They were one woman down but the Fussy Posse reunion was long overdue. Rosita took a seat on the wicker chair on the back porch of the Grimes' residence as Michonne and Sasha placed a delicious, golden apple pie and freshly made lemonade on a tray for the four of them to indulge. It was only eleven o'clock but the sun was yet to reach it's hottest potential, there was a light breeze blowing and the back porch overlooking the well maintained, green lawn was the perfect spot for a visit.

"I really appreciate you guys coming over. I know how busy you all are." Seeing the girls had been her bright spot today and it was a relief seeing her friends, remembering collectively their history together. She spoke to her sister most days but their conversations didn't traverse on the thing she was struggling with the most and that was her husband. These days they were all consumed with wedding tasks; trying to get everything ready for Sasha and Abraham's big day that was only three weeks away. She bottled everything up in an effort to conceal how difficult it was to work through her feelings or lack of feelings where Rick was concerned but she knew with these women, when their powers combined they were able to penetrate walls others couldn't.

"Of course, we were just trying to give you some time." Maggie said as she poured herself some lemonade. It had been three weeks since she left the hospital and still there was no recall of the last five years and she felt she was reaching the end of her rope but she had to push through it. Other people were depending on her.

"Talk to us, tell us how you're handling everything." Rosita got cozy on the giant porch chair as she waited for Michonne to speak.

"Yeah, don't feel you need to hold anything back. We're all here for you." Sasha chimed in.

She felt stronger knowing they weren't treating her like glass, that although she was feeling shattered they didn't view her as broken.

"I'm concerned about Andrea, she doesn't answer my calls, I think I'd like to go see her." She was hoping they had more information than she did on her friend.

"Shane said she isn't talking or eating much. She's in pain from her injuries and to be honest I think she's guilty about what happened the night of the accident."

She listened to Rosita intently, talking about the night of the accident was like pulling teeth with Rick but she understood it was a sore spot given all that had transpired. She knew about the divorce party, she knew Andrea went over to Shane's house and an argument ensued and she got a call to pick her up. What she didn't know was the extent of her conversation with her best friend in the car right before the accident. Only Andrea could fill that gap for her.

"We made it out alive, that's what's most important." Even if her body and her mind weren't unscathed from the horrific night in question.

"You're right. We should go see her." Maggie was also concerned about their friend who held no qualms about being the outspoken one in the bunch, which was why her silence was so deafening.

"How is Rick really? This can't be easy on him." Sasha asked, her tone low. She wanted to convey to Michonne she could speak freely knowing how well she kept her struggles at bay.

"Rick is holding it together. At least from all appearances. We've gone past behaving like strangers you know...we feel like friends but it's hard to just jump into the wife role when I'm not sure of what we have... had...have in the first place." It was a struggle to find clear words. "Thing is I can see it when he looks at me, there isn't much those gorgeous blue eyes of his could hide. He misses his wife and it pains me that I can't be that for him as yet." Her voice was weak and she felt her throat tighten and the dam she'd been holding at bay for weeks burst with quick tears streaming down her cheeks.

Maggie rushed to hand her a napkin.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry. It's...this is hard. I feel like I disappoint him constantly. The boys are great. We have a bond. I love them, I do. And deep down inside I know I love Rick too but I just don't know why. There's nothing about him I recall. It's so unfair too because there isn't anything I need that he doesn't give me." The tears were free flowing and although she knew crying wasn't going to solve her problems it was a very cathartic, much needed outlet for her. She dabbed her cheeks trying to temper down the last bit of it.

"Nothing is wrong with feeling like that Chonne. You've been through so much. You both have but this won't always be a problem." Maggie wanted to believe there was a rainbow after every storm and her friend was due a rainbow.

"I'm the problem Maggie!" Rick didn't sign up to be with a woman who has no memory of him."

"You're not the problem Michonne. Amnesia is." Sasha corrected.

"Retrograde amnesia is a pain in my ass!" Her voice was heavy and loud on purpose even though she was cursing the air.

"How about we find a way to not view the whole amnesia thing as a problem." Rosita leaned forward with a silent promise to help fix things. She hated seeing Michonne in pain.

"What do you mean?" Michonne asked as she took another swipe of her face to remove the residual tears.

"You and Rick had this annoyingly, perfect marriage before…."

Michonne cut her off by saying, "Nobody has a perfect marriage."

"Well hear me out, you guys had it pretty good before. Maybe you can have a do over. Fall in love again. Make things better than they were."

"Rick is a great guy. You just have to find ways to explore that."

