"Your husband is gonna be fine Mrs. Grimes. You brought him here in sufficient time. We're just gonna monitor him for the next hour or so." Rick was content to relax and watch Michonne fuss over him by asking the attending physician twenty questions in succession over their birthday cake bind. Michonne didn't want to think about any of the traffic laws she had probably violated to get Rick to the hospital, she was just glad she got here without a scratch and with adequate time to have him checked out. No animals were hurt in the process so that was also a plus.
"Thank your Dr. Douglas." The African American doctor had a cheerful disposition and she appreciated his pleasant bedside manners despite the dire circumstances before them. Her arms remained crossed with one hand playing with her bottom lip as she contemplated how things had taken a turn for the worst. All because there was no control command on the plane she was flying. She was on autopilot, exactly like a robot. Her memory wasn't flexible and it was prone to errors; one was already too much for her to bear. This incident left her feeling defeated.
The doctor glimpsed at Rick's face one more time, the attack had blanched his face of its usual color from the onset but it was no longer a reddish hue but had relaxed into a cool undertone despite his cloudy eyes. He checked his pulse again and by the slight smile that appeared on the doctor's round face she deduced he was pleased with the count.
"It's back to normal. I'm just stepping outside to make another rounds. I'll be back in an hour."
The swelling on Rick's face had gone down considerably, his eyes remained with a reddish cloudy colour but it was not as intense as when the attack first started. Having been silent in an attempt to conserve his energy he reached for her hand in an effort to calm her. She met him halfway and held it affectionately.
"You know if you wanted me weak in your arms all you had to do was ask." He thought the mood needed some softening but his attempt was futile, her brows were still furrowed and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Hey...I am you know…" He said trying to give her a half smile despite his cheeks hurting from the swelling.
She returned with a reluctant one of her own that he could tell was forced, remorse wouldn't let her work through it.
"Good that is. Well...minus the puffiness and the bloodshot eyes."
He was making a joke, he was actually making a joke when she had almost killed him two hours ago. She couldn't laugh. "Forgive me if I don't find this funny." She slipped her hand from his and returned to her folded arms position appearing more closed off than before. "I'm a danger to you and our sons." It was all she could think about. She was hazardous to her entire family. If this happened to the boys she'd never forgive herself. She'd never get over being responsible for inflicting harm on her own children. Knowing she did it to Rick was eating her alive.
"Michonne there's no way you could've known." She needed to know he wasn't blaming her for his attack.
"That's exactly my point. I didn't know. I. Don't. Know. Rick I'm so sorry." Her hands found his messy curls and his eyes closed at her touch. Peace still existed when her hands touched his body. She had been more affectionate towards him within the past couple hours than the three weeks she had been home. "I know you are but this has probably been one of my most exciting birthdays. The boys are gonna be talking about this for days."
"How are you really feeling?"
"Honey I told you I'm fine. I'm just a bit thirsty." She wondered if he was aware he called her honey more than once tonight. Was honey a thing and he was just getting back in a groove with it? Or did that commence when his immune system started overreacting. Either way she thought it was cute, especially if this was a rolled back curtain to their intimacy.
"I can get you some. Maggie and your Dad are outside with the boys. I'll go check on them." She made eye contact with him, communicating without words because I'm sorry could only take her so far.
"Tell the boys I'm fine. I don't want them to worry. Especially Dre." His large frame covered the small treatment table, she wanted to take him home as soon as possible.
She walked to where the grey drapes were drawn ready to minister good news to her family but after a second thought turned back and walked towards Rick without purpose and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't out of place or awkward and it felt regular for her to do so. Her inclination to kiss him held her in a stray thought while her ticker slammed against her ribcage in an anxious, unsteady beat.
It was a quick peck that left him with incredulity but he did nothing to suppress the smile on his face. It wasn't a lingering kiss that held promise of passionate things to come but their powerful connection that he was certain would overcome amnesia was too strong to deny. He adjusted his position on the slightly small cot and allowed his thoughts to categorise the kiss as she continued to hold his gaze; it was the kind of kiss that a wife gave a husband when she was leaving a room.
Ordinary. Regular. Perfect.
"I'll be back okay." Hopefully when she returned so would her composure.
"Okay."
