A/N: Wow. One more of this puppy and we are done. I feel like I need to give a thank you. Thank you to anyone who has wrote a story of our couple in the past. If you've written something Jolie related chances are I've read it over the past month. It's helped the muse so much. And though this is almost over the muse has been interested in wrapping up a couple older fics. And possibly a (gasp) Joliday fic in December. Yes-you have to wait til December, but it is really pretty much complete now. Ok, enough of the jabbering. Let's get on with the show. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.
The first thing John heard was the beeping of machines and realizing he was alive took a sigh of relief. He'd made it.
Opening his eyes he looked over and saw Natalie asleep in a chair, a hospital blanket draping over her. Watching her he was reminded how peaceful she looked sleeping and how much he loved watching her sleep.
Adjusting himself in the bed he was hit with a wave of pain, a groan breaking the silence and watched her wake up. "Hey."
"Welcome back," she smiled as she got up and stretched. Her and Michael had been taking turns-each sitting a couple hours while the other tried to get some sleep back at the house. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I got hit by a bus," he said softly, it hurt to talk, but he felt like he needed to. "Are you ok?"
"No-not really. John-you took a bullet for me."
John gave a slight smirk, "Didn't I once say I'd take a lot for you."
"Don't joke-you could have died," she said as she felt the tears start up and wiped her face.
"I'm ok-I promise. Come here," he said as he tapped his knuckles on the bed. The pain was excruciating as he lifted his hand to take hers.
"I didn't exactly have a choice-Liam needs you in his life."
Natalie shook her head, "And not his dad? He deserves to have two parents in his life."
John nodded, "I know he does. I saw my dad, Natalie."
"I thought so. Right as the paramedics arrived you said his name."
John kept his eyes closed as he spoke, knowing he couldn't stop her tears right now, not the way he wanted to, "He told me it was time to go-and then I saw Caitlin. She likes you, by the way," he said, a slight smile appearing on his face as he looked over at her.
"Glad to hear it," she laughed, giving him a weak smile.
"I begged them to let me come back-not just for Liam, but for you also. That we never completed our dreams. That I'd been holding onto them for so long and never got to see them happen. Can we finally get it right, Natalie?"
Natalie smiled, reaching up with her free hand and pushing some hair out of his face, "Yeah. We don't have any other choice, do we?"
"I guess not."
Feeling a sudden awkwardness, she squeezed his hand and got up off the chair, "I'm-I'm going to go call Michael. Tell him you are awake, so he can let your mom know. I'll be back."
"Ok," he said, surprised at her wanting to get away from him. "Natalie," he said as she was almost out the door.
"Yeah?" she turned and looked back at him.
"I love you."
Natalie gave him a soft smile before leaving, "Same here."
Natalie had been sitting on the couch for close to an hour when Michael walked down the steps and saw her, "Hey. Why didn't you wake me? I would have come relieved you at the hospital."
She couldn't make eye contact with him and just shook her head, "You needed sleep. And I needed to think. John's awake."
"That's great," he said as he made his way around the couch and looked at her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said as she fiddled with her hands.
"I know you, Nat. I also know that look-what did my brother do?"
Natalie laughed as she ran her hands over her face, "Nothing. He woke up-told me he came back for us to continue our dreams, and that he loved me."
"That's a problem?"
"I just don't think I can do this again, Michael."
"Which part?"
"The recovery," she said as she got up and started pacing. "Last time was so hard-and I put so much of myself into it. And for what? I lost myself and him-I can't do that again. I know exactly who I am now without him-a mother to an amazing science-loving boy and head of the LPD forensic department. I don't want to lose either of those parts of me this time."
"You won't."
She laughed, "Do you need a fresher of last time? How you actually thought Marty was a better fit for John in the end?"
Michael grinned, "It wasn't my best moment. I had other things I was worried about. And I know he's a horrible patient-."
"That's an understatement," she interjected. "Two nights ago we sat here and looked through photo albums of Liam. I was thinking we could go down that road again-slowly, carefully, not just for Liam, but for us as well-but then today I was reminded that has never been our way of doing anything."
"Talk about an understatement," mumbled Michael to himself.
Shooting Michael a look she ignored the comment and kept going, "I just need to know where my head is before I see John again."
Michael smiled at her and walked over, holding her shoulders, "As a doctor I the perfect antidote for this. Go upstairs. Take a relaxing bath. Maybe a nice glass of wine. Take as much time as you need—he's obviously not going anywhere for a bit. You'll figure it out-you always do."
Natalie smiled at him-he always had the best advice, "Where are you going?"
"To go see my brother."
"Are you going to tell him about this conversation?"
"Yep. Because he needs to hear it. Whatever you decide is your decision, but he needs to be reminded of what he lost before. I'll see you around, kid."