"He's been very considerate through all of it. He doesn't demand anything from me but at the same time we both know he's being short changed." Her chest felt lighter with her confessions, because she knew her friends came to stand in solidarity with her. She continued with her monologue. "He's in love with a memory that I'm afraid I won't ever live up to." That one sentence dictated her feelings on their whole marriage.

Rick was in love with a ghost, except even ghost had memories.

"At your core, you're still who you are. That's who Rick loves." Maggie said speaking on behalf of her brother.

"I just want to remember Maggie…." She was the one in deficit, unable to recall the surplus of his love in her life.

"Therapy isn't helping?"

"I've stopped going. It's just weird forms of meditation and talks about hypnosis." Therapy left her feeling more diffused than before.

"So do you allow him close to you?" She knew Maggie wasn't referring to sex but only one thing came to mind.

"We ran into each other naked in the bathroom last week." Conjuring the sexy image that was a naked Rick stirred her at her core. "And stupid me tried to cover up." In hindsight it made no sense to aim for modesty, not when she was certain he knew every depth and every height of her body.

"You got ovaries of steel girl. I'd be telling myself this is my husband and I'd jump him every chance I get and tell him I'm just trying to remember him."

"The physical distance between us probably makes everything worse." She wanted him to touch her, she just didn't know what happens afterwards.

"No sex in almost a month, he must be so….frustrated. At least put some extra lotion in the bathroom or somethin' for him." The quip came from Rosita who was obviously feeling Rick's pain.

"It's good to know some things are still the same. Don't ever change Rosita" She laughed referring to Rosita's quick wit.

"I think in order for me to get through this...and I'm not discrediting the serious pain you're experiencing at all hun but I'd have to look at all his positives just for me to get by."

"Sasha I hear you but I already know his positives. The man is the Sheriff of this town. He's a poster boy of goodness. It's the things he does for me that's up in the air." The ways he affected her heart were the blank spots that needed filling up.

"Oh he does things for you honey." Maggie said and hi-fived Sasha.

"Like?"

"The man is an avid enabler of your shopping habits. That alone would make me wanna give it up." She laughed with them but she was confused by the information.

"What do you mean!?" She waited for Sasha to answer.

"It used to be a problem in the early days." Maggie revealed with a laugh.

"Rick thinks I have a shopping problem? I think I'm actually good at it." She would defend her shopping stance at all costs.

"Not anymore. Now he's the one spoiling you by always buying you gifts."

"He's the opposite of Abraham, everytime an Amazon package is delivered to his house when I'm not there I'm guaranteed a lecture on why we should be saving every dime for the wedding. I mean he's right but I need things…." her sister said with a pout. She was looking extra pretty today with her french braid and earth tone wrap skirt and white tank top.

"Daryl actually surprised me. He said I should limit my impulse buys to two things a month and dump the rest of the money in an account to save. Two impulse buys a month might be a problem for me but in practicality it's not that big of an issue."

"We should all have your problems Rosita." Maggie was still laughing at her friends. "I don't really have a shopping problem anymore because I don't have time to do it. Between the farm and Glenn's practice and this baby, I'm pretty booked. But I could certainly use a girls night out though. So Michonne as soon as you're up to it…" Maggie smoothed a hand around her beach ball bump, her green maxi dress complimented her green eyes.

"And y'all do that mind meldey thing, where you don't need words to communicate, I get so jealous because I have to spell everything out for Abe."

"Let's not forget that you two behave like teenagers sometimes, when you're in a moment you don't really care who's around. You two are always touching." Rosita filled some holes for her, she wanted to know the extent of their affection outside their home. She felt like a teenager gathering information on her crush.

"Sometimes it's hard not to be close to him." That confession came from the bottom of her belly.

"Sweetie it's ok to touch your own husband." Sasha said it and was backed up by Rosita who added, "It's ok to check him out too, he's never ashamed of checking you out, especially in public."

She was storing the information for a time when it could be used.

"And I'm just saying it's ok to have sex with him too. Who knows? A good sex session with your man maybe all the help you need to get your memory rolling out again."

"Oh God. Thanks for the advice Rosita." Sasha almost rolled her eyes out of the country at Rosita's life tidbits. "Those wouldn't have been my exact words but yeah..don't feel guilty for that."

"Rosita, I'll say it again, don't ever change." She appreciated her practical approach to life, nothing affected her for long and she could use some of that carefreeness right now.

Her phone vibrated on the glass table and she knew it was Rick without even looking at the caller ID. There were certain times of the day he would call her just to check in and she appreciated that.

"Ducky?" Maggie squinted at the screen trying to make out the name that appeared on the phone before Michonne grabbed it up.

"Ducky? As in….ewww! You two are nasty!" Rosita teased her, clutching her belly and laughing at Rick's nickname.