For a guy who was almost in anaphylactic shock an hour ago he sure was smiling a lot.
….
Rubbing her arms was more for comfort than any attempt to eradicate the coldness she felt as she stalked down the narrow but brief corridor of Brash General Hospital. Her panic-stricken state had subsided but remorse had settled in uncomfortably in her soul.
Maggie, Hershel, Dre and Carl occupied the one wooden bench in the stuffy family room waiting on the verdict on Rick's attack. Seeing the boys leaning on their grandfather and aunt, obviously sleepy as they were way past their bedtime saddened her. She glimpsed at her watch and grimaced when she realized it was ten thirty. The drama of the night ate the time up swiftly; she needed to get her family home.
What kind of mother brought her kids to the hospital on a school night? The dereliction added to her rising pile of deficiencies. Andre and Carl rushed to her side when they noticed her, she held them tightly; thankful that every morning they woke up they forgot her blunders from the previous day and was ready to wipe her slate clean and help her try again.
"Is daddy okay?" Andre asked, his sleepy eyes fighting to stay open.
"Daddy is fine honey, he just ate something...bad. Carl, honey are you okay?" She felt his cheek unsure of what she was really looking for. The doctor said symptoms varied from person to person.
"I'm good Mom. Can we take him home now?" She could see the concern in his baby blues but he was also exhausted from the events of the evening.
"You tell me if you aren't okay. Anytime you're feeling weird or sick or your tummy hurts. You tell me okay!" She made sure he heard the severity in her tone. She felt like she shouldn't be trusted to be around her own children. The tears pooled in her eyes again when she thought about failing them. Her job was to protect them, now she was beginning to rationalize needing supervision just to be around them. She was deflated, like a pair of lungs deprived of oxygen.
She rose to her shaky feet, tiredness latching onto to leg and limb. She had to fight through her enervation, Rick needed her.
"He's going to be ok." She let out a long breath, unaware she was holding it in. That's all she'd been doing for weeks as though there was a prize for concealing her true feelings. She was tired of trying to be brave when all she felt was addled and perturbed over not remembering her own husband.
Maggie saw her laceration and took the boys by their hands. "C'mon guys, let's go take a walk to the cafeteria." Michonne mouthed a thank you to her friend, she didn't know what she would do without Maggie.
"You look like you could use a seat." Hershel gestured to the now vacant spot next to him and she took it slowly. Her leggings and sweater looked out of place next to his well dressed frame but his presence at her side took the pressure off her a bit.
"I'm sorry. I don't seem to be getting anything right these days." She wondered if she wasn't trying hard enough, maybe she needed to put more unction in her attempts at familiarity.
"You got here on time. Can't dwell on nothin' else."
"Everything I do or say seems to put us even further away from each other." Even when she thought the exact opposite.
He looked at her ready to defy her words, "Even the the greatest distances can be bridged honey."
She thought maybe honey was a Grimes' thing.
"I wish I knew how we worked before. Everybody implies we were like a well oiled machine but I feel like a broken down jalopy." She was a derelict almost.
"You'll find your groove soon enough. You have to give time, time. You two are wonderful together. People who are meant to be usually are for a reason." Hershel said it like he believed it and she wished she had faith enough to believe it too.
"I don't understand how I can be so different and make mistakes and he still looks at me like he still loves me. Every time." She knew a look she didn't even remember receiving.
"Michonne, that's what love is. It doesn't dwell on the wrong, it's not supposed to. He does love you. One accident isn't gonna change that. Rick took vows. So did you. He's a man of his word." She never heard a father speak so confidently about his son.
"I just wish I could remember Hershel. I can't explain what it feels like; it's being trapped inside your brain and finding a door that could be your only escape and realizing no matter how much you try the door isn't going to open. And your stuck. This isn't how my life is supposed to be."
"Life is never easy Michonne."
"So this is a test?" So far Rick was passing with flying colors and she was failing every day.
"Life is always a test."
"I need to ask something of you. It's very important." There was a long pause as she wrestled with herself and her appeal. "Can Rick and the boys stay with you for a little while. Maybe until my memory returns." Thinking about overlooking Carl or Andre ill or in pain was rolling her gut but there was no hiding her dismay or her embarrassment on her lack of knowledge and insight on her family.
