not my best work please just keep hanging on. Thank you to gotye for being a sounding board the other day. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.
John was surprised to see her standing there. He remembered years ago when he'd imagine her showing up and them fighting and yelling til they sorted it out. But it had just been wishful thinking and never happened. "How was Liam's science thing?" he asked as he unlocked the door and let her in.
"Good. I-I dropped him off with Grandma and Grandpa. We need to talk, John, before I tell him anything I have to know exactly what your intentions are," she said.
John laughed, "My intentions? I'm not here to fight for custody, Natalie."
"You'd never get it-my dad would make sure of that," she said absently, looking around the room and realizing how odd it felt to be back in John's room, so to speak, and none of the normal things where there.
"Always got to throw that Buchanan money in my face, don't you?" he said as he shook his head, this was the Natalie he hated dealing with. The one that forgot her roots and would go for her family's name and influence instead. "Just forget it Natalie-talk to Bo, he knows why I'm here thanks to Craig."
"Craig. That was one of your FBI buddies, right?" she said, remembering the name from stories he'd told her before.
"Yeah. Him, Brett, and Aaron. I'm impressed you remember."
"I don't forget a lot. Like I didn't forget how you went to chase after a ghost you never mentioned in the nine years I knew you and never came home."
"Well, I couldn't exactly do that with a restraining order hanging over my head, now could I?"
"That was all my dad-he did that without my knowledge. As soon as I found out and finished cussing him out I had it rescinded. I told all of this to your handler-did he not tell you?"
"He did," was all he replied, he didn't want to fight-but knew coming back here would open old wounds that were better kept healed or pretended to be.
"Then why the hell did you never come home?" she yelled, the mixture of anger and hurt of the past six years hitting her all at once.
She'd sworn she'd cried her last tears for John, but everything was hitting her at once, and she betrayed herself by doing just that, "I thought you would come home when you finished that assignment-when you knew the restraining order was gone. Come back to your son, if nothing else.
"Then maybe we would have a few rocky months, but-but that we could somehow make it work. I loved you, John-and whatever happened in Port Charles, I could get past. If only you had come home."
John hated this, hated seeing the hurt he put her through years ago, and now as he watched her relive it, "I always thought it was for the best."
"The best?" she laughed. "The best is for me to be heartbroken-for your son to ask me as he grows up where his daddy is? If he loves him?
"Last year he was telling people his daddy was in heaven-because he always heard Jess telling Ryder and Bree that's where Ford and Nash were. That they loved them so much but had to go to heaven. He figured if you loved him you'd be here-and you weren't so you must be in heaven with them.
"I had to correct him, and I had a really hard time explaining to him why you loved him but weren't around. Because I've always known you did—I remember you holding him that first time at the lodge, and then again after we got him back from Brody. I've never questioned whether that that emotion was real or not.
"But now this—your being back, I don't know what to tell him. I can't figure out how to explain to a seven-year-old why his daddy's been away and why he has suddenly come back. Do you?"
John sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as if to find some sort of heavenly answer, "I guess we start with I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there for most of his firsts, and I'm sorry you had to carry all the burden of raising him and making all the decisions on your own."
He took a step forward, he wanted to wipe away the tears he'd just caused, but instead took her hand and held it in his, feeling the connection they had come back to life, "And I'm sorry to you, Natalie. I'm sorry I did what I did. First chasing after a ghost, then kissing Sam, and finally going to the FBI and never looking back, even when I wanted to. But I'm here and I promise when everything is over I'll still be here."
"Don't make a promise you can't keep John," she said, looking down at her hand in his, not wanting to let go of that connection just yet. "I don't care about myself anymore, but I won't let Liam be collateral damage because his parents are screwed up."
John nodded, and released her hand, "I told you—I'm not going anywhere. You better get back to Liam. Can I see him soon?"
Natalie nodded, realizing how something so simple as his hand in hers had calmed her down and pushed away some of her fears, "I think so. Yeah. Let me look at our schedules and see what works."
"Thank you," he said with a half smile and walked her to the door. "I'll see you soon. Goodnight, Natalie."
"Goodnight, John," she said, suddenly unable to make eye contact as she left.
Natalie walked into Llanfair and took a breath. That had been so much more intense than she'd expected. But then, John had that effect on her. Now she had to remain focused on the next step, which was telling Liam.
Walking into the library she saw her parents sitting their quietly, enjoying their evening, "Hey-where's Liam?"
"Oh, hello darling," said Vicki as she got up and greeted her. "He's upstairs with Ryder. Are you ok? You look tired, please sit."
"No, I can't—it's just been a long day-starting with going to Bo's office this morning and finding John sitting in his office."
"Tell me your Uncle isn't going to hire him back. I knew him going back to the LPD was a bad idea, no matter how bad they needed him," spoke Clint as he got up out of his seat.
"No, John is here for some other reason. I just left him and he didn't go into details but it has something to do with why he left the FBI this time. And now I need to tell Liam his dad is back in town."
"Do you think that's the best idea? I mean really Natalie-the man left you high and dry while he was schmoozing it up with some hussy."
"You know, I've already had enough of rehashing the past tonight—and that's before I tell Liam. But since you want to talk about it, here's something you forgot dad—that you forged my signature and made John believe I put a restraining order on him and would keep him from his child. That all this time that has been lost between him and his son is because you felt like it was in our best interest to keep him away.
"So, I'm going to go get my son, make sure his homework is done for the night, and then completely tilt his world off balance. Goodnight!" she shouted and stormed out of the room.
Natalie walked into the house and put her bag down, "You have all your homework done? Anything I need to sign?"
"Just a permission slip for a field trip next week," said Liam as he pulled the notebook out of his backpack and found the paper to give her.
"Hey, sit down for a minute, we need to talk about something," she said as she sat beside him and looked over the paper before signing it and giving it back.
"Am I in trouble?"
"No, of course not.," she said and took deep breath. "So, I talked with your dad today."
"You did?"
"Yeah, he's in town—I think he's moving back here. He'd really like to see you."
"Really?" he said, and Natalie saw a spark in those blue eyes suddenly appear.
"Yeah, are you ok with that?"
"Sure, I guess," he said with a shrug.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not really. Can I go to my room?"
"Yeah, let me straighten up down here and I'll come in and tell you goodnight," she said as she watched him run up the steps, "Hey, Liam," she said as he made it to the top of the steps.
"Yeah, mom?" he said with a smile on his face.
"I love you."
"I love you too," he smiled and took off.
Natalie had to smile, he was so much like his dad that it was sometimes scary. Though he hadn't shown her much emotion she could tell he was excited, and maybe a part of her was excited as well.
When she made it upstairs to tell him goodnight he was already asleep, but next to him was a box that she hadn't seen in a while. She was surprised Liam even knew where or what it was.
It was simple stuff really—notes they'd left each other, a phone number written on a Rodi's napkin, a picture taken outside of Rodi's when she entered the forensics program. Better memories of her's and John's relationship through the years.
There was something missing, and that's when she noticed Liam had fallen asleep holding something. Opening his hand up she saw the charred remains of St Jude and felt a wave of emotion. Taking it from him, she said quietly, "Still making the impossible possible, huh?" and placed it back in the box.