She tried to ignore the heckling as she stepped aside to answer Rick's call. She kept the conversation about her girls' visit and what they were having for dinner brief.

She joined them in time to hear Sasha say, "Do we even want to hear the story behind this Ducky nickname?"

"I know I don't." Maggie said resolutely.

"I don't even know the story." She decided she would pull this one out of Rick tonight. She was more than curious now.

"Mmmhmm." Rosita side eyed her as she stuck a piece of pie in her mouth. She was beautiful in the wine color, off the shoulder top and jeans she wore today.

"I'm serious guys! Oh sorry about before, he just wanted to see if I was ok."

"Here I am concerned about you, when you and Ducky are gonna be just fine." They laughter bubbled out of them as they enjoyed the quip from Rosita.

Michonne was grateful for the simple fact she remembered what laughing with her friends felt like.

"Ok, enough about me. Fill me in on how Rosita got Daryl Dixon to look like the centrefold of Mechanics Magazine's, man of the month." She settled in, ready to listen to this story.


May 2013

"All I know is Shane is the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't want you to let this chance pass you by." Andrea laid the sliced bread on a tray as Michonne stirred the tomato soup on the stove, working as a team to get lunch ready.

"So you're saying I should give Rick a chance?"

"Mich, you're seven months pregnant and this man is totally taken with you. He seems genuine." She didn't need persuading in that regard, Rick loved her she knew it. Her consternation lay in the fact that he was willing to take up another man's child, he said so himself and she didn't want him to regret the decision in hindsight. She didn't want contrition to be in his purview when he thought about the decisions he had made. "He is genuine." With school being completed she and Maggie had returned to Brash as they both had unexpected change in plans. Maggie was using her business degree to turn her dad's farm into a more lucrative family business while assisting her boyfriend Glenn to open up his veterinary practice.

She moved back in with Deanna temporarily as she was seven months into her pregnancy and none of her family and friends, her boyfriend included approved of her being in her apartment alone. Rick insisted she move in with him and Carl but she needed to make sure they weren't rushing things. They were riding along on a bicycle which was slow compared to Shane and Andrea who were aboard a railway train; they met and married with a microwave courtship, within the same amount of time she had known Rick.

Today Rick asked her to tag along while he helped Shane lug all of Andrea's belongings into their tiny starter apartment. They were supposed to be preparing sandwiches while the two men ferried the furniture inside but had gotten distracted while Michonne informed Andrea of the latest advancement with Rick.

"You and Shane can do a lot with this place. There's possibility for transformation." She said trying to take the heat off herself.

"Yeah well, the only room we use right now is the bedroom." Andrea's bright blue eyes the colour of the ocean on a promising, clear day sparkled when she spoke. In all the years she knew Andrea nothing lighted her up like Shane Walsh.

"But stop digressing. Move in with the man. You two are in love and it's sweet to watch. You deserve this Michonne."

"I didn't think there was a possibility I'd be happy after Mike, that I could feel this way about someone again. With Rick it's so much more intense than anything I've ever had before…..it scares me." She felt like she was walking on a glass bridge above a discovered Utopia and while she knew the glass could possibly crack under her feet she couldn't help but lean over and stand in awe of the view.

She thought she had loved big before but Rick was the love of her life and falling in love with him was the best thirty seven days of her life.

Andrea took the sliced cheese and started assembling the sandwiches to be grilled. Michonne took a seat across the open floor on the new orange couch that almost dwarfed half the living room.

"Don't let fear keep you from what's meant to be. I know how you feel about him. I can see it in your eyes."

"How?"

"Because you look at Rick the same way I look at Shane. Like you want to be with him forever."

She rubbed her belly as her baby boy stirred within, he too was communicating but she didn't know how to interpret kicks and jabs. She sank into the couch relaxing her head on the soft cushy head rest as she stared up at the gypsum ceiling silently reasoning with herself. Andrea approached her with a glass of water while the toaster added the final touches to their meal.

"You remember that story I told you about my father? How he said I'd never amount to anything because I don't like to acknowledge who I really am?" Andrea always wanted to put her poor upbringing behind her, she had moved out of her parents house a couple years now but her father still lived in the corners of her mind. She was always trying to prove him wrong despite the fact he was dead and gone. It was why she finished high school at the top of her class and finished her degree ahead of everyone else. She sacrificed her dreams to be an overachiever and ended up trading her fixation with fashion for a future as a boardroom boss.