"Michonne-" Hershel held up his hand stopping her diatribe in its tracks.
"No hear me out!" Her hand shot out too and because she was nervous with her request she used her hands to further emphasize her point. "The boys aren't safe. What if this was Carl or Andre? There is so much I don't know about them." The tears she hadn't called for streaked her cheeks, each droplet being replaced by a fresh one. All of a sudden she was a cryer.
"And you think they're gonna be better off without you? Rick would never leave you. You don't know it yet but you two need each other." He turned to her on the seat they shared and held onto her shoulders, he realized she needed a bit of anchoring and decided to be the captain of the SS Reality Check for her. "Listen to me, you've been through a traumatic experience with some severe ramifications throughout. It's expected you'd be scared. It's ok to be. But you've got a family behind you rooting for you and we're here to help. You can't do this on your own."
"Rick is in the hospital because of me!" She didn't think she had to remind him of that.
"So you made a bad cake and gave him an allergy attack. His own mother made the mistake once when he was fourteen. Rick would probably do it again if it brought you two closer." The tidbit helped her rigid posture relax.
"She did?" If the late Clara Grimes made the same mistake she didn't feel like she deserved a life sentence for her misdemeanor after all. Especially knowing Rick thought his mother was perfection.
"Yeah she did and she was just as remorseful as you but it didn't mean she was bad at loving him. Your brain isn't functioning at maximum capacity but it's still functioning but you can't let it lead you on this."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you're depending on the wrong organ. You gotta use your heart to lead you right now. Depend on your gut when it comes to your boys. You gotta trust it. And then hopefully the GPS in your brain will reroute itself and follow suit."
He was right. Her amnesia was the one thing in her way. She certainly couldn't trust her mind where Rick and the boys were concerned so why not listen to her heart? Why not trust her gut?
Her prodigious multi tasker had the current propensity to lead her astray. She couldn't be dependent on it. She couldn't focus on regaining lost memories right now, they could be flawed. Memories fade, details could get distorted. Wasn't that why eyewitness testimonies were found to be largely unreliable?
"You're right. I'm gonna try." She said about ready to take her father-in-laws advice.
He leaned back and folded his arm, a triumphant grin peeking below his grey mustache. "Good. Now do us all a favor. Throw away that damna cake recipe."
It was her first real laugh since Rick had been admitted and she realized how lucky she was to be a part of the Grimes' unit.
"Consider it done."
"The boys are asleep?" He asked with her timely reappearance in their bedroom.
"Finally. I had to listen to the whole recount from Dre about how you almost threw up in the truck."
"Yeah I have a feelin' he's gonna be telling everybody that one. You know they're gonna give us hell to get outta their beds in the mornin' right?"
"They're so tired Rick, maybe they should stay home with me tomorrow. "They've been through so much lately..." She was full of remorse for contemplating if her sons and Rick stayed with Hershel that things were going to be better for them.
"Whoa! A day off from school? Normally I'm the good cop to your bad cop." Her leniency led him to think she still harbored some form of contrition towards Carl and Andre because barring the world ending she never let them miss school arbitrarily.
"We'll see?" Her face was pouty with her request, he was a softie for her as much as she was being for the boys.
"We'll see." He confirmed settling deeper in the laundry fresh, grey patterned sheets. He adjusted the pillow to contour to the shape of his head as he allowed his whole body to fully face her. The moon that had chapperoned their drive back home still hung over them outside in a bright gaze casting tiny streaks of light into their room. The glow combined with the soft light from the lamp was enough to highlight her exotic, pretty face, creating a luminescent appearance that he couldn't help but stare at.
"Do you need anything else?" The bed dipped under her weight as she handed him a glass of water after some more fiddling in their walk in closet. He held her wrist with a gentle force before she could escape again. "I'd like for you to stay." He wasn't sure if her plan was for them to switch rooms tonight but she had lead him to their room when they got home. He had no control of the chipperness that grabbed his chest as he allowed himself to hope.
"I wasn't going anywhere." She had a strong desire to be close to him tonight and it had nothing to do with the guilt that had ceased her a few hours ago.
"You look a bit tired." She was doing too much too fast, almost forgetting she had been seriously injured a few weeks ago. He was going to put a stop on a few things soon and he knew she might fight him on it.