"Bye, Mike," she said and showed him out before going and taking what he prescribed for her.
John heard the ICU door slide open and was hoping it was Natalie coming back. He was wanting to give into the meds and go to sleep, but he needed to talk with her first. The way she'd left-he knew something else was wrong, not just the gunshot, but something deeper. Instead it was his brother coming in, "Hey Mike."
"Hey Johnny. How are you feeling?"
"Like I've been shot. Again." he said and tried to adjust in the bed without cursing.
"You taken any pain meds?" he asked and John replied with a simple nod. "I'm impressed-considering we usually have to shove them down your throat. You are lucky John."
"I know," he said and closed his eyes and tried to relax. "Did Natalie talk with you? She seemed to want to get away from me pretty fast earlier."
Michael sighed, "Yeah. She's scared John."
"Of what-losing me? I'm going to be fine."
"No, of losing herself. She keeps thinking of everything after the accident. You can't do that again Johnny."
"Do what exactly?"
"Be a complete ass. This time has to be different-take the meds, do the rehab. And please don't push her away this time."
John opened his eyes and looked at his brother, "Your bedside manner really sucks. You realize I'm trying to recover from a gunshot wound, right?"
"Yes, and I also know how you were after the accident. You hurt her bad. You made her be someone even I couldn't stand-and I love her like a sister. Please don't do that again-not just for her but remember there's Liam now too. Ok?"
John nodded, "I saw Dad and Caitlin. They were there to help me cross over."
"Natalie thought you might have seen him."
John took a deep breath and tried to hold in the pain as he spoke, "My time was up Mike. And I stood there begging them to let me come back. Because I have to make this right with her. I have to make her Mrs McBain. No question about it. I promise you-I'm not screwing it up this time."
Michael grinned and went towards the door, "Good to hear. Get some sleep. I'll check in on you later. Love you, Bro."
John gave him a half smile and closed his eyes again-letting himself fall into some sort of sleep.
Natalie walked into the room and saw he was asleep—she thought about just turning around and leaving. It could wait—the whole conversation could wait until he was at least out of ICU.
The suggestion Michael had given her had worked—clearing her head from everything else she saw the future better now, but still wasn't sure if her future and John's were on the same page. Walking towards him she grabbed the chair and pulled it up to the bed, taking his hand carefully and holding it in hers. "Oh John—what are we doing?"
"I don't know—what are we doing?" he whispered and she saw his eyes begin to open and his thumb starting rubbing the top of her hand.
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's ok—the next dose of pain meds are starting to kick in, but I've slept enough already. Was just resting my eyes."
"Sorry I left the way I did."
"Don't be. You gave me time to think—and so did Mike, in his own weird way."
"What'd he tell you?"
"Doesn't matter. When I woke up earlier I was too forward with you. I was so happy to be alive and given this opportunity that I just went with what I'd been expecting. That once we got through this case everything would return to normal. But how is that even possible when your normal hasn't included me in six years?"
"I just can't lose myself this time John. At the end of everything before I forgot who I was—what I wanted to do. And that can't happen this time, do you understand?"
"Yeah. I think this version of you is my favorite."
Natalie blushed, "Yeah? And what version is that?"
"The version where you know exactly what you want and go for it," he smirked. "There was a time when if you had come into my office and said you'd set up a meeting time with a known murderer for us to catch I would have lost it."
"I was expecting that. You surprised me there, McBain."
"I'm not going to lie—it was sexy as hell. And risky too."
"I know what I want John. Why don't you tell me what you want?"
John brooded over his words for a moment, "This recovery is going to suck. I can already tell. I'm not as young as I was after Caitlin's gun shot or the accident. But the recovery always seems easier when you are by my side. I can't promise I won't bite your's or Liam's head off when I'm having a bad day. But what I want is us. All of it. The love, the hate, the laughter, the tears. How about you?"
"You know, chemistry has never been a problem with us. It feels like if we're in the same room there is an invisible line connecting us. I felt it that first night in your apartment after you came back. Hell—I felt it that first time at Crossroads," she said, a smile appear on her face at the memory.
You're Natalie?
Yeah, why.
Well, if I didn't have a reason to before I do now.
"And I know we work well under pressure. But it's the rest I want—you to be home, in our bed at night. You to be there by my side as Liam grows older. You to be by my side as we grow older. It scares the hell out of me, but I want us. I want us again too," she said as wiped a few stray tears away.
John smiled, "If you want me to kiss you then you are going to have to come forward, unless you want to see a grown man cry from pain."
Natalie laughed and leaned forward, "I can do that."
"Good," he smiled as his lips met hers. "I love you, Natalie. Always have. Always will."
"I love you too, John. I don't think I could stop if I tried."