"Well look at me now, I'm somebody's wife and it's the best feeling in the world." Michonne could tell just by her tone that her 33 day marriage had placed her on top of the world and in her opinion, the new addition to the precinct was a good man who laid out the red carpet everytime Andrea stepped into a room and while she had reservations of their quick wedding it was clear how Shane felt about her friend and Andrea returned his love like a frisbee.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve this." Michonne said a bit jealous of loving without hesitation.

"With the baby coming soon, I'm afraid things will change. Maybe he'll realize we're more than he bargained for and that scares me Andrea. Thinking about being without him when he feels so much a part of me." The way their friendship was setup there was nothing left unsaid between them. They could dissect anything together. Andrea held her hand in full understanding, "Sometimes love doesn't give us a choice to be scared. Sometimes fear is the only thing that allows us to unlock courage inside us. Don't let it keep you from a love like this. You love him and Carl too. Rick loves you and he's gonna love this baby, together the four of you can be a family Michonne. Plus the man is fine as hell and carries a gun. There's no deliberation for me. I'd be jumping him every chance I get." Andrea's advice always came unbridled with a touch of rawness that was her signature.

"Who would'ya jump babe?" Shane asked as he and Rick approached them coming from another heavy deposit in the bedroom.

"Um! Nothing babe Chonne and I were just talking." She said moving towards her husband, wrapping her arms around him. "Lunch is almost ready."

"Ok. Come tell me if the tv is centred on the wall." Shane dragged his wife down the narrow hallway without a second glance at their guests. Rick slipped in behind Michonne on the couch and held her in his arms as his lips reunited with her cheeks.

"You don't think they'd have sex right there when we're right here right?" His friends struggled with control on a regular; it would be no surprise if they couldn't keep their hands off each other while inspecting a television.

She mumbled her response and he felt the tenseness in her body.

"Tell me what you're working on in that beautiful brain of yours." he saw the pensiveness in her eyes and if something was bothering her he wanted it dealt with, not wanting her stressed out while she was pregnant. Always attuned to her mood she turned to face him, unable to keep her fears silent anymore. Doubt kept telling her lies in her own voice and it was time to expel them all. "I'm afraid when the baby comes you'll...want out of this. That's why I haven't agreed to move in with you. I love you Rick and I love Carl but I would understand if this would be too much for you. I'd let you out of your commitment to me." He had promised her he would always love her but they were words and were not set in stone. It wasn't an easy task to raise another man's child.

"That's what has you looking so sad?" He caressed her face with his palm. "Look at me Michonne." He coaxed her gently with his smooth voice. She didn't want to stare at his eyes because sometimes when he held her gaze all she saw was forever in them but his tone expected follow up and she gave in.

"You're it for me." was all he said while her stomach did cartwheels.

"I don't come single. I'm a package deal." She knew he knew that but she saw the need for reiteration.

He touched her belly, rubbing it in a circular motion in an effort to relax the beauty in front of him. "Where do I sign then? And I got a Carl, remember him? Smart mouth? Seems to think the sun rises and sets with you?" He needed to see her smile. Did she know how much he cherished her smile?

"He isn't gonna look like you, people are gonna have questions." The lawyer in her was acting up, dealing in facts and not feelings.

"What do u mean? He isn't gonna be white? He said teasingly. He nuzzled her cheek and said "He's gonna look like you and that means I love him already." As though the baby on the inside knew he was a topic of conversation he gave a few soft punches under Rick's hand.

"See my boy agrees." he said proudly. "We're going to be a family, I want that if it's something you want." He was bartering her I and me's for us and we's. It didn't make any sense to her after his confession to continue clutching to the rope she was holding like a lifeline when the ground was so close to her feet.

"I want that too." She jumped and he caught her in his arms, baby an all.

"Good because I have a big surprise for you. Carl and I have been working on it all week long." She felt giddy and she was excited about whatever surprise he had in store. She just loved being in love with Rick.

"What is it?" She was looking for her handbag, ready to blow this joint and spend the rest of the evening with her two favorite men.

"It starts with N and ends with Y."

"You did not build a nursery Rick?" Hey eyes misted over, to think she was gonna pass up a chance to be thoroughly loved by this man.

"Yeah I did." He knew he couldn't hold water when it came to his surprise.

"But how did you know I would…?"

"Because I know you and this is meant to be." He kissed her on her lips twice for good measure.

"You know what Rick, I think you're right."


"Ok guys, how is our little project coming along?" She watched her boys in a grand showcase of their artistic talent as they decorated the small sign she had managed to construct, with their tools. Andre and Carl were bent over the banner on the table coloring intently on a mission to finish the surprise before Rick got home.

"Mommy I need more red." Andre asked for the second time as though red was the only pigment available on the color wheel.

"I'm sorry sweetheart you're gonna have to use orange until we can go to the mall and get you more okay. In the meantime aren't you glad you're doing this for daddy?"