"I feel exhausted."
"When's your next appointment? I think we gotta talk to Dr. King about this prolonged nausea because your headaches have stopped right?"
"Yeah it has. Maybe you're right? Maybe it's the medication. You think he can switch them for me?"
"Have you seen my phone?" He wanted to make that new appointment now but it was after midnight.
"Think it's on the couch where we left it last night."
He began to ease of the bed but she stopped him with a hand to his back. "Let me."
"Michonne you're tired, I can -"
"Please Rick, let me...let me take care of you."
He was being pampered and he didn't know if she was overcompensating for the harm she caused him or that she was genuinely trying to make it up to him. By his rationalization it had to mean there was serious element of care and concern emitting from her and he couldn't help but bask in it. He would easily eat another piece of that ill fated cake if he knew she was gonna be touching him so much.
When she returned from downstairs his eyes were closed but he heard her fiddling in the bathroom. He ruminated on her sexiness when her petite form emerged from their bathroom in a white vest and pajama shorts and sat down on the bed almost as though she planned to stay. She didn't succeed killing him with the cake but she might just end him with a peek of the smoothest legs he had ever touched, especially considering he couldn't touch them presently.
"I um...I thought it would be ok if I….if I...stayed the night, just in case you need anything." She was willing but nervous. He looked suspicious yet happy.
"You don't have to."
"I want to. Please." She had been fighting the aggressive desire to be close to him a week now, cuddling on the couch was no longer sufficient for her. She was open to a new form of intimacy tonight before his nut allergy conspired against her. Hopefully now she could be brave and take some power back.
He dragged two of their many pillows to the middle of the bed creating a partition for himself. He didn't want her uncomfortable in her own space. He grew accustomed imagining her in his arms at night while she slept across the hall from him but her close proximity would prove he had no control over the magnetic force her body cast on him. In sleep he'd find a way to encase her in his arms as a possessive lover would.
She upped one on him and removed the barriers between them, symbolic of the way she was trying to remove the blockages in her head.
"There's no need." He hand met his in the middle of the bed and their handhold felt familiar yet fresh, a thrilling novelty. She felt safe and it was a feeling she could easily comprehend without doubt or fear. Rick made her feel safe.
The small space between them was enough for love to grow. At least she hoped so. He propped himself up on his elbows watching her get comfy on her side on the bed although she was inching towards the middle and the closer she drew to him the harder he grew in his boxers that was thankfully hidden under their blanket.
"You comfortable there?" He teased with a smile so bright even the sun would envy it. If her memories never survived she prayed she would always remember how he looked at her.
"Is this how we slept before?" It was an innocent question but the naughty images that plagued his mentals took over.
"Um...yeah. Mostly. We would always talk about our day and the boys and then see where the night takes us. Sometimes we slept, sometimes we... didn't." There was no way he could play it down completely. It was a watered down version of the truth; they would talk but they spoke while he rubbed her ass and until she fell asleep on his chest and they also had lots of sex.
"You think maybe we can do that then?" His eyebrows raised at her request. Was she asking him to have sex with her? He didn't know if he had the willpower to say no.
"I meant talk." She saw the wheels in his head turning and she sought to clarify.
"Yeah. Of course." He had been made out, it had been three weeks since they last connected and he missed the euphoric feeling being inside Michonne created but the last thing he wanted to do was rush things.
"Ok. So I've been meaning to ask you where do you go while you're waiting for my pottery class to be over?" She knew she wasn't waiting in the parking lot of Wildfire for two hours every Monday and Wednesday so she figured he kept himself busy.
"I actually have a project of my own goin' on."
She tilted her head to face him after finally finding a comfortable spot, her curiosity got the better of her. "Really? tell me?"
"It's just somethin' you've been after me to do for a bit, clean out the tool shed." The project had also been a great stress reliever for the other things that plagued his mind like the woman of his dreams forgetting they were soulmates. Not to mention the stresses that came with being the Sheriff of a diverse town. He couldn't exactly go to her like he normally would with the issues he was facing at work, which was a loss to himself because she was usually his sounding board. She knew he had a temper and his tolerance ran low for imbeciles. She was his center for instances like that and when he was stuck on getting results on something specific they usually came up with the best ideas together. With her memory being shot he thought it best to leave well enough alone. He was settling for good when he was accustomed to great. He hoped to have great back soon enough.