Carl hadn't budged, he had the main task and that was to ensure the letters were correctly placed for ease of read upon Rick's entrance. She had the task of finding all the last minute, don't-have-but-you-will-do, ingredients for a birthday cake. If Maggie hadn't call her an hour ago to tell her today was Rick's birthday she wouldn't have known and the day would've passed without any notice and the knowledge made her sad.

They woke up to their usual routine this morning, he made them all breakfast which wasn't out of the ordinary although in hindsight this breakfast included pancakes and he had never done that before; that should've been her tip off. She spoke to him twice on the phone today and he never said a word. She felt slighted that he hadn't mentioned it to her. They had arrived at a new level in their growing relationship which helped to abate the tension that gripped them when silence was better than communication. Now that gap had been filled with openness and honesty on most things; it was scary as much as it was a relief. Needless to say a day like today was something she would not have remembered on her own. Birthdays were supposed to be celebrated and whether or not they were firing on all cylinders she wanted to do something special for him.

Working within the parameters that held her, special meant a nice dinner, a birthday cake; which was more for the boys than Rick and a happy birthday sign as she was still constrained to the house without the use of a vehicle. As soon as she was able she'd make compensations for her lack of readiness on such a special occasion. She may not be able to give him the ultimate gift yet but she wanted him to know how thankful she was for all the ways he was so thorough at taking care of them.

"Something smells yummy!" Carl was most enthused about the cake she had no choice to build from scratch. By the time she toured their medium sized pantry which held enough food for a zombie apocalypse there were some key ingredients missing for a cake like flour and milk so she had to improvise. She was no Ina Garten but she decided she'd call herself The amnesiac contessa while she fiddled in her kitchen.

"It should be about done. You think we should take a peek?" The bright eye kid she was growing quite fond of as the days past nodded his head vigorously. She slipped on the oven mittens and opened the door, Carl guarded her side not wanting to miss the show.

"Looks great!" She stuck her mitten clad hand in the air and Carl hi-fived her, hitting her with one of his signature smiles too.

Andre was too focused on finishing the surprise for his father to be interested in anything else. The scent of vanilla wafted through their nostrils, after checking the time on the clock and sticking a knife in the center she deduced the cake was ready.

There was a bowl of frosting waiting to decorate the last minute birthday cake. While the cake was cooling she added the final touches to the beef lasagne and roasted potatoes she had prepared for him.

Timing was perfect, she had not too long tucked the frosted cake in the refrigerator when she heard the rumble of Rick's truck engine as he pulled into the driveway.

"Dad's here! Quick guys get the sign!" The birthday excitement benefitted Carl and Andre but the short blue dress she wore with its flair bottom was for Rick and she hoped he saw her attempt at making an effort. She knew he wouldn't come outright and say it but he wanted his wife again and it was proving to be a difficult task to fall into a role she couldn't remember. She wanted a bond to be more important than a title but it required them both to step out of their comfort zones. She didn't want high expectations to be there downfall.

Carl and Andre weren't privy to the strain between them caused by her memory loss; they made it purposefully so, not wanting their boys to be affected by the fray. Most days was a fight not to crumble when she couldn't remember Andre's favorite food or Carl's favorite t-shirt and they expected her knowledge on these things because she was mom and no one could fulfill that role for them but her. Still, she could wear that cloak, she knew its requirements.

She wanted to ask Rick if his patience never ran out because she wrestled with hers every damn day when the knowledge of being incapacitated by her own brain hit her square in her gut. Even if he ran out of patience, he never waned in his devotion to helping her in the midst of her mental hibernation. He was ready with answers to any questions she had, he accompanied her to every doctor's appointment and took her to her pottery classes faithfully. A few nights a week they would settle on the couch to watch one or two movies to foster some measure of closeness between them but when the movie was over they retired to separate rooms.

The strain came when they were alone, without the boys as buffers between them. When Rick wanted to build bridges and she was still struggling with their barriers.

Still, things were moving at a slow but steady pace for her in terms of her heart connecting with Rick again. Attraction and chemistry she could not deny and she could see why she married him but her heart was at the back of the class holding back on its true potential for reasons that weren't quite obvious to her yet.

She did feel like she was waiting for a rejuvenation of her memory first. In order to be free from the shackles of her mind, she needed to liberate herself. She didn't want to go to him as a fraction, Rick deserved to be loved by someone who was whole and until she felt that way again she didn't know if she could permit herself to fall for him. He was a man and she knew there were certain aspects of their marriage he obviously missed and she was curious about it as much as she was turned on by his masculine frame and charming good looks but sex didn't make a marriage.

No one could blame her for wanting to delve into their past to understand their future but she didn't know how long he was gonna stand at the sidelines waiting on her to be ready. She would understand if he realized he no longer wanted to suffer to save pride. Some days were better than others and some days she wished she could curl up in a ball and cry. Life would not give her that kind of time off, not when she had two boys who demanded her time and attention, expecting her to get everything right.

She wouldn't fail them, she couldn't.

The thing that was helping her greatly in the mess that was her memory was the pottery class Rick had signed her up for. To say shaping clay wasn't therapeutic to her mind and soul would be an untruth. There was something freeing in feeling the liquid mud turn into something functional under the palm of her hands. It allowed her mind to be fully engaged as she tried her best to embellish the technique she learnt. The task of centering the clay on the wheel allowed her mind to center too. If the main objective wasn't achieved the wet clay could easily showcase the defects obtained by her lack of focus. She dedicated herself to concentrating solely on the mold, everything stripped away as she opted to control the delicate medium between internal and external imbalances. It made her pretend she was fully functional for a few hours.

She also made two new friends in class and had hit it off with the instructor.

Morgan Jones was a man of faith who always wanted to join the priesthood but when he met Jenny she ultimately changed the course of his life. When his wife of twenty five years passed suddenly he decided to pursue a life of artistic pleasure. He empathized with her circumstances and never once passed judgement on her. They shared their horror stories and why the pottery sessions were important for them as student and teacher on the first day and that was it; the almost priest turned potter and the amnesiac became fast friends.

She stood behind the boys on the cusp of the threshold waiting with an unprecedented giddy excitement at seeing the joy on Rick's face. She calmed the fidgety boys as their elation had transformed them into two jacks-in-the-box.

The door knob turned and there was no time for ceremony, the boys shouted "Happy Birthday Daddy!" as they held up the sign they worked all afternoon on.

"Hey guys! Is this all for me?" He said cheerily, adopting the role of the honoree perfectly. He tossed the look of inquiry to her and shook his head and laughed. His smile was a magnet, she felt herself being reeled into his aura. It took the courage of a lion for her to just kiss him on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and she felt his firm but controlled hands wrap around her petite waist. She could pick up post in the position of inhaling his musky scent all day. "Happy Birthday Rick."

"Thank you." his hands found hers and he slipped his fingers between her digits.

"You doing okay today? No nausea?" He knew she had off days but by her glowing disposition he assumed today wasn't one of them.

"I'm good. This evening is about you." Life was throwing him a bone on his birthday and damn if he didn't wanna eat it all up.

He fist bumped Carl and lifted Andre in his arms as they migrated to the kitchen.

"Mommy made lots of stuff for you!" Andre advised, he would've known by the beautiful aroma that overtook his nose upon entrance of the spic and span kitchen.

"She did, did she?" He looked to her wondering who informed her today was his birthday. His money was on his sister. He resigned himself to go the somber route today giving way for the more important things like the boys and focusing on helping Michonne.

"We spoke twice today, you never said a word…."

"I didn't want to make a big deal I know things aren't…" he allowed his words to flounder as he was unable to discern the correct terminology to apply to their situation.

His birthday was overshadowed by all the bad they were going through and he didn't want her to do something for him out of a sense of obligation. Coming home to being greeted by her at the door was a much needed reprieve from the sadness of having her under his roof but not inside his heart. Loneliness had been courting him, fooling him into thinking solitude was better than having her next to him and not being able to touch her.

He decided he would take things one day at a time. He loved her and he wanted her back with him but she wasn't ready.

Yeah, he thought she could try harder but he didn't know what it felt like to wake up one day and forget everything about the person you promised your whole life to but he loved her more than their setback and he knew without a doubt his place was always beside her.

For now he noticed the tempting dress she wore, it was out of her usual casual wear which consisted mostly of tight fitting leggings and jeans and oversized shirts. She was a flirty vision in the blue teaser of an outfit and he appreciated how firm and round her breasts looked in the spaghetti strap provoker.

Granted, he hadn't seen or felt her breasts in his hands since their naked dance a week ago he thought his observation of her breasts appearing larger to be accurate. It could also be a case of his wonton desire for something that belonged to him but he couldn't touch. "You look beautiful" He bit his lip after the sentence left his mouth only because what he wanted to bite was too far away, in every sense of the word.

"Thank you. You wanna wash up before dinner?" She needed to send him upstairs to give her libido a fighting chance to survive the night.

"Yeah I'll be back." He said and because he was feeling pumped from her sexy stare and open admiration he kissed her cheek and left the room.