Immersing himself in reorganizing the tools and all the unnecessary junk in the shed was what had sparked the idea for his new sub project and he hoped to see it come to fruition soon.
"Oh ok….do you think you could check the light on the porch? It flickers and I don't know how long it's been like that." Now he was getting deja vu because they had this conversation numerous times and he kept forgetting.
"I'll get to it this weekend okay. I promise." He sealed his oath with a kiss to her cheek before he even dissected the quick thought. Having her in his breathing space was making him nostalgic and for a minute he forgot that her entire history of him comprised of three weeks.
"Something tells me I'll have to remind you again." Her cute laughter filled the still room.
"You're havin' fun learnin' this pottery thing aren't you?"
"So much! Morgan thinks I'm a natural! It's such an exhilarating experience Rick. I wish you could feel it yourself. Morgan says pretty soon I'll be helping him teach the class." She was most exuberant when conversing about her class and her instructor whom she had grown fond of in the two weeks since she started.
"Morgan is the guy I met right? Seems a bit too zen for me." He wondered if she'd ever be that excited to talk about him again.
"Yeah. He's been through a lot. Lost a lot."
"We've all lost somethin'."
"You're right." She didn't need a reminder of what she had lost as there were constant everyday mementos for her. She didn't want to dwell too deeply on the ache of it all. There was enough pain to pass around as it was. She woke up to it everyday. She didn't want the light atmosphere between them to shift so she decided to ask questions that had been on her mind lately.
"Can you tell me about us? Tell me what we did together. Did we have plans for our future? Did we go out often or are we the indoors kinda couple?" It was the first time he heard her refer to them as a unit and it motivated him to speak freely.
"We're like best friends who happen to be in love with each other. I think that's what I miss the most. We do almost everything together, you and I can talk about everything and nothing and spend hours doing it. But as of recent because of our heavy work commitments we weren't able to spend as much time as we liked together so late night movies became a thing."
"So that didn't start when I came out of the hospital?" She wanted to do it her first night home because she was scared but also because it felt instinctual for her. She felt buoyant, something was still pulling her and Rick together.
"I was hopeful too that night. I still am." He was keeping hope alive even if he had to be the beacon of light guiding her home to his heart.
"Did we argue or disagree on things?"
"We disagree on a few things because you're stubborn and like things your own way but we never really argue. We deal with things together I think that's what makes us so different. You like to save arguments though." He laughed at the notion of her vault of arguments to be had. He'd be lying to say he wasn't glad some of them were forgotten.
"Saving arguments? Sounds interesting"
"Yeah one of em' was your shoe addiction. You've seen our closet right? Pretty soon I'll have to build you a new one."
"From what your sister tells me, you're the one feeding my addiction."
"You're addicted to shoes. I'm addicted to making you happy."
"That's sweet. I wish...I wish I knew what your view of me was like. I wish I could remember how great we are together. I'm sorry I don't know how to act sometimes."
"Hey...hey...look at me." He held her cheek in his palm and kept her mocha brown eyes in a lock of reassurance. "I don't want you to act. I want you to know what I know, that you and me are forever. Everything will come back when it's ready. I miss you but we can build on what we have here too." He would love her in all the forms she presented to him over the course of their life together because perfect recall or forgetfulness his heart still belonged to her.
He wanted to ramble about the things he missed but he would keep the thoughts playing on loop in his mind to himself. How could he ever forget her sweet, infectious laughter, her confidence in their marriage, the way she went full scale mama bear when anything or anyone touched their boys. He missed how she never considers there's a problem they can't solve together and how affirming her words are to his character. The list of things he missed were never ending and he could easily add a few things with every day that pass.
"I want that Rick." She nodded against his soft palm, trying to catalogue the way he felt on different parts of her body.
They morphed into a pregnant silence between them until he felt her fidget beside him, her butt came into contact with his hardened midsection and he sat upright in a brisk movement.
"Michonne." He groaned out, "What. Are. You. Doing?" If she was testing him, the hell, he was gonna lose.
She jerked away, turning to face him. "I'm sorry Rick! My shoulder is hurting a bit. I was just trying to get comfortable." His masculine scent was heating her up from inside and she was beginning to think maybe sharing a bed wasn't such a good idea after all because all she wanted to do was touch him.
"Do you want me to rub it for you?" The confident and determined tone in which the question was posed sounded suggestive; she didn't feel like he was asking to rub her shoulder at all; her clit began to pulse with need even though his sentence probably had no innuendo attached to it. She nodded unable to speak, her husband was a very attractive man and she didn't know where she got the strength to resist him before tonight. He was like a sin ready to be committed with his sexy, lean body.
"Rick?" His eyes were closed now as he leaned against the wall. "Are you asleep?"
"I'm definitely not asleep." His blue eyes rested on her, her breasts were about to spill from the thin vest she wore and he made up in his mind that he couldn't do this all night.
"Michonne, I'm feeling much better I think it would be better if I slept in the guest room." He left his Superman cape in the office and there was no way he could sleep with a living, breathing kryptonite in his bed.
"Why?" She said in a whisper, needing to hear his response to validate her next course of action.
"Because I can't be in this bed and not touch you." No alternative facts, no fake news just the wholesome truth.
"I'm not sure of a lot of things these days but I know I don't want you to leave Rick. Please stay." Her topsy turvy emotions made her feel like she was on an emotional rollercoaster but she'd rather feel something than be an emotional cripple; she would rather embrace her vulnerabilities.
As though he had a say in fulfilling her requests. He scooted back on the bed and circled her tiny waist with his strong arm, bringing her closer to his side. He was a greedy man because it wasn't enough but for tonight it would have to do.
"What's at the top of your list?" She asked trying to ignore the warning signals coming from her head. She put her brain on mute and decided to listen to her heart like Hershel said. It was speaking loud enough for her to get the message. Rick propped up on his elbow again, content to watch her, content to let his soul hum and his body relax in her close presence.
"List?" He was too busy exploring her from head to foot, like a desired painting he'd been chasing all his life that he forgot to listen.
"Things you want me to remember."
"The way we kissed." That was a no brainer.
"What was it like?" She didn't know what was drumming louder, her nerves or her chest.
"It's hard to explain." In his mind he knew what it felt like, like they were made for each other, like time stopped and the earth stilled when their lips met, like he had finally found the meaning of his existence. "Maybe it's better if I show you." The few inches of air between them was too much and before she could nod her agreement he descended to her lips with an intention to seduce her senses. His hand rested on her taut stomach and he felt her stiffen a bit. He rubbed her belly in an attempt to relax her. It worked because soon after he felt her hands latch onto his messy curls as she granted his tongue access into her wet mouth. He continued to taste the inside of her mouth, She was a library to explore and he could read her like a book but it was their second first kiss and he didn't want to waste time with the things he knew about her body. He remained an optimist and chose to find things he hadn't discovered before, if that was possible.
She expected fireworks from the onset but the explosion was gradual, tempered even as they both tried to control the kiss from getting out of control. It had started with a small flame that evolved into an upsurge of detonation so intense it threatened to send her off the edge in a spiraling ball of need for the man who was holding her like she was the most precious thing on the earth.
He heard her moan into him as his tongue continued to sweep her mouth, his hands had wandered to underneath her vest and she didn't move it away, instead she snuggled closer to him. One of her hands still plied his curls at the base of his neck and her other hand was wrapped around him, caressing his back and his shoulders at intervals. He knew she was feeling his erection against her leg and it was taking the strength of his life to not move against her. Her legs parted slightly and he cried mercy. He had no choice but to ignore the keen demand from the sweetest place on earth because teasing them both with a peep show would be the death of him. Instead his nimble fingers moved up to her naked breasts and pebbled her already erect nipple. Another moan that encouraged him to continue in an open exploration of her beautiful dark mounds. He began to knead it in his palms and with the soft mewls emitting from her throat he knew she enjoyed it. He was turning her on and it was a dangerous game to play because he knew they could only go so far.
He paused in the osculation only for air and pressed his head against hers, "Michonne." She had never heard her name spoken with so much reverence before. "I missed you so much baby." The ache and tremble in his voice woke her out of her almost dream like state.