Fifteen minutes later when he returned he couldn't help but feel proud of the way she was appreciating his body from head to foot. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt with his infamous blue denim jeans. "You repaired the tear? Thank you." He said taking his seat at the table.

"Yeah I did. That jeans is old. I really wanted to go to the mall and get you a new pair or two." If there was one way to test Rick's devotion it would be witnessing his loyalty to the raggedy pair of jeans he wore repeatedly.

"We can go to the mall this weekend." If that's what she wanted, that's what was going to happen.

"Yes!" Andre cheered at the side of his dad with a fist pump. The mall housed an aquarium and it was one of his favorite places to go. Smiles were being produced all around the table and she declared to herself they were going to have a great night.

Dinner went by smoothly with lots of chatter about random things. The boys each gave counts of their school day and so did Rick. Michonne felt a part of the unit, adding her two cents and just listening to her guys converse.

It had been a good day.

They were eager for the cake as their reward, having practised the happy birthday song to serenade Rick. She lit the ten candles she found, assuming it was from Carl's last birthday, while Carl blindfolded Rick not wanting the carefully crafted cake to be unveiled too early.

"You guys made this for me?" He said pulling Dre into his lap as he admired the sweet circular concoction in front of him. The frosting was a pale yellow and the candy like scent was tempting him to take a scoop of frosting with his finger but he knew his boys would pattern after him.

"So..we were lacking in some ingredients so I had to improvise, so I can't attest to the taste." She hoped the flavor was right and he liked it. She was anxious for his approval on this impromptu venture. He touched her hand and rubbed his thumb against it, "I know I'll love it. Thank you….this..this means more to me than you know." She was touched by the appreciation in his eyes and she was glad she was able to make him happy again, at least for one day.

"Ok guys you ready to sing Happy birthday for Daddy?" She turned head cheerleader as she revved Carl and Andre up as they both faded whenever the momentum died down.

"Yes Mom! We've been ready!" Carl whined, waiting for this moment all afternoon.

"Alright let's do it." Rick felt his heart constrict as he watched three of his most favorite people in the world sing to him. It was contagious not to share in Carl and Andre's joy or the look of love in Michonne's eyes whenever she looked at their boys. When she looked at him her face was always penetrating and he wanted to tell her he sees her still.

In the end Andre blew out the cake and then bragged to Carl that he won.

"Mommy! You have to kiss Daddy." Andre reminded his parents, understanding this was part of the birthday routine. Michonne was certain a birthday kiss was a staple aspect of celebratory proceedings at the Grimes household.

It was Rick's birthday; she shouldn't mess with tradition.

She knew he wasn't expecting a kiss so it thrilled her more so to do it.

She turned to Andre, "You're right baby."

She leaned up and smacked him square on the lips taking things from a peck to something more lingering with Andre sandwiched between them. He held her face and kissed her back wanting to hold onto the feeling for as long as possible.

"Eww!" Carl said watching his parents and covering Andre's eyes.

"Ok. Ok. Who wants cake?" She broke the kiss gently, needing to catch her breath. Rick looked shocked at first but that sexy sideways smile was back as he took the knife and began to slice the cake. He kissed Andre and Carl on their heads while they focused on measuring the slices they received. He laughed until his smile line reached his eyes and his head tilted back enough for her to see how relaxed and carefree he felt.

She wanted more of him and her acknowledgement helped her to take her friends' advice. She decide to be open to whatever the night held for them.

...

It was his birthday but the boys had been given a gift of staying up one more hour to watch the movie Transformers with their father. While the cars morphed into robots and mechanical weapons the excited squeals were heard all around. she used the loud admiration for the plethora of on screen arsenal to inch her way to Rick's side while his arm rested on the sofa. Andre and Dre were both laying on pillows on the ground as they enjoyed family time. She knew they were gonna doze off in that position and she and Rick would have to lug them upstairs to their room but they had a good day today and good days were valued more than scheduled bedtimes.

When Rick discovered his wife's warm body almost in the crux of his arm he decided he had two choices; play it off cool or take part in her subtle game. He opted to play her game too and allowed his hand to slip around her shoulder. In a few seconds he witnessed her internal struggle with their comfort level get overthrown by contentment as she snuggled securely against him. He knew she trusted him then and he wanted to send thanks to whoever he had to that she was throwing her caution to the wind and allowing herself to be comfortable in his hold.

One small step for Rick, one giant leap for Michonne.

It was probably the best birthday he ever had if he was being honest because while she couldn't imagine the love they shared she knew she could trust him.

An hour later he was content to relax for the rest of the night on the sofa with her but a wave of nausea hit him fast and furious, his whole body felt weak from the sudden attack.