She was right in front of him and he was still missing her. She forgot, forgot she wasn't the old Michonne, the one he missed.
"I know Rick. I'm sorry. I can't. We can't. Not yet." Her body felt cold when his warm hand slipped from her breast.
At least they didn't lose the connection, he still kept her in his arms. "I know. I know. It's okay." It wasn't really okay but maybe they had built a bridge tonight. He kissed her cheek again softly and allowed her to settle on his outstretched arm. He tightened the blanket around them and took off the one remaining floor lamp on his side of the bed.
Their breathing was the only noise in the room as he thought about how monotone his birthday started only to be surprised by his wife and the boys and then rushing to the hospital. He laughed to himself thinking about the chain of events that led them to this time. He'd do it all again if he would get the same or better results.
He assumed her even breaths meant she had drifted off so he was alert when she called his name.
"Yeah baby." She was in his arms and that's what she was.
"You think now is a bad time for some ice cream?" She was desiring the very thing she always craved when they spent time on each other and she didn't even know it. He was most certainly keeping faith alive that the girl he fell in love with almost six years ago was just below the surface peeking out.
"No I think now is the perfect time." He eased off the bed to grant her wish. He kissed her lips, minus the lack of sex it felt just like old times.
"Rick!" She called before he could exit the room entirely.
"Two spoons!" She sat up in the bed trying to adjust her clothes, she wondered if all their kisses were so soul shaking and if that was just a kiss what would happen when they made love?
Most mornings he was up at the crack of dawn, maybe it was a force of habit growing up on a farm and having to feed the animals with his grandpa before the sun came up but he always felt better at the station starting the day with a clear head. He performed the usual tasks he volunteered out of love a few weeks ago; making a light breakfast consisting of eggs and toast with a tall glass of fresh orange juice. He had even stuck a single flower in one of his rather tall glasses in lieu of a vase and placed it on the breakfast tray. He wanted to add her pain killers to the mix but couldn't find the bottles maybe he left them in his room, he couldn't recall. The local news playing in the background as he fidgeted with the final touches of his fixings did nothing to deter his positive mood. Last night had been a break in their impasse, she opened up to him, apologized for her recent behavior and even told him how much she loved him. He maybe a glutton for punishment but he never stopped loving her not even when she divorced him.
The accident brought her under his roof again and he felt they had been given a second chance; he wanted to make amends for all the wrong ways he had loved her. Her vow of silence seemed to be breaking, he hoped she could reach out to her friends and family soon. Everyone was worried about her.
He approached her temporary room that should have been a nursery and entered. When he saw her position on the bed he grew concern Andrea never really slept on her back, somehow sleeping on her stomach was a reminder of her young childhood and it brought her a measure of comfort. Seeing her on her back with her mouth slightly open in the room where light had started to peek through made his blood run cold for no reason.
He walked to her bed and called her name in s soft voice, "Andrea, you gotta wake up for your pills honey. I'm about to go to work. I brought you breakfast. Toast and orange juice." There was no movement or response from her. He sat on the bed next to her and his heart ceased when he noticed a white film coating the rim of her mouth and lips. Two empty pill bottles; that was half just the night before fell on the ground and rolled to his feet almost like a taunt, telling him not to believe what was right in front his face.
Andrea had overdosed and everything from last night made sense now.
"No no no no no no no no no no no! Andie wake up! Andie wake up! Andrea! Wake up!" He couldn't find a pulse but it was hard to listen when his own heart was pounding away rapidly. He jumped up on the bed and was careful as he straddled her, bearing most of his weight on his legs.
He yanked his phone out of his uniform shirt pocket and fumbled as he tried to call the paramedics who said they'd be at his address in less than seven minutes. Seven minutes was too long and he recalled his police academy training and began some light compressions on her chest after listening for a heartbeat.
"C'mon baby. Stay with me Andie." He refused to let her die but he was powerless in his efforts to not panic.
Why kept repeating in his mind like a mantra he didn't have the correct response for. He felt the tears that tumbled down his cheeks and he began to pray; the first time in years. He wasn't going to give up on her, he wasn't going to let her die.
He heard the ambulance blaring in the distance and felt a second of relief. As soon as they came and took over he would call Rick.
He prayed the weren't too late.