He thought it away not wanting anything to disturb the closeness he so rarely got to enjoy with his wife who was just as engaged in the movie as their sons. He tried to limit his movements not wanting to alarm her but just when he thought the pain was fleeting the burning feeling came. Tingling sensations that overtook his hands and feet grew more obvious as seconds ticked by.

At first he thought it was her close proximity that was making him feel slightly claustrophobic too but it wasn't that. There was a rumble of pain in his stomach and his chest felt tight. He had no idea what it could be. He felt his skin to see if he was coming down with a fever but he couldn't tell. Michonne felt his movement and looked at him and grew concerned at the sheen of sweat on his forehead. "Rick. Are you ok?" She jumped up from the couch to hover over him as she tested his forehead for a high temperature. A grey pallor had taken over his face and her heart was racing not knowing what was happening.

"Talk to me Rick." She hoped there was no panic in her voice she didn't want to alert the kids.

"I'm not sure. My throat feels tight and my stomach is cramping up. Feels like I wanna throw up." He was trying his best to get off the chair but his feet weren't cooperating. His whole body was on lock down.

Michonne watched color drain from his face and she checked his temperature again to see if a fever had popped up suddenly.

"Can you help me get up?" He asked his voice almost a whisper. She wasn't uneasy because he asked for help it was that he needed it. She wondered if the meal she created gave him an upset stomach or worse; food poisoning but she was feeling fine and the boys hadn't complain of any discomfort since dinner which was well over two hours ago. Her body cramped up with dread seeing Rick's weakened state.

The boys were still glued to the TV, so they weren't alarmed but something didn't seem right. If things got any worse she'd have to take him to the hospital having no choice but to drive the truck.

"Hey boys, Daddy and I are going to the kitchen ok. Stay and watch bumble bee for me." She allowed her tone to be calm and soothing for them. Carl and Andre barely budged and she was happy for their TV addiction.

"Honey what did you put in the cake?" He was talking while he still could because his breathing was beginning to feel labored, the stumble to the kitchen almost knocked him off his feet.

The symptoms he were experiencing reminded him of an allergic reaction, it had been years since he had one but he knew the signs.

"Flour , sugar, butter, milk...the basics."

"Did you use nuts? I'm allergic to nuts." His speech was now slurred as she propped him against the kitchen counter to exam his face; his cheek appeared swollen and his eyes had grown red and puffy.

"No! I didn't use any nuts….oh God! I used almond flour. We didn't have the regular and I just assumed I had us all eating healthier. Rick that means you're allergic to almond milk too?" He nodded as best he could as he grasped her hand.

That's why they were two kinds in the fridge. She felt so stupid, she could've killed him.

"Call Maggie!" He was losing control of himself but his sister knew what to do.

She didn't hesitate. She dialed Maggie immediately and the pretty brunette answered the late night call after two rings.

"Maggie I made Rick a cake for his birthday with almond flour and almond milk. I didn't know he was allergic to nuts and now he's on the verge of passing out. I don't know what to do!" She didn't have the 4-11 on nut allergies and there was no time to do any research but she knew the allergy could get serious if not dealt with in a timely manner. Rick needed her and she had to take some kind of action.

The pain that flashed like lightning on his face was palpable.

"Shit! His allergy is really bad but he hasn't had one for ages! There should be an epinephrine shot in the cupboard. You always kept it on hand for Carl just in case but he doesn't seem to have it. If it's still there stick him in his thigh and get him to the hospital! We'll meet you there!" She didn't hear the tale end of Maggie's sentence, she just dropped the phone on the counter to do as instructed.

She scrambled like a scavenger digging for gold in the cupboards and random drawers, she even peeked in the fridge but found no epipens.

A decision was made, she grabbed Rick's keys and bundled up the boys, she secured them in the truck first, loading each of them with their iPads. "Daddy's not feeling so good guys so we're taking him to the doctor okay." The boys needed her strong and so did Rick. There would be time to swim in her tears while she meditated on her crime later.

She ran back to the kitchen after putting on her jacket and bore most of Ricks weight as she dragged his weak frame to the truck.

She smoothed his hair and kissed his forehead when he was in the front seat.

"Rick I'm so sorry." His pain was all her fault, all because she couldn't remember something so basic but yet so important. She was culpable for any fall out of this incident.

"Not. Your. Fault." He was on the verge of being a stand in for Darth Vader with the way he was sounding. She jumped into the driver's side in the juggernaut of a vehicle and once she backed out of the driveway she floored the gas.

There was no time to waste.

Guilt was taunting her, laying claim to the tiny bit of peace that lingered with her like an old friend.

What kind of wife didn't remember her husband was allergic to nuts?